Mountain Mystic (21 page)

When the phone rang, she jumped, crossed quickly to the bed, and snatched it up, only to find out it was a wrong number. Slowly she replaced the receiver.

“Expecting a call?”

She shrugged. “I’ve got a couple of patients due anytime now. Like Granny says—trouble don’t come single.”

“Something else wrong?”

“Not really. Just tired, I guess. I’ve been thinking
too much today.” She turned her mouth up at the corners in a forced smile.

“About what?” Joshua joined her on the bed and pulled her back into his arms as he braced himself against the headboard.

She snuggled into his embrace easily, as if she had always belonged there. “About life, the universe, glory, intuition, choices, and midwifery.”

“Just the usual stuff, then,” he teased, and let himself drink in the scent of her.

“Just the usual,” she echoed. “All that stuff a person has to decide for herself.”

As always, his body responded with enthusiasm to the nearness of Victoria. Even without perfume she was an incredible combination of fragrances from shampoo to soap, everything enhanced by some indefinable essence that was Victoria alone. All of his senses knew her. He carried her image in his mind. Her voice was unmistakable in its sexuality. His hands knew every bump, every curve of her body. He knew her taste just as he knew her scent—intimately. All of his senses knew her, except for one, except for the one sense that made him more and less than the rest of the world.

He loved her. He lay here with her in bed as she rested her head trustingly on his chest. She loved him. What more did he want?

Joshua knew what he wanted, and what he couldn’t have—a piece of her soul, her secrets, for himself. A piece that no one else had ever had or ever would again. He wanted the openness that seemed to exist
only at the moment of climax. He wanted Victoria to give freely what she gave by instinct when he made love to her.

He couldn’t walk away, so he’d have to learn how to deal with the silence of her echo. Somehow. He rested his chin on the top of her head. She barely stirred. The long hours lately were taking their toll, and he wondered if this practice was really everything she’d dreamed of having.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen a movie?”

“I think it was
Robin Hood.
The one with Errol Flynn.”

He chuckled. “Good, then the ones at Bodewell’s new triplex will seem like first-run movies to you. If we go before five tomorrow, we get the early bird discount and two-for-one popcorn.” He felt her smile against his chest at his suggestion for a brief second.

“Nice idea, but Amanda Shipman’s one of the patients due to deliver this week,” she said sleepily, and shifted up to look at him in apology. “And I have a feeling that she’ll go tomorrow. I wouldn’t want you to get your heart set on an uninterrupted date.”

“I have my heart set on only one thing.”

“What’s that?”

Joshua rolled her beneath him and showed her.

All day Victoria waited for the service to call her at the Mention clinic and tell her that Amanda was in labor. All day the twinge of concern she had for Amanda grew, and yet she couldn’t pin it down to
anything specific. Everything should be fine. Even if Amanda went into another postpartum hemorrhage, she was ready. She knew what to do. Everything necessary would be prepped and available long before it was ever needed.

Then why couldn’t she shake this feeling that Amanda’s delivery was going to end badly?

She checked her watch and knew she had to get on the road to Bodewell if she was going to meet Joshua at her office for the early movie. As she walked in the door and dropped her files on the table, she expected the phone to ring. It didn’t. The call didn’t come until they were standing in the popcorn line. A young girl wearing a white shirt, blue skirt, and theater name tag hovered nervously at the edge of the small crowd waiting for the movie and said, “Victoria Bennett? I have a call for Victoria Bennett.”

She raised her hand and said to Joshua, “Let me know how this one ends. I have a feeling that I’m out of here.”

“This lady called.” The young girl held out a scrap of paper as she came over. “She said for you to call her real quick.”

“Thanks.” One brief phone call to the answering service was followed by a longer one to the hospital. “Kathy? Hi. This is Victoria. You guys are about to get one of my patients, Amanda Shipman. The service said she was already on her way. This is baby number four.”

Victoria shook her head. “Trust me. You don’t want to catch this baby before I get there. Amanda’s a
grandmulti with a history of postpartum hemorrhage. That is not a good combination. I want you to alert Wally Grenwald to be prepared for a
stat
call. Yeah, draw a type and crossmatch just in case we need blood.” Victoria smiled. “You’re a jewel, Kathy.”

When she hung up, Joshua said, “Let’s roll. Sounds like a busy night. I’ll drop you at the hospital. It’ll save time. You can call me when you’re done, and we’ll collect your car then.”

Victoria gave him a grateful smile. She never had to explain her priorities to Joshua. He just always seemed to know.

Joshua dropped his keys on his desk and resigned himself to an evening without Victoria. He jabbed the blinking message button on the answering machine and leaned back in the chair at his desk. The first message was from the service trying to track down Victoria. The second was from his grandmother—no message. The third caller was Derrick. His message brought Joshua straight up in his chair.

“Hi, Joshua. This is Derrick. When I gave Victoria my card, I forgot to get hers. So give her a message for me. I’ve got a couple of people interested in this puppy. She should call me as soon as possible to discuss details before she loses her nerve.”

Before she loses her nerve.
Her nerve to do what? The question answered itself—publish that damned journal.

“No.” Joshua’s denial was firm, spoken aloud to give it more weight, but it was a small word and the doubt that had crept into his heart was big.

Reaching for the machine, he replayed the message, focusing his whole attention on finding another meaning for Derrick’s breezy instructions beyond the obvious one. He didn’t bother to listen to it a third time. Slowly he got out of the chair and walked a small circle, trying to control his suspicions and failing miserably. The past caved in on him, echoing a bitter chorus of I-told-you-sos.

No matter how hard he tried to conjure another explanation, there was only one conclusion to be drawn from the tape. Victoria had betrayed him.
Last night she’d paced the floor and jumped for the phone.
He
felt his fingers curl with the need to push back time and keep himself safe from this moment. But that was impossible. He’d said yes when he should have said no. He’d let a sultry voice and clear gray eyes make him forget that human nature was impossible to fight.

Angry at his weakness, he snatched the keys off the desk. He’d be damned if he’d wait by the phone for her to call. When he strode outside, he slammed the door, but it didn’t take the bitterness away. He could still taste it as he threw a leg over the motorcycle and turned the key, feeling it roar to life beneath him, dangerous and angry.

That’s how he felt—dangerous and angry. Maybe if he drove fast enough, he wouldn’t be able to feel at all. That’s what he hoped, but his mind wouldn’t let go of the facts. Wouldn’t stop thinking.

She was willing to take what was private between them and sell it to the highest bidder. All her talk of not needing money or fame had been a smoke screen. She never let down her guard with him—not because of Richard—but because she’d been afraid of what he’d see. Deep inside where it counted, she was just like everyone else, with her share of manipulation and greed. Hungry to become the perfect daughter again and impress her parents. Or maybe it was simply that Derrick had worn her down.

Not that it mattered. Regardless of why or how she’d decided to sensationalize her connection to him, she’d done it knowing that he wanted to maintain some semblance of privacy. She’d done it knowing that her actions would destroy the fragile trust he had
in her. She’d done it knowing that her journal might expose his grandmother to ridicule. And she hadn’t cared.

Halfway to the hospital he realized that what he resented the most was the fact that she’d taken away his dream of growing old with the woman he loved by his side. A woman with that kind of ambition wasn’t going to stay on the mountain, and even if she stayed, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to trust her again.

He passed a moth-eaten road sign and vividly remembered what it felt like to be young and angry and drunk and stupid.

At the hospital, he left word with the nurses that he was in the waiting room, so they could relay the message to Victoria when she came out of delivery. Anyone looking into the small room would have mistaken him for an expectant father. By turns he paced stoically or sat in one of the two chairs. He stayed away from the sofa because the springs were obviously shot.

Not that it mattered where he sat or how much he paced. No one else was in the room. Amanda Shipman’s husband was probably coaching his wife. But that was all right. Joshua was in the mood to be alone.

When Victoria finally came in, he’d been contemplating the toes of his boots for twenty minutes and trying to decide how to say what he wanted to say.

“You didn’t have to come up and wait here,” she said as she reached up and pulled off the surgical cap.
She looked tired but happy, as if she’d gotten unexpected good news. Her hair was caught in a braid at the back, and she still wore blue scrubs. Then she gave him the innocent smile that had fooled him from day one and said, “But I’m glad you did.”

By inches, Joshua eased himself out of the chair, cautioning himself to hold on to his temper, to wait. He didn’t walk toward her, but he asked, “How’s the patient?”

“She had some hemorrhaging, but we shut it down fairly quickly.”

He nodded. “Good.”

Victoria felt an awful silence expand inside the room, and suddenly she realized that the apprehension she’d been experiencing for the past two days was back. And this time it had nothing to do with Amanda. She took a step toward him with her hand outstretched. “Is … is something wrong?”

“You could say that.” Joshua’s voice was steady; his gaze never strayed from hers. “Derrick called. He left a brief message for you.”

Inexplicably, a cold knot settled in her stomach as she said, “He did?”

“He said he’s drummed up interest in your book, and you should call him before you lose your nerve.”

A memory assailed her, and she dropped her hand slowly. She’d played this scene before, at the cabin the day she met him, when he stared at her and waited for an explanation. Only this time there wasn’t even a hint of amusement in Joshua’s blue eyes. They were icy cold and judgmental. He expected—
no, believed
—the
worst of her. He listened to a cryptic message and believed she used his contacts to sell a gimmicky commercial book that exploited him.

Joshua’s unspoken accusation sunk painful claws in her heart that tore at her each time she took a breath. How could he believe for even a second that she would use him like that? She lifted her chin and tilted her head back slightly to discourage tears. If she’d been another woman, she might have tried to hurt him back. But she knew Joshua was already hurting.

He didn’t trust her any more today than he had when he’d found her on his bed. His willingness to believe in her betrayal forced Victoria to face a hard reality. No matter how much she loved him, she couldn’t make him trust her. And until he trusted his heart and her love, they had no future.

By nature, we’re a suspicious lot
, he’d told her when describing his roots. She knew only too well that people didn’t change just because you wanted them to change. How many years had she wasted telling herself that Richard would change, that she could make him understand if she tried a little harder? Too many, and never again.

This time she wanted it all or nothing. She wanted something built on faith, rock solid, and damned near indestructible. Because of that, she decided not to explain about the midwifery manual. If she did, she’d be explaining every word, every action for the rest of her life. Instead, as calmly as she could, she asked, “Is that all he said?”

Joshua’s response was scathing. “What more do
you need to hear? You got what you wanted. You used me to get it, but I don’t guess that matters to you.”

It mattered more than he could possibly guess, but she could not,
would not
tell him. He had to find his way through the maze of doubt all alone. It was the only way she could ever be sure that he wouldn’t always be questioning her love. Standing there, silently absorbing the scorn in his expression, took every ounce of willpower she had.

When she didn’t defend herself, Joshua chided her. “Surely you have a explanation?”

“No, I don’t need one. You seem to have everything all figured out. You heard the message.”

“Then it is true.” Until that moment Joshua hadn’t realized how much he was counting on Victoria’s denial, how much he had wanted reasonable explanations or righteous indignation. Anything but the calm with which she faced him. “I trusted you, Victoria.”

“No, you didn’t.” One tear threatened to escape her control, but she covered it by rubbing her face as if she were weary of covering the same ground again and again. “That’s what it all comes down to between us, Joshua.”

“Then tell me I’m wrong. Tell me why!”

“My answer’s not going to change anything.” Both of them stood there, locked in place by their need for absolutes. From that moment there was no going back.

“I guess that’s all the answer I need,” Joshua said bitterly as he walked by her and out the door.

“It’s the answer you deserve,” she said quietly when the door clicked loudly into place.

Every cell in her body screamed at her to go after him and explain before it was too late. But she couldn’t go running after him. If she did, their relationship would never have that granite foundation. No, Joshua would have to find his way back himself. The one thing she knew with complete certainty was that if Joshua came back, it had to be because his belief in her love was stronger than his fear of betrayal.