Mr. Darcy Goes Overboard (11 page)

Following their visit to the cathedral, Uncle G said triumphantly, 'I have a surprise for you. Reynolds has kindly booked us into the Chaplain's Suite itself in the very heart of the castle!'

Lizzy flushed red. Not only was she imposing herself on Darcy's territory, she was practically staying in his room!

'Oh, Uncle!'

'I knew you'd be delighted!'

And that was that.

The following morning, Lizzy, having risen late and still clad in her nightdress, was gazing at the romantic view of a medieval world through the arrow-slit window of her bedroom, when there was a knock on the massive oak door. Thinking it would be Aunt G, she opened the door and felt the blood drain from her face in shock. There stood Darcy! To think she stood before him so exposed! So revealed! The transparency of her garment! How it clung to her every outline! How the neckline was low, very low. Darcy took all this in, sighed wistfully, and then announced,

'Miss Elizabeth Bennet! I am dry today, and this is my sister, Miss Georgiana Darcy.'

Georgiana appeared from behind Darcy, blushing and barely able to look directly at Lizzy. She was a handsome girl; her figure, though young, was womanly and graceful, and Lizzy, despite her own confusion, warmed to her unassuming and gentle manners and felt compelled to invite brother and sister in. Hurriedly adding a matching silk negligee to her attire, she offered them refreshments from the complimentary tea tray.

'Do sit down!' added Lizzy as she busied herself.

'Would you like tea or mead?' she asked, reading the sachets on the tray.

The visitors opted for tea, and Georgiana perched herself on a little stool. Darcy stood motionless and uncertain. The only other place to sit in the room, apart from Lizzy's unmade bed, which was unthinkable, was a large chair hewn from an ancient oak.

'Oh, Lord!' said Lizzy, turning round holding two cups of tea and immediately seeing Darcy's dilemma. The chair was prettily adorned with her white, lacy bra, knickers, suspenders, and stockings.

'Oh, Lord!' repeated Lizzy.

'Shall I?' Darcy took the initiative and gently gathered up the underwear from the chair and placed the items slowly and reverently on the bed. He then sat down on the chair and smiled at Lizzy.

'What a fine chair this is,' he commented. 'Jolly good legs.'

'I am so pleased to make your acquaintance,' ventured Georgiana to Lizzy. 'My dear brother has told me so much about you.'

'I fear what your brother might have said,' replied Lizzy warmly, 'but I am certainly glad to meet you.'

'My brother says you are a very spirited young lady. You must be to spend the night in this room alone. They say the castle is haunted. I would be frightened to death of ghosts and ghouls and would not sleep a wink!'

At that moment, there was a curious moaning sound from behind the door.

'You see!' said Georgiana in horror. 'It is haunted!'

The ghostly moaning was heard again.

Georgiana leapt to Darcy, throwing her arms about him for protection, and Lizzy herself felt a tinge of fear. The moaning grew louder.

'It might be the wife of one of the former Prince Bishops of Durham,' whispered Georgiana. 'I read about her last night. She haunts the black staircase; she fell down it and broke her neck!'

This time the moaning was accompanied by a faint clanking.

'Stay here!' said Darcy. 'Elizabeth, look after Georgiana, and whatever you do, don't come out. Whatever you hear, however fearful, stay right where you are. I'm going to see what it is. Georgiana, you will be safe with Elizabeth.'

Lizzy, though with a growing feeling of dread that the paranormal was upon them, nevertheless felt the compliment from Darcy. Their eyes met and lingered.

'Take care,' she whispered.

'I'll be back,' replied Darcy, echoing her whisper, and he crossed the room, slowly opened the creaking door, and was gone.

Lizzy and Georgiana took comfort by sitting together on the ancient chair, the younger girl holding tightly onto the older girl's hands. They did not speak. They hardly dared to breathe so desperate were they to hear what could be happening beyond the great oak door.

To begin with, there was only deathly silence. Then there was a great clanking, and somebody, not Darcy, said 'Gotcha!' and laughed in delight. It was a familiar laugh, although Lizzy could not quite place it.

***

The door opened again. Darcy entered with a knight in armour following.

'Bingley!' said Darcy and sat down on the bed.

'Hello! Hello!' said Bingley, springing open his visor. 'I hope I didn't frighten you. I was just so dying to try on one of these suits of armour that seemed to be scattered around all over the place in this ancient castle, and then... well one little thought led to another... and I thought it would be quite a merry joke to spook you! Did I take you in? Did I?'

'You did, so we are doubly pleased to see you,' said Lizzy, her eyes shining in delight at being reunited with the young man.

Meanwhile, the commotion had brought the Gardiners, also still in a state of undress, rushing from their room. It was a curious meeting, half the people fully clothed, half still in nightwear, and one in knight's armour, but the atmosphere was jolly, and good humour was apparent on all sides. On seeing Bingley, Lizzy's thoughts had immediately turned to Jane. Could it be that the young man retained any affection for her? Or had Cazza been right when she said Bingley was in love with Georgiana? From observation, she saw no evidence of this. No secret looks, no paddlings of palms. Nothing. She found herself standing by the window with Bingley, who ventured that it had been a long time since he had had the pleasure of seeing her. In fact, the last time he had been with her family was 3:38 p.m., Tuesday 14, at Sunny Cove, just after he had rubbed some extra suncream on one of Lizzy's sisters' snowy white back, which was beautifully decorated with a faint freckle two inches below the right shoulder blade, and another to the left of her fourth vertebrae, and just before he had left Salcombe for London. Lizzy was pleased with the precise nature of this observation and felt that there was still hope for Jane.

After further merry conversation, the meeting drew to an end. Darcy had the pleasure of inviting the Gardiners and Lizzy to enjoy refreshments in the Great Hall that evening with themselves, Cazza, Lulu, and Hattie, who were expected to arrive during the day. All accepted gratefully, and the visitors left.

It was only later, while getting dressed, that Lizzy was unable to locate one of her stockings. Fortunately, she had a spare, but she dreaded to think where the original might have gone.

And it was only later that Darcy, on changing for rowing, found that the article had become attached somehow to the button on his back trouser pocket--probably when he had sat on it on the bed after discovering Bingley. It was too awkward to return, and besides, the sight of the item, its silky touch and softness, gave him more pleasure than he would like to admit.

Dinner in the Great Hall was an awkward affair. The ladies gathered first in the Tunstall Gallery. Cazza, Lulu, and Hattie remained reserved and curt; Georgiana was so shy she spent the whole time hiding in the deep recess of an arrow window, peeping out to view the company occasionally and retiring quickly if anyone caught sight of her. Reynolds brought a roast pig into the Great Hall and encouraged the ladies to tuck in before the gents arrived. The conversation had reached a low ebb, and so whilst they seemed unable to speak, the ladies were able to eat. Lizzy was desperate for the gentlemen to appear. Half an hour later, Darcy and Bingley stood before them. Cazza, not yet beaten by Lizzy, threw herself upon Darcy, encouraging him to sit by her and showing off her decolletage to its best effect, yet with little effect. This made her angry, and she turned her jealous passion upon Lizzy.

'Eliza, are not the lifeguards now confined for their training at South Sands? How trying that must be for your family!'

***

Lifeguards instantly brought the name of Wickham to the minds of several in the room. The vicious dig intended for Lizzy also sent a knife into the heart of Darcy, and worse, Georgiana, who still too shy to join them, remained in the Tunstall Gallery but could hear every word. Still recovering from her near elopement, she fell in a faint into the recess. After trifle, Lizzy and the Gardiners left, and Cazza, Hattie, and Lulu had an enjoyable time knocking back vodka and tonic whilst tearing Lizzy's character and looks apart.

'Totally sad, a complete waster,' was Hattie's view.

'Did you see her earrings? Costume jewellery,' chortled Lulu. 'So cheap!'

Cazza tried to draw Darcy in. 'Did you admire her earrings, Darcy? Do you think they set off her face to best advantage? I do recall you thought her rather pretty at one time.'

'I did, once, think her pretty. Now I consider her one of the handsomest women in my acquaintance,' retorted Darcy, finishing the tail end of a glass of single malt whisky and retiring uneasily to bed.

The following morning, Lizzy had a text from Jane.

Hey, Lizzy, Lydia run off with Wickham. Gone 2 Newquay! Parentals crazy! Jane :(

A second text followed almost immediately:

Lizzy, Lydia not just 2 Newquay. It's worse--much worse--mega worse. Yes she has gone 2 Newquay, but no money, so Wickham has got Lydia job in a club. Not just bar work. Think poles (not country). Parentals freaking out in Salcombe! Come back urgently!

Jane :-(

At that moment, Darcy appeared at the door. Lizzy in her distress revealed the ghastly news.

'Newquay,' he muttered.

Lizzy, through her tears, went on to explain about Lydia's new career.

'Poles!' exclaimed Darcy and left.

'Oh, foolish Lydia!' cried Lizzy, bursting into tears, and grabbing her Quba bag, and accompanied by her uncle and her aunt, she caught the next train back to Salcombe.

A sound of moaning reached Lizzy's ears before she reached 3 Island Street. The house was indeed in uproar!

Jane was waiting anxiously on the street for Lizzy's arrival. The girls embraced with tears in their eyes, and Jane, between sobs, gave Lizzy a crisis update.

Mr Bennet, on hearing the dreadful news, had set off immediately to trawl the lap-dancing clubs of North Cornwall to try and recover his daughter. On hearing this, Uncle G bravely said he, too, would try and rescue his lost niece, and he also set off, some observers noted, in particularly good spirits, for the lap-dancing clubs of North Cornwall.

Meanwhile, Kitty was constantly crying because she wanted to go to Newquay.

'It's so unfair. Lydia's clubbing, and I'm crabbing.' Kitty just could not see the problem. 'I don't see what's wrong with Newquay. Just because it's common and everyone has raves on beaches and Lydia might be doing a bit of lap dancing--but I mean, what's the difference wearing your bikini on the beach in the day or wearing your bikini in the evening and sliding down a pole?'

Mary wisely whispered to Lizzy, 'This is a most unfortunate affair and will probably be much talked of. But we must stem the tide of malice and pour into the wounded bosoms of each other the balm of sisterly consolation.'

Lizzy thanked her sister and promised to exchange balm as and when necessary, then dashed upstairs to see her mother, who was lying in bed, moaning, 'Newquay! Newquay! Of all the places in Britain, this is the hardest to bear. My poor Lydia, dragged as a sex slave into a lap-dancing club against her will by the villainous Wickham! Oh, it's too much to bear.'

Too much to bear it was indeed. As Lizzy picked up the pieces of what was becoming known throughout Salcombe as 'Polegate,' it emerged Lydia, at the point of throwing reputation to the wind, had left a message. A text had been sent to Colonel Forster's wife.

Escaped to Newquay at last with my Wicky! Deffo better than Salcombe! Wicky got me a gr8 job. Says just need my bikini. That's it! We'll get loadsa tips and share them 50:50. My darling Wicky is so kind and generous. How my sisters will be green with envy!! lol. Lydia :-)

'Oh, thoughtless, foolish Lydia!' cried Lizzy. All that could be hoped now was that Mr Bennet and Uncle G would be able to bring the headstrong girl back before the sins of Newquay took their toll.

As news of Polegate spread, Wickham's name became mud in Salcombe. It turned out he had debts in every pub, girls who had gone out with him for an innocent drink were under suspicion of having been seduced, and any young man who had gone out for a drink with him remembered Wickham being only on the receiving end of a round, never buying a round.

Bad news was constantly followed by worse news. Wickham, it seemed, had feigned an interest in diving. His true motive, however, had not been to admire the watery depths but to plunder the precious wrecks around the South Coast. Fortunately, he had failed to find any treasure, but he had gained another name. A rogue, a cheat, and now a plunderer. Could his reputation sink any lower?

Mr Collins, enjoying the horror, sent an email to the Bennets to console, adding that 'the death of Lydia would have been a blessing in comparison.'

Meanwhile, Mr Bennet returned from Newquay, having thoroughly investigated the lap-dancing clubs, his hair wild and unkempt, his eyes rolling with a crazed look and a curiously happy smile on his lips, but with no Lydia.

The following day, under flat grey skies, Lizzy and Jane were plodding slowly through the mudflats of the outgoing tide with only three great cormorants and a little egret for company, when they had a text from their father. 'News!'

At once, the girls dashed through the mud, sending the peaceful birds squawking to the skies in panic and splattering themselves from head to toe in their anxiety to hear what their father had to say. Mr Bennet was sitting on the thwart in
Angelica
, which was aground, his mouth wide open and a puzzled look upon his face.

'Read it!' he said, passing Lizzy the phone.

The text was from Uncle G.

'Found her!'

'Awesome!' exclaimed Jane in delight.

'Searched all nightclubs, pubs, and exhausted myself in myriad lap-dancing clubs. Tracked Lydia and Wickham down at club called Tottie's. Lydia signed up for three-year contract with severe penalties. By hook or by crook, contract paid off and Lydia and Wickham bribed with allowance at Fat Face. Accepted with alacrity.'

'Oh, splendid! Splendid!' cried Jane. 'But, Father, why do you look so crazed at this fine news?'

'What does he mean by "by hook or by crook"? And as for "an allowance at Fat Face"? There must be at least White Stuff involved. And if so--how am I ever going to repay your uncle?'