Mr. Darcy's Forbidden Love-kindle (24 page)

Elizabeth struggled to take a deep breath. 
I refuse to faint!
 

Managing to mumble something about getting a breath of fresh air, she turned on her heel and hurried towards the nearest set of French doors. Caroline could not have been more delighted at the stunned look on Elizabeth’s face as she rushed away. But she did not consider her work done for the evening, so she began searching the crowd for familiar faces. 

Surely there is someone here with whom I can trade disparaging remarks about Eliza Bennet before Colonel Hedges returns.

~~~*~~~

Once out on the portico, Elizabeth ran down the steps, following the gravel path that led to a large gazebo. Upon reaching the structure, the tenuous control she had over her emotions gave way and her legs buckled.  Dropping to sit on one of the benches, she closed her eyes and let her head fall back to rest against the side. And as the reality of Caroline’s revelation sank in, she squeezed her eyes tight against the tears that welled up.

How could he be married? Though he spoke of his sister and his parents, he never once mentioned a wife.
The voice of reason broke through her scattered thoughts.
What does it matter if he is married? He did nothing to raise your expectations.

Suddenly, a voice floated across the darkness. “Miss Bennet, are you well?”

Elizabeth would know that low baritone anywhere, and her heart began a frantic drumming. She stood up, her back to him, as she surreptitiously wiped tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands.  Afraid that she could not speak for crying, she nodded briskly.

Acutely aware of her distress, William’s heart went out to her and he stepped closer. “My cousin has been detained, and he asked me to take his place in the last set. That is, if you will allow me.”

“No!” She replied brusquely and then added less stringently, “I thank you, but I have had my fill of dancing tonight, Mr. Darcy. I appreciate your offer, but it is not necessary to fulfil the obligation.”

“Eliz—” Darcy moved up the steps to stand behind her, then reached to touch her but stopped short. “Miss Bennet, I know that something has greatly upset you. If Miss Bingley said anything to hurt you—”

Her courage rose and she whirled to face him, her angry expression instantly quieting his protestations. Yet, with William in such close proximity and the moon casting everything in a soft light, Elizabeth found she was in danger of falling under his spell once more. As in her every dream of him, those same dark brows and lashes framed light blue eyes—eyes that were now examining her with such tenderness and love that she was nearly undone. Shaking her head to break free of his spell, she slammed shut the door of her heart.

Taking a step back, she retorted, “How ironic that you worry over Caroline Bingley’s words when your own have been so hurtful, so deceptive.”

William appeared stunned at the vehemence in her voice and it emboldened her.

“Do you deny that you are married, Mr. Darcy? Or that you purposefully kept that information from me when you were in Meryton? During all the time we spent in each other’s company, you never once mentioned having a wife, though you spoke of others in your family. What was your purpose in keeping her existence a secret? And what of the night I spent in your arms? Did you share that experience with your wife? Or was it only for your amusement or that of your friends?”

By now tears were coursing down Elizabeth’s face unchecked, though she was not conscious of them. She took a ragged breath, turning away. It was too painful to look at him.

“I swear that it was not as you describe. I never meant to deceive you, and you must believe that I was going to confess everything tonight during our dance.”

“Must I? It is easy for you to profess your intentions now that I have discovered your duplicity.” She pulled herself up to her full height and turned to face him one last time. “And when were you going to tell me that you ordered Mr. Bingley from Meryton—that you were frightened he might form an attachment to Jane?”

“I have no idea to what you are referring. Yes, I sent for Bingley, but—”

“Apparently, you will not tell the truth, even when confronted with it.”

“I can explain, Elizabeth. All I ask is that you give me the courtesy of hearing me out.”

“Just as you gave me the courtesy of saying goodbye when you left Meryton, sir? And,
never
call me Elizabeth again. It is Miss Bennet to
you
!”

“I apologise for causing you pain. I never meant to hurt you.” William dropped to his knees on the wooden floor, taking her hands. “I deserve all your reproach, but regardless of what you may think of me, please listen to what I say. John Wilkens is not what he seems. He is not the kind of man you deserve!”

Pulling her hands from his grasp, she backed away. “You have no right to kneel before me like a suitor! And who gave you permission to determine what I deserve? Why should I not consider him? At least
he
is honest! He openly declares that I am beneath him and should be grateful for his attention.”

William stood to his feet. “That is not true! You are worthy of so much—”

Elizabeth interrupted. “Though, my pride chafes against reminders of my circumstances, everything he says is true! I am beneath his society, but at least he does not care. His intentions are clear—he means to court me, and if we are compatible, to marry. What were your intentions, Mr. Darcy? Since you were already married when we met, were you merely looking for a dalliance or were you seeking a mistress?”

Elizabeth swept past him, down the steps and ran towards the ballroom, with tears still visible on her cheeks. And as his heart took flight with her, he realised that it was he, not John Wilkens, that was to blame for the loss of innocence in those dark brown eyes, the cynicism in her words and the pain in her heart. If Elizabeth accepted Wilkens’ offer it would be his fault—no one else’s.

Oh, Elizabeth! What have I done?

~~~*~~~

In the shadows of the gazebo, Audrey Ashcroft’s heart was breaking as well. She had been near the French doors when this lovely young woman had practically run from the room and then watched in amazement as her usually self-possessed nephew slipped out to pursue her. Aware of the scandal that could result should they be found alone, she had quietly followed them, discreetly waiting some distance away while they talked. Nevertheless, from that vantage point, she had heard everything they had said, even that which was unspoken.

Obviously they had spent a goodly amount of time together when Fitzwilliam was in Meryton and he had not been forthcoming about his marriage to Gisela. This was the piece of the puzzle that she had been seeking—the person with whom her nephew had fallen in love! Why else would he be reluctant to share his marital state with the woman? Fitzwilliam was not a rake, but she could envision him falling in love so desperately that he would keep his status a secret in hopes of being able to find a solution. 

Equally obvious was that despite her anger, this Elizabeth loved her nephew and was devastated to learn that he was married. No one who had heard her speech tonight would think otherwise.

“Fitzwilliam?” William spun around, his disappointment becoming obvious. “I apologise. You were hoping I was her.”

William nodded numbly as he sat down, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his head in his hands. He looked completely defeated.

“I saw you follow the young woman, and I came out to protect you both from gossip. I tried not to listen to your conversation, but neither of you were trying to be quiet.”

“No, I suppose we were not.”

“I think that I may be able to help you. Will you let me?”

“I do not know if anyone can help me now. She hates me.”

“I assure you that her behaviour was not the behaviour of a woman who hates you. She is very young, is she not?”

“Nearly one and twenty, I believe.”

“I thought as much. You are likely her first serious love, and to find out that the man she loves is married and has kept it from her is a deep wound. But she deserves to know the truth of your situation and your intentions. I believe she will listen to me. You must tell me everything that transpired in Meryton so that I will be prepared to carry your point.”

“I think she no longer cares to hear the truth.”

“I can assure you that she wants to know the truth.  It is obvious that she still loves you.”

His head came up. “How did—are you sure?”

“I am a woman, and I know of what I speak. She loves you. She is upset with you at this moment, but at some point, she will long to hear what you have to say. And I believe that when she learns the truth about Gisela, she will forgive you. You do love her and want to marry her, do you not?”

“I want that more than anything in the world,” he whispered raggedly.

She took his hand. “Come. The ball is ending and we must return. But when we get home, we shall have a cup of tea, and you shall tell me everything. Agreed?’

William smiled wanly. “Agreed.”

If there was any possibility of reaching Elizabeth, he would tell his aunt everything. For even if she never forgave him, Elizabeth deserved to hear the truth. 

~~~*~~~

London
The Gardiner’s Residence
One day later

“Elizabeth Bennet, are you listening to me?” 

Madeline Gardiner grew more exasperated by the minute. Since her niece had returned from her stay at Holmes House, she seemed to be in another world. More often than not, she would find Elizabeth with a faraway look in her eyes. She would have been pleased if she thought her niece’s distraction was the result of fondness for Lord Wilkens, but she was sure that was not the case.

“I...I am listening. You were saying that I should accompany Alfreda to Ramsgate.”

“Yes, you should. You will be introduced to the finest families in that area, including their aunt, Lady Hawthorne. I met her once in London and was enchanted by her charm and personality. John Wilkens is her heir, and you shall not only see how wealthy he is—what with Gatesbridge and its surroundings—but how much wealthier he will be when he inherits her properties. Hawthorne Hall is reputed to be even more magnificent, and seeing both estates will prove my assertion that you would be foolish to reject his suit.”

“But, Aunt, I truly do not care for Lord Wilkens. He is arrogant and often reminds me that I should be grateful for his notice. Are there no suitable men in London?”

“Should he rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances?  I think not!”  Madeline reached out to cup her niece’s face and bring her eyes up to meet her own. “Lizzy, the Earl of Hampton is no different than any other man of his station, other than his ability to have a wife of his choosing. Any honest man of breeding and wealth would feel that you are beneath him, so there is no point in seeking another man on that basis. Would you rather that he was dishonest with you?”

Elizabeth countenance darkened as she remembered her argument with Mr. Darcy. “Honesty is the most important thing in any relationship. I could never respect someone who would lie to me.”

“Exactly my point! And since it is already decided that you will stay with Lord and Lady Holmes for the short while I will be attending my sister in Bath, it shall all work out perfectly.  After all, Penelope says that due to some estate problem Lord Wilkens is planning on travelling to Ramsgate ahead of his sister, and it would look peculiar if you refuse to accompany Alfreda when she travels there later. You must take advantage of this opportunity to make Lady Hawthorne’s acquaintance. I have no doubt that she will approve of you, and her approbation would be a great advantage.”

Elizabeth dreaded staying at the Holmes’ townhouse while her aunt and cousins were out of town. Lady Holmes presumed that she would marry Wilkens, and it would be unsettling to be so close to Mr. Darcy’s townhouse, which she now knew to be just across the park. What if she encountered him on one of her daily walks? Her reverie was interrupted by a hand on her arm. “Lizzy, I asked you a question? Were you daydreaming again?”

“I was only considering your reasoning. What was your question?”

“Did Lord Wilkens find opportunity during the ball to ask permission to court you? Penelope thinks he will call on your uncle before he leaves Town.”

“No, but I am certain that he assumes he has my permission.” Suddenly an idea came to her and she ventured energetically, “Could I not accompany you to Bath? I would be of help with my cousins, what with the new baby. You will have need of me, as you will be taking care of your sister, I am sure.”

“Of course not! Your duty is to secure your future and that of your sisters by being available to Lord Wilkens. Fanny would never speak to me again if I took you with me!”

“Then could I not stay here with Uncle?”

“Your uncle will be out of Town on business several days that week, and I cannot leave you unattended.” Madeline Gardiner stood to leave the parlour.  “It is time that I looked in on the children.”

Elizabeth followed her to the front hall, picking up her bonnet as her aunt mounted the stairs. “I should like a walk in the park. I barely had time while I stayed with Alfreda.”

“Make sure Mr. James accompanies you. It is not proper for a young lady to walk out alone.”

Elizabeth nodded. She did not mind being accompanied by the elderly footman who, per their agreement, never tried to keep pace with her. As soon as she entered the footpaths that meandered through the small copse and around the ponds, he fell back a good distance so she could walk in peace, pretending to be at Longbourn. With expectations for a match growing unbearable, her feelings in mourning for the carefree days of childhood, when she rambled unaccompanied across the fields and meadows of her beloved home, had increased ten-fold.

~~~*~~~