‘Sorry . . .’ she felt a rush of blood flow to
her forehead, ‘. . . collected, I mean. Cool, calm
and collected. That’s what I mean.’ She smiled
helplessly.
‘Yes,’ Fidelma said awkwardly. ‘Well, that’s about
all,’ she added stiffly. Her expression conveyed
immeasurable contempt.
Oh you can’t let me go now, Anna panicked.
Oh God, no, please don’t let me walk out of here like a complete twat
, she begged.
‘Thank you, Anna,’ Walton took her limp hand
in his and gave it a hurried shake. ‘We’ll let you
know on Monday.’
‘Yes, great,’ Anna said, false gaiety brightening
her voice. She slunk from the room, tail between
her legs.
In Kiely’s pub, Anna added a splash of tonic to
her stiff gin. She mixed it round with her straw,
then knocked back half. Elaine was nowhere to be
seen. A group of rugby lads surrounded the bar,
shouting and clapping each other on the backs.
Anna scrutinized the small TV screen in the corner
and pretended to watch the match of the day. She
hoped Elaine would bloody well hurry up. It was
unusual for her to be late. Hopefully she hadn’t
thrown herself under a train or anything. She took
another sip of her G&T. There wasn’t much left.
A studenty-type barperson wiped around her glass
with a damp cloth and emptied the two cigarette
butts lying in her ashtray. Anna noticed a couple
of the rugby lads turning round and sizing her up.
She ignored them.
Maybe she was just being paranoid. Sitting alone
in a busy, well-known Dublin pub on a Thursday
evening had a way of making the most confident
person feel uncomfortable. She wished she’d
brought a newspaper.
‘Hi,’ Elaine’s voice made her start. ‘Sorry I’m
late,’ She shook her damp hair.
‘Is it raining outside?’ Anna asked in alarm.
She hadn’t even thought of bringing an umbrella
with her.
‘No, I had a quick shower to try to wash away
all my worries. So,’ she settled back into the comfy
cushioned seat, ‘tell us all.’
‘Oh God, it was a disaster,’ Anna scowled. ‘A
complete and utter fucking nightmare.’ Her blood
ran hot and cold even thinking about it.
Elaine ordered herself a double brandy and a
second G&T for Anna. ‘What kind of questions
did they ask?’
Oh no, Anna’s heart sank. Surely they weren’t
going to have a post-mortem on today’s fiasco. The
whole point of going out and getting twisted was to
forget today, enjoy the evening and act as if there
mightn’t be a tomorrow. ‘Oh, just the usual,’ she
answered absently, her eyes glazing over.
Elaine got the message. ‘We’ll go over it tomorrow.’
She raised her glass. ‘To the future and all its
uncertainty.’
‘To the future,’ Anna agreed heartily.
They clinked glasses and laughed. Alcohol was
amazing the way it altered your outlook on life.
‘Oh, wouldn’t you kill for a figure like that?’
Elaine turned as a tall svelte blonde sauntered past
in a clingy black dress.
‘I know,’ Anna watched enviously as the girl
linked arms with a tall well-dressed man. The man
turned. Anna froze. She watched Mark hail the
barman. He placed his order and glanced casually
across the room. Anna picked up the menu and
pretended to study it.
‘Are you hungry?’ Elaine questioned in a loud
voice.
‘I am a bit,’ Anna muttered, determined not to
let Mark see that she was on another manless night
out. God, why couldn’t he have turned up in The
Bailey on Tuesday night where he would have seen
her sipping cocktails with Jake?
‘Oh look, it’s Mark,’ Elaine shouted. Anna rolled
her eyes to the ceiling. It didn’t take long for
Mark to parade his date across from the bar to
meet them.
‘This is Sally,’ Mark beamed. He looked fantastic,
a heavy cashmere coat half hiding one of his
customary exquisite suits.
Anna offered a reluctant hand. ‘I’ve heard so
much about you,’ she forced a smile.
Sally returned a look that said
I haven’t heard anything about you
. Anna ignored it. ‘This is my
colleague, Elaine,’ she said, delighted at Sally’s
distrusting expression.
‘Can I get you girls a drink?’ Mark enquired.
‘That’d be great,’ Elaine accepted before Anna
got the chance to refuse.
Mark returned to the bar. Sally stood awkwardly
clutching her bag.
‘Busy day?’ Anna asked politely.
‘Every day is extremely busy for me. I work
very long hours. I’m still studying as well. For my
fellowship.’
‘Oh.’ Elaine looked lost.
‘Well, it must be great to get out now and again,’
Anna said.
‘Yes. Is this a girls’ night out?’
‘No.’ Anna gave a somewhat sarcastic smile. ‘You
see all those guys at the bar? They’re with us.’
Mark was back. He was about to sit down when
Sally suddenly spotted a cosy space over on the far
side of the pub. ‘There’s more room over there.’
She gave him an endearing smile. ‘We don’t want
to be crowding you girls out,’ she addressed Anna
and Elaine.
‘Have a good night,’ Mark looked almost sorry
to go, ‘don’t go too mad.’
‘Don’t count on it,’ Elaine giggled.
‘Oh, Anna?’ he hesitated.
‘Yes?’
‘Ring me.’
They disappeared into the crowd.
‘Well, what do you think of that?’ Anna stared
after them indignantly.
‘It was very nice of him to buy us the drinks.
He’s a gentleman.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Anna snapped. ‘Don’t you
see he was just trying to make us all jealous, Sally
included?’
Elaine didn’t see at all. ‘He’s very good looking,’
she swooned. ‘Sally’s lucky.’
‘No she’s not.’ Anna was sticking to her guns.
‘Sure you couldn’t trust Mark as far as you could
throw him.’
‘How do you know?’ Elaine accused. ‘Have you
proof?’
‘Well . . . no,’ Anna began.
‘Has he ever tried to shift you?’
‘Unless you count ten years ago, no. But that’s
not the point.’
‘You see, you’ve nothing on him. I think you
fancy Mark.’
‘That’s outrageous,’ Anna said. The drink had
obviously shot to poor Elaine’s head. ‘Mark? God,
the thought of it!’
‘Don’t believe you,’ Elaine said drunkenly. ‘Don’t
believe you,’ she repeated.
They’d turned up the music. People were spilling
into the pub. Elaine had cheered up no end. Anna
was pleased. Elaine deserved a bit of fun.
After Kiely’s a taxi took the girls to Anabel’s
where they were treated to champagne by a bunch of
golfers over from England. Two of the golfers wore
wedding rings. Two didn’t. Anna directed most of
her conversation towards the available ones. They
weren’t much fun but, hey, the champagne was
nice! Elaine was determined to dance. Not on the
main dance floor, mind, but on the small one in
the members’ bar where nobody else was dancing.
Despite Anna’s gentle protests, she strutted her stuff
to the delight of onlookers. God, she’s going to
regret this in the morning, Anna thought. Elaine’s
dancing was decidedly uncool. She must have seen
Grease about sixty times. An odd-looking man in an
ill-fitting velvet jacket joined her on the dance floor.
He took Elaine’s hand and tried twirling her around.
She missed her footing and fell. Anna rushed to the
dance floor and scooped her up.
‘Let’s go back to my place for coffee,’ She led
Elaine to the cloakroom to collect her coat.
‘No.’ Elaine was belligerent. ‘I want to have fun. I
never have fun any more. I don’t want to go home,’
she said adamantly.
‘But we can’t stay here,’ Anna pleaded. ‘The club
is closed. The lights are on.’
‘Are they?’ Elaine covered her face with both
hands, horrified. ‘Ish my make-up all right?’
‘It’s fine.’ Anna guided her towards the front
door. ‘No one will see it now anyway, we’re
going home.’
‘I’m not going home.’ Elaine stood her ground
in the car park of the Burlington Hotel.
‘Where are you going then?’ Anna wanted to
know. It was a bitterly cold, early February morning.
The wind was biting.
‘Leeshon Shtreet.’
‘Right.’ Impatience rising within her, Anna marched
over to the other side of the road and stuck her
hand out to flag down a passing cab. ‘But we’re
only staying for half an hour.’
They spent the following forty minutes sipping a
bottle of plonk in a deserted Leeson Street club. Four
women in cocktail dresses were dancing around their
handbags. In a corner a dodgy-looking grey-haired
man was lunging at a woman half his age. It was
depressing.
‘Are you glad you came?’ Anna lit her last
cigarette.
‘To be honest with you, yesh.’ Elaine raised her
bloodshot eyes. ‘I’m shick of feeling shorry for
myshelf. From now on, I want to enjoy my life.’
‘Well done,’ Anna gave her a hug, ‘that’s the
spirit. Hey, how about we call it a night?’
Elaine nodded drunkenly and knocked back the
last of the plonk. Oh dear, Anna thought. She
wouldn’t like to be Elaine’s head in the morning.
She saw Elaine home first before falling into her
own flat and onto her bed, fully clothed.
Claire pushed Andrew’s pram along Dun Laoighaire
pier. The wind was against them but the sea air was
fresh and the sound of Ranelagh traffic seemed a
million miles away. She’d tried to persuade Simon
to join them. She’d thought the walk would do him
the world of good. But Simon had refused, choosing
to stay home with the PC. Claire was worried
about him. His mind was at work even when his
body wasn’t. Where would it all end, she wondered.
Life wasn’t supposed to be all about working and
making money. She’d confronted him about the
nights when he didn’t bother coming home. ‘It’s
all about bonding,’ he’d explained. ‘You can’t just
shut yourself off from the office crowd, you know.
You have to put in appearances, now and again.’
‘Now and again, yes,’ she’d agreed. ‘But you don’t
have to stay out the whole night. Can’t you just take
up golf or something like other blokes?’
He’d said he was sorry and would seriously think
about joining some kind of sports club. But Claire
wasn’t holding out too much. In some ways she
wished she were single all over again. Like Anna.
Anna really lived her life. Her world was like that of a
soap opera. Men coming and going like trains. It was
so far removed from Claire’s humdrum existence.
She’d always thought having a family would make
her life complete. So where had it all gone wrong?
She thought of her brief meeting with Victoria and
shuddered. Victoria had life all worked out. Had
Claire rushed into commitment without a moment’s
consideration? Maybe she should have waited before
diving in at the deep end of motherhood without a
few swimming lessons first. Then again, who the hell
was Victoria to judge anyone or anything?
She parked Andrew’s buggy at the end of the
pier and sat on the bench staring across to Howth.
The sun seemed to be shining over there. Not in
Dun Laoighaire, where a thick black cloud threatened
rain. It was always the way, wasn’t it, she
thought ironically. No matter where you were, the
sun seemed to be shining elsewhere.