Much Ado About Mother (20 page)

Virginia took one more step toward the courtyard and then stopped dead in her tracks. She turned back to Donell and waited for him to get off the phone. When he noticed her, he pointed to the phone, signaling that he was on it.

“I can see that.” Virginia smiled. “I'll wait.”

Donell finally rang off.

“You looking for some sage?” Donell asked, pulling a bundle out of a box. “Always got sage for a pretty lady.”

“Oh, thanks, Donell,” Virginia said. “But I was wondering if I could use your phone for a minute. Mine is out of battery.”

“Why, sure,” Donell said, and handed over the phone. “It's real easy to use.”

“Oh, I know,” Virginia said as she stepped out of his reach. “It's the same one I use.”

She turned her back to him and quickly selected the icon for Photos. She looked up and made sure Donell was busy setting up his table. She quickly flipped through the photos and there it was: a picture of Suzanna taking a tumble in the courtyard.

Virginia looked up just as Donell spun around. Guilt was written all over his face.

“Well, lovely lady, you said the tree was good for business,” Donell said, almost, but not quite, apologetically.

Mr. Clancy came out of his studio in the courtyard and waved.

“Does Mr. Clancy know you put up those flyers?” Virginia asked.

“No, ma'am. I'm not sure if he would like the idea of causing trouble like that.”

“But you do?”

“Just being a good capitalist!”

Virginia looked at him sternly, deleted the photo, and gave Donell back his phone.

“I'll be keeping an eye on you,” Virginia said.

Donell shrugged. Virginia jogged over to Mr. Clancy.

“Good morning, Virginia.”

“Good morning, Mr. Clancy.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed off for her jog with Lizzy. Lizzy put her fists in the air and let out a whoop.

“Faster, Grammy!” With a huge grin on her face, Virginia ran as fast as she could.

CHAPTER 22

SUZANNA

S
uzanna was beside herself. First Lizzy had stopped eating kale and now she was off boiled beets.

“What child in her right mind would eat a boiled beet?” Virginia asked.

“It's good for her,” Suzanna said.

“So are sweet potatoes. You were probably too small to remember, but I used to make you a sweet potato, carrot, and yogurt thing that you just loved.”

“Did it have raisins in it?” Suzanna said, instantly remembering. “You called it Sweet Potato Surprise or something like that?”

“That's the one.” Virginia beamed. “You thought I called it ‘Surprise' because of the raisins, but it was actually because I got you to eat it—you were so fussy! Your father would come into the dining room and you'd be covered in sweet potato. You and I would both throw up our hands and yell—”

“Surprise,” Suzanna said.

“Now, if you had to eat boiled beets or my Sweet Potato Surprise, which would you choose?”

When Virginia had asked them over dinner (while Lizzy ate her Sweet Potato Surprise) how Suzanna and Eric would feel about hosting a party, Suzanna could only gape at her. The idea behind the party was that Dymphna needed help preparing all that Angora fur so it could be turned into yarn.

“You don't usually shear all of your rabbits at the same time,” Virginia said.

“And whose fault is that?” Suzanna asked.

“It's nobody's fault,” Eric said. “It is what it is.”

Did Eric want to have this party? She was treading lightly ever since that damn flyer of her tripping over the tree root found itself plastered all over the neighborhood.

“Where would we have this party, Mom?” Suzanna said.

“In the tearoom?” Virginia asked.

“I can't have the tearoom covered in rabbit hair, Mom. What would the health department say?”

“We don't have to tell the health department. We can always stop if we get busted.”

Suzanna winced. She hated when her mother used words like
busted.
That was not a motherly word.

“Besides, it's for the greater good,” Virginia said. “It doesn't have anything to do with the tree. Anyone can help with the rabbit hair.

“It can be a time of healing for the community,” Virginia continued, clearly playing to Eric, which annoyed Suzanna. “We can put up flyers.”

“No flyers!” Suzanna said, remembering not only her own handbill debacle, but also her sister's run-in with Christopher's ex-wife. “And not in the tearoom.”

“What about the Nook?” Virginia asked Eric.

Suzanna gaped anew! Her mother was the one who'd chosen sides, and now to ask Eric to throw his principles to the wind over a bunch of fur?

“We can't use the Nook,” he said.

Suzanna's mouth dropped open. Her mother had some nerve. Eric had made it clear time and time again that the Nook was a neutral zone!

“There isn't room,” Eric continued.

Suzanna could see the disappointment in her mother's face and she couldn't stand it. She shot a pitying look at Eric, who had obviously noticed the same look.

“But I can fix up the backyard,” Eric said. “This is a great idea, Virginia. It will bring people back together.”

Eric transformed the backyard into a quaint extension of their commercial space. He sandblasted the brick patio and put out ten assorted tables and chairs, now painted bright colors. He strung twinkly lights from the rooftop to the fence, creating a little canopy of stars. Virginia got into decorating mode and found large baskets to hold the fur. She thought she might spray paint the baskets, but Dymphna nixed that idea—the rabbit hair had to be housed in an organic environment.

The night of the big event, Eric made a quick adjustment to his decorating scheme. The weather report said a rare and frisky storm was headed their way, so he added a tarp roof. Although perfect weather was business as usual, the random storm that turned up to say hello could be potentially pretty spectacular. But most storms blew over quickly, Eric had said. Suzanna looked at him significantly, but he didn't seem to understand the subtext.

Suzanna was distracted, but try as she might, she knew she was not being as helpful as she could be preparing for the big yarn-making extravaganza. Eric's parents Red and Wanda, true to their threat, swooped in to take Lizzy on an overnight to Disneyland. Suzanna had never been separated from her daughter for more than a few hours, and usually her own mother was watching the toddler if she wasn't. But Eric continued to think it was a great idea for his parents to have some bonding time, and Suzanna thought it would be an olive branch, so she said yes. As the Coopers drove away to the Happiest Place on Earth, Suzanna felt as if she were living in the Most Panicked Place on Earth. She was grateful for the massive preparations ahead of her.

Virginia had done an amazing job getting people in the neighborhood to rally 'round the rabbits, but the dream of getting them all to set aside their differences didn't exactly pan out. When word spread that there was going to be free tea and scones and a lesson on making rabbit hair into yarn, which was right up the collective Beach Walk alley, both literally and figuratively, the neighbors turned up ready to eat and learn. But they kept to their philosophical corners. Mr. Clancy was at one table against the fence, apparently trying to catch her mother's eye, while Bernard sat at the other, also vying for Virginia's attention.

Suzanna tried not to watch the door for Rio. It was a long shot that he'd show up, but you never knew about these things.

Erinn was setting up her camera and tripod at the back of the lawn when Christopher came through the side gate. Suzanna's antennae were up as she watched Erinn pretend she hadn't seen him. Suzanna smiled to herself. While her mother really wasn't conscious that two men were watching her every move, Erinn was pretending she wasn't aware that Christopher was nearby.

Two very opposite approaches!

Christopher went over to Erinn, draping a hand casually over the tripod as they chatted. Suzanna couldn't hear what they were saying. She grabbed a basket of Angora fur so she could walk past without looking like a snoop.

“Isn't Alice coming?” Erinn asked. “I would think this would be right up her alley.”

“She says she already knows how to turn rabbit fur into yarn.” Christopher shrugged.

“Of course she does,” Erinn said.

Christopher waved to his uncle. When he saw Erinn wasn't about to engage further, he went to sit with Bernard. Suzanna thought it was amazing that Erinn could sound like a snob even in a bout of jealousy.

A storekeeper named Mavis, who was sitting on what Suzanna now thought of as “Mr. Clancy's side,” signaled Suzanna, which unfortunately meant she would be forced to move away from Erinn and Christopher. She'd have to catch up with their story later by gathering her own intel; God knows Erinn would never pour her heart out to her own sister!

“What can I do for you, Mavis?” Suzanna asked.

Mavis pointed to the pile of fluffy white Angora fur nestled in its basket in the center of the table.

“I don't really like this color,” she said. “Can you bring another?”

“Well, we really only have beige, brown, and white.”

“I want to make a red sweater.”

“That's a little bit down the line,” Suzanna said, although she realized she didn't actually know exactly how far down the line it was. It was as if her mother sensed she was at a loss because Virginia was suddenly at her side.

“I'm sure there would be many, many people who would trade their brown fur for this beautiful white,” Virginia said. “As a matter of fact, I'd be happy to trade with you myself. I have a nice drab brown.”

“No, that's fine,” Mavis said, pulling the basket toward her. “I like white.”

As Virginia and Suzanna walked away, Virginia said, “You just have to subscribe to the theory that every tactic you use as a mother, you can use on the world.”

“Sort of like, ‘Everything I know I learned in kindergarten,' ” Suzanna said. “But from the mother's perspective.”

“Exactly!”

A few of the Cause Courtyard ladies, including Zelda and Babette, as well as complete strangers dotted the backyard. The oddest of odd couples, Dymphna and Blu, stood at the entrance of the tea shop, which was serving as the stage. Eric had rigged up a spotlight of sorts, and now that dusk was finally here, he turned it on, signaling to the crowd that the lecture on all things Angora was about to begin.

Dymphna was wearing one of her voluminous dresses, which looked like something out of the Renaissance, and Blu wore a skirt that looked like it could have been made from the material left over from a pocket. Blu clapped her hands and everyone quieted.

“Thanks, everybody,” Blu said. “When I found out that Dymphna and Virginia had sheared all the rabbits, I was like . . . what?! But then Dymphna said she was going to turn the fur into yarn and make sweaters and things, and I was like . . . oh!”

Suzanna and Virginia went to stand near the back fence where Erinn was shooting.

“Is this for Blu's reality show?” Suzanna whispered to her mother.

“I don't know,” Virginia whispered back.

“The rabbits were up at my house and we were desperate to get the paparazzi away,” Blu said.

“I guess that answers your question,” Virginia whispered to Suzanna.

“Now, my good friend Dymphna is going to show us how to make yarn!” Blu said, gracefully extending her hands toward Dymphna like a poor man's Vanna White.

Suzanna saw Erinn pop her head up from behind the lens and signal to her. Blu stood beaming and Dymphna stood still, obviously wondering what to do now that Blu was not exiting the spotlight. Virginia started applauding, loudly. Everyone else followed her lead. Blu had no choice but to leave the stage to Dymphna.

“OK, everybody,” Dymphna said. “Thank you all for coming.”

She clearly did not crave the spotlight like Blu did. She stood looking around the patio. Virginia came back to stand next to her and spoke to the crowd.

“In front of you, you'll see two paddles with little bristles that look like dog brushes and beautiful piles of Angora fur. The first step in making yarn is to clean the fur.”

Suzanna watched Mavis check out everyone else's basket of fur and almost burst out laughing. Her smile dimmed as she watched Blu sidle up to Eric. Suzanna tried to read their body language: Eric was relaxed, one foot propped up against the side fence, and Blu's body language practically screamed, “Let's have sex right now.”

Suzanna could see her mother drawing Dymphna out of her shell.

“What do we do next?” Virginia asked.

“Everybody pick up your paddles,” Dymphna instructed. “We're going to do something called carding. We'll use the paddles to brush the wool between them until the fibers are more or less aligned in the same direction and are sparkling clean!”

Suzanna watched Blu pick up her paddles.

“She could turn carding Angora into a porn film,” Erinn whispered to Suzanna.

“I know!” Suzanna whispered back as she started brushing a small handful of fur with the paddles, transferring the fur from paddle to paddle as instructed. “Do you think I should be worried?”

“I don't think you should be worried,” Virginia said, also concentrating on the carding. “But I don't think you should be blind, either.”

“Oh, what do you know?” Suzanna retorted.

“I know my microphone is picking up this conversation and it's going to be hell to edit,” Erinn said.

Suzanna tried to keep her eyes off Blu and Eric while at the same time watching their every move. It was a technique Suzanna had been working on ever since Lizzy started to walk. Suzanna would let Lizzy think she was exploring the world on her own, but she knew what was going on every second. She was very grateful to have perfected the skill before tonight's event.

Suzanna noticed a few raindrops had fallen on the tarp overhead. She watched Erinn scoot the camera and herself under it. Suddenly, an enormous thundercloud rolled in. Rain poured down as if a cloud had opened up a mile-long zipper. People started grabbing the baskets of fur, the carded fiber, and anything else they could get their hands on and running into the Rollicking Bun and Book Nook. Suzanna and Virginia grabbed the tea service, and Suzanna caught a glimpse of Blu trying to snuggle inside Eric's jacket. Eric shot her a surprised “I have nothing to do with this” look and led the way into the shop.