Mummy Told Me Not to Tell (31 page)

After Reece and Susie were taken into care and Scott was arrested, Scott denied any suggestion that he had molested his stepdaughter, Susie. He did admit to ‘walloping’ her and Reece when they were naughty; and he agreed that a paedophile visited sometimes, but he claimed the man was cured. Scott added that they ‘needed to look closer to home for the kiddie fiddler’. He also said he had found out that he wasn’t Reece’s father, which I could believe, because when I had first met him I had been struck by the lack of family likeness and had assumed that Tracey’s genes must have dominated.

As I read on, and Jamey continued his pacifying phone call in the background, I saw that my assumption had been partially correct — Tracey’s genes had dominated; but what I could never had guessed, and what I couldn’t begin to get my head round even as I read the words, was Scott’s statement to the police. It said that Tracey’s own father had been indecently assaulting Susie, and possibly the other children when they had been at home; and, worse, that Tracey’s father was also the father of Sharon, Brad, Sean, Reece and Susie. The incest of father and daughter had produced five children.

I stared at the words and re-read them, unable, unwilling, to believe what I saw. I heard Jamey wind up on the phone in the distance as I stared at the open
file before me. Although Scott’s accusation hadn’t been proven, it made sickening sense. The five children were identical, as if they had had no genetic input from outside, which if Scott was right, they hadn’t. The fact that none of the birth certificates showed a father added weight to this. Only Scott’s name was on Reece’s birth certificate, for at the time he had believed he was Reece’s father, though he had subsequently discovered differently. A man who thought he had been Susie’s father had lived with Tracey for a while, and then had suddenly moved out, severing all contact. Had he discovered the truth as well? Added to this was that Tracey had accused her father of assault on a number of occasions, although she had subsequently withdrawn the accusations. Under pressure?

‘My god!’ I said out loud as Jamey finally replaced the phone. ‘The children’s father is their grandfather.’ I turned to look at him and he nodded slowly.

‘I know,’ he said. ‘Although it will be difficult to prove. Susie has been questioned further but is still fearful of Tracey. Contact has been stopped between Susie and Tracey because it seems likely that Tracey knew her father was sexually abusing Susie, as he had abused her. Tracey may have even been complicit in it.’

I cringed, and I felt my stomach lurch. It takes a lot to shock a foster carer, but I was shocked.

‘Susie is now saying that there was another “daddy” doing rude things to her,’ Jamey said, ‘an older daddy. We know Tracey calls her father daddy, so it’s possible.’

And Tracey’s father is the father of all her children?’ I asked, still not wanting to believe it.

‘Apart from Lisa,’ Jamey said. ‘Perversely it appears that Tracey has rejected the one child who has genes from outside the family. We don’t know who Lisa’s father is, but we are pretty certain it’s not Tracey’s father. Lisa has normal development and looks completely different, and in a weird way it makes sense of why Tracey didn’t put up a fight for Lisa when she did with all the other children: Lisa wasn’t family.’

I thought for a moment, still trying to take it all in. I drew a deep breath to ease the tight knot in my stomach.

‘Tracey’s father has disappeared,’ Jamey continued, ‘and Tracey is not saying where he is, if she knows.’ He paused. ‘Cathy, obviously don’t say anything to Reece but Tracey is claiming she is pregnant again.’

‘Not by her father, surely?’

Jamey shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But the odds are stacked for it, and Scott says she is.’

I
drove home slowly ‘on autopilot’, my thoughts a long way from the car in front, whose break lights periodically flashed red, when I changed gear, stopping and then starting in the traffic. There are sound physiological reasons why incest is taboo: it breeds in, rather than breeds out, any genetic weakness. Lisa had escaped the learning difficulties and developmental delay of (and physical similarities to) Tracey’s family simply because the gene(s) responsible had been overridden, or diluted in the gene pool, by those from outside. But what plagued my thoughts more than the physical aspects of what I had learned was the destruction of what should have been a nurturing family structure. The very fabric of family life on which society is based had been corrupted and debased in a travesty of normality. If Scott’s (and Tracey’s) claims were correct, Tracey’s father had been abusing her since childhood, almost as the norm; probably Tracey had grown up believing it was the norm. It appeared she had even lied to the men whom she had
claimed were Susie’s and Reece’s fathers to cover up the awful incestuous truth.

Whereas before I’d had little time for Tracey, seeing her aggressive and self-centred behaviour as responsible for everything that had happened to Reece (and the other children), she now had some of my sympathy. She was a victim as much as her own children. With her limited intelligence and ever-present predator father, what chance had she ever stood of breaking out of, and trying to stop, the cycle of abuse? Thinking over what I had just read, and what I already knew, I could see that Tracey had given feeble clues, and little cries of help, for years — the accusations she had made about her father and then withdrawn, the suicide bid — which no one had ever suspected masked the darkest of secrets.

I now remembered the inappropriate comment she’d made in the car park after contact, about cleaning Reece’s ‘dick’. It has been said without any embarrassment, as though it was acceptable, which of course for her incest was. I shied away from where my thoughts were now leading me: Jamey had said that Tracey might have been complicit in her father’s sexual abuse of Susie; was it also possible she had been complicit in sexual abuse of Reece? Father to daughter, grandfather to grandchildren, mother to son? Anything was possible when the normal building bricks of morality were demolished.

No wonder Reece had behaved as he had done; no wonder he lived in fear of returning home, and of his mother appearing at his school. For while I felt some sympathy for Tracey the fact remained that she was a
formidable woman. If I had felt intimidated by her, how much worse was it for Reece, aged seven, with learning difficulties, lost in a cruel world of sexual abuse of the worst kind — from inside the family? There was no knowing what he had seen, or had been subjected to, and possibly no one would ever know. I had thought for some time that Reece harboured secrets with all his ‘Don’t knows’, but I could never have guessed in a million years how dark and deep those secrets were.

I drew up outside the house and switched off the engine; then I sat for a while, staring out through the windscreen, almost steeling myself for going in. I had already made the decision not to tell Adrian, Lucy and Paula what I had learned from Jamey’s report: there was no need. We were already practising safe caring to keep everyone feeling safe, and I really didn’t want them to have to carry this extra burden. Doubtless at some point (if they hadn’t already) they would read about incest in a newspaper, but I didn’t want to sully them with it now. If Reece ever said anything to them about his life at home that needed further explanation I would deal with it as it arose. But I doubted he would. Reece presumably didn’t know how he or his siblings had been conceived, so the worst-case scenario (and that was bad enough) was that he would start to talk about things he had witnessed and/or been subjected to himself.

I got out of the car and let myself into the house. From the hall I could see Lucy and Paula playing with Reece in the garden. The three of them were playing catch
with a large yellow plastic football. Adrian’s car wasn’t on the drive, so I assumed he had gone out. I went down the hall and into the living room, where I stood for some moments looking out of the French windows and watching them. Reece’s skill at catching a ball was improving, as were his other skills. I knew he would continue to make improvement, little by little, and that unlike Tracey, he (and Susie) would at least have a chance of the normal life that had been denied their mother. One could only guess at what would happen to Tracey now. Possibly more of the same; or perhaps now it was out in the open she might go into therapy and begin to make something of her future. But I thought it was doubtful that she would, as the damage was so ingrained, and Jamey had said she was pregnant, carrying what was thought to be her father’s incestuous sixth child.

‘I’m home,’ I called, going down the steps and on to the patio. ‘Everything all right?’

‘Yes,’ they chorused as they concentrated on throwing and catching the ball.

I sat on the bench in the shade of the tree and watched their game continue. It was a beautiful day; the temperature was just right, with the heat of the August sun soothed by a light cooling breeze. I looked at Reece playing happily and naturally with his foster sisters in a normal family setting. It crossed my mind that if for any reason his aunt couldn’t look after him permanently, then perhaps we could.

I would obviously have to discuss it with Adrian, Paula and Lucy, even before I approached Jamey, for it
would be a huge commitment and there were many issues to consider. Reece was only seven, nearly eight, and he would need looking after for the next ten years, and with his level of learning difficulties possibly longer. It was doubtful he could ever live completely independently and I wasn’t getting any younger. Also it had been mentioned that Reece would benefit from having a father figure, which I had agreed with, but couldn’t offer, although Adrian was a good male role model. Then there was the locality: the constant risk of bumping into Tracey and all that might entail, or her going to Reece’s school and undoing all his present progress there. I couldn’t justify moving the whole family out of the area just to get away from Tracey. I finally had to admit that Reece’s aunt, on all counts, sounded like the better option — younger, part of his natural family, eighty miles away and with a husband.
For
Reece’s sake I hoped the aunt was found to be suitable, but for my sake I selfishly hoped that she wasn’t. Then I caught myself, and snapped out of it.

‘Does anyone fancy going for a picnic?’ I called. Does a duck like water!

It was a light relief for me, after my morning’s reading, that the four of us put together an impromptu picnic from what we had in the fridge, and I drove a couple of miles to a small park, which had a goldfish pond and a few swings. It was two o’clock by the time we arrived, and we sat on the grass under the shade of a huge oak tree, and ate. Then Lucy and Paula sprawled out on the
grass while I played with Reece, kicking the football he had carried from home.

‘It’s your birthday next week,’ I said to him as the ball rolled back and forth between us. ‘What would you like to do?’ I had already decided on a present, which I knew he would be pleased with, but I also wanted to give him a little outing to mark the day. He didn’t have any close friends otherwise I would have given him a party.

‘McDonald’s,’ he said. ‘I want to go to McDonald’s and ‘ave burger and chips.’

I smiled. ‘It’s your choice, but I was thinking of going on a special outing like to the zoo. They have a restaurant there and I’m sure that you would be able to have burger and chips.’

‘Zoo? With animals?’ He looked at me, amazed.

‘Yes. There is a zoo about an hour away in the car. You can see a tiger, snakes, ostriches, giraffes and a lot of the animals we have read about in books.’

He grinned and gave the ball a big kick. ‘Yes, we go to the zoo and I ‘ave burger and chips.’

Driving home, my mobile started to ring. Paula, who was in the front passenger seat, delved into my handbag and answered it.

‘It’s Jill,’ Paula said.

‘Can you tell her I’m driving, please, and ask her if it’s urgent?’

‘Mum’s driving,’ Paula repeated. ‘She said to ask you if it’s urgent.’

Paula listened and then said to me. ‘Not urgent urgent, but she would like to talk to you.’
‘OK, tell her to hang on and I’ll pull over.’ I couldn’t put the mobile on handsfree because Reece would have been able to hear the conversation. I checked behind, indicated and pulled into the kerb. ‘Thanks,’ I said to Paula as she passed me the mobile, then, ‘Hi Jill.’ I put the car into neutral but left the engine running.

‘Cathy, I wanted to let you know that Tracey has just been evicted from the council offices. She is threatening everyone and claiming she knows where you live. Jamey thinks it’s a bluff, because she’s very wound up, but you need to be extra vigilant. Fortunately it’s the school holidays, so I won’t need to alert the school.’

‘All right. Thanks for telling me.’ I couldn’t say anything else with Reece in the car, and there wasn’t much else to say really. I said goodbye and hung up, then returned the phone to my handbag and pulled out from the kerb. ‘Heightened state of alert,’ I said to the girls and nodded towards Reece in the rear. They knew what I meant.

‘Not again!’ Lucy said.

‘Yes, although it’s thought to be a bluff’. To anyone not familiar with this situation — having an irate and aggressive woman threatening to come to the house — it would probably have seemed pretty scary, as it had been to me when I’d first started fostering. Now it was par for the course. ‘Heightened state of alert’ was a term I had adopted with my family and it meant checking the security spy hole on the front door before opening it to anyone, and just being aware of who was in the street. The girls knew that if anyone did approach them outside, or they saw anyone hanging around the house,
they were to tell me immediately. These were precautionary measures, and the only nasty incident I’d had was when a very drunk father with a large pit bull terrier had turned up on the doorstep late one night, and I’d had to call the police.

Reece’s birthday on 16 August was a runaway success. He loved the bike I had bought him, although he took a number of tumbles while practising in the garden, despite the bike having stabilizing wheels. Adrian came with us to the zoo, and Reece was incredibly excited by seeing the animals that he had only ever seen before as pictures in books or on the television. And of course the climax of the outing for Reece was the burger and chips in the zoo’s restaurant, followed by a huge ice-cream sundae, which not even he could finish. When we arrived home I lit the candles on his ‘Postman Pat’ themed birthday cake and we sang happy birthday, and managed to eat a small portion each. Reece went to bed saying he had had the best birthday ever and could he have another one tomorrow.