Murder Grins and Bears It (27 page)

Cora Mae and Kitty must
have thought they had landed in Hitchcock’s classic
thriller,
The Birds
, because they were making more racket than the confused
raptors.

The screen door slammed and they were inside
the house.

Latvala loped to the bird coop, realized he
was too late to stop the birds, turned sharply, and ran back to the
driveway. He spotted Grandma Johnson.

She took one look at the hairy man with the
rifle, lunged over to the driver’s seat, and ripped backwards into
the road. She continued in reverse so long I thought she’d never
find the brake or the correct gear. The truck jerked to a halt,
then it took off down the road, heading toward Stonely. Latvala ran
down the drive, fired at her, and a side window blew out.

I almost dropped my Glock. Since when did
she know how to drive?

A cell phone rang.

Latvala reached in his pocket and answered
it. As he came closer, I could hear part of his conversation.

I heard him say, “This has gotten out of
hand, Burnett.” He walked back up the driveway, looking for his
next escaped quarry. “You’re on your own.”

His eyes scanned the treetop. A zillion
night hunters’ eyes followed him.

Rats. I forgot about Burnett’s cell
phone.

“
You want me to shoot all
of them?” Latvala said in disbelief. “How many are here, anyway?
Some old midget just got away. I’m telling you, I’m clearing out. I
think they’re even in the house.”

He listened for a moment.

“
This isn’t the first time
I’ve had to relocate. I can do it again. Latvala, Jones, Wazinski.
I’m due for a new name. At least the shipment went out. I’m picking
up the money and disappearing.”

Another pause while he listened.

“
Don’t threaten me,” he
said. “Sure I dropped him off in the woods and I roughed him up a
little to get the message across, but you killed him. I’m outta
here.”

He closed the phone and returned it to his
pocket. It rang again but he ignored it.

Sirens wailed in the distance as Latvala ran
for a truck parked in the driveway. Before I could chase him, I saw
Kitty bolt out of the house with Cora Mae trailing.

“
Drop the rifle,” Kitty
shouted from the side of the house. She held a machine gun in front
of her. Kitty looked exactly like a wanted poster.

Latvala took one look and dropped the
rifle.

Cora Mae appeared from a hiding spot behind
Kitty and sashayed over, dangling her handcuffs from an index
finger. She’d found more uses for those things.

“
It’s over,” I called to
Little Donny. “You can come out now.”

The sirens grew louder and two state
troopers pulled into the driveway. By then, Kitty had chucked the
machine gun in case the cops thought she was the perp.

Little Donny, Cora Mae, Kitty, Fred, and I
formed a circle around Latvala, who sat on the gravel with his
hands cuffed behind his back.

“
I called nine-one-one from
the house,” Cora Mae said. “They sure got here fast.”

“
Hey Johnny G.,” Kitty
called, recognizing one of the officers. “Have I got a story for
you.” She lumbered over to the squad car and bent over the open
window, exposing the back of her legs clear up to her panty
line.

“
I’ll go talk to them,
too,” Little Donny said.

“
Help!” Latvala called out.
“They’re holding me against my will.”

I kicked him in the shin. “Shut up,” I said.
“You’ll get your turn to talk, but you’re last on the agenda.”

“
How did you get here?”
Cora Mae asked me while Kitty and Little Donny told their version
of the story to the cops.

“
I was driving the van,” I
said.

“
I didn’t know that,” Cora
Mae shrieked. “We wanted to follow it but couldn’t find our car.
Kitty looked in Dickey’s truck and can you believe it, he left his
keys in the ignition? What kind of police officer would do
that?”

“
One that doesn’t know
Kitty,” I replied.

“
We saw it turn onto
Crevice Road but then we lost it, and we ended up at the house down
the road.”

“
Joe the Man.”

“
Exactly,” Cora Mae
shrieked again. “How did you know?”

“
I met him.”

“
I had to sit on his lap
before he’d tell us about the neighbors. That’s what held us
up.”

“
What you’ll do for your
job, Cora Mae.”

She beamed.

Another squad car pulled into the driveway
and I could see Grandma Johnson in the back. All that was visible
was the top of her hat.

The officers got out of their cars.

“
They weren’t responding to
our call,” Kitty said to Cora Mae. She glanced at me. “Dickey
reported his truck stolen and the state troopers were combing the
area.”

One of the officers piped up. “We
apprehended the car thief at the end of the road,” he said. “I had
to handcuff her. She actually tried to resist arrest.” He rubbed
his shoulder. “She must have rocks in that purse.”

I covered my mouth to keep from
laughing.

“
She said she witnessed a
shootout. Since one of the truck windows was missing, we thought
there might be something to her story.”

“
Someone that age…” another
officer began. “You’d think she’d be home knitting.”

“
No driver’s license
either,” the first officer said.

“
Runs in the family,” Cora
Mae said.

chapter 23

“
Blaze helped round them
up,” I said to Cora Mae and Kitty after speaking to him on the
phone. “They arrested three others beside Latvala and Burnett.”
Little Donny and Heather sat at the kitchen table with us, eating
leftover pasties. Little Donny’s pasty was drowning in a pool of
ketchup.

“
Blaze is okay then?” Kitty
asked.

“
He wouldn’t let the
ambulance take him to the hospital,” Heather said.

“
He always was a
hard-head,” I agreed. “He never gives up. Now he wants to take my
fingerprints again because the first set was inconclusive. The case
is over, I told him. Forget it.”

“
What will happen to all
the falcons?” Cora Mae asked.

“
I called the wildlife
rehabilitation center,” I said. “They sent someone over to try to
round them up and help the birds acclimate to the wild. At the very
least, they’ll feed them until they learn to hunt.”

Fred sprawled next to the table. Kitty saw
me looking down at him.

“
We heard the ululating
coming from the woods, didn’t we, Cora Mae? And we knew it was
Fred.”

“
He’s quite the behemoth,”
I said, taking up the challenge.

“
I signed up for that
on-line law school,” Kitty said. “I start next week.”

“
Good for you. Now the
Trouble Busters have their own legal council.”

Little Donny got up and returned from the
cupboard with a bag of sugar doughnuts. We all dug in. Mine was
halfway to my mouth when I remembered my promise to give them up if
things worked out all right.

I looked around the table at my friends and
family and realized how incredibly lucky I was. Not only that, my
life was about to get even richer. George would be over later to
help me study. That was one promise I planned on keeping, passing
the driving test.

I bit into the doughnut.

The thought of George sitting next to me,
just the two of us, alone, heads bent over the instruction manual,
made me feel warm and fuzzy all over. Maybe it was time to consider
taking the next step forward in our relationship.

Life couldn’t be better.

Just then Grandma Johnson shuffled down the
hall.

“
What’s this?” she
demanded. “Some kind of party and I wasn’t invited, as
usual?”

“
Anything exciting happen
today?” I asked her.

“
If you want to call
attending a funeral for a drunken fool exciting, you go right
ahead.”

“
Aren’t you going to tell
us about your arrest? Blaze said he almost couldn’t get you
released.”

“
And it’s all your fault,”
Grandma said. “Running around with-” She stopped because she
realized that the friends she was about to disparage were sitting
right at the table. Grandma looked down. “With that big ugly mutt.
I’m putting my foot down. It’s either him or me, and that’s that.
And I’m telling you another thing…”

The kitchen cleared out quickly after that
and I was left standing there alone while Grandma Johnson gave me
an earful. Even Fred slunk out when I wasn’t looking.

A few minutes later I heard Little Donny
screaming from the garage. “What happened to my car,” he
shouted.

I ran for cover.

THE END

NORTH WOODS PASTIES

Pasties (pronounced pass-tees) came to the
Upper Peninsula with the coal miners, who ate them for lunch deep
underground.

This hearty dish can be found in little
shops scattered throughout the U.P. The senior citizens in Stonely
make the best I’ve ever had, and after a lot of experimenting, I
think I’ve figured it out. They freeze well so make a bunch. Serve
plain, with ketchup, or use your imagination.

Makes 6

For pastry

3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tsp salt

1 cup butter, cut in pieces

3/4 cup ice water

1 egg

For filling

1 pound coarse ground round

1 pound coarse ground pork

1 1/2 cups onions, chopped

1 cup rutabaga, diced

1 cup potatoes, diced

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1 tablespoon oil

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Sift 3 cups flour and salt. Cut in butter
until coarse like breadcrumbs. Slowly add ice water until the
texture of dough. Shape in ball, wrap in plastic, and refrigerate
for 20 minutes. In large bowl combine all filling ingredients.
Grease baking sheet. Dust workspace with remaining flour, divide
dough in 6 pieces and roll each into a circle the size of a plate.
On half of each pastie, spread 1 cup of filling. Fold over and
crimp edges. Place on baking sheet, cut a few slits in each top,
brush with egg white, and bake 1 hour.

GRANDMA JOHNSON’S SPAM CASSEROLE

I know Spam isn’t on everyone’s shopping
list, and you’re probably snickering right now, but we actually eat
the stuff. Here’s Grandma Johnson’s county fair award winner.

2 cups macaroni noodles, cooked

1/2 pound cheddar cheese, cubed

2 tablespoons onion, chopped

2 tablespoons green pepper, chopped

1 can Spam, cubed

1 can cream of mushroom soup

1 cup canned peas

3/4 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine all
ingredients and bake for 30 minutes.

CARMEL APPLE PIE

In the early fall, the apple trees droop
with the weight of hundreds of firm, ripe apples. That’s when we
get out our paper bags and fill them to the brim. Cortlands are my
favorite, nice and tart. Try mixing and matching when you make your
pies. Cortland, McIntosh, and Jonathan make a tangy, spicy
combination that’s perfect for pie.

Makes 1 pie

Buy 9-inch piecrust or make it with the
following:

2 cups flour

1 tsp salt

3/4 cup shortening

5 tablespoons cold water

For pie filling:

3 tablespoons flour

1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

1/8 tsp salt

6 cups apples, peeled and sliced thin

For topping:

1 cup light brown sugar

1/2 cup flour

1/2 cup quick oatmeal

1 stick butter

Final touches:

1/2 cup pecans, chopped

caramel ice cream topping

Preheat oven to 325 degrees and toast pecans
on baking sheet for 5 minutes, or until brown, checking and turning
often. Put aside for final touches.

Raise oven heat to 375 degrees and make
crust. Combine flour and salt. Cut in shortening until crumbly and
pea-sized. Sprinkle with cold water. Roll out on floured surface
and line 9-inch pan.

Prepare filling. Stir all ingredients for
pie filling together except apples. When mixed, add apples and
gently fold in. Place in pie pan.

Prepare topping. Combine dry topping
ingredients. Cut in butter until crumbly. Sprinkle on pie.

Line edges of piecrust with foil. Bake 25
minutes. Remove foil. Bake 30 more minutes or until brown. Remove
from oven. Sprinkle with toasted pecans and drizzle caramel topping
over.

****

About the Author

Deb Baker grew up in the
Michigan Upper Peninsula with the Finns and Swedes portrayed
in
Murder Grins and Bears It.
She makes her home in Wisconsin now but visits her
family “camp” as often as possible. Other stories in the series
include
Murder Passes the Buck
and
Murder Talks
Turkey.

Discover other titles by Deb Baker at
Smashwords.com:

Murder Passes the
Buck

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