Must Be Love: (Nicole and Ryan) (A Jetty Beach Romance Book 1) (7 page)

Isn’t it?

I pick up the black case and nod toward the door. "I should probably get back."

"Hey, don't leave on my account," Cody says.

"No, no, you're fine. I was just picking up some lights." I lift the case a little. "I'll see you later, Ryan."

Ryan runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah. I'll probably talk to you tomorrow."

I feel as if I’m walking through a dream as I cross the studio to the front door. Ryan jogs a few steps to get in front of me and holds the door open. "Do you need any help with that?"

"No, it's not heavy," I say. "I'll just put it in the back seat."

"Okay. Thanks for coming by."

He meets my eyes for a second. My body screams for him to touch me. A quick hug, a hand on my arm, anything to give me a clue as to whether that moment in his studio had been real.

His forehead furrows again and he steps away, his arm extending to hold the door open. I walk out toward my car and hear the door close behind me. I tell myself not to look back. I want so badly to see him standing there, the closed door between us and his brother for one more minute of privacy. Glancing over my shoulder, I feel my heart sink. He's inside.

I blow out a breath, wanting to kick myself for being such an idiot, and put the lights in the car. It’s been so long since I've been single, my radar is completely off. He was probably just looking at the view. Sure, he was friendly, but he wasn't flirting. Not really. Hell, do I even know what flirting looks like anymore?

I get into my car and drive down the long driveway, telling myself in a very stern voice that I am imagining things. Nothing happened. Ryan isn’t even into me.

I close the door, hesitating with my hand on the dead bolt. I want to go back out there, shut the door behind me, and give Nicole and me a few minutes of privacy. Actually, I want a lot more than that. Her scent is so intoxicating; my head is still swimming with it.

Of course, it’s likely I imagined the whole thing. She could have been looking at the view. Nicole probably isn’t even into me.

She shouldn't be into me. I’m not any good for her.

"Hey, sorry man, did I interrupt something?" Cody asks.

"It's no big deal," I say with a shrug. "She was just here to pick up those lights."

Cody heads through the studio into my apartment. "Got any beer?"

"Yeah." I take a second to collect myself, hoping the raging hard-on I’m sporting will go down quickly. What is it about Nicole? Just looking at her makes me feel like a fucking teenager. Zero control. When Cody showed up I was two seconds from grabbing her, running my hands all over that hot body, devouring her with my mouth. Would she have let me?

Cody comes back out to the studio, two beers in his hands. He hands one to me. "Sorry for the cock block, man."

"Nah, it was nothing like that," I say.

Cody raises an eyebrow. "Your little buddy there thinks otherwise."

"Fuck off and quit looking at my dick."

Cody laughs and takes a swig of his beer. "So what do you think's going on with Mom?"

"I don't know. I just saw her a few days ago and she seemed fine," I said. "Do you think it's really Hunter?"

Hunter is the youngest Jacobsen brother in all but name. His dad left when he was just a baby and his mom did the best she could, but it was tough for a single mother. Hunter didn't exactly make it easy on her. My parents stepped in and took care of him a lot of the time, giving his poor mom a break. A few years later, his mom died and Hunter lived with us from then on.

Until he up and left, that is.

"It might be Hunter," Cody says. "It would be like Mom to try to surprise us."

I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m still pissed at Hunter for leaving the way he did. I take a long pull from the bottle, distracted by my cock. It is not cooperating. I wish Cody would go, so I could take care of it. With thoughts of Nicole still lingering, it’s going to take no time at all to get myself off. Maybe the release will calm me down. I hope so. Something needs to.

Cody wanders back into the apartment. "Got anything to eat?"

I roll my eyes and follow him in. My brother and I get along pretty well, but he’s irritating the shit out of me right now. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Nope," he says. "They kicked me out of the clinic after my last patient. Said I’ve been working too much."

Cody’s a doctor. Because of course he is. My parents love to introduce their son, Dr. Jacobsen, to people. To be fair, he’s a great doctor. He's always been smart as shit, and even though he tends to annoy the crap out of me, he’s good with people. Personable. Probably has a great bedside manner.

"What about Jennifer?" I ask.

"What about her?"

"I don't know, maybe you're seeing her or something. Isn't she your girlfriend? I thought it was customary for guys to spend time with their girlfriends."

Cody lets out a breath, his beer dangling between his fingers. "Things are kind of shitty with us lately."

"That sucks."

"Yeah," he says. "It does."

"Did you actually break up, or are you just fighting again?"

"Honestly, I'm not even sure this time," he says. "I haven't talked to her in a couple of days."

I hope this might be it for Cody and Jennifer. On the surface, she seems perfect for Cody. Successful in her own right, she owns a boutique clothing store in town. She owns her condo on the beach, drives a nice car. She certainly isn’t using Cody for his doctor's income. But the fact that she isn’t a gold digger is more or less the only thing in her favor. I suppose men find her attractive, but I can’t see past the resting bitch face. As far as I’m concerned, she’s selfish and demanding, and Cody can do better. I have no idea why he keeps going back to her. They've been on again, off again for a couple of years.

"Well, maybe it's time to move on or whatever," I say. "You guys are always fighting about something."

"I know," Cody says. He drains the last of his beer and sets the bottle on the counter. His brow furrows, and he walks over to my dresser. "Don't you open your mail? This thing has been sitting here forever."

"Leave it," I say.

"What, am I a dog now?" Cody asks with a laugh. "Oh shit, is this from Ohio?"

"Yes."

"Is it from Elise's family?"

I walk over to the dresser and turn the letter over, hiding the return address. "Forget about it."

Cody glances away. "All right, man. Just, if you open it, and it triggers something … call me, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever. Just leave it alone."

"Really, Ryan, I don't want—"

"I'm fine, Cody," I say.

"No bullshit?" he asks.

"No bullshit."

"Okay. Good. I'll get out of here, then. I should run to the store. I don't think there's any food in my house. There's definitely no beer, so that has to change."

He leaves through the studio, and I wait until I hear the crunch of gravel under his tires as he drives away. I glance at the letter, leaving it turned over. Just touching it makes me nervous. It’s a part of my past I’m not ready to face. I don’t know if I ever will be, yet I leave it sitting out, like I need the reminder.

My erection is half-gone. Thinking about Jennifer has that effect on me—yet another reason I can’t understand why Cody is with her. The thought of trying to fuck that woman.
Ugh.
I shudder.

I walk over to the window and take another sip, resting my other arm against the molding. Thick clouds hide the sun, but I can tell it’s sinking toward the water. The horizon has a soft pink and orange cast to it. Certainly not the most brilliant sunset I've ever seen, but it has good composition. Subtle.

Nicole. Thoughts of her come to me unbidden, and my dick is instantly hard again. Why does she do that to me? I think about the way she looked, standing in front of the windows in the studio. The light playing off her hair, highlighting the little loose strands around her neck. I was standing behind her, close enough to touch her. Smell her.

Fuck it, I'm doing this.
I strip down and get into the shower. The hot water patters against me and I run my hands over my head, wetting my hair. My cock is still hard, so I grab it and stroke the swollen flesh. I imagine Nicole, her tight ass lifted up for me, her head turned so I can see her face. I'd pound into her, hard and fast. She'd beg me to keep going, but I'd slow down, teasing her, making her wait. The intensity builds and I stroke faster. Nicole straddled over the top of me, my hands on her breasts. She'd grind her pussy into me and—

The orgasm hits me in a rush. Shit, that’s a good one. The tension eases as I come. After I finish, I stand with my hands against the tiles, breathing hard.

I haven’t wanted a woman like this in a long time. Truth be told, I haven’t wanted a woman at all in a long time. Not since Elise. Since I moved home, I’ve been avoiding connecting with anyone. I’m still too raw. Opening myself up to someone else is dangerous. I know I run the risk of sinking back into the dismal pit of depression, and if I do, I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to claw my way back out.

But I’m not sure I’m strong enough to keep my distance from Nicole, either.

The next few days go by in a blur. Keeping up with work grows more difficult. I know I need to get back in the office, but I’m not sure I can face it yet. There’s still a framed picture of me and Jason on my desk. Everyone in the office will know by now what happened. What must they think? Amy in Accounting shamelessly flirted with Jason at the last holiday party. Is she gloating? My flight back to Jetty Beach probably made it worse. I must look like such a weakling, running off to my parents’ house just because of a stupid breakup. Who does that?

I sit at the island in my parents' kitchen, trying to get some work done, but my mind isn’t cooperating. My eyes drift to the black case sitting near the front door. I haven’t seen Ryan since I picked up the lights at his house. There hasn’t been a reason for us to get together. More than once, I’ve found myself trying to come up with an excuse to text him. There has to be festival business to take care of, right? That’s all it is. We have a lot of work to do.

Ryan seems like a good guy—he deserves better than being my rebound. I can’t seem to get him out of my head, but it’s because I’m lonely. I was with Jason too fucking long. I need to spend some time as me, get to know who I am without being a part of a relationship. I hardly know what that’s like.

So far?
Lonely
. That's what it’s like.

Melissa calls and invites me out to lunch. I run a brush through my hair and throw on a fluttery blue blouse and a pair of slacks, dressing it down with sandals instead of heels. Her car is already outside the fish and chips place she picked, so I go inside, finding her at a window booth.

"Hey," I say, sliding into the seat and putting my purse next to me. Two ice waters sit on the table. "I'm glad you called. I think I needed to get out of the house."

"I figured," Melissa says. Her hair is swept up in a ponytail and she’s wearing her old Rolling Stones t-shirt.

"Wait, isn't it like, a Wednesday? Why aren't you at work?" I ask.

"Half day," she says. "I should probably be grading projects, but I'm kind of over it right now. I'll catch up this weekend. So, what is going on with you?"

"Nothing," I say. She gives me her
I'm not buying it
look. "Okay, not nothing. This art festival is going to be a disaster, and the whole town will be there to see it. Not to mention, my boss is sending me passive-aggressive emails about work. If she needs me back in the office, I wish she would just say so."

The corner of Melissa's lip turns up in a half-smile. "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, then?" I ask, not bothering to keep the exasperation out of my voice.

"I know you're stressed about work, and the festival and all that," Melissa says. "But there's something else. I can tell."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"See? There it is," she says, pointing at my face, her tone triumphant.

"Where?" I ask, looking over my shoulder. "There what is?"

"You're already blushing."