Authors: M Robinson
Oh my God! Someone shoot me…where the hell is Sebastian?
“Yeah…she’s…she’s ummm…” I stuttered.
Sebastian pushed open the bedroom door, holding all of Christian’s luggage. “This is…” He looked around, placing the bags by his bed. “…a good choice.” He looked back at me and mouthed, “What’s wrong?”
“Yeah, Dad! This is my room. Ysabelle said she’s sleeping downstairs in your room,” he reiterated. “I think she’s confused…you aren’t married and only married people sleep in the same room. Right, Dad?”
His eyes widened and I jauntily smiled at him.
“Yeah…bud…that’s true.”
“See, Ysabelle, there're three other rooms. The one with all the pink might be a good one for you. Mom loves pink.”
“Yeah…I can sleep in that—”
“Ysabelle,” Sebastian interrupted, taking a seat next to him on the bed.
Is there a hole in this room? Maybe I could hide in the closet?
“Why don’t I leave—”
“Ysabelle and I are sleeping in the same room, buddy,” Sebastian chimed in, knowing that I was about to flee. “Remember, I told you that we live on the island together and we have a place above the bar. You know this.”
“I know. But I thought you guys had your own rooms. Mom never lets Anthony stay the night because she said only married people sleep together.”
And if the earth wanted to open up at any point in time, do so…right now!
“I can understand why your mom would say that; however, things are different for us. We live together.”
He nodded, looking back between us. “Oh, does that mean you’re getting married?”
Of course…that would be the next question…God hates me. I’m his personal comedic relief for the afternoon.
“Hello!” Someone shouted downstairs.
Oh, thank you, random stranger that’s in our cabin!
“I’ll go handle that. You guys…you do this…” I pointed to them and got my happy ass out of there as fast as I could.
“All right, let’s have a man-to-man talk. How do you feel about that?” I asked.
“I’m okay with it,” he agreed.
“You know Ysabelle is my girlfriend.”
He nodded.
“And you know Mom has a boyfriend.”
He nodded again.
“The only difference between my relationship and your mom’s is that I live with Ysabelle. And since we live together, it’s different than it would be if we were dating. Do you understand?”
“Kinda.”
“What is confusing?”
“I don’t know…I don’t understand why you guys aren’t together anymore. I know Mom said that it was grown up problems and it had nothing to do with me…”
“And it didn’t, it still doesn’t,” I reaffirmed.
“Do you think that maybe you guys will get back together? Because my friend Jacob’s parents got a divorce and then got back together.”
I placed my hand on his back. “No, bud, we aren’t going to get back together.”
“Are you sure, Dad?”
I shook my head. “I’m positive. We will always care for each other and we will
always
love you.”
“Okay…” He bowed his head.
“I know it’s confusing for you right now because so much has changed, Christian. I’m sorry that you’ve had to grow up a lot in the last few years. Sometimes parents try to do what’s best for them and their family, and what’s best for us is that we are no longer together. I love your mom and she feels the same way about me. One day you will understand the difference between a friendship and being in love.”
“Yeah…Mom said the same thing.”
“Is that why you’ve been acting out in school and giving your mom a hard time? You know that’s not acceptable.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I guess Anthony is okay…he’s nice.”
“Ysabelle is really nice, too. I think you should try to get to know her.”
“I guess I could do that.”
“I’d really appreciate it if you would. You know you’re my main man and your opinion is very important to me.”
He peeked up at me and smiled. “Yeah, I guess we could be friends. She’s really pretty.”
I laughed. “She is very pretty. I agree. Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. I’m going to go help Ysabelle. Can you unpack all your stuff and meet us downstairs in a half an hour for dinner?”
“Okay.”
I kissed him on the head and closed the door behind me before I made my way downstairs.
To the other problem…
“Hey,” she greeted as I walked down the stairs. “So that was the caterer, it was really nice of you to have this food for us tonight. I guess it makes it easier and now we don’t have to go grocery shopping tonight. But I can do that in the morning and you can hang with Christian.”
I wrapped my arms around her.
“I mean, unless you want us to go together, which is probably better so that he picks out the food that he wants to eat. I mean, I don’t really know what kids like to eat, it wouldn’t be hard, though; I’m sure I could just ask someone—”
“Ysa…shhh…take a second to breathe,” I murmured and she laid her head on my chest.
“He hates me,” she confided.
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“Maybe I should just sleep in one of the other rooms. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It’s a big deal to me. He needs to learn, and he will. Just give him some time. He’s a kid; it’s confusing for him.”
“Maybe I should give him a present?” she encouraged.
I pulled away from her and cocked my head. “Is that why you went crazy with the presents?”
“No…” She looked everywhere but at me. “I mean…maybe. I don’t fucking know.” She backed away from me. “I mean shit…I mean damn it…” She placed her hand on her forehead. “I can’t do this, Sebastian.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Seeing her all frazzled was adorable. Especially for her, I loved witnessing more of her walls coming down.
“You’re laughing at me now?”
I put my hands up in front of me in a surrendering gesture. “Calm down…if you took a step back and looked at yourself right now, you would be laughing, too. I used to cuss all the time, so did Julia. It takes time, Ysa, it’s not going to happen overnight.”
She sighed.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded.
“I’m going to go shower before dinner. You think you can manage for about ten minutes?”
“Yeah…”
I kissed her on the forehead and left. I knew she needed to regroup and it was better if she did it by herself.
How did I find myself in this situation? I’m not someone’s parent. I hated having intense conversations. We had just arrived and we were already having one. What if something happened while Sebastian was gone? How would I handle it by myself? I would have given the kid anything just to stop where the conversation was leading to...parents don’t do that.
They have their shit together all day, every day. Sebastian jumped in, head first, without a care or concern for the world. It was natural to him. I was ready to jump off the balcony. My heart was beating rapidly and I couldn’t stop the anxiety that crept into my being. I never wanted to be a parent…I was never one of those women who looked at babies and felt all warm inside. They seemed like a burden more than anything else.
I really was my mother’s daughter.
All of those years that I had blamed and resented her were for nothing because I was exactly like her. That’s why she hated me; she never wanted me in the first place and had me so that she could receive more welfare from the government. I was a pawn. It made me sick to my stomach to feel anything other than hatred for that woman. However, I stood there and felt sympathy and understanding. I related to her. We were one and the same.
Madam’s words echoed in my mind.
“Ysabelle, I’ve been doing this a very long time. You’ll come back, you’ll get bored, you’ll need excitement; you’ll be back. Women like us are made like that, it doesn’t just stop because you want it to, it’s in our blood.”
“I want more, Madam, I want it all.”
She chuckled, “You want the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids, and the husband. Jesus Christ, Ysabelle, have you learned nothing these last few years? I mean how many married men have you been with? Have you ever seen a happy marriage?”
What if she was right? What if I’m not made for this? It was just the tip of the iceberg and I was ready to jump ship.
I sat down on the couch and placed my head on my lap to take a deep breath.
“Ysabelle…you love Sebastian. Its been a rocky start, but everything will be fine. Stop being an asshole and get your shit together. You can do this. He’s a small child. You love Sebastian. There is no life without him. You know that…just calm down,” I spoke to myself.
I looked up and Sebastian was leaning in the doorway, looking at me attentively. His eyes said everything I needed to know.
“I love you,” he simply stated.
It was the first time that I needed to hear those words.
And for some reason…they helped.