Susan frowned. “How do you know that?”
Sighing, Laura remembered back to that last awful night. She'd handled things so badly, coming at Seth without a hint of finesse. She tried to tell his sister what she'd doneâand couldn't. She started to cry instead.
“What happened?” Susan asked, sliding closer to take Laura's hand in her own.
“The kids were getting too attached,” Laura said, not bothering to fight the tears. She only had so much strength.
Michael shifted in his seat, drawing Laura's attention, but he didn't say anything, just sat there and frowned. She turned back to Susan.
“My kids have been through a lot.”
“I know.” Susan's eyes were full of understanding. “Seth told me.”
Grateful that she'd been spared that particular explanation, Laura said, “So you can understand that I couldn't risk putting them through another rejection.” Laura tried to tell the story without thinking about that last night with Seth. Wiping a tear as it slid down her cheek, she took another deep breath.
“It was getting to the point where they couldn't wait for Seth to come so they could tell him whatever good news they might have. They hung on his opinion, even asked his permission for things.”
“And that bothered you?” Susan asked. “Threatened your place as their mother?”
“Good heavens, no!” Laura almost laughed. “I thought it was heaven.”
Susan looked a little confused. “So what happened?”
Staring down at her hands, she confessed the rest. “I gave Seth an ultimatum. Told him we either had to have a firm commitment between us or I had to end things right then. Because the kids were already telling their friends he was going to be their new father.”
“They couldn't just be happy having him around as a friend of the family?” Michael asked. His hands were clasped, fingers against his lips, as though he were intensely interested in Laura's plight.
She'd wished so many times that things could've
been different for her and Seth. But now she had yet another reason. Her life would have been so blessed if Susan and Michael could have been part of it.
Embarrassed, she was glad her thoughts were her own. What audacious liberties she was taking, even imagining Susan as family.
“It wasn't the time he spent with them or whether or not he lived there so much as the impermanence that bothered me,” she finally said. “If Seth didn't love me enough to give me some kind of commitment, then chances were he'd be gone without warning some day.” She spoke to both of them. “Whenever someone else came along, or he just plain got tired of me and my kids. I couldn't take that chance. Not with Jeremy and Jenny being so vulnerable.”
“Did you explain all of this to Seth?” Susan asked.
“I tried to.” Laura was remembering again. Seth had looked so betrayed. She was no longer sure what she'd said.
“The thing is...” Susan spoke slowly, not glancing toward Michael this time. “I think Seth is under the opinion that he'd have to quit his job to be with you.”
“What?” Laura squeaked. “I've never heard anything more ludicrous in my life. Seth would never think that!”
“Then why is he drinking himself to death in between scouting all over town for a job that will pay him a decent enough wage to support a family of four?”
Heart pumping hard, Laura froze. “He's doing that?”
“Susan...” Michael warned again.
“I'm sorry, Michael.” She cut him off before he
could say anything more. “But I won't see my brother kill himself over something it might be possible to fix. Anyway, I certainly can't hurt him any more than he's already hurting himself.”
“Laura.” Susan turned back, her gaze intent, full of purpose. “Do you have a problem with Seth being out of town for much of the week?”
She shook her head. “That's the way it's always been.”
“Right. So why does he think it has to stop?”
“I have no idea.”
“I don't know, either,” Susan said, frowning. Like a helpless child Laura simply waited for Susan to come up with an explanation.
“Because he can't be a proper father to those children if he's gone all the time.” Michael's words fell quietly into the room.
“Who says?” Susan asked defensively.
“Why not?” Laura challenged simultaneously. “Seth's been more of a father to my kids than their own father ever was. He was over every weekend, coaching ball, playing with them, making them feel important.”
Michael's face was resolute. “Our marriage couldn't survive with one of us working out of town, and I hardly think parenting takes less time and commitment than marriage.”
“How do you know our marriage couldn't work?” Susan said, staring at Michael. “You never gave it a chance.”
“You knew as well I did that it wouldn't have
survived, Susan, or you would never have agreed to divorce in the first place.”
“That's beside the point, anyway,” Susan told him, leaving Laura to wonder if Susan had ever really given up on her marriage or just given in to Michael. “We. were dealing with you living in another state, working full-time in another state. Seth lives here. He's home every weekend. He just happens to travel, too.”
“All I can tell you is the man believes he can't be a proper father and do what he does, too.”
Laura's heart was beating fast again, though not with fear. With an emotion she was afraid to name. “He's told you that?” she asked. Michael sounded awfully sure.
Glancing at Susan, Michael bowed his head once, slowly, and raised it again.
Laura took that for a yes.
“And that's why he left us?” She looked from one to other, hope an unfamiliar flower blossoming inside her. Taking her breath away.
“I think so,” Michael said.
“Me, too.” The tears in Susan's eyes won Laura's heart forever. “If he's been contemplating quitting his job to be a father, I'd say there's little chance it's anything else.”
“Do you know where he is today?” Laura whispered, tears flooding her own eyes.
“At home.”
Laura minded her manners enough to down her tea in one long gulp, and then, with embarrassing haste,
grabbed her purse and ran. She had a very stupid man to set straight.
And then she was going to spend the rest of her life loving him to distraction.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“A
N Sooz! An Sooz!” Susan's stomach roiled as two-year-old Joey barreled into her.
How'd she ever get herself into this?
Grabbing him up, she pretended her back didn't hurt as she settled him atop the mound of her stomach. “You're supposed to be sound asleep, little man,” she said, heading back toward his nursery.
She'd been looking forward to this evening ever since Scott and Julie had asked her the previous week to baby-sit for them. She'd been eager to get a taste of the joys she'd been anticipating all these months.
She hadn't figured on Joey having his own plans.
“I wet,” Joey announced, right about the time Susan started to feel an uncomfortable warmth seeping through her maternity blouse.
“You sure are wet,” she said, hugging the little body against her. After all, it wasn't his fault she'd let him have three glasses of water that first hour after she'd put him to bed. He'd looked so darn cute, holding that cup by its handles.
“I wet,” Joey said again, nodding his head.
Ignoring the tug on her back muscles, Susan hauled the toddler up to his changing table and set about repairing the damage. Getting the clothes off him was the easy part. But then, instead of lying there quietly
the way she thought he was supposed to, Joey started squirming around. He almost got away from her as he tried to chase a butterfly that was pasted to the wall above the changing table. Susan grabbed his ankle just in time and returned him to his back.
He made it all the way to his knees when Susan reached for a new sleeper. He'd been after the laughing Pooh bear that time.
“The wallpaper comes down off my nursery walls tonight,” Susan muttered, thinking of all the colorful things dancing across the twins' walls at home.
Joey started to cry when she forced him back down to the table. “Shhh,” she said, drawing imaginary lines on his belly to distract him. After several tiring minutes of coaxing and fighting surprisingly strong little limbs, Susan finally had him lying still.
Prepared now, she placed her body half on the active child as she slid the dry diaper beneath him.
Joey giggled. And peed.
Susan swore. She was going to cry, too. Until she saw the big blue eyes gazing up at her, watching. She smiled instead.
“Okay, Joe, me boy, no more of that,” she said in a funny low voice. The little boy laughed.
Stripping off her wet blouse, Susan stood in her bra and maternity shorts trying to be cheerful as she grabbed a fresh diaper.
Five minutes later, the task was done; he was clean diapered, dressed. Suddenly sleepy, Joey cuddled against her as she finally lifted him from the changing table. He smelled of baby powder and little boy, and Susan gave in to the temptation to hold him for a while, rocking him back and forth. He seemed to
grow heavier as he lay against her. In less than five minutes, he was sound asleepâfrom imp to angel-face.
Susan walked softly, slowly, to Joey's crib, trying to figure out how to get down the side bar with the child sleeping in her arms. She discovered, that it was the least of her problems. Because first, she was going to have to change the soaking wet crib sheet with the child asleep in her arms.
She knew from her experience earlier in the eveningâand from Julie's warning, which she'd so stupidly ignoredâthat the second she put Joey down anywhere but in his crib, he'd be awake again.
And Susan was pretty sure she didn't have the energy to survive that.
Â
SUSAN WAS HOT. Sweat rolled down her back and pooled at the waistband of her ugly maternity underwear beneath her green tent of a dress. All this discomfort, just because she'd walked from her car to her office building. July was quickly moving toward August, and Cincinnati's weather wasn't being nice to her.
Tricia met her at the door, on her way out someplace, and taking one glance at Susan, swung back.
“Come on,” she said, linking her arm with Susan's. “Let's get something cold to drink.”
Tempted to give in to self-pity and allow herself to be led, Susan held strong instead. “Weren't you going someplace?” she asked, trying to remember where Tricia was headed. “A meeting with the insurance people, maybe?”
“I'm their best customer. They'll wait,” the other woman said.
Fifteen minutes later, Susan was ensconced in a quiet booth at Tricia's club, sipping a decaffeinated frozen latte and marveling how friends could be found in the most unexpected places.
Over the past six weeks, she and Tricia had formed an unusually frank relationship built, at first, on mutual respect, but more recently, on mutual affection, as well.
“Michael's still gone?” Tricia asked as the waitress left them.
Susan nodded. He'd been gone almost constantly since the Saturday they'd seen Laura. And though she knew the Miller deal had been put on hold for at least a month, she couldn't help worrying that Laura's visit had something to do with his extended absence.
“He's still calling?”
“Almost every day.”
Chin puckered, Tricia nodded as though pleased. Susan was pleased, too. So pleased she scared herself. The frequency of Michael's calls could simply be the result of a misguided sense of duty.
“So what have you decided to do once the babies are born?” Tricia asked. Though her boss was impeccable as always in her violet suit, not a black hair out of place, Susan now knew the woman beneath the facade.
“Hire a nanny for in-home care.”
“Good, that's what I'd do, too. I can get you some names if you'd like.”
“That'd be great.” With all the charity and church work Tricia had done over the years, she knew everyone
in town. “I'd feel a whole lot better working with referrals than with a service.”
As they sipped their coffee, they talked about Tricia's earlier days with young children at home. And then about her current days with teenagers ruling the roost. Susan couldn't wait for either. They both sounded like heaven to her.
“How was Amy's dance?” Susan asked. She'd yet to meet the fifteen-year-old, but she'd already grown very fond of her through her mother.
“She went with one guy and came home with another, but she had a wonderful time.”
Susan smiled, her glass completely empty. “Wouldn't it be wonderful to be fifteen again?”
“Yeah.” Tricia's eyes were downcast, and teary when she glanced up again. “I met Ed when I was fourteen,” she said. “He was the only man I ever dated.”
“I never knew that,” Susan said, amazed. “You seem so worldly.”
Tricia grinned through her tears. “I am worldly, just a one-man woman.”
Susan sipped a bit. “So have you thought any more about having Eddie come into the office after school?”
“Yeah. I think I'll do it.”
“Good.” It was Susan's turn to grin. “No more worrying about what he's doing with his time. Plus, he'll get a taste of the business he's so eager to join, and it'll relieve a little of the weight on your shoulders.”
“He won't be ready for any decision-making.”
“No, but just having someone to bounce things off will help.”
Reaching over the table, Tricia covered Susan's hand with her own. “I already have that, Susan. I wish I knew how to thank you.”
“Believe me, Tricia,” Susan said, “you've done far more for me than I'll ever be able to do for you.”
And she had. Tricia had become the rope Susan was hanging on to as she faced life without Michael. Before, she hadn't believed it mattered so much, and she'd coped just fine. But now that she had the inside scoop on her stupid heart, she couldn't seem to get through a night without crying herself to sleep.
Â
THAT SATURDAY, while walking the treadmill, Susan entertained herself with possible plans for the day. She still had so much to do, and only a couple of months in which to do it. She'd been in for her sixth-month checkup the week before, and the doctor had told her again to expect an early delivery. And
not
to expect to accomplish much during her last month. She warned that Susan would be too big to move around comfortably.
Susan figured she was already at that point. But who was she to know?
“Okay, Zack, you still need overalls and tops, a dress outfit, and little-boy shoes.” Someone threw a hard blow to just beneath Susan's ribs, and she chose to believe it was her son responding.
“And no more of that while I'm walking,” she panted. “It's hard enough to breathe.” She paused then forced herself to tread some more.
“Now, back to business.” A few more heavy
breaths. “Baby girl, you have all your clothes, but I'd like to get a couple more girlish receiving blankets. You two are probably going to throw up a lot and I don't know how much time I'll have for laundry.”
Thinking about that, Susan continued to walk and to stare at the desk Michael had used during his stay with her.
“I'll call a laundry service as soon as I finish showering this morning.”
Someone moved again, not so much a kick as a drag. “Zack, don't tease your sister about her lack of a name,” Susan said. “If I hadn't found your daddy's note under the toaster, you wouldn't have one, either.”
Her timer went off, signaling the end of a murderous half hour, but Susan walked a bit longer. Her feet could still move one in front of the other, and she hadn't finished her list yet.
“We have to stop by the office, and I don't want any argument from either of you,” she said as sternly as she could with no breath. “No acting up today, guys. That's how I make the money to give you everything you want.”
All quiet.
Good.
“And then I promised to make three dozen cookies for the battered women's center fund-raiser. They have to be delivered by ten o'clock tonight.” She stared at the desk some more.
Step. Step. Step.
“Yeah, I suppose I could do another few dozen. Those ladies need a lot of things, and now I know how much it costs just to keep newborns in diapers.”
Sweat was dribbling down the backs of her knees
by the time she finished walking. But Susan was smiling as she headed into the shower.
“With all this walking, you two are practically going to slide out in my sleep,” she told her stomach.
Right before she passed out.
Â
“SETH?”
“Yeah?” Seth rose up in bed, glancing at the clock. Only seven-thirty on Saturday morning. He still had a couple of hours before he picked up Paul from Brady's house. And then he was driving out to Laura's....
“Could you come over?”
“Of course.” He was out of bed instantly, pulling on yesterday's jeans. “Is there a problem?” he asked, forcing his voice to remain calm. If Susan was having some kind of emergency, he needed his wits about him.
“I'm just a little scared.”
Shrugging into a T-shirt, he grabbed his keys and wallet off the dresser, taking the mobile phone with him as he made his way to the front door. “Is someone bothering you? You hearing noises?” he asked quickly. “Hang up and call the police.”
“No, nothing like that.” She didn't sound any stronger.
And then it hit him. Oh, God. No. “Is it the babies?”
“I don't think so,” she said, but she'd started to cry. “I just fainted, okay? Can you come?”
“Hang tight, sis. I'm on my way.”
He dialed Michael's hotel room in Atlanta from his cell phone. And breathed a bit easier once he knew
Michael was on the first flight out. He called Brady next and talked to Paul, explaining why he'd have to miss their date at the batting cages. And then he called Laura, just needing to hear her voice.
These babies meant everything to Susan. He was afraid to even think about what would happen if she lost them now.
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“I HAVE TO MAKE six dozen cookies before tonight.” Michael heard Susan's voice as he let himself into the condo with his key.
“Like hell you do,” he said, striding into the living room. She'd fainted less than four hours ago.
Susan's head swirled so fast, she should have been dizzy as she strained to see Michael. He couldn't have mistaken the welcoming light in her eyes, or the wide smile on her lips. But in the next instant, he might have been forgiven for thinking so. She turned on Seth who'd been lounging in an armchair.
“You called Michael.” That obviously didn't please her.