My Best Friend's Girl (35 page)

“Don’t hurt her!” I shouted. “She’s only little, don’t hurt her!”

Nate’s arms clamped around me, held me back to stop me from interfering. He held me close, whispering something into my ear. I knew it was comfort, reassurance, but none of it sunk in. I was fixated on the needle, and I flinched as the woman injected the contents of the syringe into Tegan’s thigh. Nothing happened. She didn’t suddenly sit up, fighting for air. She didn’t move a fraction to let us know she was OK. She didn’t even flinch when the paramedic injected her. She lay motionless on the ground. As though horrified by Tegan’s lack of reaction, Nate’s arms slackened around me and his reassurance faltered. My knees buckled and I landed in a heap on the ground.

It’s over,
I realized as the paramedics exchanged concerned looks.
She’s gone.

chapter 45

I
wandered blindly along the hospital corridors, aware of nothing, feeling nothing. I was numb. Physically and mentally numb. I stopped and rested against a wall, trying to hold myself together until Nate’s denim-jacketed arms slipped around me and pulled me toward his body. I allowed myself to be swallowed up by him, for him to engulf me in his arms, hold me against his chest and shush me. Without realizing it I’d been quietly whimpering as I wandered the corridors.

“Babe,” Nate whispered in my ear.

“Sh…I…I thought, I thought she was going—” My voice dissolved. I put my arms around Nate and clung to him. He was solid, dependable, the rock I needed at a time like this.

“Shhhh,” he hushed, “it’s OK. She’s OK. It’ll all be OK.”

“But it nearly wasn’t,” I whispered. She almost died. Tegan, my baby, almost died. A few more minutes and they wouldn’t have been able to get her lungs working nor her heart beating properly. My body and mind quailed every time I thought how close I came to losing her. That she had been at death’s door. She was sleeping now, and breathing on her own. But her fragile little body lying in that bed, hooked up to a heart monitor, reminded me of Adele’s final days of lying in a hospital bed, connected to machines.

Nate gently pulled me away from him and looked down at my face. “It’s OK,” he reiterated.

“Thank God you were here,” I said. “I couldn’t have handled this on my own.”

“Yes, you could,” he replied. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for what you do. She’s a lovely girl because of you. You know, even me, the person who doesn’t like kids knows that.”

“Flatterer,” I said with a small laugh.

He smiled at me, stroked a lock of my hair away from my face.

“I hate to say it, but if ever there was a case for eating junk food, this is it—you’ve never heard of anyone being allergic to a burger, have you?” Nate said, succeeding in making me laugh a little more. The beam on his face deepened into a look of affection and concern. “Hey,” he said,

“how about tomorrow I sign those papers, so you can start the adoption process for real? I know you asked me to do it weeks ago but I kind of put it out of my mind. I’ll do it tomorrow. Or even tonight, when I drop you home from the hospital.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I don’t know why I’ve been delaying for so long. Guilt, I suppose, because I shouldn’t really give her up, but she’s more your child than mine. Even from the day she was born you were like her second parent.”

“Oi, are you saying I’m butch?”

He stroked away the lock of hair that had fallen back onto my forehead again. “Course not, gorgeous. I’m saying that you’re going to get Tegan like you wanted.”

“Thank you,” I said and pressed my lips against his, in gratitude. There were better ways to say thank you, I knew that, but I didn’t care. I had an abundance of emotion—relief, fear, love, lust, anger—surging through my veins. They swirled together, creating a dangerous cocktail of recklessness that made me kiss Nate. I didn’t care about anything at that moment. I just wanted to kiss him because he’d supported me in one of the scariest chapters of my life. Because he was going to give me what I wanted by signing the papers. Because the one person who should have been there wasn’t.

As our lips touched, another emotion overrode all the others: shame. It wasn’t Luke’s fault he wasn’t here. He had to work and he didn’t know what was going on. If he did, he would be here. Of course he would. I pulled away from Nate, wishing I hadn’t started this.

Nate stared at me for a few seconds, confused as to why I’d kissed him then pulled away almost immediately. Slowly he raised his hand and stroked his thumb across my cheek. All resistance to him faded with that touch and when Nate pushed his lips onto mine, I let myself glide into it. I allowed his tongue to part my lips and slip inside me. I let his hand caress the small of my back and the other hand bury itself in my hair. Kissing him was so familiar. Easy. Simple. It opened up my memories to a time when I was happy. When I was a different woman. I loved this man once upon a time. I loved him now. But not like I loved Luke.
Luke
. His face elbowed its way into my head and I pushed Nate away. I really couldn’t do this to him.

“I can’t do this, I’m with Luke.”

Instead of replying, Nate rubbed his thumb over my mouth, caressing in the impression his lips had made—it was the erotic move he’d used on me the first time we’d slept together. I jerked my head away before I fell for it and kissed him again.

“I’m with Luke,” I repeated.

“Really?” he murmured, lowering his head until our lips were millimeters apart. “Why are you kissing me, then,
Kamryn
?” He said my name as though it had been dipped in desire, and it had the intended effect of making passion explode in my stomach. I was desperate to kiss him again, to feel all those sensations and memories again.

I glanced away, refocused my attention down the corridor, searching for something to look at that would cool me off, bring me back to reality. Something banal and everyday that would calm my mind. I stared at the coffee machine. At the plastic chairs. At an empty hospital trolley. At Luke.

Luke was standing in the corridor, staring at me. At us. At what we were doing.

His face was expressionless, as though all emotion had been blasted off with the shock of seeing me kissing my ex. Me doing the one thing he feared most.

“Oh, fuck,” Nate breathed before I had the good sense to step out of his hold.

I took a step toward my boyfriend, “Luke,” on my lips, but he cut in with “Is she all right?”

“Luke, it’s not—”

“IS SHE ALL RIGHT?” He raised his voice to drown out my explanation.

I nodded. “She’s asleep. The antihistamine and the adrenaline knocked her out. She’s going to be fine.”

Luke said nothing as he assimilated this information. Nate stepped forward. “Look, it’s…”

Luke shot Nate a look so deadly it could have been fired from a gun, a look that said if he didn’t shut up, blood would be shed. “Can I see her?” Luke asked me.

I nodded. “She’s got a private room, this way.”

We walked in silence down the corridor and turned the corner, our footsteps out of sync because Luke was a couple of paces behind me. He didn’t speed up to catch up with me and if I slowed, he slowed. He couldn’t have been clearer if he said it: “I don’t want to walk with you.”

Tiga was lying on her side in a bed with rails. Her hair was pale against the white pillow and her face was ashen. Luke perched himself on the chair on the left side of her bed. He stared down at her with a wounded expression on his face. I knew it wasn’t because of what he’d seen in the corridor, it was because she was hurt. She’d been hurt and he hadn’t been there to protect her. Luke tilted his head to one side, pressed his lips together as though stopping himself from crying as he stared down at Tiga.

“How did you know?” I asked in a low voice from my place at the door.

“I, erm, canceled the meeting,” he whispered, never taking his eyes off Tiga. “I got up there and turned around and drove back. I couldn’t stand the thought of missing T’s birthday, so I came back. I went to the community hall and Mrs. Kaye told me what happened…What did the doctors say? Will she be all right? Will there be any side effects?”

“She’s going to be fine,” I whispered back. “She’s staying overnight just in case of complications, but she should be fine. She’ll be knackered for the next couple of days, until the antihistamines wear off, but there should be no lasting effects.”

Luke took her little hand in his, bent his head and touched his lips against the back of her pale hand. “See you tomorrow, gorgeous,” he murmured. “Sleep well.” He got up from his seat, still staring at her, then turned and stopped short for a second, as though he’d forgotten I was there. He composed himself and stalked out of the room as though I didn’t exist. Checking that Tiga was still asleep, I turned and left the room to follow him.

He marched down the corridor at a breakneck pace. “Luke,” I called, trying not to raise my voice too much in the hospital, I didn’t want to disturb other people.

He didn’t ignore me in the purest sense; he didn’t reply, but he sped up as he heard my voice call his name. I increased my pace, trying to catch up with him, our footsteps making a flat squelching sound on the rubberized floors.

I followed him out of the hospital and into the car park. Out there I could raise my voice and I did, bellowing, “LUKE!” with a ferocity that scared me.

He stopped, then spun to meet me, which caused us to collide because I was closer to him than he realized. He caught me in his hands, then shoved me away as though touching me had burned him. I stumbled back and he stood watching me. His orange-hazel eyes that had been gazing tenderly at Tiga not five minutes ago now raged with something close to hatred.

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice flat but frighteningly aggressive.

“Let me explain,” I said, not daring to move any nearer to him.

He shook his head. “No.”

“But…”

“But what? I don’t need an explanation. It’s quite clear what’s been going on. You’ve been playing me for a fool since day one. I was the stand-in; someone to play happy family with until he came back.”

“You know that’s not true,” I said.

Luke nodded, reluctantly. “Yeah,” he conceded, “I know that’s not true.” He took a step closer and I could see how exhausted he was, having spent most of the day driving.

“But you know what is true? What is true is that
I
”—he poked himself in the chest—“love her.
I
”—another chest poke—“would do anything for her. I’d die for her if I have to. I WANT TO BE HER FATHER! And
he
”—Luke pointed an angry forefinger in the direction of the hospital building—“
he
doesn’t. He doesn’t give a crap about her. He’ll never love her.” Luke brought his finger back and jabbed it angrily at the hospital again. “
He’ll
never care for her like I do.”

Luke was right about that one thing. Nate would never care about Tegan like Luke did. He may have tried but it was always that—trying.
Trying
to love Tegan.
Trying
to understand her. And if he thought there was some chance of it ever becoming easier, of him caring enough about her like a father should, he wouldn’t be willing to sign away all parental rights.

“He’s only around because of you. Because he wants you. And you’re so fucking stupid, you’ve fallen for it.”

“Don’t call me stupid,” I replied. “I haven’t fallen for anything. Nate isn’t that calculating.”

“You’re pathetic,” he spat. “Sticking up for that man. That man who couldn’t even pretend to give a crap when his daughter was rushed to hospital. Actually, no, he must have thought it was the perfect way to put the moves on you.”

“He gave a crap enough to be there at his daughter’s birthday party though,” I snapped back at him. “And where were you? Working. At least Nate didn’t put work before his daughter.”

“You really can’t see that everything he does is to get into your knickers, can you?”

“At least he fancies me.”

Luke’s face twisted in confusion. “What?”

“At least I know that Nate fancies me. Always has. From the moment he saw me, in fact, he thought I was attractive. Sexy. Gorgeous. He never thought I was ugly or needed to lose weight.”

Luke’s eyes darkened, and he lowered his head. “I can’t believe you’ve brought that up. That was a long time ago. Things were different then.”

“Do you think it doesn’t hurt, still? That I could forget how you used to look at me, the things you said?”

“No, I guess not. But I suppose if I slept with your best friend and fathered a child with her you’d forget that, wouldn’t you? You’d be willing to jump into bed with me the first chance you got.”

It was my turn to lower my head. I put my hands on my face. This was wrong. I was meant to be apologizing, explaining that it was a one-off, that I wouldn’t be kissing anyone except Luke ever again.

“Ryn, I love you,” he said, his voice quiet and measured. I looked up at him, his face had softened. “And I always knew that you and Tegan came as a package deal—you can’t have one without the other. And, to be honest, that was fine. I love you, even though I liked Tegan first. But I—I can’t understand why you would want a man who doesn’t love your daughter as much as you do.”

“I don’t want Nate.”

Luke sighed, rolled his eyes a little and shook his head.

“I don’t think that’s true,” he said. “And I’m not going to stick around to find out if it is or isn’t.”

“You’re leaving me?” I was so shocked I nearly fell over.

“Ryn, you don’t get to kiss someone else and still be with me.”

“But it wasn’t like that. I didn’t…I was so scared about Tegan and he was there and you weren’t. And I wanted you. And he said that he was going to let me adopt Tegan for real. And I was—”

“Ryn,” he cut in. “Tell it to someone who gives a fuck.”

He turned on his heels and marched away. His car was sitting a couple of parking bays away but he didn’t acknowledge it.

I stood and watched him walk out of the car park onto the street, disappearing into the Saturday afternoon throng that passed the hospital.