My Big Bottom Blessing (15 page)

Those words acted like that heavenly light that shined down on Saul on that road to Damascus—the one that struck him blind. I wasn't blinded, but I was struck dumb; nothing would come out of my mouth. All I could do was contemplate what had been said to me. Had I been calling God a liar all of my life? Have you?

Isn't it crazy how we pick and choose? It really is nothing less than hypocritical that we find it easy to believe God created the earth, and that Noah was saved on the ark, and that little David killed the giant with a stone, and that Christ rose from the dead. Yet we often refuse to believe that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14).

From the very beginning, God has loved His girls. Think about the days of Creation. Everything God made kind of outdid the thing He'd created the day before. He started with night and day, then went on to land and sea, then living things in those places, then fruit trees, and stars, and then man. But His crowning achievement, His final creation was Eve, our great-grandmother (times several generations, of course). A woman was the finishing touch, and after God made her, He said she was good.

And think of this: God created us to bring forth life. What a purpose! He created us to be nurturers and nourishers of His family. He made us softer than men, more tender and, most often, more emotionally in tune than men. He created us to be a reflection of a large part of His heart, and He adores us. But the devil doesn't.

Satan hates us because he is jealous. You see, he started out his existence beautiful; in fact he was named “son of the morning.” Listen to this:

How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, you who weakened the nations! For you have said in your heart: “I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will also sit on the mount of the congregation on the farthest sides of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the most High.” (Isaiah 14:12–14)

The devil still wants to outshine us all, and he'll stop at nothing to blind us from our true beauty—from the way God sees His girls.

In her book
Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul
, Stasi Eldredge says, “Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty. He destroys it in the natural world wherever he can. Strip mines, oil spills, fires, Chernobyl. He wreaks destruction on the glory of God in the earth like a psychopath committed to destroying works of art. But
most
especially, he hates Eve. Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. She is the incarnation of the Beauty of God.”
¹⁵

Satan doesn't fight fair. He hits us below the belt, wherever it will hurt us the most. He'll stop at nothing to rob us of our true position as God's beauties.

Thought after thought about what I'd been doing to God all these years took center stage in my mind, and as they did, a righteous sorrow grew in me. How could I have been so cruel to the Lover of my very soul? How could I wear the other team's colors at every game?

I made a decision right then on that balcony that I would do it no more. I knew that I would need the Holy Spirit's power to back up that decision, but I was determined. Things were going to change. I really didn't have a choice. If I was going to call myself a believer, I would have to believe
it all
—every word that came out of God's mouth. Either that or turn away from it all. I would die before I would do that.

I looked out over the ocean waves shining in the moonlight and turned my heart toward God. Just as Saul had asked on that road to Damascus, I asked the Father, “What would You have me do?” And this is what He said: “Arise, go look into the mirror, and you shall be told what you shall do.”

I rose to face my enemy head on.

Trainer was there waiting for me, arms crossed over her chest and eyes filled with contempt. I looked right into her eyes, something I had never done before, and stood squarely in front of her. Immediately, she laid into me.

TRAINER
:
How dare you look at me like that? Turn those pitiful eyes away from me.

Before I could say a word, someone else answered for me.

FATHER GOD
:
I love her blue eyes. They are beautiful to me. I gave them to her so she can behold My wonders.

TRAINER
:
Too bad they're surrounded by that blotchy face.

FATHER GOD
:
I love that face. It shines with the reflection of My love when she lets it.

TRAINER
:
And what about those fat arms? Do you love those?

FATHER GOD
:
Yes, I gave her those so she could hold My babies and hug My hurting children.

TRAINER
:
What about that flabby stomach? It's sickening.

FATHER GOD
:
I love it, for it is there that she carried three of My children, her body being stretched to do so. The marks and extra weight she carries are beautiful to Me.

TRAINER
:
Well, did you notice the cottage cheese legs she's got?

FATHER GOD
:
Yes, and I adore those dimples. They are so cute to Me, just as they were when she was a toddler. I gave her those legs so she could carry My love anywhere she wants.

TRAINER
:
And her wide, wide hips?

FATHER GOD
:
I love them. Every last inch of her is lovely to Me.

TRAINER
:
Well, what about—

FATHER GOD
:
(
Holding up his hand and speaking firmly.
) You are to speak no more. From this moment on, I silence you.

And silence filled the room for several moments after that before God turned with a few more words for me.

FATHER GOD
:
From the moment you arise in the morning—every morning—I smile ear to ear, for My sweet girl has awakened to face another day. Please love yourself for Me. You are My glory—My masterpiece—and I love you just as you are.

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN
:
I will, Father. I am so sorry I never have.

As I stood facing that mirror, looking straight into the reflection of my own eyes with fresh vision, I felt the Father's embrace in an almost tangible way. And just before the hug ended, I heard Him whisper one last thing into my soul.

FATHER GOD
:
From this moment on you will have a new name. You are never to call yourself a fat Christian woman again. From here on out you are ever and only…My Beloved.

BELOVED
:
(
Looking up into His eyes of pure love.
) And You are mine.

Just as He had with Saul, God sent me in a new direction with a new name. Supernaturally, divinely, miraculously…the profound personal healing I had set out to get had come. It didn't come the way I thought it would. It was far better.

The day after my encounter on the balcony was the last day of our trip. As we drove back to the hotel from our final training session, I had Bill pull the car over at one of those cute beach shops so I could buy some souvenirs for the kids. But there was something else I purchased: a special tribute to the goodness of God. I bought myself a new bathing suit.

That night Bill went down to the hot tub again…only this time, he went with me.

Father God
,

I am so sorry for all the years I called You a liar. I know now that I was hurting You greatly, and I ask You to forgive me for that. You have loved me so tenderly, so completely, and I choose to believe You.

I turn away from believing the lies of the enemy—from believing that what You have created is a mistake. I turn from believing that what You made is malformed or ugly. I turn from believing my value is determined by anything other than what You say.

I am your beloved daughter. An adored princess. Help me, Father, to remember that always. Please come quickly if I ever forget that.

From this moment on I refuse to put the world's opinions above Yours, thinking that beauty is what it deems. You say I am beautiful, and that is my truth.

In Jesus' name
,

Amen

1. In
   chapter 1
   , we started the process of bringing to light our negative self-talk. It is time to deal with those thoughts once and for all. Let's get Trainer in on this. What is something she likes to nag you about? Write it.
   

   TRAINER
   :
   ________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   

2. Take some time to pray about what Trainer says to you. What does God have to say about all of this? What do you believe He would say to Trainer about this issue?
   

   GOD (TO TRAINER)
   :
   _______________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   

3. What would God say to you about what He sees when He looks at you?
   

   GOD (TO YOU)
   :
   ____________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   

4. What do you want to say to God about all of this? Do you want to see it His way, or do you want to continue to believe Trainer?
   

   YOU
   :
   ____________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
   

5. Part of ending my relationship with Trainer was getting rid of my old name (Fat Christian Woman) and accepting the new name God had for me, “Beloved.” What do you think your old name was? What is your new name?
   

   a.
   Old name:
   _____________________________________________________
   

   b.
   New name:
    ____________________________________________________
   

There are as many different definitions of beauty as there are locations on the map. In some countries, the fatter a woman is, the more beautiful she is declared. There are places where altered skull shape is beautiful and the more body piercings the better. There are so many
human
definitions of what is beautiful that one could go crazy trying to figure out which one is best. That's why we need to look at the one true definition: God's definition.

The Bible is so clear about God's attraction to the things of the heart. Yes, He is the creator of external beauty, but nothing is more beautiful to Him than a heart that is fully submitted to Him. Think about this: Jesus Himself wasn't considered a handsome man. The Bible says that if we saw Him, we wouldn't desire Him based on looks (Isa. 53:2). Also, the apostle Paul is said to be very awkward looking—short and bald with bushy eyebrows. If nothing else, this should tell us to get out there and get going. We must never let the world's definition of beauty (and our perceived lack in this area) keep us from being mighty warriors for our God.

• 1 Chronicles 16:29—Give to the L
  ORD
  the glory due His name; bring an offering, and come before Him. Oh, worship the L
  ORD
  in the
  beauty
  of holiness!
  
• Psalm 27:4—One thing I have desired of the L
  ORD
  , that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the L
  ORD
  all the days of my life, to behold the
  beauty
  of the L
  ORD
  , and to inquire in His temple.
  
• Psalm 45:11—So the King will greatly desire your
  beauty;
  because He is your Lord, worship Him.
  
• Psalm 90:17—And let the
  beauty
  of the L
  ORD
  our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands for us; yes, establish the work of our hands.
  
• Psalm 96:6—Honor and majesty are before Him; strength and
  beauty
  are in His sanctuary.
  
• Psalm 33:1—Rejoice in the L
  ORD
  , O you righteous! For praise from the upright is
  beautiful.
  
• Proverbs 31:30—Charm is deceitful and
  beauty
  is passing, but a woman who fears the L
  ORD
  , she shall be praised.
  
• Romans 10:15—And how shall they preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How
  beautiful
  are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, who bring glad tidings of good things!”
  
• James 1:11—For no sooner has the sun risen with a burning heat than it withers the grass; its flower falls, and its
  beautiful
  appearance perishes. So the rich man also will fade away in his pursuits.
  
• 1 Peter 3:4—Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible
  beauty
  of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.