My Big Fat Gay Life (9 page)

As I was getting ready to meet Justin for our squash game, my mobile phone rang. Thinking it was Justin phoning to cancel, I decided to pretend to be really upset and make him feel guilty. Petty, I know, especially given the fact that tonight is his engagement party, but fun! The truth is, I wouldn’t blame him at all for cancelling. It’s going to be a big day for him: he’s meeting Ruth’s mother, Doris, for the first time, along with Doris’ new man, Jack. I was surprised to see Tony’s number as the incoming call.

“I need to see you!” he said quickly. “I’m craving a hit. I even went to the gay village to score some cash, but I couldn’t go through with it. If the cravings get much worse I’m worried my self respect won’t be strong enough to stop me fucking some ugly old creep so I can afford some gear.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I said, and made arrangements to meet him. “Just remember Tony: you stopped! Contemplate that and be proud of yourself. Don’t feel shame for failing, feel proud for stopping yourself!”

* * *

After receiving the news that Tony didn’t have cancer, I felt so relieved. Tony, however, still seemed haunted. Returning to Rainbow’s End, I decided that the forgotten incident where he’d broken his pelvic bone was a good starting point for more intensive regression therapy. I suggested we try a relaxation exercise, to which he agreed, and I placed him into a deep state of relaxation.

“Go back to when you hurt your pelvic bone,” I said. Tony’s brow furrowed.

“It hurts,” he said, his voice soft and slightly slurred. He responds well to relaxation therapy: even his tongue is relaxed. “It really hurts.”

“How did you hurt yourself?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said. His voice took on a child-like tone. The furrows on his brow deepened, and his breathing sped up.

“You’re safe Tony,” I said soothingly. “You’re here with me, and nothing can happen to you. Concentrate on the memory. How did you hurt yourself?”

“I don’t know!” he said more harshly, shaking his head a little.

Trying a different tact, I said, “Is there anyone with you? Who’s the first person you see after you hurt yourself?”

“My Daddy,” he answered. I was silent for a few seconds, waiting for him to calm. His breathing soon returned to the slow shallow pattern that indicates deep relaxation.

“What is your father doing?” I asked.

“He looks worried.”

“Was he there before you hurt yourself?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to know.”

“It’s only a memory Tony. It can’t hurt you,” I said, encouraging him to continue. “How old are you?”

“Young,” he answered. “Small. A toddler.”

“What happened before you hurt yourself?” I asked.

“I did something bad, and Daddy’s angry with me. He’s taking off his belt to punish me with it.” Tony’s voice was quite childish, and his vocabulary became quite limited.

“What did you do?”

“I don’t know! Nothing! I’m so confused!”

“It’s OK,” I said reassuringly. “You’re safe now. What happens next?”

“He bends me over my bed instead of his knee. Why is he doing that? Normally he bends me over his knee to punish me with his belt!”

“Just relax Tony. He can’t hurt you now. How did your pelvic bone get broken?”

“Daddy’s taking off his clothes. His peepee looks funny! It’s standing up, and it looks angry and red. Just like his face,” Tony said in his innocent childish voice.

“NO!” Tony screamed. He started thrashing about and wrapped his arms around his head. Then he released a primal scream of hurt, pain, and betrayal.

“What’s happening?” I asked, soothing his brow with a gentle stroke of my hand.

“He shoved it in my bum! It hurts!”

Tony then released another howl of pain. He sat up abruptly, snapping out of the relaxation state in an instant. He looked at me and burst into tears.

* * *

I knocked on Justin and Ruth’s door, and was surprised when Justin opened it. He was fully clothed, and he looked breathtaking! Of course a naked Justin is an impressive site, but, like a stunning view out of your window, you tend to get blasé about it eventually and take no notice of it. He was wearing a shirt, open at the neck, which highlighted his chest and shoulders, and pants that emphasised his bubble butt and showcased his bulge. His pants were held up with suspenders, and the overall effect showed off his V-shaped torso.

“I need a drink,” I said, sinking into a chair. “Just had a horrifying session with a client.”

Ruth brought me a glass of chardonnay and planted a kiss on my cheek. Justin kissed me on the forehead and sat down with Ruth. Although it was clear they were curious about the session, they knew better than to ask. I take my clients’ privacy and confidentiality seriously. They each had their own drinks. Justin preferred red wines, while Ruth was drinking soda water with orange juice. Although she relished a glass of chardonnay with the best of us, since she’d become pregnant she’d been very aware of what she put into her body.

“We’ve been discussing it,” Ruth said, “and we have a plan for your involvement in our wedding. We’d like you to be Justin’s best man, and I’d be honoured if you’d walk me down the aisle.”

Ruth’s Father had died in a bombing several years earlier. It was the catalyst that had turned her fledgling fear of being in public into full-blown agoraphobia. It had also brought her into my life as a client.

“I like that idea,” I said, grinning. We stood up and had a group hug. Then we set about preparing for the party.

* * *

At 8pm the guests started to arrive, and the atmosphere was friendly and celebratory. When Ruth’s mother, Doris, arrived with Jack she greeted me warmly and introduced Jack quite formally. I took to Jack instantly: he has an infectious smile and laugh, and he makes you feel as though you’ve known him all your life. While I caught up with Doris, Jack went to get us some drinks. He got himself a beer and a glass of chardonnay for me: the perfect gentleman.

Patricia and Donovan arrived, and they presented Justin and Ruth with a gift. Justin and Ruth had specifically told their guests that presents weren’t required. They had everything they needed, both materially and emotionally. Nevertheless, they were thrilled with the vase.

Justin’s parents arrived, beaming and smiling. They were proud of their son, and rightly so. They were introduced to Doris and Jack, and Patricia and Donovan joined their group. The six of them were soon laughing and chatting, and seemed to be hitting it off quite well.

Kento arrived with Bruce in tow, causing a few moments of awkwardness for me. Eventually I decided to go over and greet them. They both hugged me, and then they went off to congratulate the happy couple.

Justin and Ruth worked the room magnificently, both individually and as a couple. They had nearly twenty guests, and nobody felt neglected. They introduced people around and made sure nobody was left without a drink or someone to talk to. Eventually they retired to the quiet corner where I was standing and observing.

“Having fun?” Ruth asked.

“Yep!” I replied. “It’s great to see Doris again. Jack seems like a nice guy.”

“Guy?!” Ruth exclaimed. “Jack is short for Jackie. She’s a woman!”

I was gobsmacked - totally stuck for words for a change.

“That explains the manboobs,” I said eventually. “I thought he was a bit out of shape.”

“Nooo,” Ruth laughed. “They’re real boobs.”

The three of us laughed at my naïveté, but I stopped laughing when I saw Kento and Bruce across the room. Bruce’s eyes flicked away when I looked at him, but it was obvious he’d been staring at me. I’d caught him staring at me quite a lot throughout the evening.

“I’m so uncomfortable having Bruce here,” I said.

“Why don’t you tell Kento about Bruce’s weird stalking behaviour?” Justin asked.

“Who am I to interfere with Kento’s happiness,” I answered. “They seem genuinely happy together, and I hope it works out for them. Maybe Bruce will grow on me. I just wish Kento would stop bringing him to lunch. I’d love to have some time alone with Kento occasionally.”

Just then, Doris and Jack came up to us.

“Honey,” Doris said to Ruth, “thanks for the offer to let us stay here, but Patricia and Donovan said they have plenty of room if we want to stay with them. I must admit the idea of a real bed appeals more than sleeping on a couch, even if it’s your couch.”

“No problem,” Ruth said cheerfully. “You aren’t leaving already though are you?”

“Of course not!” Jack said as they returned to the huddle of parents.

* * *

Eventually the guests started to depart. Kento and Bruce left fairly early, probably to go clubbing on Canal Street. Doris and Jack left with Patricia and Donovan. Justin’s parents offered to drive some other guests home. Justin’s clothes melted off him the instant his parents left. The remaining guests seemed relieved to have the usual Justin back.

“I want you to be nude for the wedding,” Justin said, totally out of the blue.

“Nude? Me?” I said, flabbergasted. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not? It would look strange to have a nude groom and clothed best man.”

“I’m not used to nudity,” I replied. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable. What if I got a hard-on?”

“Big deal,” Justin said. “It’s just a hard-on. I get them all the time at work.”

I grinned at the thought of Justin modelling or cleaning with an erection. His clients must enjoy it.

“I couldn’t,” I said. “Nudity is your thing, not mine. You can be nude by all means, but I couldn’t enjoy myself or the day if I were nude too. I don’t have the self esteem for that.”

“It’ll be a big thing for me too,” Justin said. “It’ll be the first time since I was a child that I’ve been nude in front of my parents.”

“Let me think about it,” I said. Justin and Ruth are my family, and I would do anything for them. Well, almost anything.

* * *

When I arrived home, I was tired. I went into the kitchen and found the washing machine was running. Patricia must have stopped off on her way home and put a load of washing in the machine. I’d have to have words with her: cleaning my apartment late on a Saturday night was going too far.

I went into my room to find clean sheets on my bed. Shaking my head, I had a shower and collapsed on the bed. I was in a deep sleep within seconds.

Wandering aimlessly through Arndale in the City Centre, I contemplated the engagement party tonight. I’m absolutely thrilled for Justin and Ruth. Justin has been a part of Sebastian’s life for so long that he feels like another son to Donovan and I.

Despite their protestations that they don’t want presents, I decided to get the kids something nice. Remembering the struggle to find a vase on the day I took some flowers to Ruth after finding out she was pregnant, I thought a vase wouldn’t go astray.

I rummaged through my purse to see if I had any old receipts in there. Finding an appropriate one, I walked confidently into an up-scale store and went vase shopping. Finding a stunning modern piece that, in my opinion, was perfectly suited to Ruth’s tastes, I tucked it under my arm and browsed for a while longer.

After a suitable amount of time had passed, I slipped the old store receipt from my purse and waved it at the security guard as I headed towards the exit. I carried the vase in my hands, having it on open display. The security glanced at the old receipt, looked at the vase, and gave me a smile as I left the store. My heart pounded, but I forced myself to walk casually back to my car.

* * *

When I arrived home, I found Donovan dressed smartly and chomping at the bit to go to the party. I showed him the vase.

“It’s lovely,” he said, “but they don’t want presents.”

“I’m sure that doesn’t apply to us, Darling,” I said.

“Where’s it’s box?” he asked.

“I asked the store to recycle it for me,” I replied. “There’s some tissue paper and tape in the drawer. Could you please wrap it while I get ready?”

Without waiting for a reply, and not wanting to discuss the vase any further, I quickly headed upstairs to prepare for the party.

* * *

The party was delightful! We clicked instantly with Ruth’s mother, Doris, and her lesbian lover Jack. We were chatting with them when Justin’s parents arrived, and the six of us huddled together like a group of old crones amongst the younger guests.

Justin’s parents were a handsome couple, and in their own way they were open minded and accepting. However, they weren’t open minded enough to agree to a sexual tryst with Donovan and I. We’d tried sounding them out years ago, but they’d declined gracefully. They stated that they didn’t want to sound like they were passing judgement on us, but they were happily monogamous. To their credit they never behaved any differently towards us, and genuinely seemed to accept that other couples have different norms and behaviours to them.

At one point Donovan gave me a look. After being married for so long, I knew all his looks. This look said
Let’s invite Doris and Jack back to our place for some fun
. I nodded my agreement at him.

“Jack,” he said, “have you always been a lesbian?”