My Broken Soldier (Love Conquers Life Book 2) (5 page)

“I know, Patty, and right now we need to get him sober enough to realize that he has help and people who care about him. He’ll see that, and then you guys can talk and get past this entire situation.”

“You make it sound like it’s going to be easy,” I say as I sigh, sitting back in my seat.

“There will be nothing easy about it,” she says softly.

We pull up to the hospital, and she lets me out at the door. As I get out, she tells me she’ll meet me inside. I walk up to the reception desk and tell the woman I’m there to see Carter Montgomery. She tells me he’s finishing up a CT scan and that they’re moving him to the seventh floor, room seven twelve. I run toward the elevator as she’s giving me directions. I press the up arrow, thanking her as I step into the elevator. Then I text Bella the room number. When the doors open on the seventh floor, I hurry down the hall, following the directions the receptionist gave me. I find Derek waiting outside the room.

“How is he?” I ask in a panic.

“He’s pretty bad, but he’ll be okay. You can go in to see him if you want. His parents are in with him, but he’s not saying much.”

I walk into the room, and his parents are standing there, watching him as he stares, silently, out the window. He’s not saying a word, and neither are they.

Jackson sees me and says, “Look who came to visit.”

I step closer to the bed, letting Carter see me.

“What are you doing here?” He asks angrily.

“I’m worried about you.” I went from being worried to shy and intimidated.

“Carter Michael Montgomery, don’t you dare be mean to this sweet girl!” His mother says.

“It’s okay, Mia. I understand.” Turning back to Carter, I say, “Listen, I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you. You know, if you want to talk.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk right now, but I’ll let you know when I’m ready,” he snaps, using my own words against me.

I bite back my tears. I don’t want him to see the hurt he’s causing me. I simply nod and look down until I’m able to speak.

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I say, “Fine, but know I’m not giving up on you or us. When you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

I walk out of the room with my head held high as his parents give him shit about the way he treated me yet again.

Derek meets me outside the door. “I’m sorry, Patty. I was really hoping that seeing you would make him realize that he still had a chance to fix this. I’m glad you made it a point to tell him you’re not giving up. That’s huge.” He places his hand on my arm. “He’s still in a bad place. Please give him some time to come around, and we’ll try again.”

I shake my head. “No. I’ve tried twice now, and twice he’s hurt me. I understand he needs help, but this time if he wants to talk, he has to come to me. I’ll be at the lake house when he’s ready.”

***

Bella has just dropped me off at home. I’m worried about him, but I’m also angry. I’m trying to be understanding of his situation, but he’s making it hard.

I go straight to my room to pack some clothes. Once I’m done in there, I move to my office next to pack up my laptop as well as my notepad and anything else I’ll need to survive at my father’s lake house. This time I don’t plan on having company, and I will make it perfectly clear that I want to be alone. I need to work and clear my head of all thoughts of Carter, at least until he is ready to apologize and try to fix things.

When I’m sure I have everything I need, I run out to load up the car. As I drive, I realize I should call my dad to give him some notice that I’m on my way back to the lake house. I need him to understand that I don’t want anyone watching over me, not even Celia. Just me and the lake house with my laptop.

I speed dial his number through my Bluetooth system, and he answers right away. “Hey, baby girl.”

“Hi, Daddy. Listen, I’m going back out to the lake house to get some work done and clear my head, but I really want to be alone. I’m telling you so you don’t worry about me, but please do not go setting up babysitters for me. I need this.”

“Slow down, pumpkin. I understand. I’ll leave you alone, but you have to promise to keep checking in with me.”

I can’t help but smile at the compassion in my father’s voice. “Thanks for understanding, Daddy.”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay. A bit tired and worried.”

“Any word on Carter? I haven’t spoken to Jackson since Saturday night.”

“Carter’s in rough shape, Dad. His PTSD has him having nightmares, and he’s started drinking, which I don’t think has ever been an issue for him.”

“That can’t be good.”

“It’s not. I tried to go to the house to see him so we could talk about what happened Saturday night, but he freaked out on me. He was mean and I know it wasn’t him, but I left upset. As soon as I got in the car, I called Derek. He’s been keeping an eye on him.”

“Where is he now?”

“He’s at the hospital. Jackson, Mia, and Derek found him really drunk at the house. He fell and hit his head. They had to call 911.” I sigh. “I went to the hospital to tell him I was here for him, but he got mad at me for being there. He keeps getting mad at me for not wanting to talk to him initially.”

“Aw, pumpkin, give him some time. Let him get through this, and then you two can talk.”

“Everyone keeps saying that to me,” I say in total frustration. “That’s why I’m leaving for the lake house. That way I can hopefully get some work done and he can get better. I told Derek where I was going so Carter can come see me when he’s ready to talk.”

“Well, I’ll let you know if I happen to get any updates from Jackson. In the meantime, the lake house is yours as long as you need it. Have you spoken to your mother?”

“Yeah, I spoke to her on Monday. She won’t admit it, but I think she set Carter up so that I would see that girl kissing him, hoping I would react the way I did. She wanted to break us up, and here I was thinking she was getting used to the idea of Carter and I being together.”

He sighs heavily into the phone. “When will that woman learn to mind her own damn business?”

“I don’t know, Daddy, but I’ve had enough. I told her I didn’t want to talk to her until she was willing to apologize for what she did.”

“Well, I can certainly understand why you don’t want to talk to her right now, but she’s your mother so you should try to figure things out with her at some point.”

“We’ll see. I’m going to go now because I need to get to the lake house, unload my car, and then get some food.”

“All right, but remember what I said. Check in with me, please.”

“I will. Bye, Daddy.”

I cut the call with him and turn up the radio. I need to think a little on the way there, but I don’t want to think about my situation with Carter anymore. Instead, I think about the book I’m writing and the direction I want the plot to go. Sometimes if I think about what happened last in the book, I’ll be able to come up with a new scene to write.

About two hours later, I finally pull up to the lake house. It’s getting late, but I’m happy that I have the next scene in mind. I quickly unload the car and head to the kitchen to see if there is anything left from the last time I was here. I find some canned goods in the cabinet, and I decide to make due for tonight and go shopping for food in the morning. I have some writing to do, and I’d like to get it done before I lose the idea I came up with on the way here.

I quickly put my bag in my room and my laptop in the office. I’m starving, so I go straight to the cabinet in the kitchen that had the soup. As I open the can, I can’t help but giggle to myself because this is something Carter would eat. I pour the soup into the pan, and my phone rings.

“Hey, Dad. I made it to the lake house. I’m heating some soup that I found in the cabinet.”

“Okay, great. I spoke to Jackson, and he tells me that they have sedated Carter so he can rest. Once he is sober, they’re going to get him some help, and then he’ll be in touch with you.”

“Thanks for the update, Dad. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I cut the call and go back to stirring my soup, but as I’m about to put my phone down, it rings again. This time I answer without looking. “Hello.”

“Hello, darling.”

“What do you want, Mother?”

“Please don’t be upset with me,” she whines, and it only makes me more annoyed.

“Too late for that. Are you calling to apologize?”

“Darling, I told you I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Good-bye, Mother.”

“Wait, don’t hang up! Are you home? Let’s do dinner.” She sounds panicked.

“No. I’m at the lake house, and don’t you dare send Celia here or I will send her back home. Although I appreciate her cooking for me and taking care of me last time I was here, I want to be alone, and I mean it.”

“Why are you there?”

“Because thanks to your stunt, Carter is in the hospital and won’t talk to me. I’m going to spend some time here to work on my book and think about how to fix things with him.”

“Maybe you should just move on.”

“Good-bye.” I cut the call. I don’t care what she has to say.

I pour my soup into a bowl and take it to my office to type up the chapter I’m working on while I eat.

A few hours later, I emerge from my office with another two chapters written. I feel good about my accomplishment. Now I’m going to hit the tub to see if I can relax a bit. As I’m filling the tub, I get a text from Bella.

Bella: How are you?

Patty: I’m okay. I wrote a couple of chapters and now I’m about to take a bath.

Bella: Sounds good. Do you want me to come down?

Patty: I don’t know. I’ll text you tomorrow.

Bella: Okay, good night. I love you.

Patty: I Love you too.

I strip out of my clothes and climb into the tub to soak and think about my situation with Carter. I can’t help but wonder what I could have done differently with our situation. I was really hurt Saturday night. Perhaps I should have heard him out, but I also don’t see a problem with him letting me cool down first. It’s not like I made him wait a week, but I hadn’t taken into account his PTSD and if that would affect him. I feel bad that he’s now in the hospital, but I’m upset and hurt that he’s being so cold. I wish he would talk to me. Maybe I should send him a text message to let him know that I’m giving him the space he needs, but I’m still thinking about him.

As the water starts to get cold, I climb out to dry off. I throw on some pajama pants and a t-shirt before I go to the kitchen in search of water and my cell phone. I make sure the house is locked up and then I climb into bed, typing up a quick text to Carter before I call it a night.

Patty: I know you’re probably sleeping right now, but I wanted to tell you that I’m thinking about you. I won’t give up on us that easily. You can push me away now, but when you’re better I’ll be there.

Chapter 5

Carter

“Good morning, Mr. Montgomery. How are you feeling today?”

“Like shit,” I grumble at the nurse, pissed to be here. I look over to find my father is sleeping in a chair next to me. I lower my voice. I don’t want to wake him. I turn my head away from the nurse and look out the window.

“Yeah, with the amount of alcohol in your system you will feel like shit for a few days. We’re going to try giving you some food today, but we’ll leave the IV in in case you choose not to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You should be. Your stomach had nothing but alcohol in it, which means you haven’t eaten in a few days.”

This nurse is starting to piss me off. “Listen, I said I’m not hungry,” I growl.

“Carter, if you don’t eat, you can’t leave. Do you want to stay here?” My father asks me, and before I can answer the nurse announces that she’ll be back.

“What do you think?” I look at him with my eyebrow raised.

“To be honest, I think you’re being a jerk. I also think you need to pull your head out of your ass so you can get on with your life.”

“Dad, you don’t understand,” I say as I turn back to the window. “I blew it with both Derek and with Patty.”

“Did you? Or did you make a mistake that you need to face and fix,” he says as he places a hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t know if I can fix this. I’m a fucking mess. I screamed at Patty twice, and I can’t stop having fucking nightmares. I don’t know what to do.”

“You know what to do. You need to start by sobering up, and then you need to get some help for your PTSD. You need to figure out how to handle it, and then you can go back to your girl and apologize.”

“I feel like I’m going to be sick.” I can feel the bile rising.

“Here you go, son.” He hands me a bucket, and I vomit yet again.

When I finish, I look at him and say, “This isn’t going to be easy, is it?”

“Not one step of it, but you have to ask yourself, is it worth it.”

“
She’s
worth it, Dad. I know I haven’t known her long, but I think I love her.”

“I’m sure you do. When it gets hard, remember why you’re doing it,” he says with a sympathetic look.

“Was Derek here yesterday?”

“He was. Don’t you remember?”

“Dad, I don’t remember much of anything from yesterday.”

“All right. Well, let me fill you in. We got to your house after work to find you piss drunk and stumbling through your home. There was a broken glass in the living room with shards everywhere. You told your mother and I to leave your house and you started to walk away from us until Derek put you in your place.” I sigh and look out the window as he continues. “I think the worst part was when Patty showed up to tell you she was still there for you and wasn’t giving up on you. You yelled at her and then practically threw her out of the room.”

“Dad, this isn’t making me feel better. Actually, it’s making me feel worse.”

“It’s not supposed to make you feel better. It’s supposed to be a reality check. The woman was here to support you, and you pushed her away. We came to the house to support you, and you pushed us away. Stop pushing everyone away and let us help you.” He puts his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

A lone tear escapes. “I feel like a fool, Dad. The nightmares are so bad. All I keep seeing is me losing Brody. In a couple of them, I had to save Patty. I hate that I can’t remember what I do to people during the day, but I remember the nightmares all the time. I’m so tired of the nightmares.” The pain they cause is unbearable. “I’m exhausted and I want to sleep, but when I sleep, I see the most horrible things and then I no longer want to sleep.”

The doctor comes walking in. “Good morning, Mr. Montgomery. I see you’re not feeling well today. Well, we’re going to see what we can do to make you feel better, okay?”

I nod, struggling to look at the man.

“I’m going to start by putting some meds into your IV to try and calm your stomach down, but I’d also like for you to try to eat either some toast or crackers. What do you think?”

“I’ll try some crackers, doc,” I say, still looking out the window.

“Son, I know I’m not exactly easy on the eyes, but I need you to try and look at me so I can do a quick check on your vitals.”

I look in his direction with a straight face. He looks me dead in the eyes, and in a very sincere tone, he says, “We’re going to help you. You’ll make it through this.”

My lip trembles. “Everyone keeps telling me that, yet I don’t buy it. How are you going to make the nightmares stop?” I say with a bit of anger.

“I have one of the state’s top doctors coming to see you today. He specializes in PTSD and has been in your shoes, so he knows what you’re going through. You just hang in there.”

I nod and look back toward the window. My mind keeps drifting to Patty. I miss her and her beautiful smile and yet I keep pushing her away. I don’t want her to see me like this.

“What are you thinking, son?”

“I pushed her away because I’m embarrassed and I don’t want her to see me this way.” Another tear rolls down my face. “I want her to see me at my best, not my worst.”

“Son, can’t you see? She cares about you either way. That’s why she was here for you, to support you at your worst so you can be your best.” He pats me on the shoulder.

“Dad, at the house I have a journal. I would like to start writing to her in it. Would you get it for me?”

“Sure, what does it look like?”

“It’s camouflage and says US Army on it. I started to write to her the other day, but it led to more drinking and now I don’t even know what I wrote. I want her to know what I’m going through and that I’m thinking about her. I want to say sorry and explain that I had to deal with it on my own.”

“I’ll get it, Son. Don’t worry. After you have your snack, you should get some rest. While you do that, I’ll pick up the book and your cell phone for you.”

I’m thanking my father when the nurse walks in with some crackers and juice for me. She gives me a warm smile and says, “Glad you’ve decided to try and eat something.”

“I’m cold,” I say with a shiver.

“That’s the alcohol coming out of your system. I’ll get you a warm blanket. While I do that, try to eat and then you can get some rest.”

I take a cracker and the juice and start eating. There are four crackers in the package, and I manage to eat them all despite the fact it’s turning my stomach. I have no idea if I’ll be able to keep it down. No sooner am I done with the four crackers, Nurse Nancy walks back in with my warm blanket. She places it over me and lowers my bed so I can fall asleep. “Good job, Mr. Montgomery. Now get some rest.”

“Please call me Carter,” I say with heavy eyes. “Mr. Montgomery is the old man next to me.”

They both chuckle and I doze off.

***

“Our mission is clear, men. We must rescue the hostages. No one dies. No one gets hurt. Am I clear?” I say to my men as we are about to take on a building with no idea how many men are guarding them. As we take our positions, they all whisper, “Hooah!”

With our night vision in place, I count down on my fingers—three, two, one—and point toward the building, giving them the go. We rush the building, and as soon as we do there is gunfire and grenades being thrown all around us. One of the grenades is thrown right in our direction, but we see it coming and manage to take cover before it’s too late.

We storm inside, shooting anything that resembles the enemy, taking them down one at a time. I take the corner and find Patty laying on the floor, bloody and hurt bad. I scream as I hear footsteps coming around the corner.

“I told you she’s mine, and if I can’t have her no one can.”

I drop my rifle and dive at the guy, punching him in the face over and over as hard as I can. I feel so much anger for this man. He hurt my girl and now he has to pay.

“You fucking loser!” I say, punching him repeatedly. “I love her.” Once he stops moving, I run over to Patty and kneel beside her. She’s not moving as I call for a medic and weep over what I believe is the loss of my girl.

“Shit.” I sit up in bed, finding a strange man sitting on the side of me.

“What was that one about?”

“Who the hell are you?” I say, panting from that horrible nightmare, sweat running down my face.

“I’m the person who’s going to help you make those go away.”

“Slip me some scotch and I’ll be fine.”

“You won’t be touching that anymore,” Derek says from the other side of the room.

“Fuck, man. You scared the shit out of me.”

“No more liquor, not now and maybe never again. I’m not letting you turn into an alcoholic,” Derek says to me as he sits in his seat and glares at me.

“I’m not an alcoholic. I had a binge for a few days.” I lay back, acting like it’s no big deal.

“You still haven’t told me about your nightmare,” the stranger in the room says.

“You still haven’t told me who you are,” I say, fighting both my nausea and him because I really don’t feel like talking about it.

“Dr. Joseph Cardoza, Master Sergeant, US Army retired. Now, you were going to tell me about your nightmare.”

He says it like I’m supposed to spill my guts to him. “Oh, so I’m supposed to spill all because you’re retired Army, like me?”

“No, you’re going to tell me about your nightmares so I can get you out of this place and back to work and a normal life. If you don’t want to tell me about them, then tell me what triggers them.”

“Fine. I was fine from the point I told Patty about them a couple of weeks ago until the night she ran out on me.”

“Okay, are they the same all the time?” The doctor asks me as he continues to scribble notes onto his notepad.

“No, they're not. Sometimes I dream I’m losing Patty in a war situation and sometimes I’m losing Brody all over again.” I gasp as I realize I just told him a general idea on what they are about. He grins because he knows what just hit me.

“It’s okay, your secret is safe with me. I want to help you, just like you joined the veteran affairs team to help other veterans in need. You just have to trust me and talk to me.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“Do you want to give me more details?”

“Listen, I’ve been in here one night. I slept like shit and I’m hungry. Do you think I want to give you more details?”

“Fair enough, but so you know I’ll be back here tomorrow to continue this same conversation and the day after and the day after that. The only way you’re getting rid of me is to talk to me and show me that you’re getting better. I’m not giving up on you,” he says, making his way toward the door.

“Whatever. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” I shout as he walks out of the room.

Derek walks over to the side of my bed. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What are you talking about?” I say, pissed off that he’s giving me shit.

“Listen, I understand the nightmares suck. I have a few skeletons of my own that like to creep into my sleep. I even understand your concern over Patty seeing you at your worst and that it fucks with your male ego, but pushing the top doctor in the state away when he can help you get better is fucking stupid.”

“Maybe I’m not ready to deal with this yet.”

“Bullshit. There is no reason for you not to deal with this unless you’re concerned with something else,” he spits at me. I haven’t worked with him long, but I’m glad I don’t piss him off often.

I turn my head to look out the window because I don’t know how to tell him I’m afraid. I’m so afraid that I’ll relapse and hurt Patty again, and I can’t do that.

“Look at me, man,” he says in a softer tone. I turn to look at him, my eyes welling with tears. I feel like such a pussy. I’m supposed to be strong. I led my men into so many missions, and yet I can’t deal with the situation in front of me. “Talk to me,” he says as he sits at the side of my bed.

I sigh. “I’m weak and I’m afraid. What if I relapse and hurt her again? I mean, look at me. I’m supposed to be this rough and tough soldier who has led too many missions to count and I can’t deal with the situation I’m in now. Seriously, first I pinned her down in my sleep and now when I need her most I can’t let her be there for me. I pushed her away and hurt her again.”

“Oh, man, you have to give yourself a break. You’re human, you make mistakes as we all do, but you have to learn to own them and fix them. You’re far from weak. You’re a man who's been put through hell with the missions you’ve been on and watched men die. There is nothing weak about that.”

I sniffle as I realize tears are streaming down my face yet again.

“It’s time for you to talk to the good doctor and pull your shit together. Then you can go out to that lake house and get your girl back.”