My Dearest Jonah (25 page)

“Something like that.”

“Well you have a good night. We got aspirin, in case you’re interested.”

“I’ll man it out,” I said, leaving the receipt on the counter.

“Hey lady, hey miss!” one of the boys yelled from across the lot.

I looked up but did not stop walking.

“You buy us some hooch? We got the dollar if you got the time.”

“Sorry boys that’s one thing I’m short on,” I said, fiddling for my keys.

“You want me to take that?” he said, his hand reaching beneath my bag.

I jumped and felt my face redden. “Thanks,” I said, as J held my shopping bag, leaning against the car.

“You with the squad over there?” I asked, suddenly unable to process my own thoughts.

“No ma’am. You see my lady friend went awful quiet on me so I took to prowling the streets like some lonely old drifter.”

“Sorry,” I said, now urgent for my keys. In the hurry, and my overriding attempt to appear calm, I pushed my fingers clean through the lining of my jacket pocket. The keys dropped
down my leg and onto the floor. “I’ve been busy is all. It’s not personal.”

“Well that is a relief. I’d hate to think I’d scared you off. Say this is quite the night in you got yourself here,” he said, prodding his fingers into my grocery
bag.

“It’s a leaving party, for a friend,” I took the bag from him and placed it on the back seat.

“You never mentioned no friend. I thought you were that cat that walked alone?”

“My charm prevails.”

“This friend going far?”

“She doesn’t know yet.”

“It an open party?”

“Invite only - ” I said more abruptly than intended “ - sorry, I’m late as it is J. It was real good to see you. We should meet up soon. I’d like that.”

“Well,” he said, pushing himself upright against the roof of the car. “That ball’s in your court now isn’t it darling? You’re as hard to pin down as I
don’t know what.”

“I’m working this week.”

“You gonna dance for me again?”

“No. But I’ll pour you a real good coffee, if you’re lucky,” I said, shutting the door.

J bent down to the window, the rim of his hat edging towards my face. “Well you really do know the way to a man’s heart.”

“Straight through his back with a nine inch blade... so the saying goes.”

He laughed and leaned further towards me. “How about a little kiss, sugar, something to remember me by?”

I parted my lips and allowed him to work his way towards me. The emptiness of his open mouth suffocated me and I sat, motionless, hating every passing tingle that trickled up my inner thighs.
His tongue tasted dry and bitter, like a thousand and one nights of whisky and regret. I swallowed hard to destroy any evidence of him.

“I’ll see you around J.”

“Not if I see you first, darling. Not if I see you first.”

Back at the trailer I stepped out of the car shaken but not entirely displeased at having seen J. I hated him and hated what he had done, what he was still doing. But, God help
me, I couldn’t help but feel a fleeting pleasure at the thought of him still pursuing me, however misguided he may have been. I walked inside with an added spring to my step, the bottles of
wine clanking against one another in my bag.

“Three of the finest bottles sixteen dollars’ll get you!” I said, placing the carrier on the floor, “And enough crap to kill a diabetic. You packing?”

There was no answer.

“Eve?”

The house was still. No movement, no sound. I dashed into the bedroom and flung open the bathroom door.

“Damn it, Eve!” I said, making my way back to the sofa to open the wine.

On the coffee table a note had been written in her girlish writing:

Each ‘i’ had been haloed with a love heart. Three X’s marked the bottom of the page.

“Fuck!” I kicked an empty tumbler the full length of the living room: its dregs - a particularly astringent Shiraz - splattered the wall like a burst pimple.

Something hit my foot as I jigged across the dirt roads out of town, and I found myself unable to brake. Beneath the pedal and the floor a stray bottle of wine had lodged
itself awkwardly. I let the car guide itself on the lonely road as I bent down and retrieved the little miracle, all the while grovelling to the god of screw tops.

Inside the hallway was empty.

“Well aren’t we blessed,” said Violet, the doorman, not entirely sincerely. Miss Jemima’s unabashed favouritism had erected somewhat of a divide amongst us girls. We
weren’t to blame, of course, we were simply held accountable.

“Not tonight, Violet. You seen Eve?”

Violet shrugged and began counting dollar bills beneath her desk. “See everything, say nothing. That’s our motto,” she said coldly.

The chorus line kicked and dipped, their tassels twirling like a hypnotist’s watch. I stood towards the back of the room, searching for Eve. At the bar a man had already
passed out and was slumped, dead to the world, across the table as two old men flicked peanuts towards his hanging jaw.

The crowd had been whipped into a controlled frenzy and I felt frightened, as though suddenly dropped into the lion’s cage. I made my way farther into the room, still unable to see
Eve.

J had his back to me, and his arm was so close to Kingpin’s that they seemed joined at the hip. J sat upright, whispering something to a waitress. She nodded and made her way to the bar as
he sunk lower in his seat, pulling his hat down to the edge of his eyes.

I ran back out of that room and slammed the door behind me.

“Well you look like you seen a ghost. There aint gonna be no trouble tonight, is there?” asked Violet, lighting a cigarette.

I made my way past her and towards the backstage entrance. “No trouble. Oh and Violet, anyone asks you haven’t seen me here, understand?” She did not respond so I chose to
reiterate the point. “I found out you did otherwise I’m gonna knock you straight into next week. Now I need to know we’re on the same page here.”

She nodded and looked down.

Backstage clothes strewed the floor like shed skin. The music played on in the background and the sound of the crowd, rapt for the most part, built at intervals to a communal
groan of longing. I peeked past the curtain, my hand tight on the brushed velvet, and watched Eve in her natural state. She bent and dipped, the other girls merely served as her shadow as she wound
the audience tighter and tighter as though stretching them on a rack. I pushed forward, past the velvet curtain, and saw J sitting at his table, his eyes disguised by the rim of his hat, the rest
of him merged with the candlelight. He leant towards Kingpin and pointed towards the centre of the stage. Kingpin nodded as J stood up and made his way to the back of the bar room, out of
sight.

Within seconds I heard his footsteps grow closer and I ducked behind the door. I felt him beside me, breathing steadily but deeply. The door closed and we were face to face.

“J,” I said, taking the first coat I could find from the rack and putting it on. “This here’s private quarters, no place for punters.”

He smiled and walked towards me, taking my arm in his hand. “Let’s quit fooling, sugar. You’re the biggest disappointment I’ve had in a long time. And I’ve had my
fair share let me tell you.”

“J don’t do this,” I said, freeing myself from his grip and falling back into a vanity mirror.

“You knew all along, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t, I - ” My cheek made the sound of a snapped twig as his hand graced it so suddenly. “I didn’t know J!”

“Bull... shit,” he said, one hand working inside of his pocket. “Now my way of thinking is that little bitch got something of mine, and I’m going to get it back. But what
we have here is an unfortunate twist of fate.”

“Let me go,” I said, standing up only to be knocked back down to my original starting point

“See, I liked you a lot darling, liked you a lot.”

“I liked you too. I wish I didn’t but I did.”

He slapped me across the face once more. “The problem - once you’ve learned not to interrupt me - is that I now feel I’m owed something from the both of you. Between her and my
money and you and my feelings. I’m a sensitive boy, Verity, and you hurt me real bad. You never can know anyone in this life, sugar... aint that the truth.” He grabbed me by the nape of
my neck and dragged me to my feet.

“You weren’t so pure yourself. Those sad stories about your Daddy.”

“The specifics aren’t really the issue here. I want my money, and I want that little whore to realise the error of her ways.”

I spat in his face and within moments felt the weight of his body concentrate into a fist, which sent me spiralling to the ground. I screamed as he climbed on top of me, his hand holding my
chest as he unbuttoned his trousers.

“God damn it girl I’m gonna show you just how bad you hurt me.”

I dug four nails into the skin of his forehead until I felt them pierce his flesh. Four tidy crescents of blood rose to the surface as he dragged me up and pushed me flat on my stomach.

“Now this is just a little reminder of what could have been, sugar.”

“J - ” I was barely able to breathe. I fumbled between the two coats as I felt him raise his waist inches from my back, but the gun became nothing more than a suggestion of itself
beneath the cloth and the zips. “Please don’t do this J,” I said as I heard the quiet jingle of his buckle unfastening.

“Oh my, you’re gonna know about this.”

I screamed once more and then stopped, shocked, as the weight of his body pressed down on top of me and then lay, stuck like an anchor. I turned my head to see Miss Jemima standing above me. J
groaned and pushed himself onto the floor as he made an attempt to sit up.

“Get the girl and go,” she said, dropping a broken stool to the ground and walking straight over J’s body. She helped me to my feet and reached behind the stage curtain,
flipping a switch. Suddenly the stage lights dipped. The audience moaned and yelled. Then with another flick of a switch the room went dark save the candles that lined the tables and bar. “Go
now.”

“Verity, why you ruining my dance! Feels like I got nearly two hundred dollars in these garters and fully intended making more,” Eve hissed.

“They’re here,” I said, taking her by the arm.

“What you talking about?”

Men from the audience, blind as moles, yelled into the darkness. Chairs shuffled and glasses clanked.

“The men, they’re here and they want their money.”

I felt Eve grow cold against me. “They’re going to kill us,” she said matter of factly.

“They’re going to try,” I said, leading her to the edge of the stage.

The girls around us clustered together as invisible hands began to crawl across the lip of the stage. One slipped on a patch of oil and the rest flocked to her assistance. We were inches from
our escape when J appeared, upright and recovered.

“My God - ” Eve said, quietly, “ - this isn’t happening.”

“You bet your life it is baby,” J said, walking towards us.

We turned and ran towards the edge of the stage, jumping into the scrum. Kingpin stood up and fired a round into the air. Men started hollering, making their way towards the door. We joined the
mass of bodies and dashed towards the exit. More bullets sounded out. Paul, now barely much more than a decorative torso, rolled to the floor and scrunched his eyes tightly as limbs ran over and
past him as mocking as they were painful.

Outside, boys flew in every direction like spilled marbles. Grown men hid, frightened, in sandy ditches that surrounded the club like a moat. Most jumped into the closest cars
to hand regardless of ownership. We reached my car and climbed inside.

It was almost a mile before either of us could speak. “They’ll find us,” said Eve, still blank, still certain. I reached my hand out and held tight onto her arm.

“We’ll be okay. I just need you to be strong for me now, you hear me? This can work.”

“I love you Verity, no two ways about it.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m so sorry.”

We made the remainder of the journey in clinical silence. Back at the trailer I unlocked the door with a wavering hand and made sure that the gun was, this time at least, in
touching distance.

The moment I stepped inside something jerked me by the neck. I stumbled to the floor and Eve followed. A light was turned on and the door closed as Kingpin stepped towards us. Dollar bills
marked the carpet like footprints. The couch had been upturned, the oven door snapped from its hinges. J made his way from the bedroom as Eve began to weep. “Welcome home ladies.”

“J, you don’t have to do this.” Eve shot a dumfounded look in my direction and I felt my heart break.

“I wouldn’t be troubling myself if this were not a paramount concern,” he said, taking Eve’s head in his hand as he bent towards her face. “Hey darling, long time
no see.”

Kingpin moved towards us so that we were kneeling on the carpet between them.

“J, just take your money and go, please.”

“Now, I want to know where every damn dollar is, and I want to know now,” he said, picking something from the side of the couch.

From high above a cool ointment doused our heads. Eve began to whimper and whine as the smell of the fumes became overbearing.

“There’s some in the oven - ” I said.

“Found it.”

“And underneath the bed.”

A further trickle poured over us, soaking and stinging through our clothes.

“J, God please... ”

“Keep talking darling, it’ll be over soon.”

“Behind the bathtub - ”

“That’s a good girl,” he said, splashing short bursts of fuel across our bodies like babies being blessed.

“God, J... ”

“Not long to go darling, you just keep up the good work.”

“There’s some out back, underneath the power box - ” I became more frantic, my words jumbled and stuttered. Eve started to whisper something softly under her breath,
occasionally choking as the fuel caught and dribbled into her mouth.

“What’s that you’re saying, precious? Is that an apology I hear?”