My Enemy, the Queen (23 page)

I could see that he was right and, after having received the Queen permission, I left Court.

It was a great relief when I received the news that nothing had been found in Walter body to suggest that he had been hastened to his death.

He was brought to England, and the funeral took place at the end of November at Carmarthen. I would not allow young Robert to make the long journey, for he was suffering from a cold at the time and he was in such low spirits that I feared for his health.

Lord Burleigh wrote to him assuring him that he was now his guardian and would welcome the time when he could receive him into his household, where he would be prepared for Cambridge.

I said that he should go after the Christmas holidays and that seemed agreeable to him.

I was in a state of expectancy. Obviously I could not marry Robert until a certain time had elapsed, for to hurry into marriage

would set the tongues wagging again, which was the last thing we wanted. It would be necessary for us to wait for a year, I supposed. But we could accept that, for we should see each other in the meantime, and as soon as my son had left for Lord Burleigh establishment I intended to take up my position at Court.

How long and dreary those winter days seemed! All the time I was wondering about Robert and what was happening at Court; and immediately after the Christmas holidays were over, I and my familyith the exception of young Robertet out for Durham House.

A few days after my arrival I received a call from a lady I should have preferred not to see. This was Douglass Sheffield, and the story she had to tell gave me great misgivings.

She had asked that she might speak to me in secret, as she had something of moment to tell me.

There was no doubt that she was a very attractive woman and this fact made her story alarmingly plausible.

felt I must speak to you, Lady Essex,she said, ecause I think you are in urgent need of advice. So I have come to tell you what happened to me in the hope that, when you have heard, you will realize the need to be cautious in your dealings with a certain gentleman of the Court.

o one can overhear us, Lady Sheffield,I said coldly, o there is no need for you to speak anything but openly. To whom do you refer?

o Robert Dudley.

hy should you wish to warn me against him?

ecause I have heard rumors.

hat rumors?I tried fear not very successfullyo look surprised.

hat you and he are intimate friends. It is impossible for such a man to have friendships without its being talked of in view of his relationship with the Queen.

es, yes,I said somewhat impatiently, ut why should I be warned?

ny lady should be warned whose name is coupled with his, and I should feel it my duty to tell her of what happened to me.

ou have already spoken of this to me.

es, but I have not told you everything. The Earl of Leicester and I were contracted in 1 in a house in Cannon Row in Westminster, but he was reluctant to go through with the marriage for fear of the Queen displeasure. When I became pregnant I urged him to marry me and he did at Esher at the end of 3.

ou have no witnesses of this,I said defiantly, seeing, if it were true, all my dreams of marriage evaporating.

s I told you once before, Sir Edward Horsey gave me away and Dr. Julio, the Earl physician, was present. Later my boy was born. He is Robert Dudley after his father. I can tell you that the Earl is proud of his son. His brother, the Earl of Warwick, is the boy godfather and takes a great interest in him.

f this is really true, why is his existence kept a secret?

ou know full well the position with the Queen. She hates any man of whom she is fond to marryost of all Robert Dudley, the favorite of them all. It is solely on account of the Queen that my son existence is kept a secret.

ut if he is so proud of his son, I should have thought

ady Essex, you understand full well. I have not come here to argue with you but to warn you, for it would seem to me that the Earl of Leicester has transferred his affection from me to you and now has come the time for us both to beware.

ray come to the point, Lady Sheffield.

he Earl of Leicester has spoken to you of marriage, but how can he marry you when he is married to me? I have come to tell you that he has offered me seven hundred pounds a year if I will disavow the marriage, and if I do not accept this offer he will give me nothing and withdraw himself from me completely.

nd what was your answer?

emphatically refused. We were married and my son is legitimate.

Even as she spoke her voice quivered and the tears came into her eyes. I was sure that Robert would always get the better of such a woman.

But what if her story were true? And I could not believe she had made it up, for she did not seem to have the wit for that.

I said to her: hank you for coming along to warn me, Lady Sheffield, but I must tell you that you should have no fear for me. I know the Earl of Leicester, it is true, but I am recently bereaved of a good husband, and I can think of nothing at this time but my loss and my family.

She bowed her head in sympathy. hen you must forgive me.

Forget what I have said. I had heard rumors and I felt it was my duty to tell you the truth.

appreciate your kindness, Lady Sheffield,I told her, and conducted her to the door.

When she had gone I could drop my display of indifference. I had to admit that the story seemed plausible. I kept reminding myself that Robert desperately wanted a son to bear his name. He was no longer young, for he must be forty-five years of age and if he was to get a family he must do so now. Yet he already had this son and disowned the boy mother. This was for my sake. I must remember that.

I could not wait to see Robert and as soon as I had an opportunity I tackled him with what I had discovered.

o she came here,he cried. he fool!

obert, how much truth is there in this?

here was no marriage,he said.

ut you were contracted to her. She says there were witnesses.

did promise her that we might marry,he admitted, ut the marriage never took place. The child was born and he is my child. He is in the guardianship of my brother Warwick and in due course he will go to Oxford.

he said you offered her seven hundred pounds a year to deny the marriage.

offered her money to stop talking.

f she is your wife, how can we be married?

tell you she is not my wife.

nly the mother of your son.

oung Robert is my baseborn son. What am I expected to do? Live like a monk?

hat indeed kept dancing as you are by Her Majesty. will won Poor Robert! How many years has it gone on?

good many, but this is going to be the end of it. You and I are going to marry in spite of everything.

n spite of the Queen and your wife Douglass. Poor Robert, you are indeed a shackled man!

on taunt me, Lettice. I shall defy the Queen. As for Douglass Sheffield, she deceives herself. I tell you, there is no obstacle from that quarter.

o there is no just cause why you and I should not marry?

one whatever.

hen for what do we wait?

ntil this talk about Walter death has died down.

I allowed myself to be persuaded, because I wanted to.

The Queen manner towards me made me a little uneasy, and I wondered whether she had heard the rumors about Robert and me. I found her eyes on me at odd moments, rather speculatively. This could have meant that she was wondering how I was bearing up in my widowhood, for she did take a great interest in the emotional problems of those about herarticularly members of her own family.

obin is rather sad at this time,she told me. e is a man much devoted to his family and I like that. It shows good feeling. As you know I have a fondness for the Sidneys, and I shall never forget dear Mary and the way in which she nursed me, and the terrible affliction which came to her because of it.

our Majesty has always shown her the utmost kindness.

owe it to her, Lettice. And now, poor woman, she has lost her eldest girl. Ambrosia died this February. Mary was stricken with grief, poor woman. She has her dear boy, Philip, though, and a comfort he must be. I rarely saw a more noble-looking creature than Philip Sidney. I shall tell them to send their youngest daughterary, named after her mothero me and I shall give her a place at Court and find a husband for her.

he is but fourteen, Madam, I believe.

know, but in a year or two we might marry her. There Henry Herbert, now Earl of Pembroke. I have been thinking of a wife for him. I daresay he would please the Sidneysnd the young lady uncle, the Earl of Leicester.

daresay,I said.

Very shortly after that Mary Sidney came to Court. She was a beautiful girl with amber-colored hair and an oval face. Everyone commented on her likeness to her brother, Philip, who was recognized to be one of the best-looking men at Court. It was true he lacked the lusty virility of men like Robert. His was a different kind of attractivenessn almost ethereal beauty. Young Mary Sidney had this too and I did not think it would be difficult to find a husband for her.

The Queen made much of her and I was sure this brought about some consolation to the family. Towards me, Elizabeth kept up that special attention, but I continued to remain unsure of what lay behind it. Often she would mention the Earl of Leicester to meometimes with a teasing affection as though she were aware of certain frailties in his nature but loved him nonetheless because of them.

I was very close to her at this time, being in her bedchamber, and she would often talk to me about the garments she would wear. She liked me to take them out and hold them up against myself, so that she could get an idea of what they looked like.

ou are a handsome creature, Lettice,she told me. ou resemble the Boleyns.

She was thoughtful, and I guessed she was thinking of her mother.

ou will doubtless marry again in due course,she said once, ut it is early yet. But youl soon grow out of your widowhood, Il trow.I did not answer and she went on: very fashion is white on black nowr black on white. Do you think it is becoming, Lettice?

or some, Madam. Not for others.

nd on me?

our Majesty is fortunate that you only have to put a garment on to transform it.

Too far? No, her courtiers had conditioned her to accept the grossest flattery.

want to show you the handkerchiefs my laundress worked for me. Get them out. There! Black Spanish work edged with bone lace of Venice gold. What do you think of that? And there are some tooth clothsoarse Holland, which is the best for the purpose, decorated with black silk and edged with silver and black silk.

ery good, Madam.I smiled at her, revealing my perfect teeth, of which I was very proud. She frowned slightly; her own were showing signs of decay.

istress Twist is a good soul,she commented. here is a great deal of work in those items. I like well when my servants labor for me with their own hands. Look at these sleeves which my silk-woman, Mrs. Montague, made for me and presented to me with great pride, I might tell you. See those exquisite buds and roses.

lack on white again, Madam.

Tis becoming, as you say, to some of us. Have you seen the smock Philip Sidney gave me this New Year?

I took it out, as she bade me. It was of cambric worked with black silk and with it were a set of ruffs edged with gold and silver thread.

xquisite,I murmured.

have had some wonderful New Year gifts,she said, nd I will show you my favorite of them all.

She was wearing it. It was a gold cross set with five flawless emeralds and beautiful pearls.

hat is superb, Madam.

She put her lips to it. admit to a special fondness for it. It was given to me by the one whose affection is more important to me than that of any other.

I nodded, knowing full well to whom she referred.

She smiled almost roguishly. fancy he is somewhat preoccupied at this time.

ou mean, Madam?

obin Leicester.

h, is that so?

e has pretensions. He has always fancied himself as royal, you know. He inherited his father ambitions from him. Well, I would not have him otherwise. I like a man to have a good conceit of himself. You know well my fondness for him, Lettice.

t has seemed clear, Madam.

ell, can you understand it?

The tawny eyes were alert. What was this leading to? Warnings flashed in my mind. Have a care. You are on very dangerous ground.

he Earl of Leicester is a handsome man,I said, nd I know, as all do, that he and Your Majesty have been friends since your childhood.

es, it seems to me sometimes that he has always been part of my life. If I had married he would have been the one I should have chosen. Once I offered him to the Queen of Scots, you know. She, poor fool, refused him. But does it not show how I have his welfare at heart? If he had gone to her a light would have gone out of my Court.

our Majesty has many bright beacons to make up for the loss.

She gave me a sharp nip suddenly. othing could compensate me for Robin Dudley and you know it.

I bowed my head in silence.

o I have his good at heart,she went on, nd I am going to help him to make a good marriage.

I felt she must be aware of the violent beating of my heart. To what was she leading? I knew her devious ways, when she would say one thing which was the complete opposite of what she meant. This was part of her greatness; it had made her the wily diplomat she was; it had kept her suitors at bay for years; it had kept England at peace. But what did she mean now?

ell?she said sharply. ell?

our Majesty is good to all your subjects and mindful of their welfare,I said perfunctorily.

is true, and Robert always had a fancy for a royal bride. The Princess Cecilia has lost her husband, the Margrave of Baden, and Robert sees no reasonroviding I approvehy he should not ask her hand in marriage.

nd what does Your Majesty say to this suggestion?I heard myself say.

have told you that I want the best for my dear friend. I have said he may make his proposal with my approval. We must wish the pair of them happiness, I suppose.