Authors: Jeannie Lin
‘No need to apologise.’ A light smile touched Fei Long’s lips. ‘Tong was trying to break your focus, but you were perfect. Absolutely brilliant.’
Brilliant, despite the way her throat was dry and her nails dug into her palms. Her face ached from forcing a blank and pleasant expression for so long. Yan Ling didn’t know what she had done to earn his praise, but to hear such words coming from Fei Long—she glowed like a lantern inside.
Chapter Nine
T
he soft, warming glow continued the next day as Yan Ling floated from the gardens to the study to the parlour. An official-looking letter came for them. Minister Cao was sending his apologies for his detainment and complimenting Pearl on the report he’d received about her gracious and honourable conduct. Fei Long cast a meaningful glance at her while he read the praise, making her shiver with happiness.
Over the next days, Fei Long fell back into pattern and ritual. Their afternoon lessons continued in earnest. He would spare a few precious moments of instruction before becoming absorbed in the ledgers on his desk. Yan Ling would steal glances at him from across the study. That deep crease between his eyes could have been painted on; she rarely saw him without it.
They were working on more complex characters that afternoon. Yan Ling stared at her brush in a trance, still seeing that one conspiratorial look Fei Long had given her. She drew the ink across the paper in lazy strokes, imagining that the secret glance held much, much more that was unspoken.
‘You’re distracted,’ Fei Long declared from his desk.
She looked up, startled. ‘No, I’m not,’ she argued more from impulse than thought.
‘Your calligraphy is uneven. I can see it from here. It’s important that you concentrate.’
‘Oh, yes,’ She drawled lightly. ‘I heard once of a princess who was to be married to Khitan, but they saw how her calligraphy was all wrong and they
sent her back
.’
‘Keep writing,’ he commanded, turning his attention back to his affairs.
Yan Ling thought she caught a smile hidden behind the letter he was reading.
She dipped the brush again, but only started writing after casting a glare at Fei Long to make it clear that she was not continuing without protest.
By the end of the hour, she’d filled several sheets of paper. She was cleaning her brushes when Fei Long set a package on the edge of his desk. The crinkle of the brown paper wrapping caught her attention.
‘What is that?’
The package was tied with string. Fei Long sat back, his expression revealing nothing, which only lured her even more.
‘For you,’ he said finally. She was already pulling the string free when he spoke again. ‘For tonight.’
‘Tonight?’
‘“The Maiden of Yue.”’
Her heart leapt and immediately she forgave him for his difficult disposition. She didn’t think he’d paid any attention when she and Bai Shen had spoken of it.
‘You’ll need to go in disguised as my servant,’ he said.
She pulled away the paper excitedly, revealing a bundle of cloth. She lifted the garments up one after another: cloth cap, black trousers and a dark cotton robe.
‘When will we go?’ She scooped up the outfit, eager to change as soon as possible.
‘Much later. Not until after dark.’
He didn’t appear pleased at all. Looking at the masculine garb in her hands seemed to make him uncomfortable. She didn’t care. She was swept up in the prospect of going out into the city.
‘I’ll come get you,’ he instructed.
‘Thank you, my lord.’
She couldn’t wait to try on the disguise. Pressing the clothes close to her breast, she rushed to the door.
‘Only this once,’ he called after her. ‘We need to keep you hidden.’
Back in her room, she tugged free of the layers of gauze and silk and then pulled the robe over her shoulders, fixing the sash around her waist. The sleeves only extended two hand spans. These were servants’ clothes after all. The material was heavier and didn’t mould to her the way silk did. The cut of the robe broadened her shoulders and straightened out the curve of her hips.
This was going to be such an adventure. Her first time out of the mansion since she’d first come there. She took a few practice steps, lengthening her stride and swinging her arms as she threw in a swagger. Li Bai Shen might even be proud of her.
* * *
Several hours later, she was wearing the entire outfit, including the trousers and cap, when she greeted Fei Long at her chamber door.
‘My lord.’ She raised her arms, palm to fist, and bowed ceremoniously.
A short laugh broke out of him. She didn’t know if it was out of genuine amusement or whether he was mocking her, but it didn’t matter. Nothing could darken her mood tonight.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked as she strode past him out into the hallway.
She stuck her chest out and chin up. ‘I learned this from watching you.’
‘I do nothing of the sort.’
‘No?’ She turned crisply, enforcing a stern expression while she ran a hand over the front of the robe. A cloth wrapped tight around her breasts further straightened her figure. ‘You hardly move any other part of your body when you walk. Rather like a tree. This is much easier than being a lady.’
He smirked. ‘Indeed.’
They’d reached the portico to the courtyard. As Fei Long promised, it was dark outside.
She pitched her voice a notch lower. ‘What shall my name be?’
‘You won’t need a name. I’ll call you “you” or maybe “boy”.’
She made a face. ‘That’s it?’
‘Yes. Remember, you’re a servant. Be humble, unassuming. If no one notices you, then you’ve succeeded.’
No matter. He could call her whatever he wanted if she got the chance to leave the confines of the mansion. They were going to explore the city at night! See the theatres and drinking houses and what other delights the capital had in its walls. She’d only seen Changan through one brief peek from behind the curtain of the palanquin. It was enough to make her hunger for more like a child teased with a sweet.
‘If you need to speak to me, lean close and speak quietly as if it’s a delicate matter,’ Fei Long said.
Always instructing. She nodded dutifully.
‘There is one more thing.’
Fei Long directed his gaze downwards to where her slippers peeked out from beneath the trousers. The embroidered flower pattern swirled delicately over her toes.
‘Oh!’
She ran back inside. After a short delay, she was able to borrow a pair of felt boots from one of the stable attendants. They were still too large for her feet, but she stuffed a handkerchief into each toe and was able to walk without them slipping off.
Out in the courtyard, Fei Long gave her another head-to-toe inspection, finally meeting her eyes. He held his gaze there for a moment longer than proper. Yan Ling squirmed in the disguise, growing uncomfortably warm in the cool evening.
‘Do I look like a man now?’ she asked.
‘No,’ came his curt reply.
Regardless, he turned and headed to the side gate, which meant she was to follow. Yan Ling took hold of the bamboo stick with the hanging lantern attached and fell into step behind him. From there, she had a chance to observe him without risking his attention. Fei Long wore a tan-coloured robe with black-embroidered trim along the edges and sleeves. He presented a stately sight as he walked through the gate; understated, yet refined.
As they followed the alleyway into the main street out front, Yan Ling was surprised to see how many others were out that evening. A sparse, but steady, stream of people passed by on either side. In her home town, the customers in the teahouse would have thinned by this hour. Here in the imperial capital, it seemed the citizens were just emerging for the night.
Yan Ling ducked away nervously from the first passers-by, but soon realised no one gave her more than a passing glance, if even that. She was a servant, unseen and insignificant. The tension eased from her shoulders and she let out a breath.
She was no one again. She didn’t have to worry about impressing or pleasing anyone. Her attention swung down the opposite side of the street. The courtyard mansions of the neighbourhood stood side by side, with narrow alleyways in between. Some of the gates had wooden plaques fixed over them, but she was unable to make out the characters as they strolled by. Dao had told her that many civil servants and city officials lived within this ward. Not excessively wealthy, but certainly prosperous families.
Fei Long glanced over his shoulder as her forgotten lantern bumped against him. She smiled in apology and righted the bamboo pole. He didn’t seem too disapproving as he resumed his step.
The entire ward was encircled by a low wall that rose just overhead. It wasn’t impossible to scale, except it appeared to be patrolled by armed guardsmen. At the ward entrance, Fei Long paused to show the gatekeeper a marker before they were nodded through.
They didn’t spend much time along the main city street before passing through the adjacent ward. They were going to the entertainment district in an area called the North Hamlet. Inside those gates, the crowd thickened, everyone moving a step or two faster. She crowded close to Fei Long so as not to lose him while she stared at the surroundings.
A collection of tea rooms and pavilions gathered along the main avenue. Red-and-yellow lanterns hung at the front of every building and the sky brightened above with the soft glow of the floating orbs. She doubted her lantern was needed at all any more, but she held on to it dutifully. There were shops still open as well and an endless maze of food carts with steaming baskets and delicious smells.
She wanted to see it all, peek inside each open door and stop at each stall. But Fei Long wove a confident path through the crowd and she had no choice but to follow, absorbing the quarter in tantalising sips. A stringed instrument played inside one doorway. The slow melody spoke of romance and longing, only to fade once they reached the corner. Yan Ling stared up to the second balcony of a teahouse, which put the humble one she’d grown up in to shame. Gold curtains and floral lanterns with well-dressed patrons engaged in lively conversation. Could one taste the luxuriousness in the brew they poured? It must have been as refined as a hundred-year wine.
Beyond the street, another entranceway greeted them. She could see the grass-covered area graced by willow trees just inside the arch. This time she did pause to try to read the plaque overhead. It would give her something to hold on to. She’d write the name onto a slip of paper once she got home.
‘Gardens,’ she recited softly, making out one character amongst the three. She struggled with the others, trying to capture the shapes in her mind.
Fei Long came to her side. He read out each character to her, pointing to it in turn. ‘Pear Blossom Gardens.’
She repeated it, much like she did in their lessons. Then she smiled, swept up in a rush of happiness and gratitude. People brushed past them to enter the park, but Fei Long remained beside her for a moment longer while she floated like the moon, filled with warmth and light.
Finally, he directed them inside with a short nod. Dots of lights and coloured flags marked out different areas within the park. Clever vendors had set their food stalls within the gardens and their carts were arranged beside small clusters of benches and tables. Fei Long chose one beside a carp pond and Yan Ling waited for him to be seated first before settling in across from him. Grass sprouted up in tufts around the bare spots at their feet and the square table teetered when she rested her arm on it.
A pot of hot tea was set down between them. Fei Long faced her as they dined on parcels of sticky rice and pork steamed in banana leaves along with red-bean pastries and a bowl of boiled peanuts. Yan Ling unwrapped the leaves, careful to keep her fingers from sticking to the rice, and took a bite.
It was a perfect mouthful. The rice was fragrant and slightly sweet against the saltiness of the pork. She chewed happily and washed it down with a sip of tea, already glancing wistfully towards the cart to see if there was the possibility of more. The benches beside them filled with customers. Strangers jostled in beside her, but everyone was focused on their own meal.
‘Is it like this every night?’ she asked.
Immediately after, she remembered she was supposed to speak quietly and confidentially to him, but Fei Long didn’t seem upset by the familiarity. She breathed a little easier.
‘In the spring and summertime,’ he answered. ‘This has always been the best time in the city.’
It was the only time Fei Long had sounded remotely wistful. She imagined he and his sister had grown up in the magnificent capital, discovering it bit by bit as children.
‘Only during festivals would you see it like this out in the provinces.’ She swept her gaze across the park once more before taking a pastry. It was almost as good as the sticky rice.
‘You should eat more,’ Fei Long remarked.
He sat back to watch her with one arm draped over the edge of the table. There was a rare carelessness to his posture.
‘Are you developing a brotherly affection toward me?’ she teased.
Her heart raced at her boldness. To be with Fei Long like this, exchanging idle conversation. The two of them weren’t like master and servant at all. Nor brother and sister.
‘The Khitans would expect a princess to be well fed. Not a waif like you.’
He meant it as a jest. The casual warmth of his tone said so. Yet her bright mood flickered and died. She reached for another sticky rice ball, peeling the banana leaf away slowly.
‘Ah, of course.’ Her throat tightened around the words. ‘The grand scheme, above all else.’
She chewed without any enjoyment. The delicacy had lost its flavour. Chang Fei Long wasn’t prone to dreams. That was her failing, and hers alone.
‘You’re looking thinner yourself.’ She fought to recapture their light banter. ‘Dao says you haven’t been eating well and that you rarely sleep.’
‘Dao seems to talk a lot. Not a favourable disposition for a servant.’
‘She says it’s because there’s so much on your mind. I know I’ve been a burden—’
‘You’re not a burden,’ he cut in roughly.
She fell silent, not knowing what to make of the vehemence of his reply. Her heart was pounding. If she wasn’t another servant under his charge, what was she? The ever-present question.
‘The stage is at the centre of the gardens, beyond those trees there,’ he offered as a kindness after a pause. ‘You can see them lighting the lanterns now.’