My Favorite Mistake (21 page)

anyone to take. Miriam lost her mother’s silver—she said the mailman took it.”

I rol ed my eyes. “Mom, the IRS doesn’t take that kind of action simply because a 1040 form wasn’t filed. Besides, ours is just a routine audit.” I hoped.

“Where does this young man live?” my dad wanted to know.

“Kentucky. He’s retired from the Marines and works in his family stables.”

My mother frowned. “He’s a stable boy?”

“Um, no. They run a horse breeding business.”

She made a face. (My utterance of the word “breeding” was as close to a “sex talk” as my mother and I had ever gotten.)

“So when did you and Barry break up?” she asked.

I swal owed. “We didn’t.”

Her gaze flew to my finger and she gasped, temporarily diverted. “Your ring is gorgeous!” She reached for my hand and scrutinized the diamond. “Oh, my, it looks flawless.”

“It is.”

She glanced up, then her eyes narrowed. “Where is Barry?”

“In L.A.”

“So you’re kissing this Redmon fel ow in the street while your fiancé is out of town?”

“His name is Redford.” And I was guilty of so much more than kissing.

“Your father and I raised you better than that, Denise.”

I squirmed. “I’m sorry you and Dad had to see that. It…just happened…and it was a mistake.”

She frowned. “Wel , considering that ring on your finger, I hope it doesn’t happen again. Why aren’t you at work today?”

I didn’t have time to think of a lie. “I went with Redford to upstate New York yesterday to look at a stud horse, and the weather was too bad for us to return last night.”

My mother’s eyebrows shot up and I didn’t want to know what was going through her mind. A lump formed in my throat and I felt very, very dirty.

My dad stood abruptly. “Gayle, we’d better go. Denise has a lot on her mind right now. Honey, we’l cal you in a few days.”

He gathered their coats and suitcases and shepherded my mother toward the door. But at the last minute, she turned back and wagged her finger at me. “Denise, a wise

person learns from their mistakes.”

KENZIE GASPED.
“No, they didn’t.”

“Yes,” I said into the phone miserably. “They did.”

“Oh, my God, you were making out in his truck? In broad daylight?”

I closed my eyes. “Yes, but we weren’t naked…yet.” Thank goodness for smal miracles.

“Wel , what did you tel your parents?”

I sighed. “The truth.”

“What did they say?”

I teared up. “They were shocked. My mother said that they raised me better than that, and then they left.” I sniffed. “I can’t imagine what they think of me.”

Kenzie made a sympathetic noise. “They probably think that you’re human, and that everyone makes mistakes. Give them some time to come around. Besides, Denise, you’re

an adult.”

I pressed my lips together. “Which means I can be deceitful or even immoral without being accountable?”

“Of course not. But you have to decide for yourself what’s right and what’s wrong for
you.
You’re the one who has to live with your mistakes.”

“But my mistakes affect other people’s lives, too.”

“So explain to your mom that this thing between you and Redford was just a blip. That you were having cold feet after Barry proposed.”

My throat ached from the lump that formed there. “Except I’m starting to think that it wasn’t a blip…for me.”

She gasped. “Are you in love with him again?”

“Maybe…yes.”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. Kenzie, Redford
thanked
me for filing for the annulment, said it had al owed us to get on with our lives.”

“So what about last night?”

I gave a little laugh. “Obviously, we’re stil attracted to each other. But sex is the only thing Redford and I have in common.”

“It’s about the only thing that Sam and I had in common.”

“And look—” I stopped and bit my tongue.

“And look, what?” Kenzie asked lightly. “Look at how my life has changed?”

“Yes,” I said final y.

“Hmm, let’s see—before I met Sam I worked eighty hours a week and had no social life. Now I get to do the job I enjoy at a sane pace, and I have a husband who loves me and

his baby in my bel y.” She sighed. “Denise, yes, my life has changed, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m not saying that the way I did it would work for everyone, but sometimes you have to be wil ing to take a risk…like you did in Vegas.”

I frowned. “But that was a disaster.”

“Only because you came back and al owed everyone to convince you that it was a crazy thing to do.”

“But it
was
a crazy thing to do.”

“So? Just because it was crazy, doesn’t mean it was a mistake.”

I was quiet, digesting her words. “I guess I need more order in my life than most people. As much as I care about Redford, I just feel so…
reckless
when I’m around him. I can’t live like that, Kenzie.”

She sighed. “Then it sounds as if you’ve made the right decision to write this off as a fling and go on with your life.”

I murmured my agreement, but I didn’t feel as good as I’d hoped to feel.

“So, where is Redford tonight?”

“At his hotel, I assume. The scene with my parents caught him off guard, but he handled it wel . Shook my father’s hand and looked him in the eye before he left.”

“Hmm…not easy to do after you’ve been caught with your pants down.”

I sniffed.
“Tell me.”

“So he left?”

“He said he wanted to give us privacy. Basical y, he was giving me an out if I wanted to lie to my parents. Again.”

“Very chivalrous of him.”

“Yes.” Redford was nothing if not noble, which is why he would have stayed in a quickie Vegas marriage, even after he had realized his mistake. “Anyway, I’l see him tomorrow

at the audit, and that wil be the end of it.”

Kenzie made a doubtful noise. “If you say so. Let me know how the audit goes.”

I hung up the phone, leaden with despair. I found the plane tickets to Vegas I had bought as a Valentine’s Day surprise for Barry and wavered. Maybe Barry and I simply didn’t

have enough fun together. Maybe I wasn’t being fair. Then I stared at my laboratory-engineered-diamond engagement ring until my vision blurred. On top of everything else, the money already spent on our relationship was giving me an ulcer. And second thoughts.

With my heart pounding in my ears, I picked up the handset and dialed Barry’s cel phone.

18

A SMALL PART OF ME
hoped this was one of those times that Barry wouldn’t answer his phone.

“Hel o?” he answered on the first ring.

Apparently, I was not to be let off the hook so easily. I pressed my lips together to fight back tears.

“Hel o?” he repeated, sounding tired.

“Hi,” I croaked. “It’s me…Denise.”

“Oh, hi. I left you a couple of messages today at work.”

“Um…I wound up taking the day off.”

“Are you il ?”

Mentally, yes.
“I’m fine, just needed to catch up on some things.”

“I talked to El en this morning. She said she ran into you Saturday night at a Broadway show, that you were with some gay guy?”

I closed my eyes. “Um, yes…he’s a…friend of mine.”

“And she said the two of you are getting together tomorrow afternoon to talk business.”

“That’s right.”

“Have you already thought of what you’re going to do with your big bonus? I was thinking maybe we could take a trip.”

I clenched my jaw.

“Are you there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“You don’t sound wel .”

“Barry, I can’t marry you.” I winced, wishing I hadn’t just blurted it out like that, but I couldn’t take it back now.

“What?”
he said, sounding floored. Then he laughed. “Denise…what are you saying?”

I sighed and summoned strength—I didn’t want to hurt him. “I’m saying that I can’t marry you, Barry. I’m sorry, but I don’t love you…enough.”

After a few seconds of silence, he scoffed. “You don’t love me
enough?
You either love someone or you don’t, Denise.”

I swal owed. “Al right then…I don’t love you. I don’t want to marry you.”

“You don’t want to marry me?”

“That’s right.”

He scoffed, making blustery noises. “I don’t believe this. If you didn’t want to get married, then what’s with the wedding dress?”

I blinked. “How did you know about the wedding dress?”

“I saw it hanging in your closet the night I was looking for my toiletry bag.”

And he had proposed the fol owing night. I brought my fist to my mouth as a horrible suspicion bloomed in my mind. “Are you saying you proposed because you saw the

wedding dress in my closet?”

“Wel …yeah. I mean, that’s one big hel of a hint, don’t you think?”

Humiliation rol ed over me in waves. I sat down hard in a chair. “So…you real y don’t want to get married, either?”

“Wel , I’m crazy about you, Denise, and we don’t argue, and we have so much in common…I thought maybe it was time to just bite the bul et.”

Bite the bul et. Barry was comparing marriage to me with sticking a gun in his mouth.

I was numb. My mouth opened and closed, but I couldn’t seem to form words. Final y I managed, “Barry, I don’t believe either one of us is ready to make that kind of commitment to each other.”

He sighed. “Denise, I’m swamped right now. Can we talk about this later?”

“No. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

He scoffed. “Just like that? No explanation, nothing?”

“I’m sorry, Barry…I can’t explain it to myself. Just know that this has nothing to do with you. It’s me.”

“You’re making a mistake, Denise.”

His words sent a chil through me. Maybe I was…maybe my life was just one long series of mistakes and missed opportunities.

“I’l send the ring to your office,” I said in a choked voice. (I hoped he could get a refund.) “I’m truly sorry, Barry.”

He made some disbelieving noises, al understandable—I was in a state of disbelief myself.

“Speaking of the office,” he said bitterly, “don’t be surprised if our breakup affects El en’s decision to do business with Trayser Brothers.”

I couldn’t blame him for being angry. “I’l understand if she changes her mind. Goodbye, Barry.”

I hung up the phone, took off the man-made diamond ring and cried. Sobbed. Real y boo-hooed. (I never cried…
ever.
) Over losing my friendship with Barry, losing my heart to Redford, and losing my mind over love in general.

And I was in love with Redford again. Or had I never real y fal en out of love with him?

In a torturous mood, I walked over to the cigar box of keepsakes and opened the lid, assailed by bittersweet recol ections. I sat on the floor cross-legged and removed each

item, turned it over, rubbed it between my palms, wringing the memories out of each memento in an effort to conjure up my state of mind at the time. I closed my eyes, tried to push everything else out of my mind, trying to remember with al five senses.

I had been so…
happy
with Redford. Blissful y so…childlike. To the point that I thought it couldn’t possibly last…it had to be a mistake. And it was. My judgment where relationships were concerned was official y abysmal.

My mother’s parting words came back to me.
A wise person learns from their mistakes.

Not me. I’d spent the last three years kicking myself for being stupid enough to marry Redford, only to turn around and almost make another mistake by marrying Barry. When I

thought of how close I’d come to marrying a man who had proposed because of a lousy dress, I was nauseous.

The ringing phone roused me from my bout of self-loathing. I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat, then answered the phone, wondering which person I didn’t want to talk to

could be cal ing. Mother? Barry? Redford?

“Hi, it’s me!” Cindy sang into the phone. “He cal ed again!”

“Who?”

“Jim—the guy from my Positive Thinking class. Just now! We talked for almost an hour on the phone, and he asked me out again. Oh, Denise, I have such a good feeling about

this guy!”

Her announcement roused me from my melancholy mood, and I smiled. “That’s wonderful, Cindy. At least we know the man has good taste. And who knows—maybe he’s
the

one
.”

She sighed. “Oh, I hope so. Denise, it sounds crazy, but I think I’m half in love with him already.”

“Easy, girl,” I said with a little laugh. But I knew just how she felt.

“Oh, gracious, I almost forgot the reason I real y cal ed! I won the auction—you can keep your wedding gown!”

I dropped back into the chair, caught between laughing and crying. I’d forgotten al about the auction. I’d set this entire mess into motion when I’d made the mistake of buying that stupid wedding dress. Now after having Cindy bid like a madwoman to win it back, I had it.

Plus
one fabulous gown—
minus
one fiancé.

My life was just too sad for words.

19

I WAS A NERVOUS WRECK
when I walked into the IRS office Tuesday morning at the appointed time. I’d gotten no sleep to speak of, tossing and turning and soaking my pil ow. I was racked with guilt over the way I’d behaved with Redford, and what I’d sacrificed—my relationship with Barry, my self-integrity. Even my parents knew that I had betrayed my fiancé with another man. That fact alone was enough to launch me into therapy.

But the basic truth was that my fixation on Redford simply wasn’t healthy. Both times he’d rol ed through my life, he’d left a wake of destruction. I didn’t even want to think about how long it would take me to get over him this time.

I straightened my shoulders, focusing on my goal to get through the audit. I’d worn my most stylish suit in anticipation of meeting with El en Brant later; but sensible shoes since I was stil hobbling from my foot injury. And after much self-debate, I’d also decided to wear Barry’s ring to the interview…I didn’t want its absence to trigger any questions from Redford.