My Gym Teacher Is an Alien Overlord (10 page)

We reached the next floor and swung through the doors into the silent room beyond. A librarian in a purple dress and big boots rolled a squeaky cart loaded with books across the floor. I spotted Zack immediately—he was the only other person in the place. He sat at a table under a window, his back toward me. I was about to call out to him, but before I could open my mouth, a long shadow fell across the library floor. There was a whisper of tracksuited legs as one of the sue-dunham Special Forces burst through the door with an earsplitting shriek from her whistle.

“Shh,” hushed the librarian.

The sue-dunham aimed her remote control at us and fired.

I clutched my chest, fingers prodding for the expected blast hole, but I was still in one piece. She must have missed. Christopher Talbot raised his arms in surrender. For someone with superpowers, he wasn't exactly overflowing with bravery.

While she held him in her cold gym teacher's gaze, I seized my chance. Bolting across the room, I had one thought: to warn Zack. Approaching his table by the window, I saw that he was plugged into his phone, and I remembered that he liked to listen to podcasts about famous mathematicians while he studied. I tugged out his earbuds and he spun around in surprise.

“Luke,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched a beanbag in the shape of a dragon sail across the library, as the sue-dunham commando chased Christopher Talbot through the children's section. And in turn they were both pursued by the librarian.

“There's an alien fleet poised to invade Earth, and you're being hunted by a robot that looks like Cara” was what I tried to tell Zack, but what came out was . . .

Silence.

I tried to speak again, but the only sound was the flapping of my lips.

With horror I realized what must have happened. The sue-dunham hadn't missed her target at all. Her remote control had been set to
MUTE.

I was about to contact Zack telepathically when I remembered he'd blocked me. I raged in silence.

With a huff of impatience Zack turned his back on me and returned to his studying, just as Christopher Talbot wheeled by, riding atop the librarian's cart, hurling books off the back of it at the pursuing commando.

Zack didn't see a thing. I tugged urgently at his sleeve.

“Luke, what is
wrong
with you?”

With no other way to communicate, I'd have to write down what was going on. I searched his desk in vain—there was never a uni-ball Gelstick when you needed one. I thought fast. There was one man who could help me—and I knew exactly where to find him. Grabbing hold of Zack's sleeve, I hauled him deeper into the leather-bound quiet of the library.

“Hey, get off!” he yelled, but I wouldn't let go. As we sped past lines of neatly stacked books, I scanned the spines for their authors. Vance . . . Verne . . . Vonnegut . . .
Almost there.
The next row.
Got it!
The author's name shone from the book like a lighthouse in a storm—on Mars.

H. G. Wells.

I plucked the slim volume from its shelf and thrust it into my brother's hands. He read the title with a puzzled frown.

“
The War of the Worlds
?”

In the absence of a book titled
We're Being Invaded by Aliens and Your Next-Door Neighbor Is an Evil Robot
, this would have to do.

“You want me to read it?” he asked. I nodded furiously. “I don't have time for this. I have my first exam in”—he checked his watch—“less than twenty-three months.” I flipped the book open and jammed it into his face. When I was little my dad had read
War of the Worlds
to me as a bedtime story. Since it had left me with nightmares about heat rays and choking red weed, I remembered every word. I stabbed a finger halfway down the first page.

“OK, OK, if it means so much to you.” He cleared his throat and began. “
Yet, across the gulf of space . . . intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.
” He looked up. “So what?”

Gah!
How difficult was it to deduce a full-blown alien invasion from a line out of a groundbreaking nineteenth-century science-fiction novel? And he was supposed to be the smart one.

“Hey, isn't that Miss Dunham?” said Zack.

The alien look-alike stood at the end of the aisle. Luckily, she hadn't yet spotted us.

“She wants me on track, y'know.” Zack preened. “I wasn't going to bother, but then I found out that Cara's on the girls' team.” He made a strange gurgling sound in his throat, and before I could stop him he had raised a hand and was waving to attract her attention. “Hey, Miss Dun—
oof!
”

I bundled him to the floor and clamped a hand over his mouth. He continued to complain in a muffled voice. I ventured a glance over my shoulder. The sue-dunham's terrible blank eyes met mine. I found myself staring straight down the business end of her remote control. No way she would miss. What would it be this time? Heat ray? Shrink ray? I braced myself.

Suddenly, there was a mighty shushing noise like a great gust in a forest, and the commando was swatted aside by a purple blur. It was the librarian. She hurled herself at the alien, and the two of them crashed into the Travel and Tourism section. The bookcase wobbled and, creaking under the weight of all those atlases, fell on top of the struggling duo. When the dust settled, the librarian arose triumphant. All that was visible of the alien were her sneakered feet poking out, like the Wicked Witch of the East squished beneath Dorothy's house. There was a faint crackle, and then the alien's automatic recovery system activated and she vanished in a cloud of glimmering particles—the same thing that had happened to her compatriot in Crystal Comics. With a thud the bookshelf fell the last few inches to the floor. Two down. That left one more commando out there. Somewhere.

Pinned beneath me, Zack hadn't seen a thing. “I've had enough of this,” he said sharply. I felt myself rise into the air. He was using his superpowers on me! Once clear, he leaped up, brushed himself off, and struck off down the aisle, leaving me hovering at eye level with the dusty top of the bookcase, shouting mute warnings after him. From my position I could see all the way to the door, where Lara now entered. Perhaps I'd have better luck explaining the emergency to her.

I felt the telekinetic strings vanish, and thumped to the ground with a silent
ouch
. Picking myself up, I hobbled out from between the stacks to find Zack at his reading table. Lara stood next to him, her head half-buried in a paper bag.

“They didn't have tuna, so I got you chicken salad.” She dug into the bag. “Hey, Luke,” she said, noticing me. “What are you doing here?”

“Forget about him,” said Zack, jumping up and clutching his head. He squeezed his eyes shut as he concentrated. “My Star Screen is picking up a disturbance. I'm getting a strong visual. The mall. People running and screaming. Lots of frightened faces.” His eyes flicked open. “Cara.”

“My sister's in danger?” Lara dropped the sandwich bag and snatched up the gym bag containing her costume. “What are we waiting for?”

I shook my head. “It's not her,” I shouted in vain. “It's a trap.” I stepped in front of Zack, blocking his path.

“Luke, what are you doing? Cara needs me.” He blushed. “I mean, she needs Star Guy.”

He pushed me aside and they dashed for the door. I set off after them, knowing I could never keep up with the superpowered duo. I was halfway to the exit when I heard Christopher Talbot's voice boom across the library, and abruptly fall silent.

“Give that device to me; its technology is way beyond your meager understand—”

Click.

I rounded Geography, bolted past Warfare, and skidded to a stop in front of Body and Mind. There stood Christopher Talbot and the purple librarian, wrestling each other for the alien's remote control. So far, it was a one-sided contest. The librarian must have seized it when she took care of the alien commando. I was impressed. I made a mental note never again to be late returning a book.

Click.

“I warn you, madam,” said Christopher Talbot. “If you do not relinquish that alien artifact, I shall have no option but to—”

Click.

As amusing as it was to watch Christopher Talbot turn mauve with anger, there wasn't time to let it continue. I snatched the device from her eager fingers and ran for the door. Christopher Talbot caught up with me in a few bounds. Two clicks later, we had our voices back. As we pounded downstairs, I filled him in on what happened with Zack.

“They think they're rushing off to perform a heroic rescue,” I explained as we raced out of the library and back onto the street. “But they're about to walk right into the middle of an alien cyborg kissing ambush.”

We sped along Main Street, threading our way through shoals of office workers, dodging knuckle-dragging teenagers with their heads bent over their phones, all the way to the mall. But before we'd even made it past Walgreens, the third alien commando stepped out of the crowd.

The sue-dunham Special Forces gym teacher stood with her feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, arms hanging relaxed at her sides—a lot like the stance Miss Dunham had demonstrated when teaching us how to throw a basketball. Her eyes locked onto us like a missile-guidance system. Pedestrians flowed around her, unaware of the alien terror in their midst.

“Has your battery recharged?” I asked Christopher Talbot.

“Not yet,” he said.

“It's not the best superpower ever, is it?”

“No,” he agreed glumly.

And then something remarkable happened. Christopher Talbot's expression hardened. He straightened to his full height, dropped his hands to his hips, and waggled his fingers. He was preparing for either a free throw or a showdown.

“Luke, you have to go,” he said quietly.

“But what about you?”

He surveyed the sue-dunham commando coldly. “I've got this.”

I could hardly believe it—he was choosing to be a hero instead of a villain. “But without your power, how will you—”

“Never mind that.” He paused. “If I don't make it, Luke, it's up to you and your little friends.”

“We're called S.C.A.R.F.,” I said.

He threw me a doubtful look. “S.C.A.R.F.?
Really?
”

“I'd like to see you come up with a better name,” I muttered.

“What are you waiting for?” He glowered. “Get out of here before I change my mind.”

I took off without another word. Merging with the crowd, I glanced back to see them square up to one another like a couple of Wild West gunslingers. As I hurried past Kay Jewelers, all the clocks in the window chimed noon. I hoped Christopher Talbot knew what he was doing.

The mall was just off Main Street. A stray chunk of the Nemesis asteroid had demolished part of it, but reconstruction was well under way, and it wasn't all bad, since they were opening an Apple store. I arrived outside the main entrance to find it jammed with hordes of screaming people. They weren't lining up for the latest iPhone.

Panicking shoppers stampeded out onto the street, bursting the doors off their hinges in their desperation to escape whatever was inside.

I pushed against the tide, squeezing past into the big, bright central atrium, now empty of people. Easy listening jazz played through the mall's public address system, punctuated by announcements for coming events and special offers. Daylight streamed through the soaring glass roof. It reflected off the splintered glass of broken store windows, and highlighted bags full of new purchases abandoned across the white tiled floor.

It also dazzled off the cube-shaped head of a giant robot in the food court.

The robot stood thirty feet tall, with legs made for stomping, pile-driver arms, and clawed hands for crushing. What I guessed to be its electrohydraulic drive system made whirring and clunking noises as the robot lumbered across the mall floor. With its highly polished casing and retro styling, the robot had clearly been designed by the sue-dunham to look good on TV.

One great claw-hand swatted at the swooping Star Guy, who flew around its head like an annoying gnat. Its other hand clutched the screaming figure of the Cara-borg.

“Help me, Star Guy!” she yelled, hammering her fists against the metal monstrosity. Her screams were as fake as her synthetic skin. The Overlord had fashioned the fake Cara as surely as she had bolted together the giant robot aboard the mother ship.

“I'll save you, Cara!” Zack called out, before hurriedly corrected himself. “I mean, I'll save you . . . member of the public I have only met briefly once before.” He dived at the robot, narrowly dodging the colossal claw as it raked the air.

I wasn't the only one watching the epic confrontation. Lara stood outside Mrs. Fields Cookies, dressed in her Dark Flutter costume.

“Uh, Dark Flutter, shouldn't you be helping Star Guy?”

“My animal power isn't much use in here,” she said with a wistful look. “The mall only allows in guide dogs, and I don't think it would be appropriate, firing Labradors at a giant robot.”

I agreed that it would not.

Star Guy used his force field to deflect a mighty punch. The robotic fist bounced off wildly, smashing through the window of YO! Sushi. When the robot yanked it back out of the restaurant, there was a selection of sushi and hand rolls along the length of its arm.

“I don't know if you've noticed,” said Lara, “but there's a strength and grace to Zack these days. I think he's really coming into his powers.”

“That's nice,” I grunted. I couldn't bear hearing about Zack's growth as a superhero. As painful as it was for me to admit, it was clear that the robot didn't stand a chance against my brother. The battle would soon be over, and the Cara-borg would deliver its kissy-faced payload. And there was nothing I could do about it.

A discarded shopping bag floated past in the food court fountain.

Or was there?

“Where are you going?” said Lara as I dashed off. “You'll miss the end.”

The bag was from the party store just around the corner. I made my way past the princesses and the Star Wars figures, to the superhero section. It didn't take long to find what I needed. Racks of Star Guy costumes had been placed out prominently in time for Halloween. I grabbed one and hurriedly pulled it on; then I checked that everything looked just right in an Evil Queen Magic Mirror. I really looked good as a superhero. “Now who's the coolest of them all?” I said.

“Star Guy,” replied the mirror annoyingly.

When I returned to the food court, the fight was in its final throes. Zack and the robot had moved to the upper floor and were going at it toe-to-giant-metal-toe outside Peet's Coffee and Tea.

“Uh, Luke?” said Lara, looking me up and down. “Never mind.” She gestured to Zack. “Between you and me, he could've finished this ages ago. He's just showing off. You know what he's like around my sister.”

“That's not your sister,” I said. “It's a Cara-borg.”

“What are you talking about? Of course it's my sister.”

There was no time to explain. I had to stop Zack from defeating the giant robot and winning that kiss.

With a toss of his head, Zack adjusted his cape and extended both arms. He was about to bring down the robot using his telekinetic superpower.

“Here it comes,” said Lara breathlessly. “The
cow de grass
.”

Zack glanced at the Peet's storefront and then back at the robot. “
Hasta la barista,
baby,” he quipped.

Even his quips were better than mine!

Swiftly pulling out the alien remote control, I pointed it at myself and prodded the volume switch to its maximum setting.

“HEY!”
My voice blasted through the mall like a sonic boom.

Store windows that had so far escaped destruction shattered, and the public address system exploded with a shriek of static. The force sent Zack spinning through the air.

But I was too slow. He had already unleashed his superpower. The robot's massive head tumbled off its shoulders and fell, splashing into the food court fountain far below. A shower of sparks accompanied the sharp smell of burning circuitry. Its red electronic eye flickered weakly.

On the upper floor of the mall, the headless torso sank to its knees, releasing its grip on the Cara-borg. Zack took an eager step toward her, failing to notice that the robot was down but not out. The body twitched and one gleaming claw-hand scythed through the air, walloping Zack with the force of a runaway locomotive. With a cry he pitched over the railing and fell. Moments before smashing against the hard tiles, he leveled out and brought himself in for a bouncy landing. He rolled and skidded, finally coming to a stop in a dazed heap at my feet.

In the fountain the robot's red eye flickered one last time and fell dim. That still left the Cara-borg. Leaping over my sprawling brother, I sprinted up the escalator.

The Cara-borg was waiting at the top. “Star Guy? You seem . . . different.”

I caught my breath. “I look taller when I'm flying.”

The Cara-borg accepted my explanation with a nod. “Oh, Star Guy, if you hadn't rescued me from the clutches of that
thing
, I don't know what would've become of me.” She sidled closer. “You're so amazing. And powerful. And
handsome
. If only there was some way I could thank you.” She formed her lips into a pout, closed her eyes, and lowered her face to mine. It was like the Death Star approaching Alderaan.

There was nothing I could do about it—I was going to get kissed. But better me than my brother. I braced myself.

“Tell me this isn't happening,” said Zack.

He stood at the top of the escalator with Lara. The Cara-borg's eyes popped open. She turned her surprised gaze from me to him. With the real superhero for comparison, she saw through my disguise immediately.

“Don't let her kiss you!” I blurted.

Zack stared daggers at me, then turned to the Cara-borg. “Sorry about him.”

“Don't ignore me! You have to listen.”

“Uh, no, I don't, actually.”

“Are you two related?” asked the Cara-borg suspiciously. “Because you argue just like me and my sis.”

“We don't argue that much,” objected Lara, and then realized she'd given the game away. “And by
we
, I mean me and my . . . three older brothers . . . and my dog . . . um . . . Patricia.”

Lara needn't have worried. The Cara-borg only had evil cyborg eyes for me and Star Guy.

“Who? Him? My brother?” said Zack. “Nooo. Some fanboy. Probably. Now, how about we get you home. You've had quite a day, Miss . . . ?”

“Call me Cara,” said the Cara-borg. “Would you fly me home?”

“I . . . don't usually . . . I mean . . .
sure
.” Awkwardly, he extended an arm. “Do you mind if I . . . ? What I mean is . . . purely for safety reasons, I need to . . .”

The Cara-borg took his arm and placed it firmly around her waist. “Like this, Star Guy?”

Below his mask Zack's cheeks flushed. “Yes,” he said, in a strangled voice. “Just like that.”

Holding the Cara-borg, Star Guy sprang into the air. They flew straight up through the broken atrium roof.

“No! Wait!” I called out, but if he heard, then my brother was ignoring me.

“Luke!” called a voice from below. I peered over the railing, and to my surprise saw Christopher Talbot running up the escalator. Somehow he'd made it past the alien commando.

“What's
he
doing here?” said Lara.

“It's a long story,” I said. “And we don't have time to go into it.”

Christopher Talbot surveyed the wreckage. “Don't tell me I missed a giant robot battle?”

“Come on,” I shouted, scrambling over the debris toward a door marked
ROOF ACCESS ONLY
. Maybe there was still time.

“I know you,” said Christopher Talbot, studying Lara. “You're the little reporter girl.” He snapped his fingers as he tried to recall her name. “Lisa . . . Lois . . .
Laura
.”

“Lara,” said Lara tightly. “And there goes my secret identity.”

“So
you're
Dark Flutter. How intriguing,” he said, turning to me. “All these children with superpowers, but not you, Luke. Bet that's annoying.”

I gritted my teeth and ignored his teasing. My legs burned as I climbed the stairs. I swore to myself that before the next threat to Earth came around, I'd get in shape.

The door to the roof lay before us. I pushed on the metal bar and shouldered my way outside.

The wind whipped across the flat roof. Below us lay the sprawling town center. With relief I saw my brother over on the other side of the building. Zack and the Cara-borg were cozied up next to a parapet. We raced across the roof. There were only seconds left to neutralize the Cara-borg.

I turned to Christopher Talbot. “Battery power?”

“Still charging,” he said with a sigh.

Zack caught sight of the approaching Christopher Talbot, and his lip curled into a sneer. “You!” he snarled, staring into the face of his old enemy.

“Hello, Star Guy. Nice cape.” Christopher Talbot picked up an end and rubbed it between two fingers. “Is there some cashmere in this?”

Zack snatched it out of his hand and glowered at both of us. “What's he doing here?”

“I'll explain later,” I said. “Right now we need to talk.”

“So talk,” said Zack.

I glanced at the Cara-borg. She studied me with her emotionless processor eyes. “Over here,” I said. “Out of the wind.” Taking my brother by the elbow, I steered him out of sensor range of the robot. Christopher Talbot and Lara huddled around us.

“Cara's not who you think she is,” I whispered. “She's a robot impostor. And whatever you do, don't let her kiss you or you'll be distracted and the Alien Overlord will fire her long-range viral agitator and it'll be the end of the world.”