My Heart Can't Tell You No (33 page)

“Radio?! We don’t have a radio over there!” Maddie called back.

“Your neighbor! They drove up to check on them. They said your son’s fine! Not to worry! And someone named Bob will be over as soon as he can get through!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Snyder!!” Maddie called to her, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, then doing both with relief. Jackie was all right.

“Old hag always had her nose stuck in everyone else’s business,” Joe muttered as they traveled up the macadam road toward the house.

“Joe!” Maddie looked at him in surprise, seeing how removed he was, just as distantly as he had been three days earlier. “That may be true, but she was only trying to help.”

“Right,” he snorted as he strode faster, carrying him into the house before she even reached the yard. “Where are those cards you had yesterday?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, watching him remove his coat and move into the living room, where he placed the cushions back on the chairs and couch, then sat on one of the chairs. “You had them last night.”

“Never mind. I found them.” He pulled a coffee table over to the chair and began to shuffle the cards.

All right, Maddie thought as she went to the cupboard and pulled out three large pots.
“Be
that
way.
I
was
the
one
who
preferred
the
silent
treatment
before,
but
you
had
to
have
everything
all
cozy.
You
think
you’re
hurting
me
by
keeping
quiet—you
better
think
again.”
Realizing that the rain was starting again, she took the pots outside. Once they had filled with rainwater, she would transfer the food from her cousin’s refrigerator to plastic bags, then submerge them in the cold water, the only assistance this hurricane was providing.

The
silent
treatment
lasted through the rest of the day. But by nine o’clock that night as they both sat in the room, with Maddie on one chair reading a biography and Joe still playing solitaire on the other side of the room, she heard him throw down the cards. She glanced up to see him grab his cigarettes and raincoat and head for the door.
“You’re
gonna
need
that
coat
in
this
rain,
she
thought
as
she
listened
to
the
pounding
on
the
roof
again.
Just
where
in
the
hell
do
ya
think
you’re
going
though?’
” Then the answer struck her. Didn’t he say the day before that he wouldn’t stay in the same building with her if he had to put up with her silent distance? Didn’t he say he’d try to walk back to town? She got up and raced for the front door, throwing it open as she stared out into the darkness.

“Joe!” she yelled, desperation filling her. “
JOE
!!”

“What?” He was more than thirty yards up the road from her.

She couldn’t hide the tears that welled up and were making her throat tight. “Don’t—don’t leave me here alone.”

He didn’t answer her for the longest time, then came back into the light. His steps were slow, until he finally stopped at the edge of the porch.

“Why can’t you just let me go?” His voice was very quiet. From the way he was looking at her, Maddie wasn’t sure if he even knew he had spoken.

“I . . . I—can’t,” she breathed.

He rushed through the doorway, capturing her in his arms, his embrace indicating his desperation. His mouth met hers in a kiss filled with a pain she had never known before. She had so many feelings going through her, so many anxieties, but the clearest thing in her mind was that she needed him and never wanted to let him go.

She didn’t know how many times they made love over the next few days. Or how often they quietly sat looking at one another. The days seemed dreamlike. When reality drew too close, they would shove it away as they clung to one another. The only times reality was welcome was during their vigils next to the radio. They knew when the storm had passed with the last of the rain. They knew when the river crested and would soon start its descent. They knew during their final, solemn morning together that it would be their last day together in the house.

They could barely look at one another that day as they made an attempt to return everything to its normal place and condition; returned unused food, the lanterns and heater, and cleaned the bedding from upstairs.

Maddie was so confused. She knew where she wanted to go after she got her son, but in the whole time she had spent with this man, not once had he said that he needed her for anything other than to satisfy his physical needs. He even came right out and told her he was using her to curb his
urges
. He even told her to let him go. Then, Maddie thought, there was always Lena—beautiful, slim, blonde Lena. Though divorced, he was still in love with her. He had made that plain enough when he had become so angry with her for insulting the woman.

As for her own marriage—Maddie knew it wasn’t any good doing this to Bob. He deserved so much more than she could give him.

“You taking this with you?” Joe held up the book she had been reading.

“No. It’s my cousin’s. I can’t take it.”

“Too bad all women don’t feel that way,” he muttered as he put the book back on its shelf. “Maybe I could have a peaceful night’s sleep once in a while.”

“What?” Maddie looked at him. “Who are you talking about? Who took something that belonged to you?”

“Can’t say for certain. Lena has the kids right now. I’m hoping she’ll take them to their grandparents sometime this week.”

“Your children. What would you do if she wouldn’t bring them back?” Maddie was feeling odd, slightly lightheaded.

His laugh was cruel as he looked at her. “That’s easy. I’d find them. No one takes my kids for long. I’d get them back. Then she’d have one hell of a time finding us.”

Maddie stared at him as he took his wallet out and put some money on the table along with a note he had written to her cousin earlier. The sound from outside was slow to sink in, her concentration was so complete on Joe, but the look of panic that spread across his face as he looked out the window turned her eyes outside too.

“Bob.” Maddie was on her feet, but Joe’s grip on her arms surprised her, turning her attention back to him.

“Don’t go.” His voice was pleading. “Don’t go with him. Tell him you aren’t going with him. Tell him to go home. Tell him to take Jackie with him—that you want a divorce.”

“What?!” Take Jackie with him? Was he crazy? “What are you talking about!”

“For God’s sake, Maddie! Leave him have his son if he won’t let you go otherwise.”

Hysterical laughter bubbled inside of her. He
was
nuts! How could he have shared all this time with her and imagine such a thing? To tell her to leave her son—
their
son—and at the same time—be so concerned about Lena’s children!
God
! How she hated him at that moment! Couldn’t he sense at all how very much she loved her son?

“I’m not leaving him!” she laughed without humor. “What kind of a fool do you take me for?! To leave the only thing in this world that can give me happiness—give me some sense of stability?! You’re crazy!”

His face was stone-like as he looked at her and released his grip. “You better go then. Just thought I’d give it a try. Maybe I’ll see you in another four years, in some flood or blizzard, or something.” He turned away from her and went to the middle room, where he put the telephone back on its stand.

Maddie grabbed her raincoat, not wasting any time as she raced to the door. As she opened it she saw the other car pull up behind Bob’s. It was John. She had the raincoat on and was heading for Bob’s car but he was already on his way to her. He stopped and took hold of her arms, looking at her closely before looking past her. He released her suddenly, moving across the yard toward Joe, who was closing the door; a look of anger crossing his face when he turned to see Bob standing before him.

“Bob!” Maddie yelled.

“Get in the car!” he growled.

“Something wrong, Green?” Joe asked, an amused sneer turning up his lips. Bob’s fist met Joe’s jaw, sending him back against the house. Joe started to retaliate but stopped and looked up at Maddie. The smile returned to his mouth as he reached up and wiped blood from a torn lip. She made no attempt to stop her husband. “Here, kid, you’re forgetting this. You
misplaced
it a few days ago.”

Maddie watched as he tossed something across the lawn to her. Amazingly, she caught it. Her face blanched when she realized it was her wedding band. How could she have lost it? Then she remembered how he stroked her fingers their first night together. How could she not have noticed it all this time? In a barely audible, very weak voice she said, “My ring.”

“You can have her back now, Bob. I’m done with her,” Joe said dangerously.

“I said get in the car!” Bob roared at her again, then turned back and was on Joe in an instant. Two more punches landed in Joe’s face before Joe retaliated and sent Bob flying back into the yard with a blow that tore the skin over Bob’s cheek. Joe went after him, his fists releasing all the fury he had held in check toward this man for years. John was there quickly, grabbing Bob and pulling him away from Joe as Tom pulled Joe back.

“That’s enough!!” John yelled at the men. “Bob, take Maddie home. Joe, get in the car and we’ll get you back over to Mom’s for your car.”

“Get in the Goddamn car!!” Bob yelled at Maddie, then went to the driver’s side and got behind the wheel.

Maddie slid into the back seat with her sleeping son. Her hands went to him immediately as she pulled him from his car seat and cradled him in her arms.

July 1984

At the end of John’s driveway Maddie looked around, still in a panic, but she saw nothing out of the ordinary. Her steps slowed as she stomped across Joe’s yard and banged on his door.