My Heart Can't Tell You No (60 page)

“He’ll finish it down at my place.”

“No I won’t! I ain’t going to your place!” Jackie said.

Joe’s eyes moved slowly until he was staring at the boy with an intensity that matched his son’s. “I take it from your previous remarks that you know fully well I’m your father, and have known for some time. It’s clear to me you get your corrupted manner from your mother. She’s had seven and a half years to turn you into what you are now—grant me a few hours tonight and the weekends coming up to try to change what she’s done to you.”

“You go to hell, ya rotten bastard!” Jackie tried to stomp past him, but Joe caught him by the arm and stopped him.

“Wrong.
I
was conceived and born when
my
parents were married.
You
on the other hand . . .”

“Joe! Knock it off!” Maddie rushed toward them and pulled Jackie from his grasp. “Don’t you touch him!”

“Daddy!” Robby rushed from the hall leading to the bedroom and bathroom, jumping up into Joe’s arms as he reached him. “Did you see? It’s snowing! Can we go out and build a snowman today?”

Joe was turned from Maddie and Jackie as he held Robby in his arms and was very glad of it; never had he felt so betrayed in his life. God, they were trying to annihilate him, and yet here was his only ray of light; his youngest son that he held in his arms. He walked with him back to the privacy of Maddie’s bedroom, his eyes burning with unshed tears. His arms were around the boy, his head bent to touch his; the strong hug delighting the boy and giving Joe the only thing left he could find to hold onto.

“Do you want to go down to my place tonight?” Joe finally asked.

“Can we visit Gram?”

“Sure we can.” Joe tried to smile at him.

“Is Mommy coming along too? She doesn’t usually sleep down there. Is she gonna sleep down there tonight?”

Joe sat on the end of the bed and held him on his lap. “No. She won’t be coming down. And I won’t be coming up here to sleep anymore.”

“Why not? Don’t you like us anymore?”

“I love you and your brother more than I thought was possible. Robby,” He turned him on his lap until he was facing him completely. “I’ve got something important to tell you and a few questions to ask. First—I—you’re—Robby, do you remember being told that a man named Bob Green was you father?”

“
Uh-huh
. His name was the same as mine.”

“Almost. His name was Robert Green too, but he didn’t have a middle name like you do. Do you know what your middle name is?” Joe received a negative shake of his head. “It’s Daniel. Just like mine. And just like my father’s.”

“Your name’s Joe,” Robby told him doubtfully.

“My name’s Joseph Daniel McNier. Your name is Robert Daniel Green. Robby, what I’m trying to tell you, and not doing such a hot job of it, is that
I’m
your father—not Bob Green.”

“Oh,” Robby told him simply. “So, now I can live with you, because you’re my father.”

“Yes,” Joe sighed, finding the boy’s acceptance a relief, then deciding he should have expected as much. At nearly four years of age, proper titles mattered little. The boy had decided months ago he wanted Joe as his father, so it was nothing new to him. “And about living with me—do you
want
to live down at my house?”

“Is Mommy going to live there with us?”

“No. She wouldn’t be coming down, but you could visit her as much as you wanted.”

“She wouldn’t live with us?” Robby’s lips began to quiver. “Then who would come chase away the monsters when they come at night?”

Joe sighed heavily, then squeezed the child against his chest. “Okay, how about if you just spend the weekends with me? I promise, if there are any monsters down there—all you have to do is call out. How does that sound? Do you want to go down to the house with me now?”

“Is Jackie coming?”

“Yes. He goes whether he wants to or not. He’s at an age where he needs his father’s guidance—or at least his father’s attempt at guidance,” Joe told him, then smiled softly when he saw that the boy didn’t understand. “Never mind. Now for my last question. How would you like your name to be Robby McNier, instead of Robby Green? I want to give you my last name.”

“Then what will your last name be?”

Joe chuckled softly as he hugged the boy again, then stood up and moved to the bureau where he kept his clothes.

“It’ll still be McNier. We’ll share it. You, me, Ollie, Felicia and Jackie. How about that? How does that sound?”

“Okay.”

Joe opened a drawer, then another and another before going to the closet to find them all empty. He took Robby’s hand and went back to the living room where Maddie was kneeling on the floor again while Jackie stood near the door with his jacket on and his books and extra sets of clothing in his hands. Jackie looked up at him with an anger that seethed; Maddie only glanced at him before putting the paper she was holding on the proper pile.

“Where are all my things?” Joe asked.

“Right there by the door,” said Maddie without looking at him.

“They aren’t my suitcases,” he said stiffly.

“You may borrow them. Just as you may borrow my sons for the evening.”

“Right,” he said irritably. “I see you wasted no time packing me up.”

“Not after last night. Anyway, you told me you were leaving. I saw no need to prolong the inevitable.”

He turned to look at Robby. “Go get your coat and some pajamas.”

“His coat is right there. His pajamas are in one of the cases.” Maddie got to her feet and walked to her sons, helping her youngest put on his jacket.

“Guess what, Mommy. Daddy’s giving me his name. He said he’d share it with me and Jackie.”

“What name?!” Jackie asked.

“McNier,” Robby beamed at him.

“I don’t want it,” Jackie said flatly. “And I don’t want Green either. If you have to change my name, why can’t it be Baker?”

“You’d like that wouldn’t ya? Then you’d only have my first name. Ya might as well forget it, kid—I’m your father and there’s no way out of it. You’ve got my blood running through your veins, no matter how much you don’t want it.”

“Do you plan on taking him down to your house to bully him like this?” Maddie interrupted, an anger lighting her dark eyes as she stood opposite him. “You can stop taking it out on him right now. He didn’t have anything to do with it, and he only found out himself last month. So just lay off of him or you can forget your intentions to
transform
him from the evilness you evidently think I’ve put into him. He won’t be going down at all.”

“Don’t count on it. He’s mine now—if only for the weekends.” Joe picked up the cases and started toward the door. “Out to the truck, you two.”

“Joe!” Maddie was angry, an anger she unsuccessfully tried to conceal. “Jackie and Robby—go out to the truck a while. And Jackie, you remember what I told you!” She stepped in front of Joe. “You can wait a minute longer though.”

Joe watched his sons leave the house, then looked down at the stubborn, proud figure standing before him. If he didn’t have his hands full, he wasn’t sure what he would have done to her at that moment. Standing before him as she was, dressed in jeans and an oversized flannel shirt opened at the throat, she was the picture of the woman he was in love with—the woman he loved to touch and hold. But knowing that created an anger at himself. So, he really wasn’t positive of what his actions would be—take her in his arms, or throttle her.

“You wanted something?” he finally asked.

“I mean it, Joe! Don’t take Jackie down there just to punish him for being your son! You did your share of
punishing
last night! I won’t have you abusing that child—either physically or emotionally! And believe me when I tell you I’ll be well informed after he comes home!”

“Come off it, Maddie!! What do ya think I’m gonna do?! Take him down there and beat the hell outta him?!”

“I don’t know! Not after last night!”

He stared at her a long moment. “I won’t touch the boy.” He tried to go for the door again, but she side-stepped in front of him. “Was there something else?”

“I want to know what Robby was talking about. Do you intend to take legal action to adopt them and change their names?”

“I want them, and I sure as hell don’t want them with Bob’s name. The rotten son-of-a-bitch may have thought he had the last laugh, but I’m getting them back, and they’re going to carry as much of my name as they can. Since I’ve already been denied the luxury of a
Junior
I’ll have to make the best of it.”

“What did you expect? Name him Joseph Daniel Junior, when I was married to a man named Robert? That wouldn’t exactly have been appropriate.”

“It would have been truthful!” he yelled at her, then clenched his teeth as he looked at her and tried to pass her again. “But then that’s a subject you seem to need lessons in.” As he reached for the doorknob, she stood in front of him again. “Now what?!”

“I just wanted to make something clear to you.”

“Like what?”

“Like what happened last night. I’ll only say this once and you better listen, because it’ll never be said again. Right now, I’m taking it for granted it
will
never happen again. But—if it does—one more time and you’ll never hear me speak to you again, and you’ll land in jail.”

He watched her speak, her head held defiantly as her dark eyes stared at him.

“I’m not in the habit of behaving as I did yesterday,” he said so stiffly that his jaws ached.

“I know that. I also know you’ve got a hot temper. You can usually keep it under control. And I can understand you were taken to the limit yesterday. But, as I said, I’ll have no more of it.”

“Tell Tom to be down for the boys before I leave for work.”

This time he made it through the doorway as she stepped aside. He knew she had to say what she just did, but still it bothered him. She was supposed to
know
him. She was supposed to
love
him and
trust
him. His belief in any such things was massacred these past two days. So, she said it—he listened—it was done and over with, and he had left without responding. But then he doubted that she expected a response.

He sat in his truck and glanced over at the two boys. His chest seemed to swell as he watched them. They certainly were handsome boys—and they were his. Intelligent, funny, and headstrong. Every bit their parents’ children, he thought with a smile that faded even before it settled on his lips.

What the hell was he doing? He didn’t have this in mind when he came up to Maddie’s house. He had only come up for his clothes and belongings. Well, they certainly were his
belongings
. But still, he didn’t even have his home prepared for them. He didn’t know where they would sleep. Both had shared a bedroom; he didn’t think they would like sleeping in separate rooms, but there were only single beds in each of his other children’s bedrooms. He knew his impulsive decision was only another jab to hurt Maddie. He sighed deeply as he started the truck and turned it around, heading back toward his house. Well, he’d think of something. They’d have proper sleeping arrangements that night; he’d see to it.

CHAPTER XXXIII
 

November 1984

“J
ackie, keep that coat on.” Maddie followed Robby through her mother’s front door.

“But it’s hot, and we’re going inside anyway.”

“We’re not staying long. Gram wants to go over to Lew’s. You know that.”

“
Gram
! You ready? I am! We’re going over to see Uncle Lew!” Robby ran up to the older woman waiting at the kitchen table.

“I know,” Sarah laughed as she gathered the boy into her arms for his welcoming kiss. “You seem excited about it.”

“I had to practically lock them in the house when they found out they were going to Lew’s with you. They could barely wait until I got ready.” Maddie watched as Jackie moved to stand behind Sarah and rest his arms over her shoulders in a loose hug.

“Well, we’ll be leaving as soon as Joe gets here,” Sarah told her.

“Joe?” Maddie asked stiffly. “What does he have to do with it?”

“He’s taking us.”

“Does
he
know it?”

“He knows Jackie and Robby are going, but he doesn’t know about you yet. There’s no getting out of it now, Maddie. You’ve avoided each other like the plague for the last month. If you plan on sharing this baby with him—you better get used to spending time with him again. The baby won’t be as easy to ship back and forth as these two.”

“You know about the baby?” Robby beamed up at his grandmother. “Mommy told us all about it today. It’s little—and in her belly—right now—today!”

“Is it? Well, how about that. What are you going to do about it?” Sarah went along with his enthusiasm.

“I don’t know,” he answered in confusion, then looked back to Maddie. “Am I supposed to
do
something
?”

Maddie laughed as she picked him up and moved to a neighboring chair. “No. Not really. Just be patient and wait.”

“Yeah, gotta wait because it isn’t done yet. It’ll take a while ‘fore it comes out for me.”

“How about you, Jackie? Are you anxious?” Sarah looked over her shoulder at him.

“I don’t know. I guess. Mom says I can hold it if I sit on the couch. Feed it too.” He rested his head on her shoulder as he watched his mother. “Is its name going to be McNier as soon as it’s born? Or will Joe change it like he’s going to with me and Robby?”

“Joe?” Sarah asked. “You’ve been down with him four weekends now—why aren’t you calling him Dad yet?”

“
Five
weekends,” Jackie corrected. “I don’t know. Where’s Pap?”

“In the room,” Sarah told him, then watched as the older boy turned and went in with his grandfather. “So—are
you
going to answer my question?”

“What question was that?” Maddie asked.

“About avoiding Joe.”

“I didn’t know that was a question. It sounded like a statement to me. But—I’m not the one doing the avoiding anymore. If you recall, the only time I see him is when he’s up here. And even then, he gets up and leaves as soon as he sees me coming. I told you what would happen if you told him.”

“I’ll say I’m sorry he left you, but I’m not sorry he found out. He’s going through a lot of pain right now. Once that’s over, he’ll be free to love those boys the way I know he wants to.”

“Sometimes I swear
he’s
your child—not me,” Maddie sighed.

“Why? Because I told you he’s going through a rough time of it?”

“No.” Maddie paused, still hiding the fact that anything physical had happened that night. As far as her mother and the rest of her family knew, she and Joe had merely argued, then agreed that he should move back to his own home. “Because you neglected to say
I
was going through a rough time of it for eight years.”

“Well I didn’t think I
had
to tell you that. You already knew it,” Sarah smiled gently.

“I already know what he’s going through too. I haven’t been sitting at home for five weeks just thinking of what was happening to
me
. I know it’s hard for him now. But there’s little I can do about it if he won’t let me. And I can’t help but wonder if the only things going through
his
mind are
his
feelings.”

“
Daddy
!” Robby jumped off Maddie’s lap as the door pushed open and hid Maddie from the man’s view.

“
Robby
!” Joe mimicked the youngster before swinging him up into his arms.

“Guess what! Mommy’s got a baby! Right here!” He pointed to his stomach. “It’s there—right now! Today!”

“Does she? Well what is it? he asked in a light, joking tone.

“A baby! I
told
you!”

“Oh,” Joe laughed. “I guess you did. Where’s your brother?”

“In the room with Pap.”

“Well, go get him. Tell him we’re ready.” Joe put Robby on the floor and watched him run into the room before looking at Sarah. “You ready?”

“As soon as Jackie gets out here, but until then, close the door. We’re not heating the outside, ya know.”

He closed the door, catching sight of Maddie. She watched the mixture of emotions flow through his eyes before he masked them and turned away. The anger, the pain, and the sadness made her own eyes drop away as she looked back at her mother.

“I think we can all fit into my car, don’t you, Joey?” Sarah asked.

“Where’s your keys?” he asked flatly.

“Right here.” She nodded toward the table, prompting him to grab them and turn back toward the door.

“I’ll be waiting in the car.”

“See,” Sarah said after the door closed behind him, “that went smoothly.”

“Come on, boys,” Maddie sighed. “Time to go.”

Maddie rode in the back seat of the car. She had the distinct feeling today wasn’t going to be one of her better visits with Lew and Janet. In the rearview mirror she’d catch glances Joe would send her, but whenever their eyes met, he’d glance back at the road in front of him.

“Mommy, look!” Robby stood up on the seat beside her, pointing out the window on his brother’s side of the seat. “Is that where I’ll go to school?”

“Yes.” She quickly pulled him back down on the seat and refastened the seat belt.

“That’s where Jackie goes?”

“
Uh-huh
.”

“Is that where you went?”

“Yes.”

“And Daddy?”

“Yes. And your uncles too.”

“Uncle Lew?”

“I don’t know. Mom, did Lew go to school there?” Maddie asked her mother.

“For a year or two. We both did,” Sarah answered.

“Why’d you go there?” Jackie asked. “You lived in town. Why didn’t you go to a school in town?”

“We lived on the other side of the bridge. Once you cross that bridge, you aren’t in city limits anymore,” Sarah explained.

“Did you walk all that way?”

“No. A bus came around for us.”

“Like the one Jackie rides?” Robby asked.

“Sort of,” Sarah smiled. “Except mine was about fifty years older.”

“
Look
!” Robby was on his feet again, pointing out Maddie’s window this time. “That’s the vets! I know ‘cause I went with John when he picked up Jenna’s cat. It got fixed.”

“That’s nice.” Maddie put him back in his seat again. “Now sit down.”

“You don’t even know what
fixed
means,” Jackie said to his brother.

“Yes I do. John told me.”

“Then what does it mean?”

“He can’t have no more babies. They
fixed
him,” Robby told him smartly.

“It’s a
her
. So how’d they fix her? Bet ya don’t now that,” Jackie taunted him.

“Do so,” Robby told him smartly. “I saw the scar. They cut off his boobs. Now he can’t have no more babies.”

“They didn’t cut off his boobs.” Jackie laughed at his brother. “I mean
her
boobs. You boob.”

“If they cut off
your
boobs, Mommy, will that mean you won’t be able to have any more babies?” Robby turned to look at Maddie, making Jackie laugh harder.

“I think you have your facts mixed up a little,” Maddie told him. “I’ll explain it to you when we get home.”

“Can’t go home. Remember? We have to go down with Daddy tonight.”

“Then
he’ll
explain it to you,” she told him.

“Mommy, can we stop for an . . . ,” Robby started quickly upon sight of the ice cream stand that had been closed for two and a half months, since Labor Day, but his comment slowed down as his father drove past it, “ . . . ice cream?”

“They won’t be open again until next spring,” Maddie told him. “Not until almost summer.”

“Why? Don’t people eat ice cream in the winter?”

“Not as much as they do in the summer. So they close down until the busy season,” Maddie explained.

“I eat it in the winter,” he moped, but his face brightened when he spied the large building coming up on Maddie’s side. His hands released the buckle to the seat belt as he scrambled to his feet, taking a step over her that sent his knee roughly against her stomach and bringing a soft groan from her. “What’s that?!”

“ROBERT! SIT DOWN! NOW!” Joe’s loud command put the boy in his seat faster than Maddie’s hands had been able to during the entire trip. “Now buckle it! And keep it that way until we’re at Lew’s!”

“All right,” Robby said irritably, then turned and looked at his brother who was hiding his laughter behind his hand. “You shut up!”

“I didn’t say anything.” Jackie’s laughter became too much for him to successfully contain.

“You’re laughing!”

“Well it’s not every day
you
get yelled at. You should have seen your eyes! They bulged!” Jackie tried hard to keep his laughter inside.

“Like this?” Robby’s fingers moved to his eyes, forcing them open as he leaned toward his brother and joined his laughter.

Maddie turned in her seat, not daring to look up front. She knew she was the cause for Robby being scolded—or the baby she was carrying, anyway. She sat silently watching her sons teasing one another, knowing the boy had done no real damage, just a moment’s discomfort. They would be at Lew’s soon, so she remained seated as she was, with her head leaning against the back of the seat, letting her sons’ comments amuse her.

Joe parked the car next to the house, getting out and leaving his door open for Jackie and Robby to hop out behind him and chase one another down the dirt road. He then strode to the passenger’s side of the car where Sarah’s door was just opening. Maddie watched as he held his hand out to her mother, helping her from the car. As she pushed the seat forward and started to get out herself, she stopped immediately, shocked to see Joe’s hand before her. He was waiting for her to take it and be assisted as her mother had been. She wasn’t sure how long she sat staring at that hand, but when she finally looked up at him, his expression told her she was taking far too long to decide. Her hand went to his quickly, grasping at its strength and allowing it to pull her from the awkward position in the back seat. But once she was standing outside on the muddy surface, he turned away and walked behind Sarah until she was safely inside the house. Maddie entered behind Joe as Lew made his way from the living room to the kitchen with a calm concentration, careful of his footing with the crutches.