My Juliet (3 page)

“But not tired enough, obviously, to let it go. For your own good you need to do that.”

“I can't. I've tried and it's no use. She told me she would come back and haunt me. She's doing it. She might still be alive somewhere but I'm living with the ghost.”

“Your ghost is not well. Juliet today is a deeply troubled girl. At the risk of disillusioning you more let me just say that she's not the person you keep in your heart. Sonny, you're a fine young man and you need to forget about Juliet. Meet someone who shares your values and wants what you want and raise a family together. Start a life, in other words.”

“I've got a life. I'm an artist and I date plenty and I even got engaged once. That's having a life.”

Sonny reaches for the bottle but, finding it empty, settles on a cookie. He finishes it before saying anything more. “You like Oreos after they've been in the freezer, Miss Marcelle?”

“Yes, they're good frozen.”

“I think I'll freeze some Funyons and try them that way.”

“Sonny, I think I'll have Anna Huey drive you home now. You can come for your truck later.” Sonny stands. As he starts to leave the room Miss Marcelle says, “Don't come back again, Sonny. Don't ever come back. You won't find what you need in this house.”

Her mother runs off screaming, and Juliet picks up one of the many greeting cards displayed in the parlor. It shows her name and so, too, does the next one she inspects.
Juliet
, they both say in a clean, composed script, not at all similar to her copperplate.

All told there must be a hundred such cards in the room, most of them standard-issue Hallmark with sentimental inscriptions and pictures of flowers, birds and unicorns.

“Anna Huey, what are these cards?”

Anna Huey, who for some reason has always gone by her full married name, places a hand on Juliet's shoulder and attempts to guide her out of the room. “Sugar, why don't you surprise us all and be a dear for a change. If you can't be a dear at least lower your voice.”

“I'll show you a dear,” Juliet shouts.

“Sugar, I don't want your mother any more riled than she already is.”

Juliet swings her arm and knocks Anna Huey's hand away. “What are these cards, I said. And why is my name in them?”

“Sweetie? Please don't get—”

“I demand to know who sent them. Tell me.”

“Anthony,” comes the whispered reply.

Disgust darkens Juliet's expression as she flashes to Anthony Arceneaux, Anna Huey's kid brother. She sees the boy at her father's funeral, approaching the coffin in an ill-fitting, hand-me-down suit that smells rudely of mothballs, the rose boutonniere at his lapel wilting in the heat. Anthony speaking gibberish to her father's corpse, his voice lifting above all others in the great parlor at the Jacob Schoen & Son Funeral Home, then the wild cries from the mourners as Anthony presses his mouth against Johnny Beauvais's mouth. “Anthony,” Juliet said to him later, “kiss my daddy again and I kill you.”

“Sweetie, I send Anthony a little money each month and in exchange he sends the cards. I tell him it's his job, along with some other things. Anthony lives in California, too. I guess you know that. He tells me it's more expensive out there than New Orleans and he's always looking for anything extra to get by. Did you know he was still in Los Angeles, sugar? I always hoped the two of you would run into each other and sit down and talk. Anthony could really use that. And I always thought you could too.”

“Anthony, run downstairs and answer the door, son. I'm going to time you. Run, now, Anthony . . .” And turning to Juliet, his pocket watch in hand: “Oh, you. Oh, darling. What's wrong? Why the long face? You're not . . . ? My heavens, Juliet. Anthony? Juliet, Anthony's thirteen years old. Please, darling . . .”

“Your mother believed them at first,” Anna Huey says. “She actually thought it was you writing. She knew the time when the mailman made his delivery and she waited by the door to open it as soon as he came up the steps. Does a mother who doesn't love her daughter do this?”

“Goddamn Anthony,” Juliet says.

“Don't be mad at Anthony. Anthony was just a boy then, Juliet. A baby.”

Juliet starts up the stairs to the second floor, one hand on the banister, the other extended way out to touch the red felt wallpaper crowded with portraits of her Beauvais forebears. When she reaches the painting of Johnny Beauvais she can barely hold his eyes with her own and she feels all the old shame and sadness and the steps are harder to climb.

She makes it to her bedroom and nudges the door open, and here is a piece of time cut free of the present. The collection of Louisiana plantation furniture is just as she remembered it: the four-poster bed and armoire and commodes, the secretary with its panes of wavy glass, its shelves crowded with Newcomb and Shearwater pottery. Offering a weird juxtaposition to the antiques are posters of rock and TV stars, souvenirs from Sacred Heart socials and Mardi Gras balls, and a plastic book unit overcrowded with mementos. Even the bedspread is as she remembers it: a net of spidery lace stained with thin, roiling clouds.

Have fifteen years passed everywhere on earth but in this room? Juliet stands at the window gazing out at Esplanade Avenue, the old tree-lined boulevard that stretches southeast to the Mississippi River and northwest to Bayou Saint John and City Park. Children in school uniforms play hopscotch on the sidewalk, just as she did long ago. Once after a night out together—it was her spring formal, she recalls now; they were dressed in evening clothes—Juliet and a boyfriend played the game on a diagram left in magenta chalk on the cement. High above, a full moon shone and from the river came a breeze. The boy held her with his back against the fence and they kissed in a stubborn, determined way as a passing police car slowed and stopped by the curb and splashed them with light. A man emerged from the car. “I'm a Beauvais,” Juliet yelled, pointing to the house. “Imagine that,” he said, then left without another word.

“What's it like to be you?” she recalls the boy asking.

“Tonight it feels slippery. I've had too much champagne.”

The boy's name was Sonny LaMott, and he watched as she hopped from square to square and back again. “That's not what I mean, Julie, and you know it. I want to know how it
feels.”

“It feels dangerous and it feels dreamy. It feels like it feels for any girl who's seventeen and in love with a boy.”

Her shoes dangled from the fence's iron pickets, framing his handsome face. She loved his face, its perfectly carved features and pale, unblemished skin; she even loved its regrettable tendency to pout.

She also loved how at the dance earlier Adelaide Valentine, who herself could date practically any boy she wanted, pulled her aside and said, “I am
so
jealous.”

She loved as well how this boy kept his hands in the pockets of his rented tuxedo trousers, puffing them out, in a futile attempt to hide his excitement.

“What I mean is,” he was saying now, “I wonder how it must feel when you're alone in your room late at night and your room is in a mansion and the mansion has the same name as your name and all you have to do is say that name and people know the place and know you? ‘I'm a Beauvais,' and the cop gets in his car and drives away.”

She couldn't tell if he honestly expected an answer. Did Dickie Boudreau, when they were a couple, ask what it felt like to be who she was? Of course he didn't. Dickie lived in a giant wedding cake of a house on Saint Charles Avenue. Dickie drove a Jaguar. Dickie was going to be a Deke at Tulane, then a partner in his father's oil exploration business. The only thing Dickie Boudreau ever seemed to ask was whether she was on her period. That and if she wanted to get a room somewhere.

Juliet was barely listening when Sonny said, “My family's all of three people, Julie—Mom and Dad and me. I never even knew my grandparents—both sides, they were dead before I was born. Family, Julie—it's everything around here. Let me ask you a question: In New Orleans when you run into somebody you haven't seen for a while what's the first thing they ask?”

“The first thing?” She paused, standing on one leg, and glanced at him. “The first thing, after tonight, will be why did you break up with your beautiful boyfriend? That will be the first thing.”

“ ‘How's your mama and them?' ” Sonny says. “It never fails. It's not ‘How are you doing?' Or ‘How's life?' Or ‘How's work?' Or ‘What do you think of the weather we're having?' It's none of those. ‘How's your mama and them?'
History
, Julie, where you come from—that's all that matters. . . .”

Down on the street the children scatter as rain begins to fall, and Juliet moves away from the window. From a pocket she removes a slip of notebook paper containing a list which she started on the flight in and titled “The Proof.” Now she adds to it, using a ballpoint at the secretary.
“How's your mama? Well, let me answer that question. My mama ain't so good. My mama has bionic ears. My mama hears spiders on the window screen and thinks it's somebody trying to break in. My mama screams and wakes the whole house up and Daddy is in a bad mood in the morning because he didn't get his eight hours. Is this your fantasy, woman? Do you honestly expect to satisfy the natural sexual desires of your assailant any better than you satisfied those of your husband? Scream all you want, see what I care. One day it won't be spiders. It just might be me.”

This is entry number forty-two, and it requires the last of the space on the back of the page.

“I don't appreciate being duped,” Juliet tells Anna Huey as she trudges back down the stairs.

Juliet has lighted a cigarette and she makes a point now of depositing clouds of smoke in both the foyer and the parlor. (Her mother, after all, claims to be allergic to tobacco.)

“It was for a purpose I asked you back,” Anna Huey says, stumbling out onto the gallery in pursuit. “For one thing your mother's scared, sweetie—she's scared for your health and for your life. We found out all about California, sugar—your friends and bad habits, the visits to the emergency room, even the time in that club they gave you mouth-to-mouth. Juliet, have you been taking your medicine?”

Juliet smiles. “Oh sure.”

“You're gonna catch yourself something you don't want, Juliet. I've seen it happen. Juliet, we're gonna lose you at too young an age.”

And this from a cleaning woman.

Out in the street now, in the rain, Juliet opens the car door and turns to face the house, pale and gray in the watery sunlight, a battleship. “The Beauvais was stolen by the enemy before. Anna Huey, do you remember your history lessons from school? The Yankees had it almost three years before we got it back.”

“The way you talk. Nobody ever studied about this old house in school.”

“How's your mama and them?” Juliet says, not sure herself where it came from.

“God, baby. Them drugs really have fried your mind.”

Juliet flicks her cigarette in the direction of the house, halfway wishing it would catch the grass on fire and burn everything down, people and all.

The blue hour of twilight, the hot, narrow streets, tourists filing past. Sonny LaMott, his step uncertain after too many highballs, leaves a topless/bottomless called Lulu's and walks to the corner of Chartres and Saint Louis streets and the fabulous Napoleon House.

Louis Fortunato greets Sonny at the door and escorts him to a table with a view of the street.

Sonny stares out at pedestrians and passing traffic, but what he sees are women in G-strings and high-heel shoes bumping and grinding against firehouse poles and sashaying along runways pulsing with colored lights. In the restaurant Pavarotti's voice soars from hidden speakers, and yet Sonny hears the points of stilettos making contact with parquet.