He didn't know it, but she wouldn't be here
tomorrow when he came calling. It was best for both of them. Cassie
put a hand on the table and pushed up out of the chair to reach for
her crutches. With even strokes she used them to push herself
across the floor at a steady pace toward her dad's room.
He was sitting up in a wingback chair with
his white ankle to thigh cast propped up on an ottoman, his
breakfast tray on his lap, when she made it inside. "Morning,
daddy," she said forcing brightness into her tone.
He looked up, his gray eyes shining happily
under his equally gray wiry eyebrows, a smile splitting his face.
"Morning, sugar. You look plum tuckered out. A lot of excitement
yesterday, huh?"
"There's been a lot of excitement around
here for two weeks..." she told him as she walked past to sit on
the edge of the bed to face him. "How's that nurse working out for
you?"
"Crotchety old filly is like a drill
sergeant. Bosses me around something terrible," he grumbled and
forked a piece of scrambled egg into his mouth. "Kinda like those
sponge baths though," he said around the egg and chuckled.
He would, she thought with a chuckle. "She
sounds like just what you need, old man. Otherwise, you'd be
running all over her."
"You're one to talk little girl. That wimpy
ex-fiancé of yours still in jail?"
"As far as I know. Between your trespassing
charge and mine for stalking, he'll either have to drop the charges
against Luke or spend more time than him in jail. I'm going to get
a restraining order against him once I get back to Phoen--" she let
her sentence trail off and her dad's eyes narrowed.
There was dead silence between them for a
minute or two then he asked in a low even voice, "So you're going
back?"
"Yeah, for now. I've got a lot of loose ends
to tie up with the business, and I need to really think about where
I want to live and what I want to do. I made a snap decision to
stay in Bowie because I was excited about the horse breeding
thing..."
"You can still do that, I have plenty of
money darlin', more than I could ever spend."
"I know daddy, but if I do it, I want to do
it on my own. It will mean more that way. But I'm not sure yet if
that's what I want or not." She saw his eyes mist up and she
reassured him. "I still might do it daddy, there's just a lot I
need to deal with before I can make a decision...a lot I need to
work out."
"You tell Luke?"
"No, I didn't...and I'm not. He wouldn't let
me go. The time I've spent with him these past few weeks has been
great...I love him, daddy...but I don't see things working out
between us. We don't make each other stronger."
He threw his fork down on the tray and spat,
"That's horseshit, girl. You two were made for each other, and it's
a crying ass shame you can't see it. That boy loves you...he'll
take care of you."
"See that's the thing daddy--I don't want
him to take care of me. All that's done so far is get him into
trouble. His life was solid until I came back. Even Cole said so. I
think the best thing I can do for both of us is go back to Phoenix.
For now, anyway."
"You've got some strange notions about love,
honey." He shook his head and picked his fork back up. Staring down
at his plate, he continued, "Your mama was the love of my life, and
we argued every day. It didn't mean we didn't love each other.
Love's hard work...not for the faint of heart." He stuck his fork
into a piece of cantaloupe and waved it at her. "You're one of the
strongest women I know, Cassie Bee...and you could work it out with
Luke, if you'd just stick around and try." His eyes pleaded with
her to change her mind.
He just didn't understand...they weren't
good together. "Since I've been back in Bowie, I've gotten thrown
from a horse, almost raped, broken my ankle and cracked my skull,
then was stalked by my crazy ex--and Luke has tried to save me from
it all. For his trouble, he's been antagonized by me, risked
everything he has to buy a herd of cattle he has no use for, has
had to beat the shit out of the cowhand who tried to rape me, been
thrown in jail once, almost twice now, and he's arguing with his
best friend over me. How can you say that we're good for each
other?"
That got a chuckle out of her dad, but he
sobered quickly. "None of that has anything to do with the price of
tea in China--or love--girl. If Luke was there for you through all
that, and you were there for him, that's what love is. Life ain't
easy, you have to take the fleas with the dog."
"Well, I'm taking my flea circus and heading
back to Phoenix for a while, daddy."
"Why did you run away after graduation,
Cassie Bee?" he looked up at her and asked quietly.
She looked down at her hands and twisted her
fingers in her lap. She figured she finally owed him the
explanation she'd never given him. "Luke was supposed to meet me at
the lake that night, and I went to find him. I found him tangled up
with Becca Harvey, and thought he was cheating on me."
"Did you talk to him before you left? Ask
him about it?"
"No...I was too hurt."
"So you just got your ass over the dashboard
and left him dangling on the limb to head to Phoenix."
Cassie looked up at him and swallowed hard.
"Yeah, I guess I did. But he didn't come after me either."
"You're wrong there. He came over here right
after you left that night looking like he could eat nails. He
grabbed me by the collar and yelled at me trying to get me to tell
him where you were. I thought he was gonna cry when I told him you
left, but didn't say where you were heading."
Her daddy had never mentioned that to her
before, and a wave a guilt surged up to strangle her. "I didn't
know."
"So now you're doing it again. Leaving him
dangling without talking to him and heading off to Phoenix to run
away and hide."
Was she doing that? Repeating history by
being a coward and running away instead of confronting Luke? Her
conscience whispered,
hell yes you are
. "Okay, daddy you've
made a point. I'll call Luke and talk to him."
"There you go, Cassie Bee. I'm proud of ya,
darlin'."
She got up and hobbled over to put a kiss on
his weathered cheek. "Thanks for setting me straight, daddy. I love
you."
"I love you too, sugar," he said and swatted
her behind. "Now, you go take care of that business and let me
finish my breakfast before the battle ax gets here."
Cassie chuckled feeling sorry for his nurse.
Although her daddy was a hard man to handle sometimes, he had a
heart of gold...and he was pretty damned smart too.
***
Cassie sat on the front porch swing waiting
for Luke to show up. She had her bad leg propped up on the swing
and her other toeing the floor to set it rocking in a slow steady
rhythm, as she sat back against it and watched for the dust cloud
that would announce his arrival.
At first when she'd called him, Luke was
kind of cold to her. He said he was too busy to come by again
today. After she begged a little, he finally agreed, but he didn't
sound too happy about it. He was still on vacation, how busy could
he be?
His brush off made her uneasy, because the
way he sounded gave her a bad feeling he'd already figured out she
was planning on leaving. Either that, or he'd decided the same
thing she had about their relationship, and was trying to cool it.
That thought made her heart twist in her chest. Whatever the result
of this conversation, things needed to be said, to give them peace.
It was time for them to have the talk that was ten years late in
coming.
A lump formed in her throat when she saw the
dust, then his big pickup broke through the cloud, barreling down
the drive toward the house. When he pulled to a stop, she saw the
firm set of his jaw, and flat line of his lips through the
windshield. He didn't get out right away, just stared at her for a
minute from the truck. She saw him lay his head down on the wheel
for a minute, then he lifted it back up and opened the door.
Her mouth went dry watching his loose limbed
strut across the yard toward the porch. Memories of last night and
how he'd loved her senseless caused her heart rate to pick up, and
her breathing to shallow. His boot heels beat a steady tune on the
porch as he made his way over to the swing and picked her leg up
before sitting down and putting it on his thigh.
"What's up?" he asked not looking at her,
just staring straight ahead, his shoulders stiff. His voice was as
cold as it had been earlier on the phone.
Cassie swallowed hard, "I was thinking of
going back to Phoenix."
She saw a muscle tick at the side of his
clenched jaw. He finally loosened it and said, "I know. So why are
you still here, and why did you call me out here?"
"I didn't want to leave without talking to
you this time."
He lifted her leg up off of his lap and
stood, then laid it back on the swing, before he said
sarcastically, "That's mighty nice of you, Cassie, but why break
with tradition?" He turned one hip toward the porch steps making to
leave then said, "I didn't mean a fucking thing to you then, and I
certainly don't now, so why bother?"
Cassie felt her lower lip tremble, but hung
for dear life to the tears that threatened. "You
do
mean
something to me, Luke...you mean
everything
. I love
you."
An angry flush suffused his face and he
turned back to her and leaned very close to her face. "That's total
bullshit, Cassie," he spat then turned to toward the steps again.
At the top step, he stopped with his back to her, his shoulders
tense and his hands fisted at his sides.
"Becca Harvey almost drowned that night. I
jumped in to save her. I was trying to save her life when you saw
us, not kissing her," his voice was low and choked. "Goodbye,
Cassie...have a nice life."
Cassie found her voice, and yelled after
him, standing up to wobble on her cast. "Don't leave, Luke--I have
more to say!"
"I don't want to hear it," he said curtly
and continued across the yard toward his truck.
She screamed at his back anyway, "I didn't
want to cause you to lose your job or your best friend!" With a
sob, she took off toward the steps after him. A loose board caught
on the ball of her cast and sent her rolling across the porch until
she finally came to a stop at the top of the steps dazed.
She heard Luke yell "Fuck!" and tried to get
up and go after him again. She'd managed to shove to her knees,
before he came stomping up the steps and jerked her up to stand.
"You're going to kill yourself! What the fuck are you doing?"
Cassie took two steps forward and put her
arms around his waist. "I d-don't want to be your k-kryptonite...or
the cause of you losing your job. Cole is right, I'm nothing but
trouble for you," she whimpered and then the tears fell down her
cheeks unchecked. She sobbed and then hugged him tightly, and she
wasn't going to let go, until he listened to her.
"Cole is a fucking idiot. I was over at the
station chewing him a new one when you called me. He was way out of
line," he told her brusquely then skimmed his eyes over her body
seeming to assess her, "Are you hurt?"
Just her pride...and her heart. "No, I'm
fine."
She lifted her head from his chest and put
her hand on his cheek. "I don't want you two to be fighting over
me, Luke. I don't want to cost you your job or your best friend
trying to protect me. That's why I was
thinking
of going
back to Phoenix..." Her lip trembled again and she bit it then
finished, "Even though it was gonna kill me to leave you
again."
"Fuck the job. I was going to resign anyway.
I want to raise cattle, and be able to give you a good life."
He walked her back over to the swing and
made her sit down.
"But you can't quit your job, you're
Sheriff! People depend on you...respect you. You don't even like
cattle ranching," she yelled desperate talk some sense into
him.
"What the hell do you know about what I
like?" he asked with glittering eyes, then sat down beside her and
rubbed his palm on his thigh. "You've been gone ten years! I like
it well enough and it sure pays a helluva lot more than being
Sheriff."
"I don't give a damn about money, Luke," she
said and put her hand on his arm, "I give a damn about you. You
should be able to do what makes you happy, not have to settle for
something because of a paycheck. You're fucking brilliant, and have
more determination than anyone I know, you could do anything you
set your mind to."
He looked over at her. "That's what I always
loved about you...you believed in me...made me believe in myself,"
he said and then turned to look out over the porch rail. "But when
you left me, I thought you'd figured out I was just the town
drunk's son and not worth a plug nickel. Figured you ran off
because you finally realized I wasn't good enough for you."
She gasped, shocked that he would feel that
way, have so little confidence in himself. Then anger filled her
that he thought so little of
her
. "I'm not like that, Luke
and it pisses me off that you ever thought I was. If all we had was
a one bedroom shack with no running water, I'd still have been
happy as a clam as long as you were with me."