My Laird's Love (My Laird's Castle Book 2) (23 page)

We moved on down the hall toward James’ room, not fast enough to suit me.

“Not at all!” I snapped, exhausted from hauling him up the stairs and down the hall. “I’m leaving, James! I’m not staying. I’m going home, and if I decide to marry there one day, I will. But until then, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

At my words, James came to an abrupt standstill, refusing to move. I pulled out from under his arm draped across my shoulder, wishing with every fiber of my body that I hadn’t spoken, that I hadn’t said those words. The look on James’ face tore at my heart. He looked not only pale and faint but stricken. Absolutely stricken.

Within seconds, the pain in his blue eyes vanished to be replaced by a blank stare. He nodded, the muscles in his jaws flexing.

“Aye, of course,” he said. “Ye must go home. Havena I said that afore?”

I bit my lip and reached for the bedroom door. When I went to wrap my arm around James’ waist, he spoke again.

“Bracken can help me, Maggie. Go rest or walk about the grounds or do something to refresh yerself.” He turned away from me, and I watched Bracken help him into his room, followed by Robbie.

Tears filled my eyes as the door closed in my face. Why had I blurted out the words? No, not why. I knew why. They had been on my mind. But I wished again that I’d said nothing just then. I could have been kinder. I had hurt him. What James didn’t know was that I hurt as well.

I left the castle and descended the stairs. Captain Thompson was long gone, and Duncan’s boat rested on the opposite shore.
 

I picked up my skirts and walked around the lake edge, studying the rounded pebbles under my feet, the gentle waves lapping the shoreline, the sparkling sunlight on the water and the rolling green hills surrounding the lake.
 

I wasn’t Beth. I couldn’t stay. Beth had left no one behind. Sam called to me. The world we shared called to me—the familiarity, the safety and security. Yes, I knew he was dead. Hadn’t I watched him take his last breath? But I wasn’t ready to give him up, and I most certainly wasn’t ready to give him up for another sick man, a man who lived in the eighteenth century.

“Sam?” I spoke aloud. But Sam was too far away, buried over two hundred and fifty years into the future in a country far, far away. I could barely conjure up his image at the moment. Only the desolate face of a chestnut-haired Highlander filled my thoughts.

With every passing moment, the urgency to return home grew. James would overcome the typhoid fever. My sole purpose at this point was to hand out pills. He did not need me. I was not abandoning him, not really.

I picked up my step and rounded the shoreline to call out to Duncan.

“Duncan!” I called. The older man emerged from the cabin.

“Aye, mistress?”
 

“Can you come for me in an hour?”

“Aye, mistress,” he responded.

I turned and trotted back toward the castle, trying to figure out how to contact Colin and Beth to let them know I was leaving. I desperately wanted to see Beth in person before I left, but I didn’t want to wait to send a message to them, have Colin pick me up, go to their castle to visit with Beth and then return to the river.

No, I wanted a direct path to the river. I bit my lip. Oh! How was I going to get to the river?
 

I didn’t know. I couldn’t possibly handle a horse on my own. And even if I could, abandon it there? I hoped Duncan could come up with a solution.

But first, I had to tell James I was leaving right away. No delays. My heart ached at the thought. I wasn’t sure I would be able to speak. My throat seemed closed over at the moment.

I ran up to his room, tapped lightly on the door and waited. I heard no call to enter, so I pushed open the door. Robbie ran up to greet me, and I bent down and rubbed his silky head.

James appeared to be asleep, and I crossed the room to gaze down at him. The pills were safely stored on his bedside table, and he knew when to take them.

My knees weakened as I gently caressed his cheek. His skin was cool and clammy. He had done too much once again by going downstairs to confront the captain.

I drew in a ragged breath and stared at the handsome Highlander. I would miss the sparkle in his teal-blue eyes, the generous smile I’d seen so much of before he fell ill, his delightful sense of humor. I didn’t think I would ever meet anyone like James Livingstone again. No, of course I wouldn’t, not in the twenty-first century.

I bent down and pressed my lips against his forehead. A single hot tear splashed on his forehead, and I straightened quickly and turned.
 

I gave Robbie one last pat and fled from the room. Back in my own bedroom, I repacked Beth’s clothes into the wooden case.

Bracken was nowhere to be seen, and I had no idea how to find paper and pen to write a note. I couldn’t just disappear though. That would be unkind, cruel.
 

I eyed the case with a sigh. Bracken had carried it up. Surely I could carry it back down. I thought it was more bulky than heavy.
 

I was rapidly coming to the conclusion that I didn’t really want to encounter Bracken on my way out. I didn’t want to tell him I was leaving right away, didn’t want to answer any questions. He might insist on waking James, and now that I was on my way, I didn’t want to tell James good-bye in person either.

I tugged on the case and pulled it down the hallway and down the stairs, bumping along each step. How the noise didn’t bring the ever-alert butler, I didn’t know. Maybe he had passed out from the exhaustion of caring for James, for the house.

I dragged the case across the courtyard and pulled it through the door. Standing on the top step of the stairs, I waved at Duncan, motioning him to come get the case.
 

He crossed the beach and came up the steps to pick up the case.
 

“Thank you, Duncan. I have to leave in a hurry, and I need your help with several things,” I said breathlessly, whether from my now covert departure or exertion, I didn’t know.

“Aye, mistress?” he asked over his shoulder as he descended the stairs, case in hand.

“I couldn’t find any paper or pen in the castle, and I need to leave in a hurry. Could you tell Bracken that I have returned home? Just that. That I have returned home. He can pass that on to his lairdship.
 

“Next, could you have this case returned to Lady Anderson at Gleannhaven Castle for me?”

Duncan nodded. We had reached the boat by now, and he set the case inside and helped me climb in.

“Ye are returning home, and I am to carry this case to Gleannhaven Castle,” he repeated.

“Yes, thank you. And third, could you figure out how I could get to the Gleannhaven estate? I don’t need to go to the castle, just the estate.”

“His lairdship’s wagon be over there, mistress.” He nodded toward his cabin. “The tides, ye ken. I can take ye in the wagon.”

I heaved a sigh of relief.
 

“Oh, thank you. Are you ready?”
 

He nodded assent and rowed me across the small stretch of water to the opposite shore. He suggested I have a seat on a rickety bench in front of his cabin while he attended to the wagon. He called his son, who came running out from the cabin, and together they disappeared around the back. I heard the jingle of livery.

With a racing heart, I stared at the castle across the lake, wishing they would hurry. I wanted to be gone before James woke up or before Bracken noticed I was gone and told James. I berated myself for running, for lacking the courage and fortitude to say a proper good-bye, especially to people who had helped me so much. James. Even Bracken.

I was ungrateful, cowardly, weak and pathetic. I sighed deeply, quite possibly releasing all the air in my body in that one breath. I was also exhausted.
 

Duncan and his son brought the wagon around, and Duncan helped me climb aboard. His son jumped into the bed of the wagon. As we rolled away from the lake, from Lochloon Castle, I avoided taking a last look over my shoulder. I swallowed repeatedly to keep my throat from closing over. Hot tears burned my eyes, and I turned away from Duncan to wipe at my face.

I only hoped that James would forgive me for leaving so suddenly, that he would understand how difficult it would have been to say good-bye. Of course, without a note to say so, how could he know?

“Duncan,” I began.

“Aye, mistress?”

“Don’t forget to tell Bracken that I returned home. Tell him also, and the laird if he asks, that I am so sorry to leave without a word.”
 

Duncan nodded, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Remember, Duncan. Tell them I’m so sorry to leave without a word.” My voice broke, and I cleared my throat.

“Ye are sorry. I ken yer words, mistress.”

“Yes, so sorry.”

The return trip to the river on Colin’s land took about an hour and a half, and we approached it midafternoon.

“There.” I pointed to the particular spot on the river where the time travel had occurred. “Just drop me off there.”

“Drop ye off, mistress? Right here? There is naeithin here.” Duncan asked. He slowed the horses and came to a stop.

“Yes, right here. Then you can go on to Gleannhaven and drop the case off. Would that be all right? I know it’s a lot to ask. Maybe they could let you and your son spend the night.”

“Where my boy and I lay our heads tonight isna the problem, mistress. I canna drop ye off here alone. It will grow dark in a few hours.”

“I’ll be all right, Duncan. I know what I’m doing.” I thought quickly. “Someone will come to get me soon.”

“Och! That’s all right then. I kent ye meant I should just abandon ye here on the road by the river. The laird would have my head for such.”

“No, no, of course. Yes, someone is coming to get me.” I would have checked my watch for effect if I had one, but I didn’t. Who knew Duncan, the boatman, would fuss so much?

Duncan stepped down and helped me from the wagon.

“We can wait here till someone comes for ye,” he said.

I shook my head. He’d have a long wait, and what I needed to do should not have a witness. My anxiety mounted, and I responded a little testier than I should have.

“No, thank you, Duncan. Please leave. I’ll be fine.”

Duncan cocked his head and then turned away from me and climbed back into the wagon.

“Aye, mistress. Good day to ye then,” he said with a nod as he urged the horses forward. His son climbed into the buckboard that I had vacated. I moved to stand by the riverbank, waiting for the wagon to travel far enough away so that neither Duncan nor his son could see me clearly.

Then I knelt by the river. In doing so, I nearly tripped over my skirts, and I cursed. I wished I’d had my jeans with me so I could shuck the historical dress and show up in modern-day Scotland without attracting attention. But Beth hadn’t sent those to me, and I supposed they were still packed away at Gleannhaven Castle.

I realized I was focusing on minutiae, anything to keep from thinking about James and leaving him behind. I knew I wouldn’t return. The eighteenth century was not for me. There was disease and pestilence and death and sorrow and war, not to mention witchcraft and superstition. I wasn’t cut out for the rigors of life in the seventeen hundreds. I simply wasn’t.
 

“I’ll see you soon, Sam!” I whispered as I bent to scoop up a handful of the frigid water. As expected, the water tingled in my hands and on my cheeks. The world started spinning, and I grew dizzy and faint.

Chapter Nineteen

I awakened with a start to the sound of a high-pitched female voice.
 

“Miss, are you all right?” the woman asked.
 

I opened my eyes and tried to focus. The sun, low in the sky, told me that it was late afternoon. I pushed myself upright and looked at the woman, a hiker from the looks of her lightweight cotton trousers, multi-pocketed all-weather jacket and sturdy boots. Her accent was Scottish.

“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you. I must have fainted,” I said. “What time is it?”

“About half past four,” she said, looking at her watch. Short gray hair framed her face. “Shall I call an ambulance for you?”
 

I caught her staring at my dress, and I pulled the hem under me and rose with some difficulty. She reached for my arm and helped me up.

“No, no. I’m fine, really.” I couldn’t even dream up an excuse for why I was standing around in a hooped historical gown, so I didn’t even try. I’d only given brief consideration to what I was going to do when I returned to the twenty-first century. I knew Julie would keep her word and leave my things at the hotel in Glasgow, but how to get there wasn’t something I had managed to work out in the few hours before I traveled through time.

I could strike out for Gleannhaven Castle, I supposed. I could also have asked the lady for a ride, but I wasn’t sure where her car was parked, and I didn’t want to try to answer questions.

“No, I’m absolutely fine. Just on my way to a fancy-dress party.”