My Life as a Stuntboy (3 page)

Authors: Janet Tashjian

It feels like it's almost noon, but when I look at the clock, it's only nine thirty. Schools are on totally different time zones from the rest of the world; it's amazing how clocks slow down when they're hanging on a classroom wall. I'll have to ask Ms. Decker why we never study interesting things like that in science class.

What Gets Me trough the Day

When the bell finally rings, the teachers don't let you run out the door; they make you walk calmly, the same way convicts are forced to march around a prison yard.

convicts

instinct

By the time I race up my driveway, Bodi's instinct tells him I'm on my way, so he's pacing by the door. Because he's older, I'm gentler than I was a few years ago when I used to dive-bomb him in the doorway. I
stick my face into his thick fur, hoping if I inhale enough dog smell, the stench of school will start to disappear. I can't do that for long, though, because Frank is jealous and starts jumping up and down in his cage.

I have a monkey!

strategy

Frank is the capuchin monkey my parents finally let us adopt a few months ago after they couldn't take me bugging them anymore. (For anyone who thinks hounding your parents for something day and night is a bad strategy, I'm here to tell youâit's tried and true and works 99 percent of the time.)

Now Mom has a permanent reason for nagging: She tells me ten times a day that Frank is not our “pet” and that we are his foster home until he's old enough to enter
“monkey college,” where he'll be trained as a companion for a disabled person.

I got the idea to adopt a monkey from my friend Michael, who's in a wheelchair and has a capuchin named Pedro who helps him with daily tasks like changing water bottles, picking up things from the floor, and putting in DVDs. Frank can't do any of that cool stuff yet, but I'm confident that one day he'll be as talented as Pedro.

Even though my mother doesn't want me to take Frank out of his cage when I'm home alone, I can't resist a monkey in a diaper who's bouncing up and down to greet me. I unlock his cage and hand him a treat from the bowl on the counter. Mom made me swear a thousand times
that I'd help with Frank's daily maintenance, but I still don't bother to see if his diaper needs changing. I don't care what I promised, changing a monkey's diaper is definitely not on my to-do listâtoday or any other day. Luckily, the only smell is Frank's normal monkey aroma.

maintenance

applicant

The monkey organization makes an applicant go through a lot of interviews, and Mom said if I
really
wanted to adopt a capuchin, I had to fill out the paperwork myself. The organization wanted to make sure people would be around during the day and were pleased that my mother's office is next door and that my father works from home. The fact that my mother is a veterinarian and has taken care of Pedro for years didn't hurt either.

Believe it or not, the main obstacle to adopting a monkey was MEâthe person who wanted one most. The organization won't approve a foster family if the family has children under ten because monkeys are as much work as little kids and they don't want the foster parents to be overwhelmed.

immature

I kept telling the woman I was twelve, which is TOTALLY different than ten, but she still needed to think about it. My mother used this as a perfect opportunity for a “teaching moment,” reminding me how immature I can be half the time. I told her that if my math was correctâwhich is unusualâthat meant I was mature the
other
half of the time, which was about all a mother could possibly hope for.

relented

The woman finally relented and said we could be a foster family for Frank. One of the volunteers brought Frank to L.A. and helped him settle in with us. It's only been a month, but Frank already feels like part of the family.

mammals

Bodi, Frank, and I climb into the pit I made by shoving the couch, table, and armchair together, and I realize that daydreaming about this moment with my favorite mammals is pretty much the only reason I made it through school today.

Outside, Here I Come!

After hanging with the boys for a while, I put Frank back in his cage, give Bodi a slice of turkey from the fridge, and grab my skateboard. A few years ago, I would let Bodi run alongside me as I rode, but now I try to conserve his energy.

conserve

Matt meets me at the top of the street, and we ride to our new favorite placeâUCLA.

academics

Sure, the University of California at Los Angeles sounds like a weird place for two kids our age to go after school, but Matt and I don't go for the academics. This summer, while waiting for my mother to drop off some reports to a colleague, I discovered the college campus happened to be the most amazing playground in the city. I thought college meant studying day and night, but there were students everywhere riding bikes, skateboarding, and jogging through the campus. Since UCLA is just a few blocks from our neighborhood, Matt and I spent a lot of the summer there working on our moves.

Today we go to the marble stumps that are part of an art installation and we jump from one to another without stopping. After that, we leap
to the wall of the parking garage and creep along the bricks, holding on with our fingertips. Matt just got a new camera with built-in video, so he takes plenty of movies of me climbing. Then he shows me how to use it, and I record him too. A few students stop to watch us as they go to class, but most of the time they leave us alone.

nerdy

But the person watching us now is not a nerdy student; he's a campus security guard.

“You kids signed up for classes here?”

Based on his question, I expect to see a grin on his face, but when I jump down from the wall, he isn't smiling.

“What if you kids get hurt, then what? Are your parents here? Do
you have any identification in case you fall and need to be rushed to the hospital?”

identification

Does this guy really believe Matt and I plan that far ahead? Hel-lo! Just as we're about to leave, a guy sitting on a nearby wall comes over.

“Jerry, these boys aren't going to fallâthey have better balance than you do.”

gymnasium

The man seems a little older than a college student and looks leaner and faster than athletes on TV.

“This campus is not a personal gymnasiumâespecially if people don't even go to school here.” The guard looks over to Matt and me, but this time his expression doesn't seem so angry.

“Come on, Jerry, give the kids a break.”

“Ahhh, I've got more important things to do anyway.” When the guard leaves a few minutes later, he isn't angry at all.

I hold out my hand to the guy who saved our butts. He shakes it and introduces himself as Tony Marshall.

“You seem too old to go to school here,” Matt says.

“I don't. I come here to do parkour.”

parkour

Matt and I look at each other, utterly confused.

Tony laughs. “You kids are doing it already and don't even know what it's called.” He puts down his backpack and in one leap jumps onto the side of the brick building behind us. He inches along the top by holding on to the thin strips of concrete.

Matt videotapes while I hold my breath. Tony jumps from the corner of the building to the post eight feet away. Instead of climbing down, he bounds from the post to the bench.

“Whoa!” Matt checks his camera to make sure the video came out.

I'm speechless. Why can't
this
guy be our teacher?

obstacle