My Married Boyfriend (25 page)

“You have gone too far. And I'm sick of it.”

“It's all right, Alexis,” said Kiara. “The children. Think about the children.”

Alexis calmed down and let up off Nicole. She immediately felt regretful. “Look. I shouldn't have done that. I apologize. But I don't think you understand. Kiara's mother is dead.”

“Oops. I didn't know. I messed up. I'm sorry.”

Kiara couldn't think of what to say.

She finally regrouped. “Let's just continue with this photo shoot. Stay focused.”

The rest of the shoot went well. The children seemed to have a good time. Myles enjoyed being in the center of all of his female siblings.

“This was a really good idea,” Alexis said. “And as much as you irk me, Nicole, I want to thank you for allowing Eminence to be a part of this. She really is a little baby doll. Look at her fat little thighs.”

Nicole hesitated. She didn't know if Alexis was sincere or trying to throw shade. “Thanks. I think.”

When the photo shoot was over, and Alexis and Kiara stood on the curb holding a conversation about the kids, Nicole felt bad that they didn't invite her to join them.

But a few minutes later, when Kiara waved her over, Nicole swallowed her pride and joined them.

“We were just saying how much Jazz and Emmy favor. They have the same cheeks, even the same teeth. Have you ever noticed that?” Kiara asked.

Nicole smiled. “I didn't before, but I see it now. I see a lot of things now that I never saw before.” The three women chitchatted about the kids and Nicole felt better than she had in a long time.

* * *

Kiara was excited. Jazzy had just turned twenty-seven weeks old. It was the third Sunday in October. And Kiara had given Jazzy her morning bath and dressed her. She was now sitting on the couch staring at her daughter, who was sitting on her backside talking to herself.

“What you talking about, Jazzy?”

Suddenly, the baby spotted a colorful big ball that was located a yard away from her next to a case of books. Jazzy got on her knees and started scooting toward the ball.

“Oh, my goodness, go Jazzy,” Kiara said in delight. She felt embarrassed to learn that she was alone in the house, a rarity. Myles was with Grandma Flora. And Eddison had some maintenance work to take care of regarding his house.

Kiara felt that odd pain that struck her once in a while.

“I wish Rashad was here to witness this.”

But he wasn't.

She tried to FaceTime him, but he didn't answer.

“This sucks.”

Soon she was on the phone with Adina. “Girl, I know this sounds crazy, but if I had to do it all over again, I think I would have fought for my marriage.” She explained how she just witnessed her daughter's latest achievement. “I mean, no marriage is perfect. And I think if we would have worked on our relationship at the first sign of trouble, my ex would be with me right now. Both of us would be enjoying our daughter's developments together. Instead of . . . it's so sad . . . I don't want my children to suffer . . . not Jazzy or Myles . . . we need each other, Adina. We really do. And it's sad that the man that used to be there, just near enough to talk to, is someone I can barely get in touch with anymore.”

Adina couldn't listen any longer. “Stop it, Kiara. Because what you're failing to do is appreciate the blessings you have right now, as in right this very second. Yesterday is gone. It'll never repeat itself again. All you have is the present. And the perfect present is that good man, Eddison Osborne. He is always right there with you whenever he has time, watching everything that Jazzy does. So before you mourn for the past, value what is in your face on a daily basis.”

Adina's words had to sink in. “What on God's earth would I do without you, Adina?”

“You'd make a whole lotta stupid mistakes. You'd repeat the same damn mistakes I've made and regretted. I won't let it happen to you, girlfriend.”

Kiara smiled, agreed with Adina, and it helped her to realize that hanging onto the past wasn't beneficial unless it helped her value the present. She decided to make peace with one more person in her life. A person whom she loved even though she didn't really have the person in her life the way she wished she did.

* * *

Cemetery. It had been years since Kiara thought of this place.

Eddison remained behind in the car. Kiara walked the grounds searching for the tombstone that said:

When Kiara came across the weathered and chipped stone that bore her mother's name, a chill surged through her. She'd never been to the graveyard before. For anyone. Ever.

She felt like she was on holy ground. So she got on both knees and faced the tombstone. She placed her hands on its cold hard surface and choked back a hundred tears.

“Mommy, it's me. It's Kiara. I hope it's okay if I call you that. Even though I barely remember you, it hasn't stopped me from loving you. To this day, I wonder what you'd be like if you were still alive. Would you be proud of me? Would I look like you? Would you be there for me to help me and listen to me when I had problems?”

A weird gasp escaped from Kiara's mouth. It felt like the entire world was staring at her as she talked to a piece of stone. But she didn't care.

“Oh, Mommy, life hurts so bad. Sometimes I feel like I know what to do. But sometimes, I just don't know. Please, Mommy, please help me to deal with everything, especially Myles. You'd love Myles if you knew him. I think he takes after you in some ways. I heard that you were stubborn and strong. Hey, I am, too. I can't help it. I have so much I want to tell you. And I pray to God that you can hear me, Mommy. Hear me. Love me. And help me somehow. Send me a sign. Let me know that you're still with me even though I can't see you. Oh, how I wish you were here. If you were here I know I could make it. I-I . . .”

Kiara frowned, not sure of what else she could say to the spirit of Pamela Banks. She sniffed and wiped her tears.

“I better go now. I just wanted to say hello. I'm sorry I didn't make time to come visit you before now. But it was just too hard.” She shivered and looked around at all the symbols of death all across the grounds. The vast land filled with dreams that were now buried underneath the earth.

“I feel a little better. And before I leave you, I have one last thing to say. Why didn't you ever tell me who my father is? I really want to know that. If there's one last thing I want in my life, it would be to know who he was. But even if that never happens, I've got to let you know that I have a new man. A great man like no other. His name is Eddison. I think he is the one. He's loyal. He loves your grandson and your granddaughter, Jahzara Alaine. He's amazing, Mommy. And I think you sent him to me. I really do. So thank you for watching over me. All right. Gotta go.”

She rose to her feet and noticed that her knees hurt from being on them for so long. She felt that the pain was worth it.

“Good-bye. Love you,” she whispered.

Kiara began to back away and grew startled when she bumped into someone. Eddison was there behind her. He stretched his hand toward her. She grabbed it. They started walking.

“Um, how long were you standing there?”

“Long enough.”

“How much did you hear?”

“I heard everything you said about me.”

“Oh, shit.”

“And I loved everything that you said about me.”

She giggled and smiled. And Eddison did, too.

R
ashad had been thinking about it ever since Nicole proved her love for Myles. She seemed to be taking her role as a stepmother more serious. And although she had a long way to go, Rashad knew that she'd been through a lot with him. The divorce. His long hours. Him having to wait to give her anything of great monetary value. But he had won his recent case and was awarded damages. And he felt now was the time to do something nice for her.

So the following Wednesday, when Nicole was on a three-day vacation from work, Rashad surprised her by driving them to a Jeep dealership.

“What's this?”

“Go in the showroom and take a look at that Jeep you've been talking about.”

“Are you serious?”

“I wouldn't be here if I wasn't.”

As Nicole walked around the showroom, she was overwhelmed. She recalled a conversation they had one night a few months ago when they were watching cable and saw a Jeep commercial. She admired the car and mentioned it without really thinking about it.

“So I can get a new Jeep? Are you playing with me?”

“No!”

She jumped up and down and laughed. “But are we trading in my Mustang?”

“For what? We'd barely get five hundred for it. We may as well keep it and sell it ourselves.”

“Sounds good to me, Rashad.”

Hours later Rashad and Nicole signed the contract to purchase the new car. He put the deposit on the vehicle and she agreed that she could make the monthly payments. The vehicle would be in her name. It was big, bulky, black, and beautiful. She could picture herself riding through the streets of Houston with everyone staring at her. As Nicole and Rashad rose up from the seats in front of the salesman's desk, she shook his hand and beamed from ear to ear. The salesman looked with a big smile while she waited in the lobby for a serviceman to prepare her vehicle before she could drive away in it.

“This is totally unexpected,” she said excitedly to Rashad.

“That's just the beginning.”

“What are you talking about?”

Suddenly all the salesmen and women gathered together in front of them. Rashad slowly lowered himself on one knee right in front of a model Jeep. He reached in his pocket and produced a black velvet ring box.

“Nicole, will you accept the honor of marrying me?”

“What?” she screamed. She covered her mouth with her shaking hands. “Are we on
Punk'd
?” Everyone laughed. When Rashad convinced her he was serious, she nodded.

“Yes. Absolutely. I accept. I want to be your wife.” After he slipped the engagement ring on her finger, Nicole slumped in her seat and stared into space. It seemed like she just crossed the finish line of a marathon. A marathon in which she experienced falls, bad weather, bomb threats, you name it.

But finally, Nicole Greene felt like she was getting everything she ever desired.

* * *

The next evening, Nicole called Nadia and asked her to come over and watch Emmy right away.

Nadia said she'd be right there.

Nicole put on her running shoes and biker shorts with a matching Nike shirt. She placed a fanny pack on her waist. She stood outside the house waiting for Nadia to drive up.

It took her no time to get Nadia situated with Emmy.

She then hopped in her Jeep. It still smelled brand new and she was so grateful to have reliable transportation. “I'm going to need you more than I've ever needed a car,” she said to the Jeep. She grabbed her smartphone and clicked the Internet icon. She hadn't heard from Rashad since early that morning. When she tried to call him, he did not answer or call back. Not knowing where he was made her feel nervous even though she did have his ring.

Nicole knew Rashad's log-in info for his phone. And she retrieved the GPS info. It showed her exactly where Rashad was. Feeling nervous, she started the engine and was on her way.

She drove until the GPS directed her exactly to Rashad's car.

He was driving his sedan. He rarely drove that car so she figured he must've had meetings. The car was parked at a gas station. It appeared as if he was there and had gone inside the station to pay the cash to fill up his tank.

Oh, that's cool
, she thought.
He ain't up to nothing
.

Satisfied, she decided to leave the station before he could notice her and think she was following him. But as she started to drive past the car, something caught her eye. She noticed movement in his car. She circled around the other pumps and pulled up right behind Rashad's sedan. She got out of her Jeep and began walking toward the car.

Nicole peeped inside the driver's side window. It was empty. But when she got closer and scoped out the backseat, she saw a tiny figure lying on the floor.

“What the fuck?”

She grabbed the door handle of the car. It was locked.

“That asshole never locks his car door,” she said, almost shouting. She pressed her hands against the glass to get a closer look, but the figure stayed facedown so Nicole couldn't tell who it was. All she saw was some long braids.

Nicole went into the store. She saw the back of Rashad as he stood in a very long line of customers. She walked up to him and tapped him hard on his shoulder. He turned around looking annoyed. When he saw her, he looked as if he was expecting her.

“Hey, babe. I was going to call you.”

“Don't say shit to me.”

He shrugged like he wished she'd believe him.

“Can you step out of the line, please, Rashad? We need to talk.”

“All right,” he said in a calm voice. “What's happening?”

“I want to know what the hell is going on.”

“You want to know what the hell is going on?”

Rashad was facing the outside of the gas station. He had a clear view of the gas pumps. He tried to pay attention to Nicole.

“Yes, it seems like you are carrying something in your ride that shouldn't be there.”

“What? Oh, yeah, right.” He nodded. “I forgot. I bought some beer and I guess it shouldn't be visible right next to me on the front seat. Is that what you're talking about?”

“No, you bastard. I'm about to show your lying ass what I'm talking about.” She grabbed Rashad's hand and marched him to his sedan. She watched his face as she pointed to the backseat of his ride.

“What the hell is that chick doing there? Who is she?”

He looked in the backseat. “I don't see anybody. So what are you talking about?”

“She was just there. Open the car door.”

Rashad popped the locks. Nicole stuck her head in the door. “Where'd she go? I know I'm not going crazy.” She looked around the big lot and saw no one with long braids.

“Pop open the trunk.”

“No, I ain't doing that.”

“Why not, Rashad? Is that where that hoe is hiding?”

“What hoe? What you talking about?”

“You scumbag. Don't think I don't know the game. I invented the game and sold the t-shirt and taught the class.” She laughed in pure amazement. “Who was I fooling? My mother always told me you can't turn a hoe into a housewife.”

“Nicole, you're tripping.”

Nicole grabbed him by the arm. “Look at me, Rashad. Why did you propose to me?”

“Because it's what you wanted.”

Her heart sank. “So, you didn't ask me to marry you because you love me?”

“That has a lot to do with it, too. I wanted to be with you like you want to be with me.”

“The way you said that sounds so insincere.”

He stared in her eyes. “Okay, tell you what. I know what this is all about. And you're right. So here goes: I asked you to marry me because like I've always said, you are my ride and die, Nicole. You've proven your loyalty time and time again. I never have to wonder where you are. You work, you cook, you clean, you make love to me when I need it. You listen to me, you gave birth to my youngest child. And you have a decent heart. Wounded but decent.”

She calmed down and allowed his nice words to soothe her hurt feelings.

Maybe her scandalous ways were making her imagine that he was cheating on her. But she knew that she saw what she saw. But now she could not prove it.

“All that sounds nice, Rashad,” she told him. “But you still haven't told me the most important reason for anybody wanting to marry someone else.”

“Okay, I'm telling you now.” He waited, paused then said, “I asked you to marry me because in my own way, yes. I do love you. I care about you. I think about the woman I met last summer and how you cooked for me. You listened to me. You made me feel important. But at times I feel like you aren't that woman anymore. Maybe it's because a lot of your time is dedicated to Emmy. And that's cool. But don't forget about your man and your man won't forget about you.”

“So, you do love me, Rashad?”

“That's what I've been trying to tell you.”

She thought about love and what it's supposed to mean and how it's supposed to make you feel. She knew that someone could tell another person that they loved them in one breath, and in the next moment, that person could point a gun at the one they “love,” pull a trigger, see their blood and guts spill out of their body, and watch them take their last breath. What type of love was that?

What type of love did Nicole want and need?

She looked at Rashad, the man for whom she sacrificed so much, and told him. “Thank you for telling me that you love me. But love spelled backwards is pronounced evil.”

“Huh? What are you saying?”

“I'm saying that for some people, they are going to feel the true feeling of love, but for others it is going to mean something entirely different.”

She started walking away from him toward her Jeep.

“I just want to make sure I know which definition of love you're talking about.” And she got in her car and drove away.

* * *

The next time Nicole was able to return to work was the following Monday. She drove up to the employee parking at five minutes to eight. That was when most of the department arrived at work. She wanted everyone to see her. She sat in her brand new thirty-six-thousand-dollar Wrangler Unlimited Rubicon Jeep, black trimmed in green, with seventeen-inch rims. She relished in the fact that every jealous eye was on her in her new ride.

Shyla, who got a text that Nicole was on her way in with instructions to meet her in the staff parking lot, practically ran when she saw Nicole in the Jeep. She parked in a spot, but the motor was still running. “Well, look a here.”

“I've been dying to tell you all these unbelievable things that have happened. But I wanted to show you and not just tell you over the phone.”

“C'mon, girl, sit next to me and check out this interior.” Shyla hopped in and allowed Nicole to show her all the features. She used exaggerated movement with her left hand as she pointed at the CD/radio system.

“What the fuck?” Shyla grabbed her left hand. “Is that a diamond engagement ring?”

“I know it's kind of small, but yep, it's real, girl. I accepted his proposal . . . of marriage.”

Shyla screamed and they hopped up and down in their seats.

“You are one lucky woman. What's your secret?” Shyla asked. “I can't believe you kept this to yourself all weekend.”

“It was tough but I did it. I'll tell you all about it at lunch. My treat.”

True to her word, at the noon hour, Nicole and Shyla walked out to her Jeep and hopped in. Nicole chauffeured her friend to a little Italian restaurant, one that they'd never patronized before.

They both ordered pasta dishes and salads and dug in.

“Your life has truly turned around. You even seem like a different woman,” Shyla announced. “I'm glad for you, but I've got to know how you did it. The ring is kind of tiny, but that's beside the point.”

“It's not the size that matters. It's the thought.”

“That's my point. Did he really think about it? I would hate to believe that he just got anything just to appease you.”

Nicole wanted to hide her hand. When she compared her jewelry to Shyla's it was like pitting the queen of England against some ghetto fabulous crack hoe living on the street. The more she thought about it, the madder she became.

“Shyla, you of all people should be happy for me. You know all of what I've been through and how hard it's been for me. So can you please stopping throwing shade at the size of my ring?”

“All right, okay. I'm just trying to look out for your best interests.”

“I know, but the way you're doing it is truly getting on my damned nerves.”

The lunch suddenly tasted like it had no seasoning. Nicole felt the tension between herself and her friend. And it was in that moment that she wondered if karma would ever leave her alone. She felt that each time she took one step forward, she had to take another step backward. Could she ever get ahead in life? Would everything she desired come with a struggle?

Nicole completely lost her appetite. She didn't even want to engage in conversation with Shyla any longer. So she left three twenties on the table and told her friend she wasn't feeling well. She advised her to call a taxi. Then she picked up her purse and hurried out of the restaurant.

Blinded by tears, she ran to the vehicle that she was so happy to get not too long ago. She jumped in and started the engine. Nicole drove and drove, not really knowing where she was going. The thrill of riding in a Jeep felt empty and pointless.