My Name is Resolute (91 page)

Any woman’s life has its heartbreaks and raptures, its evils, its blessings. My life has not been one of pure and even weft, smooth and strong, a warp of courage spanning the loom of my heritage. Out of ignorance or spite, hunger or anger, I have at times done what I must to survive, not thinking of the cost. There were also those times when I hid my tears and faced my enemies, when I won by guile and inner strength, and when I believe I touched, in my mind and heart, the highest capacity in a human for the divine.

I have been swept along by life’s storms, made to choose my life’s path on the wing, often with few options. As I look back I see that even when I thought I was choosing, often I elected merely to survive. I have struggled with a natural tendency to anger and to fabricate tales, but my heart was ever watchful for rightness and goodness, and love. There are those like my Cullah, who stand stalwart without lies, without anger, against the gale of life, and I honor them. I was placed on this shore in a time that has changed, I think, the world—at least if I am to believe what I heard and read when at last our Declaration was read from an upper window in Boston. Perhaps, along with hundreds of other women in this place during this momentous time, I have made a difference. Perhaps I kept some from freezing or starving. The hidden room and unseen stairs in this house have been a respite place for one runaway slave and her babe on their way north.

I am my own tapestry, then, made as I could for myself. Some holes in my fabric have been made by others, some torn by chance. Missing threads in the weave represent all those I have loved who died so long before me. Sunshine and apple blossoms tint it, along with sea foam and stars. Dark places mark where tears dyed the cloth, darker still, the stains of blood, all of it laced with the crystal blue of Meager Bay on a bright day and a single strand of ruby the color of the ring of my mother’s that I still have. The strong, even places consecrate moments where love outmatched loss, and where great good came from sacrifice. When it was finished, it was not what I expected it to be. I had once imagined to live as a delicately fashioned bolt of fine silk of high and gentle quality, perfect but for a minor slub or two. The life I have lived was not a lady’s silk but a colorful, natty tapestry of embroidery, wincyette, lace, and motley. Many men I have known in my life will be written about and remembered for the deeds they have done these many years since the colonies loosed their bonds. My story is the story of other women like me, women who left no name, who will not be remembered or their deeds written, every one of them a restless stalk of flax who lent fiber to the making of a whole cloth, every one of them a thread, be it gold, dapple, crimson, or tarred. Let this tapestry be a record, then, that once there lived a woman, and that her name was Resolute.

GLOSSARY AND PRONUNCIATION GUIDE

Bewend (bee-WEND)—to berate

Blithest (BLEYE-thest)—loveliest

Eadan (AEH-dan)

Flawy (FLAH-wee)—flowery

Gamock (GAMM-ock)—fool, silly person

Gree-a-tuch (GREE-ah-touch)—a female child before baptism and bestowal of a name

Gumboo
(gum-BOO)—transliterated from Scots
giumbhu
:
Bless me!

Hack-slaver (HACK-slah-ver)—a rogue

Hasken (HAH-skuhn)

Hogshead (HOGS-head)—a barrel

Johansen (yo-HAHN-sehn)

Lamont (Scots LAMB-int)—a Highland clan

MacPherson (Mack-FAIR-sn)

MacLammond (Mack-LAMB-int)

Massapoquot (Mass-ah-POE-kwaht)

Meager Bay, Jamaica—later changed to Montego Bay

Mistick—old spelling of the town of Mystik, Massachusetts

Mummers (MUM-ehrs)—traveling theatrical band of poets, musicians, and mimes

Pasties (PASS-tees)—double-crusted pastries filled with meat and vegetable

Patois (pah-TWAH)—combination of French, English, and one or more native tongues

Sally—to commerce with, to venture, or to ambush

Sclarty-paps (SLAHR-tee-paps)—slovenly housekeeper, lazy

Scunging (SKUHN-jing)—dirty and unkempt

Williwaw (WILL-ee-WAH)—a turbulent storm

Wincyette (win-see-ETT)—cotton fabric with a raised nap on both sides

GAELIC CHARMS

FROM
Carmina Gadelica
(ca 1870)

Blessing the Loom

… Consecrate the four posts of my loom, Till I begin on Monday.

Her pedals, her sleay, and her shuttle, Her reeds, her warp, and her cogs,

Her cloth-beam, and her thread-beam, Thrums and the thread of the plies.

Every web, black, white, and fair, Roan, dun, checked, and red,

Give Thy blessing everywhere, On every shuttle passing under the thread.

Thus will my loom be unharmed, Till I shall arise on Monday …

Blessing the Cloth

The shank of the deer in the head of the herring, in the tail of the speckled salmon.

May the man of this clothing never be wounded, may torn he never be;

What time he goes into battle or combat, May the sanctuary shield of the Lord be his.

This is not second clothing and it is not thigged, nor is it the right of sacristan or of priest.

Cresses green culled beneath a stone, and given to a woman in secret.

The shank of the deer in the head of the herring, in the tail of the speckled salmon.

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.
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ALSO BY NANCY E. TURNER

The Star Garden

Sarah’s Quilt

These Is My Words

The Water and the Blood

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

NANCY E. TURNER, writer, lecturer, and teacher, was born in Dallas, Texas, and grew up in Arizona and Southern California. She has always had an active imagination and a love of learning. Her writing career mirrored her return to higher education when her children were grown, and her novels have garnered awards such as the Arizona Author of the Year and the One Book Arizona Award, as well as appearing on numerous finalist lists. She is the author of
These Is My Words, Sarah’s Quilt, The Star Garden,
and
The Water and the Blood
.

Visit her Web site at
www.nancyeturner.net
.