“It’s... ” What did she say? “It’s nothing.”
That wasn’t going to dissuade them, but she couldn’t think of what else to say. She swallowed back the ache, trying not to look at Jensen. But he was like a flashing lighthouse to her right, and if she looked at him, she’d end up smashed on the rocks. Okay, maybe that was overdramatic, but at the moment, it seemed apropos.
God, she wanted him. And she couldn’t watch that woman touching him. Her man.
She vaguely recalled watching them in this bar that first night. She also remembered wondering if they were a couple, and then not caring. She’d only wanted one thing from Jensen that night. Or so she’d thought. Now that night seemed like years ago. She felt so much for that man sitting across the room, not looking at her. It made no sense. But there it was. She did, and she felt like she was dying, watching him with another woman.
“I—I need to get a breath of fresh air,” she said, realizing she wasn’t going to be able to hold her emotions together.
She stood, the chair nearly toppling with her need to escape.
“Elizabeth,” Sebastian said, standing, too, although far more elegantly than she had.
Elizabeth raised her hand to stop him. “Just give me a minute. I’ll be fine.” She forced a smile, even as she doubted she’d ever be fine again.
She rushed through the tables, trying to weave as far away from Jensen and that woman as she could. As she passed the bar, she saw Christian watching her, a frown marring his perfect features. He looked as if he was going to call out to her, but she again raised her hand. She picked up her steps, until she was running. She didn’t care. She had to get away.
Once outside, she ran around to the side of the bar where no one leaving would see her. She collapsed against the building, shrouding herself in the shadows. She covered her face with trembling hands and let the strangled cry escape her clenched throat.
This was what it was like to want so desperately the one thing she couldn’t have. It felt like she was dying, the ache was so strong. And maybe the ache was worse, was stronger and more painful, because she could have had him, but she’d let him go.
She dropped her hands. No, she couldn’t have had him. Maybe if her cure had worked. Maybe if she wasn’t mated to a werewolf. Maybe if she were even marginally normal. But none of those things had been rectified, and she had to let him go. But she didn’t have to watch him move on. She could do the right thing, but watching him, she couldn’t do.
She rested her head on the side of the bar, staring up at the pale moon overhead. The orb looked like a lopsided circle. Only a couple more days until the full moon.
She had to focus on her research. She had to make that her priority again. She couldn’t pine for a “what if.” She had to let him go. She had to.
The pain would stop eventually, and the level of pain made no sense, anyway. She had to acknowledge he was better off without her. And she was better off without him.
She remained where she was, absolutely still, except for the hot tears rolling down her cheeks.
Chapter 13
“D
o you know her?”
Jensen frowned, looking away from the door where Elizabeth had rushed outside, staring at Melanie as if he’d just remembered she was here.
“Sorry.”
“That woman? Do you know her?”
He didn’t know how to answer. Did he know her? Not really. Yet, in some ways, she seemed to have overtaken his life to the point that he couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t on his mind. But he couldn’t very well tell Melanie that.
“Yeah. I know her.”
Melanie nodded, and he could see the wheels turning behind her sky-blue eyes. Melanie was a smart woman, and she could tell his vague answer said plenty.
She looked down at the table, tracing a white ring from a drink staining the wooden tabletop. Jensen knew she was considering what that meant. He glanced back to the door, which remained closed. Where had she gone? Disappeared like she always did.
Again, when he looked back to the table, Melanie was watching him, and it was clear that she’d made up her mind about his vague words.
“Did you bring me here to make her jealous?”
He pulled in a deep breath. He hoped not. He didn’t think his plan had been that clear. He’d just seen the opportunity to possibly see her, and he’d taken it. Without considering what it would do to Melanie.
“No. I just... ” What the hell could he say?
Apparently that wasn’t the right thing.
She turned in her seat to gather her purse and her jacket. “Maybe we should call it a night.”
He started to stop her, but there wasn’t much point in dragging this on. He’d done something terrible to this woman who was truly a nice person.
He nodded. “Let me just go up and see if the drinks are done.”
When he approached the bar, he saw that Elizabeth’s brother was talking to another man, and while the other man had different coloring, he could see similarities in their features. Great—another brother.
Both men turned to look at him as he approached, and from their hard expressions, there was no doubt they were brothers and thus both related to Elizabeth. And they were not happy.
“Hi,” he greeted them with a stiff smile. “I just wanted to settle my bill.”
“Are you leaving?” asked the brother Jensen hadn’t seen before.
“Yes,” Jensen said.
“That’s good,” the pale-eyed brother said. “Because you are upsetting our sister.”
Jensen nodded. “That isn’t my intent.”
Both brothers looked as if they didn’t believe him.
“So what do I owe?”
“Nothing,” said the pale-eyed brother. “Just leave Elizabeth alone.”
Jensen nodded again. “I plan to.”
Again, neither man looked convinced.
“T
hank
s,” Jensen said and returned to the table where Melanie sat perched on the edge of the seat, her coat on, her purse in hand. She rose as he approached and didn’t say anything as she headed to the exit.
Jensen didn’t speak, either. He didn’t know what to say. He could think of nothing that she would want to hear.
Once out in the parking lot, he resisted the urge to look for Elizabeth or her bike. He focused on getting Melanie home, hopefully without too much more upset. He felt terrible—he’d never done anything like this to a woman. Although since meeting Elizabeth, he’d done a lot of things he’d never done.
The ride back to Melanie’s house was also a silent affair. Not until he pulled up to her small house, did she speak.
“Jill said that you had been very much in love with your fiancée.”
Jensen stared out the windshield. He didn’t know what to say—he didn’t know where this was going.
“Yes. I was.”
“Jill also said that you never noticed another woman from the moment you met Katie. That she was the only one for you.”
He nodded again. Yes. Katie had been his whole world.
“She also said that you hadn’t seemed to notice anyone since she passed away.”
Jensen swallowed. Was she implying that what Jill had told her couldn’t be true? Given how he’d watched Elizabeth tonight, he was sure Melanie was finding Jill’s assertions hard to believe.
“Yes. I’ve had a hard time moving on.”
Melanie nodded, too. “But I could see how much you wanted to go after that woman. Is she the only one you want?”
He pulled in another deep breath. “I—I don’t know.” But he did know. He wanted Elizabeth so desperately it had totally overshadowed what he’d felt for Katie, although that fact only made him feel worse. Made him feel like more of an ass.
“Well, I can tell you,” Melanie said. “It was written all over your face when she left the bar. You should go to her. Tell her how you feel.”
He’d done that. Or tried. Elizabeth didn’t want him. Except that wasn’t what he’d seen on her face, either. She’d looked hurt by him being there with Melanie. She’d looked more than hurt. She’d looked devastated.
Melanie reached over and touched his arm. “You need to go to her.” She gave him an encouraging smile. “You do.”
He stared at her for a moment, then gave her a regretful smile. “I’m very sorry you got dragged into this. It wasn’t my intention when I asked you out.”
She smiled back, although the curve of her lips appeared more saddened than happy. “I know. Jill also said that you are a really kind person.”
“All behaviors to the contrary.”
Melanie shrugged. “We don’t get to pick out who we love. It just happens.”
Jensen wouldn’t have believed that once. But now, he wondered.
Elizabeth forced herself to go back into the bar. When she stepped inside, she knew Jensen was gone. The air felt totally different. Instead of making her feel better, as she thought it would, she felt worse. Had he taken the blonde back to his house? Had he gone to spend the night at her place?
“Lizzie?” Mina said, coming toward her. “Are you okay?”
She paused for a second at the use of her nickname. She hadn’t heard it for a while. It was amazing how quickly she’d let it go. But somehow it seemed appropriate tonight. She needed to remember who she really was, and why she couldn’t be with a mortal. She was Lizzie Devlin. Werewolf, mate of Brody Devlin, and no longer Elizabeth, the gentlewoman who would have married well, had children, and lived a normal life.
She had to remember that. And she had to remember that Jensen would have all those things she lost. If she left him alone.
“I’m a little tired.” She didn’t know why she bothered to lie. Mina could feel every emotion radiating from her as if it were her own. But she still couldn’t voice the truth.
But Mina wasn’t going to accept her avoidance. “Who is he?”
Elizabeth didn’t pretend that she didn’t know what Mina was asking. She shrugged.
“He’s just some man.”
Mina shook her head. “He’s much more than that.”
Elizabeth felt tears welling in her eyes again. Mina gently took her elbow and led her to a table in the corner away from her brothers, who watched from the bar like worried mothers.
“He’s more than that. We can all feel it.”
Damn vampires and their ability to read emotions.
Still, Elizabeth considered denying it. Then she couldn’t. Her emotions were simply too high to keep them bottled in.
“Yes. He is. I don’t know what, exactly. I just know that I... ” She couldn’t find the right words. Her feelings made no sense to her, so how could she explain them to Mina?
“You are in love.”
Elizabeth’s gaze snapped to Mina, who just shrugged and offered her an almost sympathetic smile.
Opening her mouth, Elizabeth thought to argue the claim. But she couldn’t.
“You love him,” Mina stated. “And he loves you, too. It’s clear in the air.”
“No. No!” Elizabeth shook her head.
“Okay, but I know what I’m sensing.”
Elizabeth stared at her friend. That couldn’t be the case. She couldn’t be in love with Jensen. And worse than that, he couldn’t love her in return. No.
Her eyes brimmed with tears. “No.”
Mina reached across the table and caught her hand. “This is a good thing.”
Elizabeth shook her head. No. It was a terrible thing.
“I can’t be with him.”
“Why not?”
Elizabeth gaped at her friend. “Because I’m a werewolf!”
Mina glanced around to be sure no one heard her. Then she said calmly, “So? He can learn to accept that. Look at Jane and Jolee. They learned to accept your brothers.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “It isn’t the same.”
“Vampires are probably harder to deal with than werewolves. After all, you can go out in the day. The sun isn’t a threat. You can eat. You are normal except on the full moon.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “You don’t understand. I can’t be with Jensen.”
“I know it’s scary, but—”
“I can’t be with Jensen because even if he could accept me, I’m mated.”
Mina stared at her. “Oh.”
Elizabeth still didn’t want to tell Mina all of it, of why and how she was mated. Or what her pack was like. But now that she’d admitted this much, she couldn’t seem to stop.
“My mate’s name is Brody Devlin. And frankly, he isn’t a good or kind man or wolf. He found me, because he was a resurrectionist.”
Mina frowned.
“He dug up dead bodies. Fresh bodies. He’d robbed the graves and then sold the cadavers to medical schools or doctors for experimentation. When he dug up my grave, he just happened to find me alive. He took me back to his pack, and there they nursed me back to health, but by the time I was well enough to go back to my home, everything was gone. My brothers had disappeared. I believed them dead. So I agreed to stay with the pack. I agreed to become one of them. And to mate with Brody.”
Mina stared at her. “Do your brothers know any of this?”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Not much.”
“But why? They would understand. Surely if anyone could understand, it would be them.”
Elizabeth glanced over to Christian and Sebastian who still watched, concern clear on their faces. “Maybe. But I can’t forgive myself. The pack I was with, they were the scum of the London underworld. Thieves, drunks, prostitutes. And when I was left on my own, I went with them rather than flee. I was too scared to walk away. I stopped being Elizabeth, the gentle-born lady, and became what they were. I stole. I lied. I helped with the grave-robbing.”
“You did what you had to do to survive,” Mina stated.
“I can’t even bear to think of the things I saw, the things I just let go on around me.”
Mina squeezed her hand and repeated, “But you did it to survive. And you did leave. You left when you were strong enough.”
Yes, she had. But it was after years of turning a blind eye. Years of falling farther and farther away from the person she’d been raised to be.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of,” Mina stated, her voice stern rather than sympathetic. “You know I can testify to the fact that you do whatever it takes to keep going.”
Elizabeth’s gaze roamed her friend’s face. That was true. Mina had suffered a lot—she’d seen a lot, too, and never had Elizabeth considered her weak or a failure.
“But I am still mated. So how can I be with Jensen?”
Mina considered that. “I don’t know. But the truth is, from what I feel in the air between you two, I just don’t see how you can stay apart.”
Elizabeth sighed. Mina was right. She’d been naïve to think she could just send him away. Hell, it hadn’t worked thus far.
Jensen stopped at the end of Boyd Road. What was he doing? Hadn’t he told himself that there was no point going to Elizabeth? Only several dozen times as he drove around West Pines and Shady Fork for over two hours. But Melanie’s words kept replaying in his head.
You need to go to her.
Except Elizabeth had told him distinctly that she didn’t want to see him again. But then the look on her face as she’d passed him tonight also repeated in his head. She’d looked like a woman who was truly hurt and upset. And that expression, that kind of devastated emotion—especially from her—was killing him. He had to know she was okay.
He stared down the dark dirt road. Who was he kidding? He wasn’t going to leave now. He pulled onto the rutted lane. Although he hesitated for a moment before he put the truck into Park. What could he say? Because all of her blow-offs weren’t enough for him? He needed yet another one?
The house was dark except for the outside light, glowing on the porch. Then he noticed the halo of light around her barn door. Maybe she was working. As he got out of the car, he noticed her motorcycle parked near the house. She had to be here. And the best bet was the barn.
He headed in that direction. He didn’t know exactly what he was going to say, but he had to talk to her.
He just reached the door, his hand on the wooden handle, when he caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. Then he was hit with the force of a battering ram to his side. The impact was so hard it knocked the breath from him as he flew through the air and landed hard against the cold ground.