Jensen straightened as if her question physically hit him.
“I’m sorry,” she said immediately. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
But Jensen was already shaking his head. “No. I forgot that picture was there. It was just an old—girlfriend.”
Elizabeth could tell from the hesitation in his answer there was more to it. Was she the one who got away? Did he still love her? She didn’t have a right to know. She didn’t.
“I also saw the photo album that I guess she must have made.” God, what was she doing? “You look like you were pretty serious.”
Jensen didn’t respond for a moment. His eyes remained focused straight ahead as if he was studying something of great interest outside the car.
Finally he cleared his throat. “Yeah. We were pretty serious. Very serious, and she, umm, died.”
A strange mixture of pain and jealousy raced through her. He’d loved that woman and she’d died. It was horrible. Yet all she could think was that he wasn’t over her. He still loved her. And if she were alive, Elizabeth would not be in this truck with him.
She made a slight noise, appalled at her own selfishness. Her endless selfishness. She was jealous of a dead woman, yet she was the one with a mate. At least Jensen was unattached, even if it wasn’t of his own will.
God, she needed to get away. She needed to sort out all the crazy thoughts swirling in her head.
“I—I think I should maybe go home.”
She expected Jensen to argue. To tell her more about the blonde. But instead, all he did was nod and turn on the ignition.
Neither spoke as he drove toward her house. She wanted to, but now, when it seemed very necessary, her wayward mouth wouldn’t work. It seemed her body was never in control of itself.
Jensen still didn’t say anything as he pulled up to her house and shifted the truck into Park. This time he didn’t turn off the ignition, she noticed. Her uncooperative mouth might want to talk to him, but it was more than obvious he didn’t want to talk to her.
She opened her door, also noting for the first time that he didn’t jump out to open it for her. Not that she could expect that when he so obviously wanted to flee.
She slid out of the vehicle and nearly had the door shut before he said, “I’ll see you later.”
It was a feeble promise, as far as promises went, but she grasped on to it like a lifeline.
“Yes. Call me later.”
He nodded, although his face was grim. No cocky smile. No twinkle in his green eyes.
Still, she held on to his words, praying they were true. She couldn’t lose him. She couldn’t.
She smiled, knowing the gesture was as weak as his words. Then she closed the door.
She didn’t even get inside the house before he shifted the car into Reverse and backed out of her driveway, escaping her in a spray of gravel.
Chapter 20
J
ensen pulled into his driveway and sat there.
Just go back.
Images of Elizabeth’s uncertain expression haunted him. The wary way she’d looked at him as she’d gotten out of his car. The way she’d seemed almost desperate when he said he’d see her later.
She was confused by his reaction. Hell,
he
was confused. When she’d asked about Katie, it was almost as if she’d brought another world into their relationship. A world that she wasn’t a part of, and he didn’t want her to be.
But why shouldn’t Elizabeth know about Katie? She had a right to be curious. He was curious as hell about her other men. She’d never mentioned any, but he did wonder.
He turned off the engine and got out of the truck. As the door slammed, the sound loud and jarring in the afternoon air, he felt like that sound was just punctuating a huge mistake.
He shouldn’t have taken her home. Taking her home wasn’t the problem, it was the fact that he’d left her there. Watching him go, from her porch. Confused and hurt.
And understandably so. She didn’t even know what she’d asked that was so wrong. And she hadn’t asked anything that was wrong. She’d asked a curious and totally valid question.
He was the one who couldn’t answer her.
He stepped into the house, nearly groaning that his grandfather sat at the kitchen table working on one of his many crosswords.
“Hi. Where’s Elizabeth?”
He could count on his granddad to focus right on the one thing he didn’t want to talk about.
“She went home. She was... tired.”
Granddad nodded, then wrote in another word.
“She seems like a great girl, Jen.”
Jensen nodded. Yes, she was. And perhaps one that he might have lost, just because he couldn’t deal with his own past.
“She’s very fond of you. You can see it all over her face.”
Jensen would have liked to think he wasn’t selfish and so needy that his grandfather’s words could fill him with satisfaction. But they did.
Maybe Elizabeth would forgive him for his reluctance to talk about Katie. But he could tell from the look on her face that she’d believed the reason he wouldn’t talk was because he still loved Katie.
Even a week ago, he would have agreed. He would have said that he absolutely loved Katie and wouldn’t fall for another. Now, he wasn’t so sure.
Actually, he
was
sure. He had fallen in love again. That was absolutely what he felt for Elizabeth. So why had his inclination been to run from her questions?
Because, you fool, you don’t want her to see what an utter failure you are. You let Katie die, for God’s sake.
How did he tell the woman he was falling for that he’d played a part in his first love’s death?
“You know, I get the feeling that Elizabeth is just a really good person.” Granddad’s comment was offhanded, and as was his way, he still answered the crossword clues as if he hadn’t even spoken.
Jensen crossed to the counter, leaning against it. Debating what he needed to do.
“I don’t think I’d let a woman like that one get away.”
Jensen stared at his grandfather, bent over his puzzle. What did his grandfather know about any of this? He didn’t know what had happened that last night with Katie.
Hell, she wouldn’t even have been driving if they hadn’t had that stupid fight. Such a stupid, stupid fight. And who had paid for Jensen’s stupidity? Katie. Katie had. With her life.
He didn’t say anything as he left the kitchen, hurrying up the steps to his bedroom. The room that had been his since he’d moved in with his grandparents. So much of his childhood was still apparent in this room, and in truth, he didn’t even notice it anymore.
He picked up the picture of himself and Katie as they were preparing to leave for college.
Once he’d looked at that picture every single night, wondering “what if.” What if things had turned out differently?
He had to admit that since he decided he wanted to be with Elizabeth he hadn’t given the picture a thought. Like the sports pennants. Like the old science project he’d made in ninth grade, still sitting on his bookshelf, gathering dust.
The idea that he could just forget about Katie didn’t make him feel any better. He stared at the picture, remembering everything about that day.
His grandmother’s roses were still blooming, and the sweet smell had scented the air. He and Granddad had to wrestle all their luggage around, trying to find the right combination to make it all fit like a huge—and heavy, t
hank
s to Katie’s suitcases—3-D puzzle. But they had made it all fit. Katie had apologized for all her stuff, but she didn’t offer to leave anything behind. Not because she was greedy, but because she was sure everything she’d packed was a necessity. She was leaving West Pines for good. Or so she thought.
He remembered the tape Katie had made to listen to in the car while they drove. Songs that were important to them and to their friends. And he remembered they had laughed, a lot, giddy with the prospect of moving on to a new part of their lives.
No. He’d never forgotten anything about Katie. If anything, he’d relived his time with Katie over and over, afraid he’d forget something.
“Jensen?”
Jensen started, looking up from the photo to where his grandfather leaned on the door frame.
“I know you loved Katie. I know you still love her. And I also know that if she’d lived, you two would be together now. But she didn’t. And you can’t stop living, too.”
Jensen stared at him, not saying anything. Not knowing what to say.
“And letting go of Elizabeth isn’t the tribute that Katie would have wanted.”
Jensen nodded.
Granddad crossed over to him and clapped him on the shoulder, then turned to leave the room. But he paused again in the doorway.
“Just for the record, I really like Elizabeth.”
Jensen nodded again. He really liked her, too. But that wasn’t the issue. Would she really like him if she knew the truth about him? About how selfish he could be?
Elizabeth’s eyes popped open, a feeling of disorientation filling her. She’d fallen asleep. She blinked around, realizing that she must have dozed off on her sofa.
She lay there for a moment, still trying to get her bearings. Then she remembered her last conversation with Jensen. Or the lack of conversation, and his hard expression as he’d driven away.
How had she managed to fall asleep? Her mind had been racing when she’d lain down. But given that she couldn’t recall lying there for more than a few minutes, she must have fallen asleep almost immediately. Maybe sleep had been her way of dealing with emotional distress, although it never had been.
But it definitely seemed to be now, because all she wanted to do was curl back up against the cushions and fall back into oblivion.
Instead, she eased up to a sitting position, her limbs tired and heavy as if she was struggling through water. Obviously, the nap had done very little to ease her weariness.
But she didn’t give in to the exhaustion that urged her body to lie down. She pushed up to her feet and ambled across the floor, feeling every bit of her hundred and eighty-nine years.
Love isn’t supposed to make you feel old.
The thought barely registered in her brain, when she stumbled to a halt, sagging against the doorframe into the kitchen. But this time it wasn’t her exhausted body affecting her. It was her own thoughts.
Was she really in love with Jensen? How was that even possible? They’d hardly had what anyone would call a conventional relationship. In fact, had they even shared enough to constitute a relationship?
She pushed away from the wall and tottered to the refrigerator. She opened the door, her stomach growling loudly, as if it had a mind of its own.
She really was a mess. Here she was, debating the fact that she could be in love with a man. A human. A person whom she could never have. Even if he wanted her, which didn’t seem likely now. And she was also thinking she was starving. Something was seriously wrong with her. But then, she’d known that for a while.
She grabbed a container of yogurt and headed to the counter to get a bowl and a box of granola.
Fixing her snack, she tried to get her jumbled thoughts into some semblance of order.
“What do you really expect to happen with Jensen?” she asked aloud, as if she expected some greater power to answer for her.
Of course, the room remained silent. Except the quiet skitter of paws as her apparently pet mouse scurried out into the middle of the room.
“As if my life isn’t weird enough,” she said to the small rodent, who reared up on his back feet and watched her, no fear whatsoever in its small, black eyes.
Elizabeth shook her head, then sat down at the table to eat. As she scooped the first spoonful of the concoction into her mouth, she started to list what she’d want to happen versus what could feasibly happen.
“I want Jensen,” she admitted to herself and the mouse. “I—I do love him.”
Saying it aloud, she almost cringed. Loving him was such a bad idea. A doomed, painful, and utterly unobtainable desire. Yet, she couldn’t seem to tell her heart any of this.
“It isn’t a real choice. Just let things end. Just let him go.”
She knew her words were the right ones, but she also knew she couldn’t do it. She knew she had to see him again. Somehow, in such a short time, Jensen had become as necessary to her as water and air. Surely, feeling this way wasn’t normal. It certainly wasn’t healthy. And the truth was, Jensen might have decided he wasn’t interested in her. If his reaction to her questions were any indication, he wasn’t close to being over the blonde in those pictures. Maybe bringing her up had shown him how strange his relationship with Elizabeth was. Maybe he truly did see that Elizabeth wasn’t his type.
And she wasn’t thinking about the two biggest problems, both of which could very well never be overcome. She was a werewolf. And she was mated.
“You cannot love him. Just let him go,” she murmured.
“Now,
that
, sweet Lizzie, is the best idea I’ve heard in a long while.”
Chapter 21
E
lizabeth whipped around in her chair, staring at the speaker. She nearly fell as she scrambled upright, backing away, hardly able to believe her eyes. But she’d known he would come for her one day.
“Brody,” she managed, trying to keep the fear from her voice.
“Yes, it’s me. In the flesh.” He raised a black eyebrow and stepped farther into the room.
Elizabeth automatically stepped back.
“I can see you are glad to see me.”
“How... why are you here?”
Brody smiled, his grin revealing his white, even teeth. His teeth were the best feature of his broad, harsh face. When she’d first met him, she’d told herself that any man with a smile like his couldn’t be all bad. She’d been wrong. There was very little in Brody that was good. He was too selfish, too hardened to have much goodness inside him.
“Well, I couldn’t very well let my mate leave me forever.”
He strolled to her table, taking a seat as if he owned the place. He lifted her bowl of yogurt and granola, sniffing it. He grimaced, and pushed it away.
Leaning back and crossing his trunk-like arms over his barrel chest, he regarded her.
“And you’ve been a very bad mate, haven’t you?”
She froze, fear immediately spiking through her, making her panic. But she swallowed, willing herself to remain calm. Brody could sense her fear. A werewolf could sense fear, but Brody fed off it. He liked to cause fear in others.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
He raised his thick, black brow again. “Really?”
She shook her head, determined to hold her ground. She’d done it many times before, and in truth, she’d often walked away from their clashes, while not necessarily the victor, at least unscathed. This time she knew it was very important she didn’t submit.
He relaxed even more, regarding her with his brown eyes. So brown they often looked black, empty.
“Let me refresh your memory. The front seat of a pickup truck. An old man’s kitchen table. On that creaky, wooden swing out there on your front porch.”
Bile rose up in the back of Elizabeth’s throat, but she swallowed back her nausea. Oh God, Brody had watched them. Had seen it all. And while his wrath frightened her to the point that she was nearly shaking, it was the idea that he’d witnessed moments that should have been just hers and Jensen’s that distressed her. That he was somehow tainting them with his presence. That was what sickened her.
But she managed to pull herself up to her full height. “It’s nothing more than what you’ve done,” she said with false bravado, amazed it sounded believable, even to her ears.
“So you were just extending a little payback, eh?”
She nodded, trying to look angry rather than scared.
He quirked his lips, seeming to consider that information. For a moment, she thought he was going to accept her explanation. After all, Brody had cheated on her almost from the day that she’d agreed to mate with him. Not the natural behavior of a mated werewolf, but he’d never been conventional in any of his werewolf traits. Including his fidelity. And in truth, she’d been more than happy for him to go to other females. She’d mated for survival, not happiness or love.
But her hope that he’d just accept her reason was quickly dashed as he rose and stalked toward her. She backed away, but soon felt the handle of the refrigerator sharp in her back.
He cornered her there, blocking her escape with his massive body. He was about the same height as Jensen, but he had a good fifty pounds on Jensen’s lean, athletic build. Brody was like a tank. And he was a bully. And Elizabeth knew she was having a hard time keeping the fear out of her eyes.
“Now, darling, I appreciate that you think turnabout is fair play. But that isn’t the way I see it.”
Elizabeth raised her chin, meeting his eyes. “Is this another of your random alpha male rules?”
He laughed, the sound low and dangerous. “Random alpha male rules? Now, baby, you know I never had any of those. These are just Brody’s rules. And the number one rule is that Brody’s mate does not cheat. Especially not with a human.”
His eyes roamed down her body, making her skin crawl. “You let yourself be tainted, woman.”
She didn’t disagree with that, but it had been Brody who’d done the tainting, not Jensen. Jensen had made her realize what she could have had. If she hadn’t been so scared and pathetic.
She started as he moved, but she was surprised that he actually released her and paced away from her. She used the moment to shift away from the fridge, sidling closer to the back door.
He turned back to face her and she froze.
“The truth is that I could let that go. After all, from what I saw, the human seemed to teach you a trick or two.” He grinned, the lascivious gleam in his eyes nearly making her shiver with revulsion. But she didn’t. She remained absolutely still, doing nothing to draw him back to her.
He began to pace again, and for the first time, she realized his movements seemed a little jerky, as if something was hurting him. She watched his movements, trying to figure out what was wrong as she edged past the back door to the counter, spotting the knife holder. Even if she ran out the back door now, Brody would catch her in a heartbeat. She needed a weapon.
“But... ” He spun toward her, his dark eyes moving over her again. She remained motionless, barely even pulling in a breath. But her frozen posture didn’t save her this time. He darted, and before she could even prepare for his impact, she found herself pinned to the wall, his huge, hard bulk holding her there. She tried to pull in a breath, but couldn’t.
“But,” he repeated with one of his deceptively attractive smiles, “I can’t let go what I’ve tasted on your skin.” To punctuate his words, he leaned forward and licked her, his tongue moving up her cheek like a hot, slimy slug.
This time she couldn’t suppress a violent shudder.
He shifted back to look at her, and this time there was no smile, lascivious or otherwise. This time his mouth was set in a grim scowl. His black eyes burned with disgust.
“Oh, Lizzie, you have sealed that human’s death.”
His words seemed to knock the breath out of her. Jensen.
“Why?” she asked, not understanding what was motivating him. What had he tasted? When? She just didn’t understand. “What does the human matter? We are over, anyway.”
Brody nodded, his expression stating that he clearly didn’t believe her. “So I heard you say.”
“He isn’t important. And—and I shouldn’t have been with him. I just did it to—to hurt you.” She knew she was grabbing at straws, but she couldn’t let Brody go after Jensen. Jensen would be dead before he even realized what hit him.
“To hurt me?” He clearly didn’t believe her. But she should have known that given the chance, Brody would take advantage of the situation.
“If that’s the case, then I guess you’d want to show a little of that passion to me.” He didn’t wait for her to answer as he smashed his mouth down on hers.
Elizabeth struggled to suppress the wave of nausea rising up inside her. Instead, she tried to keep her lips relaxed as he battered them with his rough, painful kiss.
She tried to keep her movements unnoticed as she reached behind her for one of the knives. Her fingers brushed the wooden handles and she eased one out of its slot.
“Baby, I’m just not feeling the passion I saw with the human. You were getting freaky with him.” He bit her bottom lip hard, as if to demonstrate the freakiness he wanted from her.
“Oh,” she said, smiling sweetly even as another swell of nausea filled her. “I can be pretty freaky.”
She didn’t hesitate but drove the blade straight into his side. The knife slid in easier than she would have guessed, and he instantly jerked away from her.
Staring down at the steak knife, he let out a low growl that was more wolf than human. “You bitch.”
Elizabeth didn’t wait for any other reaction. She raced to the back door, flying down the steps, adrenaline coursing through her and adding to her speed. But once she reached the woods, she paused.
She glanced back at her house. She didn’t think Brody had exited yet. So she took a moment, concentrating. She’d be able to get to Jensen faster if she changed into wolf form. She never willingly shifted, but this time she knew she had to make the change. She had to get to him before Brody did.
Pulling in a calming breath, she let it happen. The shift hurt, but once it was done, the pain would be forgotten. And since it wasn’t quite the full moon, she would be able to think like herself. Only the full moon made her all wolf.
After a few pained moans and cracking of joints, she rose, then started running, her paws carrying her over the ground, eating up the distance between her and Jensen.
Jensen pushed aside Katie’s scrapbook. It was the first time he’d opened the book since Katie had died. Pain still filled his chest as he looked at the pictures. He wished things had gone differently. That Katie was here. He’d still give his own life for that to be the outcome of that night. But she was gone. And he’d mourned her. He still mourned her.
But he also mourned the look on Elizabeth’s face as he’d driven away earlier today.
He glanced at the window. It was dark. Where had the afternoon gone? Had he really just sat here staring at pictures, trying to sort out his feelings?
Yeah, he had. And he wasn’t that much closer to an answer. But he did know that he had to go to Elizabeth. He couldn’t go to Katie. But he could go to Elizabeth.
He got up from his bed, shoving his feet into his shoes. He walked over to the closet to grab a coat.
As he started to shrug on the leather jacket, he heard the back door slam. Then he heard the muffled voice of his grandfather shouting something.
Tugging on the coat, he hurried down the hall and took the stairs two at a time. What the hell was his grandfather yelling about? As he reached the living room, he heard a gunshot.
Shit, not again.
He ran out into the kitchen, and sure enough his grandfather was again on the back porch. Again he had his old rifle in his hand, aiming out at the darkened dooryard.
“Granddad,” he cried, just as another shot rang out. But unlike the last time, this time he heard a sharp yelp.
“Granddad! What the hell are you doing?”
His grandfather didn’t answer him, but loped down the steps, rifle still poised to shoot.
Jensen followed him out, not sure what he would find. But pretty damned sure it was going to be the McCormacks’ Newfoundland in a pool of blood.
He reached his grandfather, who scanned the ground, obviously looking for a trail of blood.
“I know I got it this time,” he stated, not looking up from his search.
“Granddad, I’m starting to really worry about you.”
“
Don
’t worry about me. Worry about that damned wolf.”
Jensen shook his head. This was really becoming a very strange obsession. A worrisome obsession. But he did find himself also scanning the ground for blood or pawprints.
Sure enough, he spotted prints in the damp driveway. Of course, he couldn’t be sure without really studying them if they were canine or some other animal.
Dog, he guessed, but he did find himself following them. His grandfather veered the other way, and Jensen hesitated to call to him about what he’d discovered. He was truly afraid he was going to find someone’s family pet, shot and dying. And given what Granddad had done for the last fifty years, Jensen knew he’d be devastated if he’d killed a domesticated animal.
No, it was best for Jensen to follow the trail himself, and if there was some poor animal injured, he’d handle it.
The trail continued toward the old woodshed behind the garage. He moved forward slowly as he realized the tracks seemed to lead right up to it. He approached slowly, afraid that the hurt animal might charge out of fear. But as he got to the building, nothing appeared. He glanced around, checking the door to see if it was open. The double doors were locked. He started to walk behind the shed to see if he could pick up the trail, when he heard a whimper. He stopped and listened.
Then he saw it. A large, black form in the waning light. Collapsed on the ground. He stepped a little closer. He saw the flash of pale eyes.
Again he heard a sound, although this time the sound didn’t seem like an animal. It had an almost human quality to it.
He took another step forward, frightened by what he was seeing. Suddenly very frightened, when something came at him from his right, launching him into the air. He landed on the ground with a hard thud.
He rolled onto his back, scrambling to get his bearings and rise. But before he could manage to even sit up, the thing pounced onto him, pinning him to the ground with tremendous weight.
He stared up at the creature, not really sure what he was looking at. Between the darkness and his own disorientation, he just couldn’t tell. But he knew whatever it was, it wasn’t a human form. And it wasn’t any animal that he was familiar with in this region. It was too large to be a dog. And it was indeed black, or dark enough to blend into the night.