My Sweet Demise (Demise #1) (12 page)

As the positive aftereffects begin to wane I start to side with my common sense. How could I allow Kent to touch me like that? No man has ever done to me what he just did. It happened so fast. I didn’t have time to think, only to feel, and what I felt had nothing to do with common sense. It was passion and attraction vying for attention in a body disallowing both emotions.

“Two large with rare steak.” The waitress sets down two steaming bowls of hot soup.

I feel my cheeks heat. She can’t possibly know what we did. No one could possibly know. “Thank you.” I’m paranoid. It further lessens my bliss. What if someone heard me?

What were you thinking, letting Kent touch you?

My eyes fill with tears. All of my progress, all of my self-control, has blown apart because of one man. I don’t understand why this saddens me so much. I guess it’s because I said no so many times and the one time I said yes Kent never even asked me. He touched me because he knew what I needed. He knew exactly what I wanted and he gave it to me on a sexy silver platter.

I squirm in my seat, remembering his fingers pressing against me. He’d parted me through my panties and touched the part of me that ached the most. I remember why I let him. I needed him to touch me.

Without waiting for him I grab my chopsticks and dig in. Kent sits down soundlessly and does the same. We slurp our noodles, drink our broth, and the entire time I am tender with this new kind of want. Clearly touching wasn’t enough. My body expects more. My mind, however, forbids it.

“That can’t happen again,” I speak up. I set my chopsticks down. I can’t eat another bite. I stare at what’s left of my broth, watching a cilantro leaf floating like a solitary green island. “I never lose control. I need to have control over my life, Kent.”

“We barely touched. Relax.”

I look up in shock. “We barely touched? I guess to you that was nothing. That was something to me.”

“I heard.”

I blush all over and look down. “I was kind of loud, wasn’t I?”

“When’s the last time you got laid?”

“It’s been a long, long time.” I refuse to reveal I’m a virgin. For some reason I know if I tell him his reaction won’t be positive.

“I haven’t made a girl come that way since high school.” He laughs at the memory. “You were completely clothed and I have to say that was the sexiest thing I’ve done with a woman in a long, long time,” he informs me, using my words. Except he draws them out, making my mouth dry. “But if you don’t want it to happen again, then it won’t.”

“I don’t.”

He shrugs. “Me neither.”

Him neither?

I don’t let him know how much his easy agreement to never to do it again annoys me. I don’t want to confuse him. Inside I’m enraged. That couldn’t have all been me back there. He touched me. He knew what to do. Was he taking pity on me? I slide down in my seat and attempt not to succumb to the blush heating my skin. I was practically begging him for release, humping him like a horny dog. He took pity on me and gave it to me. How pathetic was I?

I can barely meet his eyes when he tosses a twenty on the table. In the car we’re both quiet. I feel dirty all over, like some reject charity sex case. Kent took one for the team. I’m his bunt. I want to crawl into a hole. He touched me! No man had ever touched me that way. I let him, some spoiled rich daddy’s boy, touch me. And then I was all over him. I’m madder at myself than I am at him. He was being himself. I wasn’t.

When we get to the apartment I pull up near the stairs.

“You’re not coming in?”

I look out my window. “I’ve got errands to run.”

“Like what?” he demands. “Look at me. All we did was hook up in the bathroom. You weren’t even naked. I said I wouldn’t do it again. You don’t have to act like this.”

“Get out.”

He grabs for me but I smack his hand away. “Rain,” he says quietly.

I try not to cry. “Becca calls me that.”

This time when he grabs for my hand I let him take it. “’Your sister, right?”

I nod, surprised he remembered her name. “She doesn’t want me living with you. Now I know why.”

He rolls his eyes. “You really need to expand your horizons.”

I try and pull free of him but he holds me tighter. “Please, Kent. I have things to do.” I need to get away from him.

“Will I see you before you leave for work?”

You won’t see me ever again if I can help it.
“I don’t know.”

“You know, you don’t make any sense. You played along with me and then when I play too I’m the bad guy? I could have ripped your panties off and took you in that bathroom. You would have let me too. You wanted me so fucking bad. I was trying to do the right thing. Don’t punish me for it.”

I know he didn’t physically hurt me. But it feels like he dug his nails down my heart. All he could stand to do to me was touch me through my panties? Even the thin barrier was a good enough obstacle between him and me?

I wrench my hand free of his and point at his door. “Get the fuck out my car.”

His jaw opens wide. “Rain. Stop.”

“Now!” I scream. I need him gone before I break down.

“You’re all the same. Psycho-ass women. I don’t know why I still bother with you unappreciative assholes.” He slams my door and leaves.

I put my car in drive and grab my cell as tears stream down my face. “Becca,” I sob.

“Rain, what’s wrong?” my sister demands.

“Kent…” I hiccup and stop at a red light.

It’s all I need to say. “What did that disgusting manwhore do to my baby sister?”

I refuse to tell her I let him touch me. “He’ll have sex with anyone, Becca. But when it comes to me I’m like some charity case.”

She’s silent for a second. “Fill me in. I don’t know which rant I’m supposed to be giving here.”

“I need to cry to someone.” To prove it a sob rips me open and I cry harder than I have since Becca left for school. She doesn’t know I broke down then. She was already in California when I lost it without her. How was I supposed to live without my sister? We were a team. She was my mom, my dad, and my best friend. “I need you, Becca.”

“You want me to come home for a couple days?”

“I want a hug and to see you in person.”

“Oh, Rain. Shh. I’ll be on the first flight out there.”

“I’ll pay you back.”

“No you won’t. Now talk to me so you can calm down.”

Someone honks behind me. I stare at the green light and pull forward.

“Are you driving? You know you’re a shitty driver when you’re crying. Pull over.”

I do as she says. I park in the grocery store lot, already feeling slightly better after hearing her voice. “Are you really coming?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t. You know how I am. I get emotional sometimes. You don’t have to miss school just because your sister is a spaz who can’t handle her emotions.”

“That’s because you always hold them in. You never let anything out. You keep yourself so tightly bound your pain starts to escape on its own. What did Kent do?”

I sigh, watching a mother stack groceries in the back of her minivan. “Why does he have to be so sexy?”

She laughs. “Guys like him can’t help it. I think he’d be even sexier if he tried.”

“Don’t come.”

“Rain.”

“I’m serious. I’m fine. I’m going to avoid him the best I can until this blows over.”

“Until what blows over?”

“Nothing.” Apparently. “I love you, Becca.”

“Love you too, Rain. If you need me, call me and I’ll be out there the next night.”

“Thanks.”

I hang up and sit there, feeling drained. I want to curl up in my bed and sleep. Instead I have to work eight hours. I think about calling in sick and then chicken out at the last minute. I have a couple hours till my shift and decide to make good use of my surroundings. I wipe my tears and head inside the store. At least this way Kent can’t think I was avoiding him. I was grocery shopping. And crying, and raging. But what does he mind? I’m some lonely, horny cat who keeps trying to hump his leg.

Angrily taking a shopping cart, I go down every aisle slowly. Why didn’t I stop him? I had so many opportunities. I let them slip by. The only conclusion I can come up with is Becca’s. I keep everything buried inside. Even my hormones. I was so damn lonely I was begging a man to touch me. And he was being so generous about it. I roll my eyes at the yogurt and keep going. What a selfless manwhore Kent was, loaning my vagina his fingers like a library card.

I was returning them immediately.

After I check out I drive home and grab as many groceries to carry inside as I can handle. Kent is sitting on the couch when I come in. He doesn’t look up and I don’t look over. I make two trips. James comes home as I’m putting my ice cream in the freezer. He drops his backpack on the couch and unbuttons his shirt, giving me a sweet smile when he enters the kitchen.

“I’m about to make a sundae. You want one?” I wiggle the ice cream at him.

He nods and rubs his belly.

I laugh and Kent turns the TV up louder. Jerk. I think about throwing the ice cream at his head and then scold myself for even considering wasting something so precious on him. I talk louder even though James can’t hear me. “Let’s hang out in your room. I don’t want to risk the couch today.”

He shrugs and waves me forward.

“I will,” I promise.

I assemble two killer sundaes. I top them with whipped cream, cherries, and some chocolate sauce I find in the fridge. As I’m carrying them through the living room Kent looks up at me in irritation.

“He can’t hear you. Do you need to flirt with him so loudly?”

“Sorry. I’ll keep it down in his bedroom.” I continue past him.

“Raina,” he warns.

Right. My smart mouth. “Kiss my ass, Kent. Or is that asking too much?”

He stares straight ahead. “Start looking for a new place to live.”

“My pleasure!” I snap.

When I get to James’s room I slam his door. He’s sitting in his little living room area. I plop down next to him and bitterly delve into my ice cream.

James raises his eyebrows at me.

As I talk he reads my lips. “Can you help me look for a new place to live?”

His eyes widen and his face pales. “No,” he says, setting his ice cream down. “No.”

“Kent and I aren’t going to get along. We’re too different.”

“The same,” he insists hectically. “That’s why we get along. You remind me of Kent. The old Kent.”

“Kent and I are not the same.” I feel insulted. “I’m not a whore, or a drunk, or a douchebag.”

He shakes his head. “Kent’s hurting.” He pats his heart. “In here. He doesn’t mean it.”

“I can’t stand him,” I lie.

“Stay for me.” He grabs my hand. “I don’t have many friends. It’s always been difficult to keep relationships and it’s easier to be alone. But I feel comfortable around you. Don’t leave. I’ll start talking more.”

My heart shatters. “James,” I whisper. I can’t say no to that. “People suck sometimes. I’m sorry they’re mean to you.” I reach over and touch his face softly. “You’re a great guy. You deserve better.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“Then I won’t.” I smile sadly at him.

“Thank you,” he whispers, turning back around and staring at the television like he didn’t spill his guts.

I rest my head on his shoulder and together James and I eat our ice cream in silence until I have to leave for work.

“Be safe.”

I lean over and kiss his cheek. “I will.”

I have enough time to take another shower, needing to wash Kent off my body. I can feel him everywhere. He doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near my body, let alone between my legs. I scrub my new apricot soap all over and wash him away for good. When I’m clean I feel better, as if I can start fresh. So I failed once. One failure didn’t mean I completely lost.

I refuse to lose again.

Kent is nowhere to be found when I leave for Oblivion. I’m glad for his absence. He won’t be happy to learn I’m not moving, but then again, I don’t live to please him. I live to please myself.

Oblivion is expectedly crazy tonight. At least all of the waitresses showed up. Samantha doesn’t look any different, although I think twice she avoids me. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to be self-conscious. I fell for it too. We fell for his BS because Kent is made of it. Would we stop breathing? Stop eating? No, and we shouldn’t stop existing because of Kent Nicholson.

After my shift is over I drive around Jacksonville to give Kent time to “bag” his latest friend. When I get home it’s almost five in the morning and the couch is thankfully empty. I slip quietly into my room and fall swiftly asleep.

When I wake up and hear Kent I force myself to go back to sleep. The second time I awake I can’t hold my bladder anymore. I risk a dash for the bathroom. However, my worries are unnecessary. The apartment is empty. I sigh in relief and take full advantage of it. It won’t be so bad living with him if I don’t have to interact with him. My schedule allows it if I stretched it out.