Read Naked in Knightsbridge Online
Authors: Nicky Schmidt
Jools giggled. She looked mismatched and unkempt.
‘I mean it!’ he continued. ‘I like you with a little meat on your bones. You look healthy.’
Jools’ cheeks went red. She didn’t believe a word of it but it was certainly good to hear. ‘You’re very sweet. But come on. I’m a cow, as Rodney says. Used to say.’
A quick flash of anger flickered over Skuttle’s handsome, hairy face. ‘Some people don’t know what they’re on about.’
Eager to catch up, Jools asked Skuttle where he’d been and what he’d been doing.
‘This and that,’ he replied, looking away.
‘But where have you been living?’
‘Oh, here and there.’
Jools didn’t want to pry; he was probably too embarrassed to tell her where he’d ended up. Maybe he was staying at a men’s shelter or in some dodgy wino skip somewhere. The bus people must have discovered his hidey hole and evicted him.
‘And you?’ Skuttle asked. ‘Where are you living?’
Jools decided to be just as cagey with Skuttle. She really didn’t want him to know she was living in one of Rocco’s flats – right back where she had started.
‘Oh, here and there,’ she said, smiling.
But Skuttle wasn’t as quick to drop the subject as she had been.
‘I care about you, Jools,’ he said. ‘I want to make sure you’re safe.’
‘Don’t worry, Skuttle. I’ve got a place. My old place. Not much better than the one we shared together, but it’s big enough for two. If you need somewhere to stay, you’re always welcome.’
Blushing a deep red, Skuttle mumbled his thanks. As she glanced at the clock on the canteen wall, Jools realised she needed to get ready for her interview.
‘Good luck,’ Skuttle said when informed of her future as a bus driver. He even looked impressed.
‘I mean it about staying with me,’ she said again. ‘Whenever you need anything, you know where to find me.’
Jools headed to the loo and splashed some cold water on her face. She hadn’t managed to extract any of the expensive makeup from Rodney’s, so hopefully freezing water would add a little colour to her cheeks. After a few minutes, she stood back. Her size 16 body was as lumpy as ever, but at least her face looked alright. Definitely pass for a twenty-seven-year-old.
A quick fluffing of hair and adjustment of bra (including undoing one more button on her stripey shirt) and she was ready. At least being obese gave you good cleavage. She’d do anything to land this job.
Well, just about anything.
New leaf, Jools, remember?
Making her way back to the garage office, she smiled winningly at the gruff man with the ponytail. Eyes fixed on her newly-revealed assets, he knocked over the potted fern as he stumbled to the other end of the office and knocked on the boss’s door.
‘You can go in now,’ the man said to her boobs.
Jools strode into the office, all set to make a good first impression. But the boss wasn’t even facing her.
Positioned behind a large metal desk at the far end of the room, all she could see was the strong profile of his shoulders and the hairy curve of his neck.
She felt a bit like Dorothy in
The Wizard of Oz
– a fat Dorothy with the beginnings of a dowager’s hump.
‘Take a seat,’ he ordered.
Jools sat down in a hard-backed wooden chair about five feet away from the desk.
‘Thank you for seeing me, sir,’ she began but was interrupted before she had the chance to say another word.
‘I wasn’t going to. I’ve looked at your CV and you certainly aren’t qualified for this position.’
Jools’ heart sank. The man was right. She’d done it again – buried her head in the sand and stupidly hoped that, despite all logic, everything would be fine. Still, desperation kept her from walking out.
‘I know, sir,’ she said. ‘You’re right. On paper, I don’t appear to be the best candidate for this job.’
‘So why should I hire you?’
‘I’m a hard worker and a decent person. I’m just a bit down on my luck.’
She wished he would turn around. It was hard enough begging, let alone begging someone’s back!
The man didn’t even answer.
Jools stood. She was hard up but there was only so much that could be achieved when you couldn’t even see a person’s face. ‘I’m sorry to have wasted your time.’ She choked back tears and started for the door.
‘Wait,’ the man said, just as she reached for the handle. ‘Sit down for a second.’
Hope fluttered in her chest as she sank back onto the hard wooden chair. God, this chair was tiny. If he ever did turn around Jools prayed he wouldn’t notice how her bum oozed over the edges.
‘Yes,’ he said thoughtfully, still facing the other way. ‘I might have something else for you.’
Hope banged hard against her ribs now. ‘Really? You’ll give me a job?’
A proper job, one without rats and poo? Everything would be alright if she could get one of those.
‘No,’ the boss said and Jools felt her face fall. ‘I don’t think so.’
Christ, maybe she shouldn’t have unbuttoned as far as she had. But no, he couldn’t even see her.
‘But why did you call me back if you’re not going to give me a job?’
‘Because,’ he said, ‘I just like hearing your voice.’
What? Was he insane? Or a sexual deviant?
Then the chair spun around and Jools gasped.
There, in the large, expensive leather recliner, sat the Hunk of No Fixed Abode – Skuttle.
Chapter 30
Dear Miss Grand,
Thank you for your email providing information on your father’s whereabouts. Due to your public-spirited notification, we have arrested Charlie Grand and extradited him to Spain, where as you know charges are pending.
It must have been difficult for you to come forward, and in recognition of this, we have reinstated your eligibility for future benefits from the government, should you need them.
Yours sincerely,
Inspector Edwards Muffon
UK Border Agency
SKUTTLE GRINNED WIDELY but all Jools could do was sit and stare. Had Skuttle broken into the office? Had he knocked out the real boss with his bottle of Stumpy? Was said boss bound and gagged in the corner closet?
‘What the hell are you doing?’ she said when she could finally speak. ‘You’ll get arrested!’
Skuttle got up and walked around to where she was sitting. He positioned his well-formed backside on the edge of the metal desk and folded his hands in his lap. He really did look a treat in those combats!
‘Just listen for a minute, Jools,’ he said. ‘There’s something I really need to tell you.’
God, she’d never seen his face so serious. She hoped he hadn’t murdered the real boss or something. Her heart raced. Maybe he wanted her to help hide the body? As much as she liked Skuttle, no way was she getting involved in something like that. Besides, she couldn’t stand the sight of blood.
‘Skuttle, this isn’t funny. What have you done with the man who was supposed to interview me? Did you hurt him?’
‘I’m that man,’ Skuttle said calmly.
‘Stop fooling,’ she demanded, fear growing inside of her. Did just knowing him make her an accomplice?
A knock interrupted the tension in the room. The door swung open before Skuttle had a chance to respond.
‘What on earth did you mean, dragging me all the way to this shithole, Skuttle, when we very easily could have met at your office in the City?’
Jools knew that voice. But she couldn’t figure out why the hell its owner would be at the bus station. She whipped around.
Rodney was standing by the door. When he saw her, his eyes widened. He seemed just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.
‘What is this? Have you gone completely insane?’ Rodney asked Skuttle.
‘I know you’re angry,’ Skuttle said, looking at Jools. ‘But let me explain.’
Jools felt weak. Had Rodney drafted Skuttle into his plan to totally discredit and humiliate her? After all, hobos could be bought and sold if they were desperate enough. Look at what she’d done.
Thoughts clogged her mind. She opened and closed her mouth, but nothing came out. Finally she waved a hand in Skuttle’s direction. ‘Go on.’ She needed to know what Skuttle’s role was in all of this. And what had Rodney meant by ‘City office’?
‘Just wait one minute,’ Skuttle said and as if on cue, Mel sauntered in.
‘Hello Mr Ryan, I’m terribly sorry to have kept you waiting but I ran into a spot of traffic on the way over,’ she said, before she realised who else was in the room with her. And that Mr Ryan was Skuttle the hobo.
‘Not at all, Miss Smythe-Brooks. I was just entertaining some friends with whom I believe you are acquainted.’ Skuttle stood and held out a chair for her.
Mel looked around the office. Her eyes went from Jools to Rodney and then back to Skuttle.
‘Is this some kind of horrible joke?’ Mel asked.
‘Not at all. It’s quite serious and now that we’re all here, I’ll explain,’ Skuttle said.
‘Too bloody right you’ll explain, Skuttle,’ Rodney shouted.
‘Stop!’ Jools said, breaking in. ‘How do you know his name? Do you two know each other?’ She couldn’t imagine how plastic Rodney might have crossed paths with grotty Skuttle.
Skuttle nodded. ‘We went to boarding school together, Jools. Rodney came up with my nickname himself.’
‘The old boy was a master at skittles,’ Rodney said. ‘And as you know, ‘skuttle’ is the past tense of ‘skittle’, very clever, I thought . . .’
Jools rolled her eyes. ‘And Mel? How do you know Mel?’ she asked Skuttle, interrupting Rodney’s reverie.
‘I saw her with you at that coffee shop you’re both so fond of, found out she was a lawyer and retained her services (by phone, of course) for help with some of my, er, new homeless pals.’
Jools looked around at the faces in front of her. Tears pushed at her eyes. ‘You all think this is funny, don’t you? This is a conspiracy, isn’t it? To make me feel worse than I already do. Is that it? You’re all in this together?’
‘I had no idea you were acquainted with Skuttle,’ Rodney said. ‘I’m just as much in the dark as you are, Jools.’
‘Me too,’ Mel said. ‘This is the last time I accept a brief over the phone.’
Skuttle sighed. ‘I didn’t want to make you angry, Jools. I just wanted to help.’ He put a soft hand on her arm and looked around the room. ‘Let me shed some light on this for all of you. The first thing you need to know is that I’m actually quite wealthy.’
‘You’re a bit more than ‘wealthy’.’ Rodney sank onto a grotty sofa and looked around with distaste. ‘More money than Bill Gates, on a good day.’
Jools’ head was spinning. ‘Then why the hell did you pretend to be a hobo?’
‘I wanted to find someone to love me for me,’ he said, as if it were the most natural answer in the world.
Mel and Rodney laughed meanly.
‘Come off it, old boy, you just like to drink,’ said Rodney. ‘At school, you put vodka in your ink pens and sucked them dry in Ancient Greek.’
Mel added: ‘Besides, there are dating services for rich men like you. Plenty of psychiatrists too.’
But Skuttle wasn’t laughing. ‘Do you have any idea how many of those I’ve tried? Not the shrinks, the dating agencies.’
Mel shrugged.
‘I don’t have any trouble meeting women, Mel; I have trouble meeting women who are interested in me for anything other than my money. Online dating hasn’t helped me. As soon as they find out who I am and what I’m worth it’s the same thing. I can smell a gold digger from a mile away and I’m simply not interested in a loveless marriage.’
His words stung. Jools was suddenly ashamed of her willingness to engage in a sham marriage in exchange for a comfortable existence.
‘Poor Skuttle. You’ve never been the best-looking bloke, have you? I guess with looks like yours, you need to do what you can.’ Rodney preened, proud of his own good sharp features and smooth skin.
Jools turned and shot him an angry glance. ‘I’ve always thought he was gorgeous,’ she said, forgetting for a moment her Skuttle wasn’t the same man she thought he was.
‘Yeah, she has. She’s crazy.’ Mel looked over at her client. ‘No offense.’
But Skuttle was beaming. ‘You did?’ he asked, his blue-grey eyes searching Jools’.
Transfixed by Skuttle’s eyes, she could only nod.
‘But why a hobo?’ asked Rodney. ‘Why not just pretend to be an ordinary guy? Did you really need to sink so low?’ He shuddered just thinking about living anywhere other than Zone 1.
Jools would have loved to slap Rodney for being so condescending, but how could she expect him to understand given his own dysfunctional past?
Even so, she admired Skuttle’s brave move to leave all his riches and comforts behind to find love.