Authors: Gayle Rogers
These Indians didn’t have guns; even the Snakes hadn’t had guns. The firing of a rifle could only mean that a white man, or several white men were near! “Dear God, let it be! Let it be!” Maria prayed wildly. White men were close enough for her to hear the firing of their rifles! Clutching the robe to her, she raced to the bay.
“Hai-yah!”
one of the Indians shouted, but she ran on anyway. He came after her, caught her, and when she screamed he gagged her with his palm. She struggled against him desperately, hampered by the clumsiness of her robe, as it slipped away from her shoulders.
“Ah-meeteh!”
a voice said low and savagely. Maria looked up into the enraged eyes of her captor who still sat upon his horse. His knife was drawn and upon it beads of water collected and fell off like colorless drops of blood. Rain was streaming upon Maria’s hair and naked breasts, and she drew the robe hastily around her. His face was wild. She looked up at him, dumb with fear and blinking through the driving rain.
Her assailant started to speak, but his leader leaped upon him, driving him helplessly down upon his back. Immediately, the other Indian who had stayed with Maria intervened, talking rapidly to Maria’s captor and holding back his knife hand. In time, that awful hand stilled its struggle, the rage and savagery left the awful face, and Maria’s captor released the Indian he had held helpless beneath him. Not one word did he say. Instead, his black eyes swung to Maria and she was overwhelmed with fresh terror of him. How could she have fought him in anything? How had she defied a beast so hungry for the letting of blood, so quick with a knife, so eager to kill even one of his own kind?
Fearfully, she went to her bed, and hid her head under her robe, listening to the rain beating against the skins and her own heart beating in terror. She felt his presence, felt him lie beside her in their bed and take a part of the robe that covered her nakedness to cover himself. She was facing away from him, cringing and desperately trying to keep from shaking. He did not touch her. He was quiet and seemed to sleep, and at last she relaxed, and stretched out her cramped legs. He suddenly turned her upon her back, and taking the robe from both of their heads, studied her face. She made no struggle for she knew what he sought. He wanted to know if she had seduced the man he had almost killed, and Maria knew with certainty that if she had, her captor would know it, and if he saw this upon her face, he would probably kill her. She was his and in his awful way he would have her and she would be possessed in his darkness or would die. Maria met his eyes without flinching. She had sought only escape. Without a word to her then, he turned away, and finally they both slept, their bodies bringing warmth to each other.
In sleep they met, and while Maria remained in drugged sleep the man awakened and saw in her body a desire for total consummation that made him nothing beside it. He had lain with naked women before, but never had he felt a desire like the one that overpowered him now. He wanted to kiss and caress every part of her, and yet he knew that he wanted her too strongly to have her when she was not ready for him. Deprivation had long been part of his training to be a man, and now this was no different. While she slept he kept his lips from her, and he kept himself from going inside of her, but gently he caressed every part of her anyway, and the lightness of his touch and the continuance of her sleep was the sweetest agony he had ever known.
And while she slept, Maria again sought the waters, but now they were golden green, and much closer to the sun she had always known. She drifted happily in them, but not crazily. She could go to their depths, but ascend at will, and in union with blackness she was free and was nothing and everything. Lightly the waters caressed her breasts, her throat, her lips. Her long black hair floated out lazily behind her. She circled and dove and came joyously up behind it, her lovely black hair floating so happily in the warm waters. The winds were all still. Shadows of cool caverns were far below, where she might go some day, if she so wished. But here the lips of the waters were sweeter than wine, than flowers in the spring; and here she would linger and let the wondrous lips find all of her, and in a miracle, find and meet them. She could draw the waters inside of her too. She would lie upon her back and accept them as a woman lies upon her back and accepts a man; and in accepting she would be nothing, for she would accept so much that she herself would be gone.
The man who had held her so gently felt her response, the swelling of her breasts, the quickening of an excited heart, and he kissed her mouth long and hungrily, only to see her eyes open in startled and wounded fear. The heat that had flashed over him at the touch of her lips beneath his own left him weak and shaken, and the terror upon her face made him sick. In real pain, he left her in the warmth of the robe and sought her dress. It was dry enough for her to wear, and taking it to her, he left it there for her to put on. He watched her as she struggled to dress under the robe and smiled in spite of himself. When she was dressed, she lay down and pretended to sleep. He knew that she did not sleep, for he detected tears upon her cheeks. He fought a trembling within himself again, so desperately did he want to go to her and kiss them away.
And so I live, Maria thought bitterly. My heart beats, and my stomach accepts food, my lungs seek air, and all of this allows me to live so that animal can rape me today, tomorrow, and forever, or as long as I shall live.
Remembering the sound of the rifle she thought that if a white man had been in this area, he was gone now, and so was all opportunity of her escape. She knew now that the remainder of her life rested upon the discretion of this one man, this Indian, godless, and to her even nameless, whom she would be reluctant ever to defy again.
For twelve more nights they rode toward the great North Star, and for twelve more days they slept hidden in the protective shelter of the woods. They crossed a chain of mountains and then took to the prairie once more.
After the third night the Indian allowed her to ride the bay alone, and never again did he tie her hands. He gave her strict privacy when she bathed in the streams and rivers, but she was forced to go on with her language lessons or she would not receive food.
All day, they continued to sleep side by side, and with this contact, a change grew between them. He and the others bathed as much as she did; they dispelled for her the myth that all Indians were dirty. His hair was always neatly oiled, his nails clean. Lying beside him, she remembered the clean masculine smell of Anson and how she had thrilled at being kissed by him.
The Indian grew more handsome to her each day. When he studied her in his intent way she felt her face color. She had been master of Anson with all of his strength, but here was a new strength that she knew she could not control. Yet, she wanted to look at him seductively; she was secretly glad that her breasts were full, her waist was tiny and her hips softly rounded. She suddenly was overwhelmingly glad that she was beautiful. Her mind returned to the morning that he had tried to rape her, but in her memory his assault became more gentle, and she felt a wrenching inside of herself.
Yet, as attraction grew between them, he became reserved and distant with her. He could have forced her a hundred times already, but he didn’t even attempt to kiss her again.
Upon the next to the last morning of their travel she walked to their bed when she had finished bathing. Long before she could clearly see his face, she felt his eyes upon her, and she felt a violent hammering of her heart. Hot color suffused her face and traveled down to her throat. When she got closer to him, the intensity of him made her feel the most seductive woman in the world. She lay down beside him. He is a savage; why doesn’t he act like one? her whole soul cried out in anguish. If he would seize her this time she could still pretend it was against her will and have the ecstasy of his caress and the superiority of her civilization too.
They were alone; the others had gone. Their eyes met and held, but she couldn’t read the depths of his. She could feel her breasts straining against the tightness of her dress. She lay perfectly still and yet surrendered to him as the summer earth turns to the first rains. A squirrel fled noisily from one tree to another; birds were singing happily and excitedly. She half-closed her eyes and saw his lips near hers and then they kissed. One kiss, and now she did not struggle against him at all, but closed her lashes tightly and savored the hard lean pressure of him. She ached to embrace him, to touch him with her hands, but she could not abandon the role of a captive and so she remained passive though her heart leaped wildly with her body’s desire to hold him to herself until they had satisfied their longing with each other.
He drew away from her gently, and when she opened her eyes he placed his hand over her fast-beating heart, then he took her hand and held it to his own breast so they both would know the effect of their kiss upon each other. His eyes smiled and they were shining with new light. They lay together under the robe, and almost immediately, he fell into his tranquil and easy sleep. Anson Frederich, sweet, gentle, civilized, and well bred, was a dear memory, but his masculinity had faded as if he had been killed years before.
Upon the thirteenth day they did not rest, but pushed on through the vast green land that stretched ahead of them. The prairie rippled under the wind like the flowing of green water. Bees hummed thickly in the air. In the wooded valleys, elk and deer suddenly bounded from the shadows and glinted for just a moment in the sunlight before disappearing again. Out upon the open plains once more, they rode through miles of wild flowers, purple lupines, yellow sunflowers, and white shooting stars. The earth exuded a warm fragrance and Maria was caught in it, every throbbing part of it, and when she looked back at the Indian, his eyes instantly met hers.
At dusk they reached the Indian village. Maria’s joy fled with the light of the vanishing day and terror began to fill her heart. The mountains loomed behind her with a terrible foreboding. She was suddenly a gnat trapped into nothingness against them. She was a white woman, a captive of Indians whose savagery she did not even begin to know. Drums began to beat from a distance, or was it the pounding of her helpless heart?
They had halted their horses upon a butte overlooking two rivers that gleamed with the light of the paling sky. Not far from the south bank of one of the rivers lay two circles of tipis, one circle inside the other. From them, Maria could hear the faint tinkling of bells and the sharp cry of a baby. To the southwest of the camp lay a large lake and it, too, reflected the twilight. Maria began to shiver. It was the time that the wagon train had died, the time of day before the awful night when all the wagons were burned away.
Her captor rode to her and then mounted behind her upon the bay. She turned back to him, and tried to bury her face against his breast. Firmly, he faced her forward.
“Wambadakka,”
he said to the Indians and led them slowly down the butte. The bay struggled with rolling rocks and loose dirt, but kept his footing. Suddenly there was the beating of many horses’ hoofs. More than forty Indians rode toward them shouting excitedly.
“Awksee!”
they said, and then seeing Maria said no more. They looked up at her in disbelief.
“Waapeskesiwa!”
said her captor.
“Waapeskesiwa!”
came the answer, and then,
“Pyeet eok weeweewa o wayawashtay!”
Maria tried to turn away from them all, but again her captor kept her facing forward.
“Essummissa!”
her captor said, and gestured to the Snakes’horses and his own riderless mount.
“Sakah-pi!”
one of the riders shouted and they all rode away, taking the riderless horses with them.
Now they rode slowly toward the village. The drums were beating with a quickening excitement. Swiftly now, night came and the tall tops of the tipis glowed eerily in dancing firelight. The wind from the mountains was strong and smelled of pine and spruce. It was an awful wind that made her shake uncontrollably in her thin dress. She tried to cling to her captor, but he would not let her be dependent upon him in any way. He was anxious that she show no sign of weakness, but suddenly she had no strength to grasp, and she bowed her head, weeping wildly.
He stopped the bay, and signed for their companions to enter the village without them. When they had ridden from sight, he swung from the horse and lifted her to the ground. She continued to sob, and all the while felt his hands brushing her hair back from her tear-streaked face.
“Culentet,”
he said over and over, his voice tender and filled with love. When she stopped weeping, he gently touched the sides of her cheeks.
“Cho hetta ke tesistico?”
he asked, indicating the vast land around them. She could only stare at him mutely.
“Culentet,”
he said again, in the same loving voice. He then bent and kissed her lips, brushing them lightly, and then kissing her more deeply.
At the touch of their lips the stars sent shining sparks of themselves down from summer skies. Here was the man, the warmth, and the protection. Here was fire in darkness, food in hunger, and water in thirst. She began to caress his face with infinite tenderness. She wanted his lips upon her breasts again so that he could take all of the sustenance that she had to give. “I love you! I love you!” she whispered, covering his lips with kisses of her own.
She was consumed with passion. She pressed her body against his; the fire in her sought to turn the fire in him into a raging holocaust. The clean buckskin smell of him, the iron strength, and the will that fought her possession, made her almost mad with desire. She pressed herself almost painfully to him and was riding the swelling crest of her passion when he suddenly tore her free from himself. He held her at arms length and studied her face with a deep compassion.