So she didn't
say it.
Hoped he’d
understand all of it anyway.
Giving three
more hard thrusts, Seth released a long, lingering groan. Then he raised
himself up onto his knees. Lifted her hips as he moved, keeping his cock
sheathed inside her.
Erin pulled her
legs up, adjusting her body with his. At the change of position, he sank into her
more deeply, and she inhaled a frantic swallow of air in response.
Without a word,
Seth started to thrust, not slowly or controlled, but rapidly, deeply, with
more force than she expected.
Her legs were
dangling strangely over his thighs, and her stomach strained from the new
position. She felt more awkward than sexy, but he obviously wanted to take her
like this, so she decided to go with it and not worry about coming again.
Instead, she
watched Seth. Watched his twisted face, his flaring nostrils, his wild eyes as
he fucked her. And, despite the slight discomfort of the position, she felt a
swell of tenderness and satisfaction, that she was able to give him this—even
if she couldn’t give him anything else.
She panted each
time he pounded into her. Her legs and breasts bounced urgently, and the solid
bed shook from the force of their motion.
With something
hungry and dominant in his expression, Seth suddenly lifted her thighs even
higher, so he could thrust into her even more deeply.
Erin cried out
in surprise and fisted her hands in the sheet as she felt him drive his cock
deeper than was entirely comfortable.
At her broken
cry, Seth forced himself to pause, sweat dripping down the side of his face and
his entire body shaking with tension. “Okay?” His eyes rake over her, half in
primal hunger and half in anxious inquiry.
“Yeah,” she
gasped, one of her legs now raised up in the air. She squirmed slightly, trying
to assess the intense sensations. “I think...”
His features
contorting and eyes closing as he reined in his need, Seth gave a few more
experimental thrusts from this position, obviously allowing her to determine if
she was all right with it.
She'd
experienced deep penetration before, but for some reason this felt different. Seth's
cock felt huge and invasive, like it was piercing her, far past any boundary
she’d ever had. But the sensations were only slightly painful, and she could
feel something else—something deeply pleasurable—mingling with the initial
discomfort.
“Yeah,” she
panted, clutching desperately at the bed beneath her. “Yeah, it’s good.”
With a thick,
helpless groan, he opened his eyes and started moving again. The thick silence
of his breathing built into rough, animalistic grunts in time with his rhythm.
Erin felt like
the whole world was shaking with their motion. She felt helpless, out of
control. Until the rough friction of his drives inside her and the jostling of
her breasts, ass, and clit coalesced into a new kind of orgasm: one deeper,
more intense, not far removed from pain.
Matching the
rich, swelling ache in her heart.
Her rhythmic
whimpers rose into louder, wordless cries. She clawed at the bed, tossed her
head desperately until her motion pushed the pillow out from beneath her.
Seth’s eyes
never left her, shifting greedily from her face to the clumsy bouncing of her
breasts. Then he grabbed the leg that had been dangling next to his right hip
and pushed it forward, until her knee met her breast.
Erin choked on
the pleasure, as the shift changed the angle of penetration yet again. Her
other leg was still in the air, but she didn’t want to move it. Everything felt
so deep, so intense, so excruciatingly good just like this.
He held her
left leg in place as he fucked her, his grunts growing louder and more
uncontrolled as his thrusts became shorter and faster.
And Erin
realized she was about to come again, was momentarily terrified that this
orgasm would rip her apart.
“Oh, God,” she
cried out—too loudly, but there was no way to stop herself. “God, Seth!”
Seth made a
rough sound in his throat, almost like a growl. His eyes bore into hers, and he
forced out a few strangled words, “Say it again.”
Erin’s hot,
blurred mind was far beyond comprehending what he meant. She writhed beneath
him, needing release from the agonizing build of her orgasm but unable to move
in any significant way. “Wha—” she mumbled, then choked on another scream of
pleasure as his motion pushed her closer to release. “Seth!”
“Yes,” Seth hissed,
something new flaring up in his gaze.
Instinctively, Erin
understood. Her hands fumbled for purchase on the mattress, and her leg bounced
shamelessly in the air. “Seth. Seth!”
“Yes,” Seth
hissed again, between his deepening grunts and urgent panting. The tension in
his body had coiled up until it was almost unbearable to witness.
Erin felt a
quaking begin, deep at her core. Felt the tremors slowly overtake her. The
exquisite depth of it almost made her panic, and she had to stuff her fist in
her mouth to stifle her screams. But after a moment she managed to lower her
hand and choke out, “Seth, Seth!”
Seth’s fingers
were so hard on her flesh that they would have been painful had she been able
to concentrate on such things. He was fucking her like an animal now, in some
kind of primitive drive to claim her. His motion was clumsy and desperate, but
he never looked away from her face. “Erin,” he grunted, the word almost
incoherent in the guttural texture of his voice.
“Seth!” Erin cried
one more time, this time unable to suppress it. Her body erupted in rich waves
of orgasm, and she shuddered as the sensations slammed into her.
Seth came with
her, releasing all of the tension he’d been holding back for too long in a
series of spasmodic pushes. A wash of relief flooded his face for a moment, and
he managed to hold Erin’s gaze through the rush of sensation.
They were both
gasping desperately when the lingering spasms finally faded, and it looked like
Seth would have collapsed had they not still been tangled in their awkward
position.
Very carefully,
Seth straightened Erin’s leg, and she moaned pathetically as he slowly pulled
his cock out of her sore body. He held the base of the condom carefully, his
hands shaking despite his obvious attempt at control.
“Oh God,” Erin
moaned, totally leveled by their lovemaking.
He moved to the
side of the bed and sat there for a minute, clearly trying to recover himself. “Yeah,”
was all he said.
Erin felt hot
and sticky and sweaty and sore and still flooded with an intense satisfaction
and contentment that left her limp and boneless. If anything, Seth seemed worse
off than she was. He was trembling visibly, hadn’t managed to move yet, and was
still holding the condom on his softening cock.
“You okay?” she
croaked, stretching and feeling her muscles resisting painfully.
“Yeah,” he said
again, although his voice was faint and unnatural. As if to prove his point,
however, he heaved himself up and took a few steps toward the bathroom.
Erin winced as
she saw the angry, red lines she'd clawed into his back and his ass.
But, since he’d
managed to get moving so quickly, Erin smothered another groan and rolled off the
bed herself, pulling her gown down over her body again.
On her first
step, however, she let out a sharp cry and bent forward.
Seth jerked to
a stop and looked back at her. “You all right?”
She nodded,
feeling strangely embarrassed...by everything. “Just a little sore,” she
explained. At his anxious, intent scrutiny, she added, “But it’s nothing
compared to childbirth.”
He gave her a
very faint smile and continued toward the bathroom.
Erin limped out
of the bedroom and down the hall to the room next door. Peering in from the
doorway, she could see Mackenzie in the crib, still sleeping soundly—which
greatly relieved her mind.
After a minute
of standing there watching her daughter sleep, Erin turned around and went back
into the master bedroom.
Seth had
returned and was sprawled out naked on the bed, looking limp and replete and
oddly vulnerable. “She all right?” he asked softly, as Erin got into the bed
beside him.
“Sleeping.” She
pulled up the covers over both of them and—when he made no move to draw her
close to him—she snuggled up beside him anyway, feeling exposed and uncertain
herself.
Seth nodded. He
didn’t put his arm around her. Didn’t look at her. Just stared up at the
ceiling.
“Are
you
all right?” she asked softly, stroking his chest with her palm.
“Of course.”
Erin felt a
different kind of ache, and she let out a long, defeated sigh. “You know,” she
began, very slowly, very carefully, “I’ll admit to being confused a lot of the
time—particularly with you. I don’t always know what’s going on, and I’ve made
a lot of mistakes.”
She paused. Thought
through her words before she spoke them. “But, after the first couple of months,
I’ve always tried to be honest with you. I mess up a lot, but I try to be
honest about it. Even if my feelings confuse the hell out of me, I have never
intentionally lied to you about them.”
He was
listening to her intently. She knew it, even though he wasn't looking at her. His
sated body had gotten slightly tense as she spoke. Until finally he admitted,
“I know that.”
Erin swallowed
hard. Wondered if she had any right to say this. Said it anyway. “You don’t
have to open up to me or tell me anything you don’t want to. But I wish...I
wish you wouldn’t lie to me.”
He got very
tense for a moment, and Erin was afraid she’d gone too far. Then his body
relaxed against her, and he gave one brief, terse nod. “You’re right. I
shouldn’t lie to you.”
She didn’t pursue
the subject. Just caressed his chest and belly and wished there was something
she could do for him that went deeper than just fucking. She was pretty sure
she had helped him—if only to release some of his emotional tension—but there
was so much more she wanted to do.
She’d thought
the subject was over, and she wasn’t even begrudging that fact. But then he
surprised her.
Turning his
head to look her in the eye, he murmured, his voice only slightly
uncomfortable. “I don’t know how to do this.”
‘”Do what?”
“Any of this. I’ve
spent all my life by myself. I’ve never been part of a family. When I had a
chance fifteen years ago, I just ran away. I don’t know how to be part of one.
I don’t know how to be a father. I don’t know how to be what I need to be with
you. Sometimes, it overwhelms me. Sometimes, it terrifies me.”
“What are you
terrified of?” she asked in almost a whisper.
“That I’ll blow
it. That I’ll run away. That I’ll destroy everything. Everything I have for the
first time.”
Her eyes burned
in response to the thick words. “You won’t. You’re not going to blow it. You
haven’t messed up anything.” When he looked like he was going to object, she
amended, “Except for that one time, you haven’t messed anything up. You’re
really good at being a father. You’re really good at
this
.”
“I’m so sorry
about your job.”
She suddenly
realized that her job was what had prompted his dark mood in the first place.
He thought he’d blown it and she had suffered the consequences.
A tear streamed
down her cheek. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mess that up. It just…it just
happened.”
He didn’t
answer except to tilt his head down and kiss her hair.
She wasn’t sure
what to say next, so she turned her head so she could press a kiss into his
shoulder.
They were
silent for a really long time, until Erin couldn’t take it anymore.
“So, Seth, are
you all right?”
Inexplicably,
the corner of his mouth turned up in faint amusement. “Yeah. Kind of tired. I
feel like I’ve been through a battle.”
Erin chuckled,
relieved both at his shift in mood and at the break in tension between them. She
kissed his shoulder again. “Poor baby,” she murmured, patting his flat belly.
She felt Seth
tense up momentarily beside her, and she suddenly realized something she hadn’t
before.
“Oh. I called
you that before, didn’t I?”
Seth’s gaze was
quiet and unreadable, with something vaguely soft underlying it. “You did.”
Erin squirmed a
little bit, irrationally embarrassed at this unconscious slip. But, after a
moment, she decided it wasn't that big a deal. She remembered their
conversation in the elevator several months ago, when Seth had been taking her
to the hospital when she’d had that virus from hell—it seemed like ages ago
now.
She tried to
make light of her unconscious endearment. “And you said that no one called you
baby.”
Her attempt at
teasing didn’t work. Seth’s expression didn’t change, except to grow deeper,
more intimate.
And all the
lingering amusement faded from Erin completely, leaving that same tender ache
in her heart.
Seth said, “No
one ever has before.”
At just after five o’clock on the
following morning, Seth walked Erin out to her car, which was parked in front
of the old house. He was holding a sleepy Mackenzie, and Erin was carrying her
stuff.
“You’re going
back to your father’s?” Seth asked, when they paused in front of the car.
“Yeah. We’ll
spend the morning there and then head back to the city.” She was tired, but not
overly so. It was ridiculously early in the morning, but she’d woken up and
decided she wanted to get back before her father got up.
Although he
obviously knew where she’d spent the night, she’d still feel strange coming
back from a night with Seth while her father was reading the paper and drinking
his morning coffee.