Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List (14 page)
I can’t believe that lying wench is capable of such sincere compassion. I don’t think she’s messing with us, either. I think she actually had a revelatory moment, and I think I actually inspired it. I think her hurt has inspired a new direction. Maybe a better one.
Trust Ely to tip the moment, of course.
That
wench can’t just let Naomi’s rare moment of decency go by without ruining it. He turns to Bruce the Other and plants one on
his
lips, a deep one this time. Even the Lesbian Nation appears mortified. Bruce the Other looks like he wants to die from the public display. I heard he wasn’t even gay ’til Ely. Trust Ely to take the moment too far, and to push his new boyfriend too soon— not just out of the closet, but too far out into the happily happening world of West Ninth Street bingo.
Naomi says, “I get it now. Ely was the lie.” Then she very loudly proclaims, looking up at the ceiling like she’s calling out to God, but Lord have mercy, it’s not like every bingo player in the room doesn’t understand exactly to which he her words are directed: “AND THE STARBUCKS ON SIXTH BY WAVERLY IS MINE!”
And having so spoketh, Naomi runs out of the room. Through the clear window on the community room door, I see Gabriel standing outside. Waiting to comfort her. Now there’s a situation that could be
way
more scandalous than the Naomi and Ely breakup.
I fear for Naomi’s new quest for truth as much as I hated her old quest to conquer my brother.
It can’t last longer than a minute. I just have to
the room, walk out the door. But it’s like I’ve suddenly overdosed on Saint-John’s-wort. Because while it’s not unusual for me to have twenty-seven thoughts at once, it’s definitely unusual to be hearing every single one of them pass through my mind in the time it takes for me to leave a room.
1 Walk. Just. Keep. Walking. Don’t look at anyone. Don’t look at the ground. Focus. Straight. Ahead. Just. Keep. Walking.
2 Okay, you
pussy-teasing faggot,
do you know what I’m going to do to you? I am going to take back that boy whose lips you are currently fellating, and I am going to
you pictures of him doing things to me that he’d never, ever be able to do to your
Every time you step out of the elevator, I’m going to make sure that he and I are jammed together on the other side of the wall, releasing moans that are going to make you
scramble
to find some porn. I will take him by the
and lead him away from you, and I will make you watch every. fucking. moment.
3 This is too much. This is too far. This isn’t really happening.
4 I showed you mine and you showed me yours. Kindergarten. Maybe first grade. Mom was in the other room, watching her soaps (before our lives became one). You had to pee and I went in to watch you. It was curiosity. That one place where we were different. Only that one place. Otherwise, we assured each other, we were completely the same.
5 Are you happy now, Kelly? Did you get what you wanted?
, I can’t stand you. I hope you get into your poison Ivy League school and disappear into a physics lab and never return.
6 It’s the shoes. If I hadn’t chosen these shoes this morning, none of this would have happened. The pumps are to blame.
7 I kissed Bruce first. People are forgetting that. I kissed him first. That has to give me some kind of right, even if he ends up being gay.
8 I have printed out every e-mail you ever sent me. And that horrible year, when Mom would disappear and Dad would fume and cry and yell, all I could do when you weren’t home was go to my room and take out the box and read something stupid about the velour pantsuit that Mrs. Keller wore to school that day, and how you thought it made her look like Barney’s bastard love child, and I would find myself smiling, because even though the
was falling apart and our parents had turned our lives into a
, I honestly believed that you were the only family I needed. My future family.
9 One spot. I was just one spot away from bingo.
10
B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. And Bingo was his name-O.
What I want to know is: What the fuck does the
have to do with the game? There has to be some connection, right?
11 Did I really just dump Bruce the First, the one person in this whole city who worships the ground I stalk on? So what if he’s a
. Isn’t it enough to have someone who adores you even when you’re not being adorable? Isn’t it enough to love someone because you know he’s going to be nice to you? Does there really have to be a sexual charge? Isn’t it enough to feel it in your
even if you’re not feeling it?