Naomi’s Christmas (29 page)

After what seemed a long time but was probably only moments Nathan straightened, rubbing
his face with one hand. “I’m sorry. I should not have given way.”

“Ja, you should.” Her hands were still on his upper arms, and she wanted to shake
him. “Holding grief inside hurts you, Nathan. And it hurts those around you. Do you
imagine Ada would want that for you?”

“Always so wise, Naomi. So strong.” It might have been said mockingly, but it wasn’t.
“That was what Ada always said about you, and she was right.”

He almost smiled, his face relaxing. And then his gaze caught hers. His expression
became arrested, as if he saw something he had not seen before. He raised his hand,
his fingertips brushing her cheek.

Everything changed. He wasn’t a child she was comforting. He was a man, and the look
in his eyes made her heart stop.

“Naomi.” He said her name softly, his fingers against her cheek. She couldn’t move,
couldn’t breathe.

And then he was stepping back, turning away. “I…I’m sorry. It’s late. You should be
at home, ja?”

“Ja.” She knew what he was feeling, because she felt it, too. He was searching for
balance in a world that had suddenly shifted.

And he was right. They could not do or say anything here in the night that they might
want back in the light of day.

But as she put her coat and mittens on and picked up the torch that would light her
way home, she couldn’t repress the tiny sprig of hope that seemed to be blossoming
in her heart.

The torch sent a yellow circle of light ahead of her as she walked across the frozen
field. She nearly didn’t need it, so bright was the moonlight.

She tilted her head back, looking up at a sky that seemed overfull of stars, clustering
across the darkness in points of light. The night was so still that she could hear
the faintest creaking of the snow cover beneath her feet and a tiny rustle that might
belong to some small creature burrowing into its
hole. It would never occur to her to be frightened here, even though not a soul seemed
awake.

Those moments in the kitchen when Nathan had touched her face—had they meant as much
to him as they did to her? Or had that been just a natural reaction to the emotions
stirred up by Sadie’s illness and the release of finally talking about Ada’s death?

She couldn’t be sure, and she must not assume anything. When she saw Nathan again,
she must act as if all was just as it had been between them. She—

Naomi stopped, as frozen as the earth. There had been an alien sound interrupting
her thoughts. The sound was something that shouldn’t be there in the quiet middle
of the night, but what?

She listened, her finger on the switch of the torch, but the noise, whatever it had
been, wasn’t repeated. Well, sounds carried in the night. Maybe it was something fairly
far away, some natural sound that she wouldn’t even notice in the daytime.

It was gone now and nothing to worry about. Nevertheless, she walked a bit more quickly
the rest of the way to the warmth and safety of her house.

L
et’s
go into this shop.” Joshua had his face pressed against the window of the gift shop
in town. “It has lots of pretty things. We can find something for Naomi for sure in
here.”

“We’ll give it a try.” Nathan had actually been heading for the quilt shop, thinking
that Katie Brand might be able to guide the young ones in finding a gift for Naomi,
but this might do as well. He pulled open the door of the gift shop, setting its bell
jingling.

They had dropped Naomi at the grocery store, and he’d said they’d be back in an hour.
Naomi probably guessed their errand, but she hadn’t let on, delighting the children.

Naomi had been just as usual in the two days since the night he’d broken down talking
to her about the way Ada had died. Or more to the point, since the moment he’d looked
into her face and felt such longing that he had become a stranger to himself.

“Look around and see if you find anything you might like
to give Naomi,” he told the children, “but be careful about touching things, ja?”

They both nodded solemnly, and Joshua took Sadie’s hand. He led her off through the
aisles, leaving Nathan struggling with his thoughts. He pretended interest in the
closest display, which happened to be of candles.

Naomi had been her usual serene self since that night. He was the one turned upside
down, and he didn’t know how to right himself. He just knew he couldn’t possibly have
the kind of feelings for Naomi that he’d had for Ada. He couldn’t.

What had happened between them had surely been an accident. He had been upset about
Sadie, and then doubly upset because he’d blurted out all his grief over Ada’s death
in a way he couldn’t believe in the light of day.

What had possessed him to talk like that to Naomi? She grieved for Ada, too, and he
had burdened her with his pain. And then he’d made things worse by imagining he felt
something, by touching her face…For an instant he was back in that moment, with Naomi’s
soft skin warm under his fingers.

“Daadi? Komm, see what I found.” Sadie’s voice was a welcome interruption.

He tried to shove thoughts of Naomi to the back of his mind, no easy task when they
were busy trying to find gifts for her. He went around a display full of baskets to
find Sadie staring at a glass ball enclosing a nativity scene.

“Do you like the snow globe?” Mrs. Macklin, owner of the shop, smiled at Sadie and
took the snow globe from the shelf. She shook it and set it down right in front of
Sadie, so that the child could see the snow falling on the nativity scene.

Sadie clasped her hands together. “Ach, Daadi, isn’t it beautiful?
And Naomi said we should have a putz to remind us of Jesus being born.”

The putz was the nativity set found in most Pennsylvania Dutch homes at this time
of year. They had one, of course. With a jolt to his heart, Nathan realized he hadn’t
gotten it out since Ada’s death. The putz had been hers from the time she was a little
girl, and he hadn’t wanted to be reminded.

“Ja, it is very nice,” he said. “But it seems to me it’s something you’d like, not
something for Naomi. Let’s keep looking.”

Sadie pouted for a minute, but then she hurried off in search of her brother. Nathan
handed the globe to Mrs. Macklin. “Will you put it in our package so the kinder don’t
see?”

She smiled, tucking it into her sweater pocket. “Don’t worry. We’re very good at keeping
Christmas secrets.”

Nodding, he started after the children and then stopped, his attention caught by a
display of preserves in jars similar to the ones Naomi used for her honey. Each jar
had a label indicating the type of fruit inside a curving border that looked like
a vine.

Mrs. Macklin, perhaps sensing another sale, moved closer. “Do you like those?”

“Not the preserves,” he said. “But do you know where I could get labels similar to
those?”

“I can do that for you,” she assured him quickly. “I would just need to know what
you want on the labels and what sort of design you’d like.”

“You can actually design the labels?” He seemed to be back at the kitchen table with
Naomi, talking about what she should do for her labels. He’d nearly forgotten that
conversation, with everything that had happened afterward.

“I’m not an artist, but I have a computer program for creating
labels, and it has all sorts of designs. I’m sure we could find one that would work.”
Lisa Macklin gestured toward the counter. “Do you want to come over to the computer,
and I’ll show you what I have? Don’t worry about the children. I’m sure they won’t
get into anything they shouldn’t.” She smiled. “Not like some of the tourists we have
in here during the summer.”

Naomi would like the labels for sure, and he’d seen enough of her sketchy designs
to be able to pick something out. He could almost imagine the pleasure on her face
when she saw them. And maybe the gift would be a way of saying he supported her business,
too.

“Ja, that would be gut.” He followed Mrs. Macklin to the computer.

A few clicks and the computer displayed a bewildering array of labels. Each one had
a border with words in the center.

“If you tell me what it’s for, I can narrow down the selections a little.”

He nodded, knowing that made sense. “It is for Naomi Esch’s honey.” He had an urge
to explain why he was buying something for her, but why would Mrs. Macklin care? “Do
you know it?”

“Yes, definitely. I bought a jar when I was in the bakery just a few days ago. And
I think I have the perfect design.” She clicked the keys again, frowning at the machine
as if that would force it along.

“There,” she said. “What do you think?”

The design that had come up on the screen had a curving border of vines and tiny blossoms.
At the very top was a honey bee, seeming to hover in flight.

“It’s just right.” Nathan could picture the light in Naomi’s eyes when she saw the
image.

“Great. I can put any wording on the labels you’d like. It would just take a day to
give me time to finish and print the labels, and then you can pick them up.” She handed
him a pad. “Just put the wording you want and how many. I’ll have them ready for you
to pick up by tomorrow.”

“I’m not sure I’ll be in town tomorrow.” He would not want her to think he’d ordered
something and then not come for it.

“No problem.” She smiled. “I trust you. They’ll be ready at the counter with your
name on the package whenever you stop by.”

“Denke.” Nathan hesitated, pen poised over the paper. The Amish didn’t go in for fancy
labels, of course, but he thought he’d convinced Naomi that she should use her name.

Naomi’s Honey
, he printed carefully. Four dozen seemed a good number to start with, and he could
always get more if need be. He could have put
Clover Honey
, but Naomi had talked about the different honeys she’d get, depending upon what nectar
the bees had access to.

He was smiling as he went in search of the children again, imagining Naomi’s happiness
when she opened the gift. Maybe it wasn’t something fancy, but he knew she would understand
the thought.

He found Joshua and Sadie admiring a napkin holder painted with a distelfinks design.

“Do you think Naomi would like this napkin holder, Daadi?” Joshua’s small face was
very serious, as if choosing the right gift was the most important thing in his life
right now.

“I don’t know,” Sadie said. “Maybe we should look some more.”

He suspected Sadie would be happy to look around the shop all day. “I think it is
a wonderful-gut gift. It is both useful and pretty.”

“Like Naomi,” Joshua said, the serious look dissolving into a smile. “She is useful
and pretty too, ja?”

Before Nathan could respond, someone else spoke. “Doing your Christmas shopping?”
Seth Miller stood there, seeming perfectly comfortable to be shopping in Pleasant
Valley instead of whatever big city stores he usually frequented.

“We found a present for Naomi, Onkel Seth.” Joshua seemed to have gotten over whatever
reservation he felt about this new uncle. “Do you think she will like it?”

Seth looked over the napkin holder gravely, as if the choice were as important to
him as it was to Joshua. “I’m sure she will.”

Joshua nodded, satisfied. “Komm, Sadie. We’ll take it to the counter.” They ran off,
with Joshua clutching the napkin holder, leaving Nathan alone with Seth.

“I didn’t know you were still in town.” Nathan hoped that didn’t sound unfriendly,
but he couldn’t deny that Seth’s presence made him uncomfortable.

Seth shrugged. “I’ve made arrangements to stay until Christmas. It seems important
to Mamm, so I figured it was the least I could do.”

“Ja.” As far as Nathan was concerned, it really was the least Seth had ever done.

“You don’t like me much, do you?” Seth’s voice had hardened, but it didn’t sound as
if Nathan’s feelings bothered him.

Nathan blew out a breath, trying to organize his chaotic thoughts. “My liking doesn’t
matter, does it?” he said finally, torn between the truth and kindness. “Your mamm
is glad you are here, and that’s all that counts.”

Seth nodded, as if he hadn’t expected anything more. “Will you let the children accept
Christmas presents from me?”

The simple question presented a difficult choice. Nathan could not easily forget the
pain Seth had caused his parents and sisters when he went away. He didn’t want his
children added to the list of people Seth had hurt.

Then he heard Naomi’s soft voice in his head.
What would Ada want?
Nathan couldn’t doubt the answer to that question.

“As long as it is something appropriate,” he said finally. “That would have pleased
Ada.”

Seth nodded, as if understanding that pleasing Nathan probably wasn’t a possibility.
“Denke, Nathan,” he said, using the Pennsylvania Dutch word without hesitation. “I’ll
be careful in what I choose.”

With that, Nathan supposed he had to be content. He went in search of the children,
trying to dismiss the idea that he had been unkind.

If asked, he would have said that he had forgiven Seth for what he’d done to his family.
But Nathan had to admit, if only to himself, that if he couldn’t forget it when he
saw the man, he probably hadn’t done a very good job of forgiving, either.

Nathan
and the children weren’t back yet when Naomi emerged from the grocery store. She
suspected that Christmas
secrets were under way, and she’d have to be careful when they returned not to look
too closely at any packages.

She loaded the groceries into the buggy and closed the door. A glance down the street
told her that Nathan and the children weren’t even in sight. Maybe she had time to
run into the harness shop for a word with Bishop Mose while she waited. Since he shared
a hitching rail with the grocery, she’d be able to see when Nathan reappeared.