Authors: Doreen Owens Malek
Heath hadn’t noticed that the stool next to his was now occupied until his neighbor said to him, “Coming from a big date?”
Heath looked down at the tuxedo he’d forgotten he was wearing. “I guess you could say that.”
“How’d it go?”
Heath ran his finger around the rim of his whiskey glass. “Not well,” he replied.
“That’s a shame. Seems to me like everyone tries too hard at this time of the year, like we’re all forcing ourselves to be happy even if we’re not.”
Heath glanced at the philosopher to his left and narrowed his eyes. The old man looked familiar.
“Don’t I know you?” Heath asked.
The man nodded. “You should. I picked you up about five times in my squad car as I recall. Heath Bodine, isn’t it?”
“It sure is,” Heath said, extending his hand. “Refresh my memory. You are...?”
“Ken Gates. Sergeant, Lime Island police force. Retired.” He shook Heath’s hand.
Heath grinned. “Sure, I remember. We used to call you Gatecrasher. How the hell are you?”
“Just great. I’m down here from Chicago to visit my son for the holidays.”
“So why are you here at this bar?”
“I had to get away from the grandchildren.”
Heath laughed. “At two in the morning?”
“The baby woke up for a feeding and so we all did. That kid has lungs she inherited from my late wife, may God rest her soul.” He downed the rest of his drink. “So, what are you doing in this dive, kid? I heard you made a mint on some boat gizmo you invented a few years ago and bought the old Curtis spread. Isn’t this place a little lowlife for you these days?”
“I feel right at home,” Heath said in a tired voice.
“Not drinking?” Gates asked, nodding toward Heath’s full glass of Scotch.
“I’ve already had enough tonight.”
“Afraid of winding up like your old man?”
“The thought has crossed my mind.”
“I had him in the drunk tank more than once.”
“I’m sure you did.”
“He was harmless, kid.”
“He was worthless.”
“Is that why you’re sitting here with a bunch of strangers two days before Christmas?”
“I had a fight with my wife.”
“Ahh. What did she do?”
“Nothing. It was my fault.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“No.”
“Then I guess I can see why you’re here.”
Gates signaled for another drink and Heath said, “I got it.” When the bartender arrived, Heath said, “Keep them coming for my man here. On my tab.”
The bartender nodded and walked away to get Gates another whiskey.
“Thanks, kid. I guess you can afford it. It’s funny, I never would have pegged you for a future success story.”
“You weren’t the only one.”
“Did you marry a local girl?”
“She used to be local. Henry Talbot’s girl. Do you remember her?”
“I hope to say I do. Pretty as a picture—blond hair, big blue eyes. Didn’t you have a thing going with her a few years ago?”
“More than a few. How did you know that?”
“Old Henry was down at the station one night at the end of one summer, must have been about ten years ago, trying to get us to arrest you for statutory rape with that little girl.”
Heath froze with his hand around the glass on the bar before him. “What?” he said softly.
Gates nodded vigorously. “I remember it like it was yesterday. We didn’t see much of the local gentry in the squad room if you know what I mean, so the incident kind of stuck in my mind. Talbot wanted to know the procedure necessary for filing charges. The chief tried to talk him out of it—we all guessed it was probably just a case of two kids in love. The Talbot girl was only a few months away from the legal age anyway, right? But King Henry was having none of it. He left determined to file the charges as soon as he squeezed the necessary details out of his kid. Then, like magic, we heard nothing more about it. A few weeks later, the Talbot housekeeper told me that the girl had gone up north to school, and later I read in the paper that you had joined the navy. I figured then that the girl had agreed to leave town if her daddy let you off the hook.”
Heath was staring at him, his fingers white around the object he held, his breath caught in his throat.
“You all right, kid?” Gates asked, concerned. “You look kinda... funny.”
Heath stood slowly, sliding off his stool and pulling a bill out of his wallet. He set it down on the bar.
“This should cover everything,” he said, then clapped Gates on the shoulder and reached once more for his hand.
“Thank you,” Heath said soberly. “And Merry Christmas. And Happy New Year.”
Gates shook his hand and stared after him for a moment. Then he snatched up the bill and tucked it into his pocket, signaling the bartender.
* * * *
Ann was asleep on the sofa in the living room when Heath returned. He took off his shoes and crept closer to the couch, noting with dismay that even in sleep her brow was creased and her expression not peaceful. Feeling guilty and remorseful to the limit of his imagination, Heath sat next to her and took her by the shoulders, gently lifting her into his arms. He remembered with a pang how he had found her in similar circumstances the day of their wedding. The deliberate cruelty of taking off and leaving her without a word on that occasion was unforgivable in retrospect, and he wondered now if their relationship was even salvageable.
He carried her into the bedroom and set her on the bed, leaning forward until she slipped bonelessly onto the embroidered spread. He took off her shoes and adjusted the pillow under her head, drawing an afghan over her legs as she stirred slightly. Then he crept quietly out of the room and closed the door.
He stood in the hallway for a long time, then went into the living room and sat staring out the windows at the lawn until the sky lightened and the sun rose.
* * * *
When Joe Jensen came into his office around noon on Christmas Eve Heath was sitting at his desk.
Joe stopped short. “What are you doing here?” he asked Heath in surprise.
“I called your house and Joan said you were coming in at lunchtime to pick up the mail.”
“And you’ve just been sitting here waiting?”
“Yes.”
Joe pulled out a chair and sat facing Heath. “What’s up? As if I didn’t know.”
“I’ve already talked to Ben Rowell and apologized for last night,” Heath said.
Joe nodded. “And your wife?”
“I haven’t talked to her yet.”
“What happened after Joan and I went home?”
“We had a fight and I left. When I came back, Ann was sleeping, and then I left again this morning before she was up.”
“Are you avoiding her?”
Heath sighed. “I wish I could avoid myself,” he said, running his hands through his hair.
Joe sat back with his arms folded, surveying Heath skeptically. “Kid, I haven’t wanted to ask—”
Heath held up his hand. “And I haven’t wanted to talk about it. Until now.”
Joe shrugged. “Then go ahead.”
Heath filled Joe in on the parts of the story he didn’t know—the circumstances of the breakup with Ann when they were kids, how he had misjudged the situation and how he’d only married her for revenge.
Joe was staring at him in amazement when he finished.
“Do you mean to tell me that all these years you thought she dumped you until that old cop set you straight?”
“Yes.”
“Even when she told you otherwise?”
Heath nodded wearily.
“I guess you had a whole lot of faith in her, didn’t you?” Joe said dryly.
Heath said nothing.
“So what are you going to do now, start interviewing retired municipal staff and going through old police reports to make sure that Gates gave you the straight story?”
“No,” Heath said quietly. “I believe him.”
“But you didn’t believe Ann when she told you the same thing,” Joe observed mercilessly.
Heath just shook his head, his expression defeated.
“What are you going to do?” Joe asked, finally taking pity on his friend.
“I don’t know. How can I ask her to forgive me for a mistake this enormous? The situation is impossible. You don’t know how I’ve been treating her....”
“From your performance last night I can guess.”
“I married her to punish her,” Heath said, rising abruptly. “And I did punish her, every way I could. Now it turns out she didn’t deserve it at all. I feel like hiding out somewhere. Joe, I’m too ashamed to face her.”
“Would you have kept treating her badly if you hadn’t run into Gates?” Joe asked.
Heath shook his head slowly. “I doubt it. The whole act was becoming real hard to sustain.”
“Act?”
“I don’t hate her, Joe,” Heath said softly, a catch in his voice. “I never did even when I was trying to convince myself otherwise.”
Joe nodded silently, moved by Heath’s struggle to contain his emotions.
Heath put his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” he said.
Joe waited, unsure what to say. In his experience, Heath had always known what to do.
Heath opened his eyes. “Any advice?” he said.
“Do you want her to stay with you?” Joe asked.
“Of course, but I can’t keep holding her brother’s fate over her head to coerce her.”
“You don’t think she’ll stay with you otherwise?”
Heath was silent.
“Does she love you?”
“She did, but...”
Joe raised an eyebrow.
“I’ve done everything I could to destroy her affection for me. If it’s survived, it will be a miracle.”
“I’d bet she’s a lot tougher than she looks,” Joe said.
Heath nodded thoughtfully. “I’ve learned that during the past month.”
“Then tell her what you’re feeling. Don’t give up now when you’re so close to getting what you want.”
“I don’t know how close I am. She would never have married me in the first place if Tim weren’t on his way to jail.”
“That may have been the excuse she gave herself, but I’m sure she wanted to be with you, Heath. I remember when you were kids. I’ve never seen two people more in love.”
“A lot of time has passed since then.”
“Have your feelings changed?”
Heath didn’t answer for a long time, then he shook his head once, unable to meet Joe’s eyes.
“Chances are she feels the same. Go home and talk to her, Heath. I’m betting she’ll listen.”
Heath got up and walked toward the door, pausing as he passed Joe to put his hand on the older man’s shoulder.
“Thanks, Joe,” he said huskily.
Joe smiled to himself as the door closed behind Heath.
* * * *
Heath drove back home in a fog of apprehension; he knew that he had to confront Ann about this now, since there was no possibility of going on as before, but he dreaded her reaction.
She had every right to throw him out of the house or leave him on the spot. The only mystery was why she hadn’t done so already. But the idea that she might reject him now, after all that they had been through, was truly too awful to consider.
Ann was in the den wrapping a Christmas present when he arrived.
“Princess,” he said softly from the doorway.
Her head shot up and she looked at him. Her expression cut him to the quick; she looked as if she were anticipating a blow. And why not? He had been delivering little else lately.
“Heath,” she said, putting aside the gift. “I didn’t know where you were.”
“I came back last night but left again before you woke up this morning.”
“I didn’t expect you to come back.”
He nodded dismally. “How are you feeling?”
“All right.” She seemed surprised that he had asked.
“You said you were dizzy last night.”
She appeared confused. “But I thought that you didn’t believe me.”
Heath leaned against the doorway and closed his eyes. “I believe you, Ann. I think some part of me always has. Are you sure that you’re feeling better now?”
She nodded, clearly bewildered by his solicitous attitude. “I was too nervous to eat all day before the party, that’s all. I wanted the evening to go well.”
“It did go well, until I blew it at the end with my big mouth, of course.”
“Nobody heard that, Heath. Nobody but Joe, and he’s not going to say anything.”
He stared at her in amazement. She was still worried about him even though he didn’t deserve it.
“Princess, I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s all right, Heath. Forget it. I guess we were both tense last night. It’s over now.”
“I’m not talking about the incident with Ben Rowell. I’m talking about the way I’ve acted since we met again last month—the way I blackmailed you into marrying me and have used your brother’s situation to keep you with me ever since.”