Baby
hair: When black babies are born, they all have this soft curly hair. For most
of the children, their hair texture changes into a coarse kinky texture sometime
during childhood. I have talked to several people who wished they could always
have this ‘baby hair.’ I even saw a documentary about the Dominican Republic
that said some women rub placenta on their baby’s heads in hopes to keep the
soft texture. Gross. But that got me thinking, what is different for those
babies than for us adults. Well, their heads are completely submerged in liquid
twenty four hours a day for nine months. So we, too, need to keep our hair as
moisturized as possible as often as possible. Water is good for your hair.
Don’t run from it!
~~~
Hair
tip #21: Carry a small bottle of water around with you in your purse. Give your
hair a spritz throughout the day in order to keep it moist.
~~~
"Marin
is having the baby," John said over the phone. He should have sounded
ecstatic. He was about to have his first child. But instead he sounded small
and scared.
"What's
wrong?" I threw the covers off the bed and sat up.
"There
was so much blood." His voice cracked when he said the word blood.
"Marin passed out. I didn't know what to do."
"Oh my God.
John,
it's
okay. She's going to be fine." Why do people always say that when in truth
they have absolutely no idea if it will be fine or not? I started getting
dressed with one hand while still holding the phone to my ear. "Do Mom and
Dad know?" I asked.
"You're
the first person I called," he said.
"John,
I'm coming. I'll call them when I get in the car."
~~~
John
was sitting in the waiting room with his head in his hands when I arrived.
"How is she?" I asked.
As
soon as he looked at me, the tears began. Unable to respond, he buried his head
into my shoulder and kept crying. "John, what happened? Is Marin okay?
What about the baby?"
He
pulled away and wiped his tears. "The baby is fine. Marin's not. She's in
surgery. I don't know if she's going to make it. What am I going to do if she
doesn't make it?"
"Don't
talk like that," I said hugging him again. "We're not going to lose
her." Suddenly I became a cheerleader trying to keep him from succumbing
to despair. "Come on, let's go see the baby."
~~~
"What
are you going to name him?" I asked holding my nephew in my arms.
"What?
Oh, I don't know," he said. He seemed so distracted. "Marin had some
ideas. I can't really remember what they are right now."
"Do
you want to hold him?"
He
shook his head.
I
felt so bad for him. He was unshaven, his shirt was untucked and he wasn't even
wearing a tie. I don't think I had seen him without a tie since he was a senior
in high school. One day senior year he decided he felt better in a suit and so
he wore one every day even when he was in school. Everyone thought he was
insane, but he didn't care. That's just the way he was. Straight laced,
predictable, and well, completely boring. So four years ago when he came back
from a business trip in Phoenix, Arizona with a wife, to say we were shocked is
an understatement.
"You
really love her don't you?" I asked.
He
looked at me strangely then. As if I was an alien or something.
"Sorry,
that was a stupid question," I said. I placed the baby in the bassinet
next to what would be Marin's bed if she ever got out of surgery. "Tell me
about the night you met. How did you know she was the one?"
John
shrugged and looked out of the window. "Everyone thinks we're so
different," he said. "But really, I think we're exactly the same. I
think that's what I love about her. She's me without being ... me."
She's
me without being me. Those words repeated in my head over and over again.
That's the feeling I wanted. And I realized that was a feeling I would never
have with
Vinny
. We got together seven years ago kind
of by default. We were two brown people in a white school who couldn't get
dates with anyone else. So we dated each other. I think love might have come in
to play later, but it wasn't there immediately.
"Mr.
Brown?" a doctor asked stepping into the room.
"How
is she?" Instead of responding to John, he looked over at me. "It's
okay. She's my sister. You can talk in front of her."
The
doctor took a deep breath. "She made it through surgery fine. She is on
her way out."
"So
what happened to her? What did you do?" my brother asked.
"We
had to do an emergency hysterectomy. I'm
sorry,
she
won't be able to have any more children."
John
sighed.
"As long as she's all right."
"She's
fine," the doctor said slapping John on the shoulder.
After
the doctor left, my brother walked over to the bassinet and picked up his son.
"She's okay," he whispered to him. "Mommy's okay."
~~~
"What
are you thinking about?" Marin asked two days later. She was still in the
hospital and I didn't want to leave her there. Not at the mercy of my parents.
Both of them had stuck their noses into the health of Marin and the baby so
much that even
I
wanted to kick them
out and ban them from the hospital. They even wanted to name the baby.
Thankfully, John put a stop to that immediately. If left up to my dad, the baby
would be called something boring and predictable like John and if left up to my
mother the baby would be named after an inanimate object like Mahogany. Both
were unacceptable to him. The constant fighting would have driven a normal
person insane especially just after having surgery, but Marin just bore it all
with a smile. She really was like some sort of saint.
I
shrugged in response to her question.
"You're
thinking of him aren't you?"
I
looked at her. From the gleam in her eyes I knew she was thinking romance.
"No, I'm not thinking of
Vinny
."
"Well,
that's obvious. You're thinking of the dirty cop, aren't you?"
"What?"
"From the party.
The costume
Arbor Day party."
"Oh,
you mean Trent." I pressed my eyes shut. Yeah, I was thinking about him,
but that was pointless.
Absolutely pointless.
I didn't
know if he'd ever forgive me for what I did.
"You
want to talk about it?" she asked.
I
shook my head. "You have your own problems. You don't need to hear about
my love life."
"Oh,
so now it's love, huh?"
"I
didn't...I mean..."
"Just
get over here and tell me all about it," she said patting a space next to
her on the bed.
~~~
"So
how do you know he hasn't forgiven you?" she asked after I gave her all
the details.
"I
can see it in his eyes. He wants nothing to do with me."
"Of
course he does," she said.
"How
do you know?"
"Trust
me. He knows you love him and not
Vinny
."
"How
in the world did you come to that conclusion after what I just told you?"
"Did
he or did he not punch
Vinny
in the face at your
office?"
"He
did."
"And
what did he tell you the last time he had the opportunity to punch him but
didn't?"
I
thought back to that day after the costume party.
Vinny
had sucker punched Trent right in the face. At work when I asked him why he
didn't punch back, Trent said it was because I still loved
Vinny
.
At that point I did. But he also said that when he knew I didn't love
Vinny
any more, he'd punch him for sure. I guess
Vinny's
black eye was proof that Trent knew I was over
Vinny
. So what? I still didn't know if that was enough for
him to forgive me for calling him the wrong name in the heat of passion.
"So
let's summarize," Marin said picking up her baby. "He tells you he
loves you, and you don't believe him. Then you tell him you love him and he
doesn't believe you."
"It's
not exactly like that. He was drunk he didn't know what he was saying."
Marin
shook her head. "You two are exactly alike."
"What?"
"Did
I stutter? You two are alike. You are him and he is you. It's as simple as
that."
John
said something like that. He said he knew he wanted to marry Marin because she
was him without being him. It was a beautiful sentiment and I don't think I
understood it until that moment.
Blow
Out: This is probably one of the most damaging ways to stretch your hair.
Basically, you take a blow drier with a comb and blow your hair partially
straight. It’s damaging but it makes your afro look huge and amazing.
Just don’t do it too often.
~~~
Hair
tip #22: It might seem ridiculous, but celebrate your hair. It’s unique, it’s
beautiful,
it’s
you.
~~~
A
part of me already knew that Trent was the one for me, but I think I wasn't
completely convinced until after I had spoken to Marin. That was when I decided
I couldn't live without him and that I was going to fight for him. And it
wasn't like I'd have to literally fight some chick for him. I just had to fight
my own stupid comments and Trent's stubbornness. Now that I thought about it,
it might be easier to fight another girl for him.
As
soon as Marin, John and the baby were settled at home, I jumped in my car and
drove back to DC. I had to see him. I had to let him know that we should be
together and that I would never hurt him ...well, never hurt him again that is.
I think I had already done a pretty good job of hurting him the first time.
On
the way, I stopped at the little piece of beach that he loved and picked up a
little souvenir. I had it all planned out. It was going to be so sweet and
romantic. The fairy-tale ending that deep down we both wanted. I filled a ring
box with sand from his beach. I planned on handing it to him and saying,
"Let's be small together."
Romantic, right?
It took me the entire five hour trip to come up with that line. Unfortunately,
I didn't get an opportunity to use it.
Trent
wasn't at his apartment. In fact, no one was. It was completely empty. Before I
panicked, I headed to the office. Maybe he just moved. Yeah, he just decided to
move and didn't want me to know his new address. Of course,
him
picking up and moving without telling me didn't bode well for my plan. Maybe
Marin was wrong and he didn't love me at all.
Instead
of falling into full on panic mode, I headed to work. It was three o'clock on a
Tuesday. He was sure to be there. I would do my sand line there in front of
everyone. I didn't care who knew it. I loved Trent Bishop and I didn't care who
knew.
As
soon as the elevator opened to our floor, I knew something was wrong. I entered
our office and stood in the middle of the bean bag circle as everyone was
sitting on the floor meditating or napping or whatever it was they did and I
stared at the desk.
The one lone desk.
My
desk.
Trent's
desk was gone.
"Mr.
George!" I called as I stepped over a few bodies and headed toward him.
"Mr. George, where is Trent's desk? Where is Trent?"
"Mahogany,
this is a quiet zone right now. You are disturbing the peaceful energy,"
he said with his eyes closed.
I
bit my lip to keep from saying anything vulgar. Maybe I needed a jar like
Trent's.
"Have
a seat and I'll tell you about Trent," Mr. George added in a calming
whisper.
I
was not looking forward to squatting on the floor especially in the skirt I was
wearing, but I really wanted to know what had happened to him.
"Trent
asked for a three month vacation in order to go on a soul searching
journey."
"Three
months? You gave him three months’ vacation to go find his soul? Well, where
the hell did it go? Timbuktu?"
"Actually, Nepal."
Nepal?
He had up and gone to Nepal. Just like that.
"Well,
I think I need to find my soul as well. Can I have three months off, too?"
I asked.
"I
hear the mocking tone in your voice, Mahogany. You don't take this seriously so
you cannot have three months off." He took a deep breath and then opened
his eyes. "Besides, I need you to maintain his websites until we hire a
replacement."
Wow,
I really needed that jar.
So,
he was gone and so was my chance at a big romantic gesture that led to a
happily ever after. Maybe there was no happily ever after for me.
~~~
Vinny
, James with
two ‘A’s, and Trent.
Those were the only three men who had been in my life.
Pathetic.
And I can't even really say I dated Trent. Yeah I was completely in love with
him, but we had never actually been on a date. So really you could say that I
was twenty-eight and had only dated two men. That's even pathetic-
er
.
Deciding
that maybe I needed to work on me for a while, I refused to even look at men
for the next few months. Seriously, I would even change the channel when those
men's body wash commercials came on. Instead, I focused on my hair. That was
the plan to begin with, wasn't it? I was going to focus on my hair so that I
wouldn't think about
Vinny
. Well, now I was going to
focus on my hair to avoid thinking about Trent.
Before
I knew it, it was time for my one year hair birthday. Don't mock me. It’s
really a thing and it is really a cause for celebration. I had gone an entire
year with natural hair. Though tempted, I didn't give up. I didn't revert back
to a relaxer, I didn't chop it all off again out of frustration,
I
didn't even feel the need to get a wig, weave or
extensions to ride out the rough days. I stuck it out and that meant a lot.
Even on the days when I knew my hair wasn't
fly
, I
held my head up and walked with pride. Yes, it was hard at times, but I did it.
It showed me that I was stronger than I thought. This year of natural hair
taught me that I had all the confidence in myself that I needed in order to not
let myself be defined by said natural hair.
As
part of my hair birthday celebration, I bought myself a cake and a party hat.
Not a dinky little paper hat. I'm talking a really nice Flora Bella Raffia
Fedora. After sticking with me for an entire year, my hair deserved the best.
Then I did an epic blowout. My hair was huge. I took out a ruler and happily
did a length check. One thing I learned over the past year was that different
parts of your hair grow at different rates. I think the same can be said about
people was well. Different parts of your personality grow and change at
different rates. Anyway, at the longest part of my hair which for me was in the
top center of my head, my hair measured eleven inches when stretched out.
Eleven inches! That meant it had grown almost eight inches in a year. I was so
happy that I decided it was time for cake.
Just
as I set the cake on the table, I heard a knock on the door.
I
didn't recognize the figure in front of me at first. He had a scraggily beard
and was dressed kind of like a male version of Marin. That's to say like a
hippy. Finally the electric blue eyes struck me. "Trent?"
"Hi, Annie."
The sound of his voice calling
me Annie almost made me melt into a puddle on the spot. But somehow I kept my
composure.
"Um.
Hi." A knot developed in my
throat. I felt tears welling in my eyes. I couldn’t believe how happy I was to
see him. I took some slow calming breaths and tried to swallow my emotions.
"Can
I come in?"
"Oh,
yeah, yeah, come in," I said stepping aside.
"Sorry
for my appearance," he said as he set down a large backpack. "I
literally just got off a plane from Kathmandu."
"Kathmandu?
So you really did go to
Nepal?"
"Yeah,
were did you think I was?" he asked.
"How
was I supposed to know?
You just up and left.
No note,
no phone call, your family didn't even know how to get in contact with
you."
Trent
rubbed the back of his neck and looked toward the ground guiltily.
"Yeah,
that probably wasn't too cool of me."
"
Ya
think?"
He
smiled. Even through that nasty scraggily beard I recognized his beautiful
smile.
"Hey,
can I use your bathroom?" he asked.
"You
know where it is," I said trying to sound cool and in control.
Trent
spent so long in the bathroom that I thought he might have tripped, hit his
head and died or something. Seriously, I was started to get freaked out, but
when he emerged I saw why.
"I
hope you didn't use my Venus razor on your face. I just bought that."
He
froze for a second. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it -"
"I'm
just kidding. It's fine." I had to resist the urge to say
he
was fine. But he really did look
amazing with his freshly shaven face.
I
didn't realize we were frozen and staring at each other until he broke the
silence and said, "So whose birthday is it?"
"What?"
I asked.
Pointing
to the cake behind me he said, "Who's celebrating?"
"Oh, my hair."
Yeah, I didn't realize how
ridiculous that sounded until I said it out loud to him. No wonder I didn't
invite
Carnece
or Marin. I think I would have felt better
if I had said my cat ... even though I didn't have a cat.
"So
you just got off a plane and you came straight here?" I asked partly
because I was curious, but mostly because I wanted to take the attention off
the fact that I was having a birthday party for my hair.
He
rubbed the back of his neck again and turned away. Looking out of the window he
said, "I ran. I ran from us and I ran from what we could have been because
I was scared. That's what this whole climbing Everest thing was about."
"Wait
a minute. You climbed Everest?"
He
turned to me and nodded. "And let me tell you something, climbing the
highest mountain in the world wasn't enough to get you off my mind."
My
heart accelerated. I thought sure he'd be able to see it pounding through my
clothes. But if he did, he didn't let on as he crossed the room and took my
hands in his. "So, as soon as I got back in this time zone, the first
thing I wanted to do was
see
you and tell you that I
love you, Mahogany Michelle Brown."
I
took another deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. This was my chance. I
still had the ring box with the sand. I was finally going to get a chance to
say it.
"I
have something for you. Wait here." I rushed to my room, grabbed the box
and came back. "I wanted to do
this
three months
ago, but you disappeared." I cleared my throat and started the speech I
had prepared. "Trent Bishop, you challenge me in ways I never thought I'd
enjoy. You make me see things I've never noticed before. You give me feelings I
can't even describe, but I know one of those feelings is love. I love you,
Trent." I opened the box and said, "Let's be small together."
He
flashed his brilliant smile and said, "How long did it take you to come up
with that little speech?"
"Like
two days. And then I had three months to perfect it. Was it good? Did you like
it?"
He
nodded. "It was perfect. Just like you."
Perfect?
He thought I was perfect. Either he was blind and stupid, or he had just summed
up what love really was. It's not really about being perfect in general. It was
more about being perfect for one person in particular. That's what Trent and I
were.
I
think the whole seven years I was with
Vinny
,
I was trying to be something I wasn't. But with Trent I
could just be me. I can't believe it took me so long to figure that out. It's
amazing how much you can grow in a year.