Navy SEAL Surrender (14 page)

Chapter Nineteen

“I sure hope the air conditioner works in there. Especially if we’re stuck inside all day. It’s going to be another scorcher.” Alicia wiped the sweat from under her neck, leaving the men gawking at each other.

Joking about the good old days might smooth things over between John and Brian, but it was so long ago.... What kind of memory would her daughter have of this? How would she ever let Lauren out of her sight again? Kids getting sunburned on the banks of the creek didn’t compare to your day-care teacher being shot in front of you by a person who you thought of as a grandparent.

Keep a lid on it. Don’t fall apart or John will check you into the psych ward for observation.

Alicia could only stare at her shaking hands. In fact, there was a tremor throughout her entire body that wouldn’t stop. She couldn’t control the fright that was bubbling somewhere close to the fear that she’d never see her daughter again. She broke into a trot, heading in the direction John had parked.

God above, please keep my legs steady enough so I don’t fall flat on my face.

She needed to be alone for a few minutes before diving into whatever had kept her father-in-law inside that barn. There was so much to take in that her mind went blank. Her only thought was to take one step at a time. Put her tennis shoe on the ground without turning her ankle and without tripping and falling.
One step. Another step.

When she reached the car, she dropped her head against the cool metal of the roof, locked her knees in place and refused to cry.

“Don’t lose it. You’ll be okay.” She’d chanted those words often enough in the past four years.

But she was far from okay. Tory was dead and her daughter had witnessed the woman’s murder. Could she force herself to be in control? She’d done it before—she had to do it again. There wasn’t a choice.

She turned around, leaning on the car and twisting her knotted hair into a tighter mess. It just took so much concentration to pretend. Constantly shoving the images of the night’s events aside made her draw on a strength she hadn’t used since Dwayne’s funeral.

Her fingers were hot against her face as she scrubbed her eyes and held her breath for a moment. There was nothing there. Nothing left to draw from. After her husband’s death, she’d replenished her empty heart by clinging to his daughter. And Roy had clung to them both.

What could she do?
Think of something else.

The fight between Brian and John had taken her straight back to refereeing them in their teens. Even with all this stress, those happy days brought a smile. The brothers had bloody lips. She’d witnessed a restraint in John that had never been there in high school. He’d done his best to get the better of Brian back then.

Maybe he was as exhausted as she felt. Her short nap had only made her more tired. But it was more sleep than John had achieved. And she hadn’t fought a giant of a man earlier or had an emotional encounter with her twin.

Nope, she’d just left her daughter in the hands of murderers. That was all she’d accomplished today. “Dear Lord.” Her eyes burned with the hint of tears.
Focus on something else. You can’t do this each time you think of Lauren.

“You okay?”

At first glance, she thought John had followed her. The voice was the same. But Brian was close to her elbow, then patting her shoulder. Brian, her longtime friend.

“John’s taking a look around. Hop in, I’m moving the car into the barn.” He walked around the hood, the moon shining on his new “high and tight” haircut.

That was what John had called it in high school when Mabel had shorn his head with the ancient hair clippers his dad owned. “High and tight, Miss Mabel. Not one of those jarhead trims,” he’d said.

She took a deep breath, wiped her eyes again and stood straight, then asked Brian, “Did he tell you what happened out there tonight?”

“The bare basics.” He leaned on the roof opposite her. “I’m sorry.”

“I really wish things were different, you know?” She slapped the car hard enough to make her hand sting. “Ow, darn it.”

They both laughed—kind of.
So he feels just as weird as I do.

“I made a pass at you the night of the fire, didn’t I?”

“Yes.”

“I pretended to be my brother for some reason. Right?”

“Yes. The guys dared you to find out if you and Johnny kissed the same, since you were physically identical.”

“We wore the same jeans, boots and jackets that night? That’s the reason no one knew which one of us left when. But you didn’t need a kiss to know I wasn’t him. How did you always know?”

“I’m not sure. But I’ve been able to tell you apart since the first day on the bus. You have two completely different attitudes about everything.”

“I know. But that’s not it. We can act like each other when we want to.” He raised his brows, dipping his chin to his chest. The twins’ longtime gesture to let her know that she was behind the curve.

“What do you think it is? Just tell me, please. Or do you really know?” Of course she was curious. She’d never been able to put her finger on the reason.

He tapped the hood with his finger a couple of times. Nothing dramatic, just a pause while he made up his mind. “I guess it’s about time somebody set you two straight. Shoot. John looks at you differently. Always has.”

“Like how?”

“Alicia, honey, my brother’s been in love with you since he laid eyes on your skinny chicken legs in sixth grade.” He got in the car. “If you need to hit someone, I recommend John.”

She followed to the driver’s side and bent to the open window. “I’m not going to hit you. I hardly believe a word out of your mouth.” She laughed. On purpose, to cover her nervousness that Brian might actually be right. “Let him know I need a minute to think. That’s why I came out here.”

“I overheard Mom talking to Dad about it once. Way back in junior high, she told him you’d make a good daughter-in-law someday.”

“There is no way on God’s green earth that John Sloane has always been in love with me. We’re friends. Same as you and me.” She playfully gave a soft shove to his shoulder. “Stop foolin’ around, Brian. He left, for gosh sakes. Just joined the navy and never looked back.”

A sadness turned his playfulness into a death shroud.

“Alicia?” He caught her hand, stopping her from walking away.

She searched the stars for the strength to face him. She knew he wasn’t John. He was right; somehow even their touch was different to her. But his voice, combined with the same haircut, made it hard to remember. And there was something in the way he’d said her name and held her hand that tugged at her heart.

“Yes?” She didn’t bend down. She couldn’t take him feeling sorry for her. She’d start crying for certain and lose it again.

“Give him a chance, will ya?”

Brian released her, started the car and pulled away.

Give him a chance?

“To do what?” she asked the retreating car.

She watched Brian pull into the barn and John shut the doors. Her legs wobbled under her, so she plopped to the hard, dry earth.
Give him a chance?
A chance to keep her out of jail? A chance to rescue Lauren? A chance to save her life? A chance to break her heart again?

Their time for chances had long passed. Twelve years ago the opportunity for
chances
had come and gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

Chapter Twenty

Alicia had one objective, and that was to get her daughter back in her arms and keep her safe. Nothing else mattered. Nothing.

She leaned back and rested on her elbows, then lay down on the sun-shriveled stalks of Johnson grass, folding her arms under her head. She could tell herself over and over again that nothing else mattered. She could spell it with giant capital letters and try to believe she was telling herself the truth.

But she wasn’t.

John mattered. The shock and hurt she’d seen in him. The way he’d held her. The way they’d kissed. Lord, was it just yesterday that they’d been at Roy’s house and escaped the police chief by climbing into the tree?

“Good. Grief.” So much had happened since John had come home. There was no way he loved her. No way. He couldn’t. Could he?

“No way,” she shouted to the stars. Brian had to be wrong. Either way, it didn’t matter. Not now. They all had one objective, and that was to get Lauren back.

A soft breeze blew the treetops at the edge of the field, but it was the sound of feet crunching the dying grass that made her jerk to a sitting position.

“Did Brian upset you? Are you all right? I heard you cry out and—” John said, out of breath. He must have sprinted from the barn door.

“Of course I am. I was just...just...” She couldn’t tell him she’d been weighing what she valued and he’d come in the top two. She wasn’t ready for that. “Were you watching me?”

The arch of his brows expressed an emphatic
duh
without uttering the word. Classic Sloane-twin look. Seeing it twice in ten minutes made her feel slightly inadequate to deal with him. He bent at the waist and leaned on his knees, clearly tired. Still dragging air into his lungs.

“Just how long has it been since you had sleep?”

“I don’t need sleep.”

“Nonsense. I bet Brian can handle things until Dev arrives. Whatever occupied Roy’s attention can wait a couple of hours.” She gathered her feet under her, but before she could push off the ground, John’s hands spanned her waist and he lifted her skyward.

Her toes dangled, touching nothing except air. Instead of just letting her drop to the earth, he drew her chest to his and let her slide to a disappointing halt. She stayed there with her hands on his shoulders, his sneaking around to her back. “I go without sleep a lot in my line of work.”

“I, um... But you... John?”

“What?” His lips were very close.

Too close. There was too much between them to just pick up where they’d left off before their argument at graduation. Darn Brian and his silly ideas about love. Did either of them even remember that horrible, public argument? Or remember that she’d loved and married another man?

Not if the way he’s holding you is any indication.

“Did you want to ask me something?” he teased through a grin.

“You can let go of me now.” She firmly tugged on his forearms. Nice, muscled with just the right amount of fuzz on them. As often as she’d been around the house with Brian, she’d never noticed that before.

It was basically the same body, and yet Brian walking around the house without his shirt made her feel like her brother was home. This one? Well, the body under her fingertips, the thighs snug to her thighs... The chest her breasts were flattened against caused every part of her to hum. And parts that had been asleep since Dwayne had gone began to stir awake.

John released her. Almost. At the last moment, he spun her around, keeping her back to his front, his arm circling her waist again.

“What are you doing?”

“There’s no hurry,” he whispered in her ear. “And I have something to say.”

She tugged at the vise grip around her middle. It didn’t hurt, but he wasn’t budging. “You can’t tell me while you’re looking at me?”

“Exactly.”

No more. Oh, goodness, not a confession.
I’m not ready.

“So hurry up, then. Brian’s waiting.”

“Right.” He shifted, taking her with him. Facing the edge of the field instead of the shaft of light peeking beneath the double barn door.

“We aren’t kids anymore, Johnny. You can let me go. I won’t run away. You’re a grown man and should be able to say what you want. You do realize that we’re both thirty. Adults, right? And that I’ll listen to whatever you have to say?”

“The thing is, Alicia, I don’t think I can honestly look at you when you answer. I need to know something before we go any further, and now’s as good a time as later to finish the conversation.” His hold on her relaxed and his hand trembled. “I understand if you thought I’d set the fire all those years. But can you believe me now? Do you believe me?”

He’s afraid?

Looking at the treetops and the sinking moon was much easier than the temptation of his handsome face. So she stayed. Encircled by his arms, feeling safe. Filling her heart so she could go forward.

“At first, I didn’t think either one of you could have done it. And thought it had been an accident even when Brian said he thought he’d put the fire out and other accusations flew around town. Life went on.” Her voice didn’t sound rattled any longer. “Until Dwayne died and Brian started coming around to help out, we never talked about it. When he told me that you’d been drunk and must have left the fire going, well, I didn’t believe it but couldn’t tell him why.”

“Why?” His voice was soft and warm against her neck.

“It was your story to tell. I couldn’t put a bandage on the wound you caused each other.”

She suddenly wanted to kiss him and be kissed by him. Maybe it was better they weren’t facing each other. Because if she started, she wouldn’t want to stop. When he kissed her, she forgot the rest of the world and what was happening in it.

Lauren was too important.
Get her back, then worry about kissing Johnny Sloane!

“Thing is, no one at the party would have left that fire going. Especially you and Brian. I’ve said that since the day you left.”

* * *

J
OHN
’
S
BODY
ACHED
.

In training, he’d taken more brutal beatings than what Brian had dished out. For some reason this one had hit him hard. And then there was the fact that he was holding Alicia. He bent close enough that the hot summer breeze blew her hair against his cheek. He didn’t want to move away, so he widened his stance, straining his already exhausted legs.

Alicia had never doubted his innocence. Nothing to worry about after all. Unlike his brother, who had jumped to a guilty verdict before ever talking to him. But he’d acted guilty by running off. He could admit that.

All his earlier resolve to blame his brother faded like a cloud covering the moon. He knew it was there, but couldn’t see it clearly anymore. Believing John had been irresponsible, Brian had come rushing in to help again. Sure, he was full of blunder and guilt trips and better solutions, but bottom line? He knew his twin had his back.

They could trust each other again because of the woman in his arms. Probably a good thing they weren’t face-to-face, since he wanted to kiss her till she couldn’t think—among other things.

“Is that all you needed, John?”

“Needed?”

She rotated her body, negotiating the circle he’d created with his arms, letting his fingers drag around her waist. She lifted her left arm above him and skimmed just behind his ear with her finger. If she got much closer, she’d know exactly what he
needed.

“Grass.” She flicked something quickly away from them. “Must have been from the fight.”

When her eyes tilted toward the heavens, they were nose to nose. Which also meant their mouths were just about on the same level, too. Alicia flicked her tongue across her bottom lip and rolled it between her teeth. He could feel his insides tightening at the thought of holding her even closer. It had been a long time, but he knew how soft her lips would become after he crushed them to his.

Not the spur-of-the-moment connections they’d achieved since he’d been home. He was remembering serious kissing. They’d both explored each other in a first kiss. He’d suffered through her years with braces. The scrapes on his lips had been worth it. In high school, they’d spent hours practicing everywhere. They’d joked about how kissing should be a game and kids could earn a high school letter jacket just like Brian had in every other sport.

How many times had he held her exactly the same way, not caring about the future? Dreaming of far-off places to explore—but only with her. That had changed after one argument and his stupid pride. Right here, right now, he just wanted her.

A future without her wasn’t something he wanted to step into again.

His arms tightened, bringing her body flush with him. Sliding his fingers under her T-shirt, he connected with the flushed heat of her lower back. They were pretty much sharing the same space when his mouth devoured hers. Lips—slick and cool compared to the hot silkiness of her flesh under his fingertips. Soft and welcoming instead of contoured muscles, honed while working with patients.

Her body had changed, become more of everything good he remembered. He wanted her—it didn’t matter if his brother was inside the barn or if Dev would be there any minute. He wanted to throw her over his shoulder and haul her to the far tree line so they wouldn’t be found. They needed to be alone so she could cry out as much as she wanted. Or he could capture all her joy with his lips, savor it for the time they’d be apart.

The picture of her covered in perspiration as the moon shimmered over her naked flesh was vivid for him. He couldn’t stop himself. He wanted more of her.

Their relationship had never been more than occasional young-love petting. Everyone thought they’d be the couple to get pregnant and forced to marry when they were sixteen, but it hadn’t happened. Not that he hadn’t wanted to, tried to, gotten elbowed in his gut a time or two.

“Johnny,” Alicia said when he glided his lips along the V of her neck.

His thumbs skimmed the bottom curve of both breasts through the smooth satin of her bra. How many times had he fantasized about this moment? How many times had her face gotten him through a long night on a mission? Or through a long night rocking in his bunk, wondering what if they hadn’t broken up?

“We have to...” Alicia sighed his name again and tipped her head back. “Oh, my.”

He stopped thinking about teenage petting and dragged his thumb across the silky cup of lace. Her nipple immediately pebbled under the caress.

“We should... We can’t.”

“Why? Do you have a curfew?” he teased, stopping her questions with another long kiss. Tasting her unique combination of warm and cool and sweet.

His hand fully closed over her breast, and her hips surged into his. She knew exactly what he wanted. No doubt. He couldn’t hide it. Her hand circled his wrist and gently tugged him away.

“No.” Alicia’s hands were planted firmly against his chest. Body contact lost.

John relaxed his hold, allowed her to step back. He should never have asked her a question or released her lips. They were adults, the only ones responsible for their actions.

“We can’t do this—”

“You’re right.”

“You don’t know what I’m about to say,” she whispered, shaking her head.

“Yeah, I do.”

She crossed her arms, tightly closed her mouth with a harrumph and shot him a look he couldn’t really catalog. If Texas hadn’t been in the middle of a triple-digit heat wave, the air would have frosted up as she stomped past.

She marched toward the barn, then did an about-face, sticking her finger in his face so close he could see her fingernail polish chipping.

“You have a lot of nerve coming back after twelve years and trying to pick up like nothing ever happened after you left.”

He opened his mouth to apologize, but—

“No. Don’t interrupt me. I’m finally going to say this without the fear you won’t help me find Lauren.” She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply and slapped her jeans. “I get it. You’re a naval officer who probably has a gal in every port. Well, Lieutenant Sloane, my little part of the world doesn’t have a dock. It’s centered around a four-year-old child who has never had a father. I’m it. Her whole world. And I don’t take risks with it. I loved Dwayne very much. It was real and something I’ll never forget.”

“I get it.”

“No, I don’t think you do. I have responsibilities to Lauren and have no intention of jeopardizing that by dating. Let alone having sex in a dried-up field with a man I haven’t seen or heard from in over a decade.”

“Don’t worry about Lauren. We’ll get her back. I’ll call for the rest of my SEAL team if I have to.” He forced a grin. “I understand, Alicia. Don’t think anything about it.”

“I don’t want you to hate me.”

Her hands shook. He noticed the tremor when she stroked his cheek before she walked briskly away. A smooth stroke down his jawline, just like she’d given Brian after their fight.

“Never.” He’d never hate her. He’d never stay in this part of Texas. He’d never stop wanting her with every part of his being.
Never.

His phone vibrated with a text.
Slick.
It was Brian, watching from the barn.
Lights at the gate.

Probably Dev, but they couldn’t be certain, and he’d been completely distracted by the beauty in his arms.
Damn!
He had to get this desire crap under control. If he didn’t, he’d get them all thrown in jail. Or worse...dead.