Never Be Lied to Again (6 page)

Watch out when someone tries to use an obvious fact to support a questionable assertion.

C L U E 43

The Moral Assumption

This clue is so clever and pervasive that once you hear about it, you'll probably realize that it has already been used on you many times. The genesis of this clue comes courtesy of human nature. We all have an inherent need for order, for continuity and consistency.

The purveyor of deceit demonstrates characteristics with a specific moral bent so that other of his actions will be seen

in that light. An example will clarify. Let's say that Joe, the financial officer of a large corporation, thinks that you may be on to his embezzlement scheme. He knows that you have no real proof, but he wants to throw you off the track. What might he do? In your presence, he may openly chastise another employee for "borrowing" some office supplies for her personal use at home. Your impression is that Joe is a moral person who objects to something as minor as stealing office supplies. Certainly he cannot be responsible for a large-scale embezzlement scheme.

A wife who is concerned that her husband suspects her of having a brief affair (which she did indeed have) might say something like this: "Honey, do you remember Harvey, Sally's husband? Well, Jill told me that they're having problems because Harvey kissed a co-worker at the Christmas party. If you ask me, she should leave that no-good piece of garbage. Who knows what else he's done? Even if that was it, what is going through his mind? What an idiot!"

This is going to put serious doubts in the mind of this woman's husband that she would ever be unfaithful to him.

C L U E 44

Oh, by the Way

Beware if she casually tells you something that should deserve more attention. For example, she says, "Oh, by the

way, I've got to go out of town next weekend on business." If she doesn't usually travel for work on the weekends, then you would expect her to make a point of how unusual the trip is. Her downplaying the trip makes it suspicious.

When something out of the ordinary happens and the person doesn't draw attention to it, it means that she is trying to draw attention away from it. And for this there is usually a reason. Another tactic is running off a long list of items in the hope that one will remain unnoticed. Magicians, who are experts at slight-of-hand, know that their effectiveness lies in their ability to draw your attention where they want it to go. When your attention is being directed one way, check to see what lies the other way.

C L U E 45

Lots of Lies

If you catch a person in one lie, it makes good sense to question everything else that person has said.

Let's say you're buying a car and the salesman says that you must act quickly because two other people have looked at this car and it's the last one in stock.

Say something like "I hear that this model retains its value better than most others, isn't that true?" Or "I heard that they're going to raise the prices on next year's model substantially." These are statements an honest salesperson will question if he or she hasn't heard

any such thing. However, if your salesperson is quick to agree with you, it means that he would say almost anything to make the sale—which also means that he probably doesn't have anyone else interested in the car, even though he's claimed otherwise. If you can, try to find out if this person has a reputation for being deceitful. Honesty is a function of character, and character is not something that is easily changed.

C L U E 46

Wild, Wild, Wild

"You're not going to believe what happened to me!"

How many times have we heard that phrase? Common sense dictates that if we want someone to believe us, we should make our story or explanation as believable as possible. This is usually true, but not always.

Sometimes the more outrageous a story is, the more believable it becomes. Why? Because we think to ourselves,
If this person wanted to lie to me, he'd
probably have come up with something a little less
far-fetched.
So in this clever deception the liar embellishes his story and simply offers the phrase

"Don't you think that if I was going to lie to you, I'd come up something a little more believable? You just can't make this stuff up." When in fact that's exactly what he's done.

SUMMAR Y

• When the subject is changed, he's in a better, more relaxed mood.

• He does not become indignant when falsely accused.

• He uses such phrases as "To tell you the truth," "To be perfectly honest," and "Why would I lie to you?"

• He has an answer to your question down pat.

• He stalls by asking you to repeat the question or by answering your question with a question.

• What he's saying sounds implausible.

• He offers a preamble to his statement starting with "I don't want you to think that . . . " Often that's exactly what he wants you to think.

• She uses humour or sarcasm to defuse your concerns.

• He offers you a "better" alternative to your request when he is unable to give you what you originally asked for.

• All of his facts relating to numbers are the same or multiples of one another.

• There is evidence of involuntary responses that are anxiety based.

• He uses an obvious fact to support a dubious action. She casually tells you something that deserves more attention.

• He exclaims his displeasure at the actions of another who has done something similar so that you will not suspect him.

• If he lies about one thing, everything he says is questionable.

• His story is so wild that you almost don't believe it. But you do, because if he wanted to lie, you think that he would have come up with something more plausible.

P A R T

2

B E C O M I N G A H U M A N L I E

D E T E C T O R

"Deceit, feeding on ignorance, weaves carelessly around the truth, twisting its prey down a path

to destined regret." —

DAVID J. LIEBERMAN

This part contains a sophisticated and comprehensive system of questioning that will get the truth out of any person.

We often go into verbal combat unprepared to do battle.

Because we're unable to think clearly and effectively communicate our thoughts, we think of what we should have said two days later.

The clues to deception can be used with great reliability in everyday situations and conversations. However, if you must know the truth in a given situation, this part provides you with a sequence of questions that virtually guarantees that you will know (a) if you're being lied to and (b) what the truth is if it's not obvious from the lie. This procedure was developed as a result of my research in human behaviour. When used in order, all three phases offer you the greatest opportunity to get at the truth.

OUTLINE

Phase One.
Three Attack-Sequence Primers
Sometimes this technique in and of itself will reveal a person's guilt, but if it doesn't, you haven't lost any leverage and can proceed to phase two. The primers are used to test a person's vulnerability and to gauge his or her level of concern over a particular subject.

Phase Two.
Eleven Attack Sequences

This phase consists of one direct sequence and ten other possible sequences. Use whichever one best fits the situation.

These carefully scripted sequences put you in the best possible position to get at the truth. You will see that the phrasing of your request—what precedes the request and what follows it—is essential. Context is everything!

Phase Three.
Eleven Silver Bullets

Fire these off if you're still not satisfied. Perhaps the person hasn't yet confessed but you know he isn't being truthful.

If you feel you've been lied to, but a full confession isn't forthcoming, this phase takes you through an additional process to get to the truth. Though these bullets can be fired in any order you want, some will rule out others. So choose ahead of time which are most appropriate for the situation.

HOW TO PROCEED

Lay the groundwork by starting with phase one. Then choose one of the eleven attack sequences from phase two.

If you haven't gotten a full confession after you try an attack sequence, fire your silver bullets one by one. The results will be truly astonishing.

If terms like
arsenal, weapons,
and
bullets
seem warlike, it's understandable. But they're thoroughly appropriate considering the situation. A lie can be very injurious. Protecting yourself is the objective. You need to see the process of detecting deceit for what it really is—a verbal battle. And from now on, when you enter this battle, you will be very well armed.

P H A S E 1

T H R E E A T T A C K - S E Q U E N C E P R I M E R S

Most of us are familiar with the Rorschach test, developed in 1921 by Hermann Rorschach. The test consists of ten bilaterally symmetrical inkblots, each on an individual card.

These abstract shapes, which have no particular meaning or form, are shown one at a time to the subject. Put simply, the theory behind the test is that a person's interpretation of the shapes will reveal his or her unconscious or subli-mated thoughts.

For the sequence primers, we use the same psychological principles but employ them in a whole new way: you find out what's on a person's mind by giving him a
verbal
abstract test. A person's true intentions will surface in his com-ments and/or gestures.

P R I M E R 1

Don't Accuse—Allude

Asking a person outright, "Have you been cheating on me? "

will put him on the defensive. The objective here is to ask a question that does not
accuse
the person of anything but
alludes
to the person's possible behaviour.

If he doesn't realize you're implying anything, then he's probably not guilty. But if he gets defensive, then he
knows
what you're getting at. The only way he could know is if he is guilty of the accusation. The point is, an innocent person shouldn't have a clue about what you're alluding to.

You don't want the question to be accusatory or too broad. For example, if you suspect someone of murder, you wouldn't say, "Kill anyone last weekend?" And asking,

"How was your day?" is clearly too broad.

You want the question to be framed in such a way that he will get suspicious of your asking only if he is guilty. He won't react unusually if he isn't, but as if it were an out-of -

the-ordinary question. If you asked your neighbour whether space aliens had landed on her front lawn, you wouldn't expect her to respond seriously at all. She may answer jokingly or just laugh it off entirely. And you certainly wouldn't expect, "Why do you ask? Did someone say something to you?" This response is curious for a question that should be taken as absurd.

When you ask the question, be matter-of-fact. Don't square off. You don't want him defensive unless he has a reason to be. Beware of all the clues to deceit, particularly the one about a guilty person continuing to add more information as he thinks of it and without your prompting.

Now, whatever is on the person's mind will reveal itself in the conversation that ensues. If he's innocent of what you suspect him of, then he'll answer casually and leave it at that. However, if he's guilty he will want to know what you're thinking because he's not sure why you're asking the question. So he'll question you about your question.

Examples of Phrasing Perimeters

The key is to phrase a question that sounds perfectly innocent to an innocent person, but like an accusation to the guilty.

SUSPICION: YOU think that your employee was fired from his last job because he stole from his previous employer.

QUESTION: "DO you still keep in contact with your old boss?"

SUSPICION: YOU feel that your boyfriend or girlfriend was unfaithful the night before.

QUESTION: "Anything interesting happen last night?"

SUSPICION: YOU think a co-worker told your secretary that you have a crush on her.

QUESTION: "Heard any good gossip recently?"

Any answers such as "Why do you ask?" or "Where did you hear that?" indicate concern on the person's part. He should not be seeking information from you if he does not think that your question is leading. He should also not be interested in why you're asking the question unless he thinks that you may know what he doesn't want you to.

P R I M E R 2

Similar Scenario

This primer works by introducing a scenario similar to what you suspect is going on. There are two ways to do this—

specific and general. This primer deals with specifics, while Primer 3 takes the general approach. This works well because you're able to bring up the topic without being accusatory.

SUSPICION: YOU suspect one of your salespeople has lied to a customer in order to make the sale.

QUESTION: "Jim, I'm wondering if you could help me with something. It's come to my attention that someone in the sales department has been misrepresenting our products to customers. How do you think we can clear this up?"

If he's innocent of the charges he's likely to offer his advice and be pleased that you sought out his opinion. If he's guilty he'll seem uncomfortable and will assure you that he would
never
do anything like that. Either way, this opens the door to probe further.

SUSPICION: A hospital administrator suspects that a doctor was drinking while on duty.

QUESTION: "Dr. Marcus, I'd like to get your advice on something. A colleague of mine at another hospital has a problem with one of her doctors. She feels he may be drinking while on call. Do you have any suggestions on how she can approach the doctor about this problem?"

Again, if he's guilty he'll seem very uncomfortable. If he's not drinking on duty, then he will be pleased that you sought his advice and offer it.