Never Been Kissed: A Never Been Novel (3 page)

“I d
on’t know what to say to that.”

“Tell me how many guys you bagged this week, and how many you’ve tagged.” I grin at her. She blushes pink, and clears her throat, straightening her cream blouse, and smoothing her palms over her pencil skirt. The bitch got luc
ky in the body department. How could anyone look at me when I’m standing next to her? When she shines so bright and looks so beautiful? I’m not even a blip on the radar.

“How many asked you out, K?” I poke her ribs, yelp when
she karate chops my wrist. “Three? Four?
Five?
You’ve got pheromones leaking out of every orifice. What are you doing here with me?”

“Chill out, sister. Yeah, five guys asked me out. All horndogs. No gentlemen. And no badasses, either. So I said no to every single one. There was no tagging. If there were tagging, I would call you afterwards. Pact of the sisterhood, swear to
Venus.”

I snicker until a
solid knock echoes through my apartment.

Katie’s perfect eyebrows high-five her hairline. One stays cocked, a question without really saying anything. “
I thought you didn’t know anyone in the building! Who the fuck is that!? Should I get a knife? Check the peephole before moving the lock, dumbass!” She scream-whispers, clutching the back of my shirt as we make our way to the door. I check the peep-hole and feel my tongue get thick.

“It’s just the dude from next door. Gimme a second.” I
dislodge her hands from my shirt. “You ruin this, you’re buying me another one. Swear to God. Katie, back off. Go sit on the couch. He doesn’t have a machete.”
That I can see.

She snorts, but moves back to the couch
and sits, all of six feet away from me.

I open my door, and f
reeze. Without my glasses, earlier this afternoon, I knew he was hot, but the blurriness added a protection factor and let me deal with him as a normal person would. Now with my enhanced vision, he’s just... shit. Hotter than fire. He’s...volcanic.

“Yo,” I say, sh
owing off my gansta roots. High cheekbones covered with blond-brown stubble, piercing blue eyes that remind me of Loki’s and a sinful mouth with kissable lips. The eyes are a little eerie, the kind of eyes that look through you instead of seeing you. I’m supremely hot and bothered and uncomfortable at the same time.

Hunter SexGod smirks at me, arms crossed around his chest. “Yo, yourself.”

I can’t help but ogle the muscles that pull his hoodie taught along his biceps and chest. I practically salivate over his wide shoulders, his flat abs and lean hips.

“What’s up?” I’m Rocky ghost-jabbing my fists
in my head.

The
hot bastard can cock an eyebrow like Katie. Maybe they should date? Owww, why does that hurt so much? My hand tightens around the doorknob, and I hope Katie doesn’t get a look at this guy. I just want him to myself for a few seconds so I can pretend.

“Didn’t we
just do the whole hello thing?”

I shake my head, trying to focus. “Yeah. But I meant, ‘what’s up?’ as in, what do you need? Underst
and the slight difference?” Now I’m talking to him as if he doesn’t speak my language. Not many people do.

He nods stiffly
, just a shallow dip of his chin. I have a feeling that he doesn’t move unless he needs to; I file it away for later. “I need to ask you for a favour.”

Oh, not good. I want to do whatever he wants. That’s not good.
His words make me want to volunteer for something dumb, or curtsy. Or jump on top of his big body and maul him.

“Uh... Look, I don’t-”

“Do you have the Disney version of Peter Pan?”

My eyebrows punch low on my face
in a scowl so severe, Voldemort would run. “Seriously?” I squeeze the doorknob tighter, letting the coolness seep into my palm. Reality. This is reality.

“Would
I be here otherwise?”
Ouch.
In my dreams, you so,
so
would.

“I’ve got a problem with this,” I say. Here comes logic, to save the day. Keeping me sane. Keeping me smart.
“You want a kid’s movie? For yourself? Look, bro, I don’t really care what you do with your free time, but if it’s to one of my movies then we got some serious problems.”

Hunter rears back his head. He looks like he’s swallowed down rotten food only because someone’s pointed a gun at his head.
“What the fuck? It’s for my nephew.” The way he squints at me like
I’m
crazy makes me think I’m in the wrong.

But good-lookin
g doesn’t mean good. “Prove it,” I say, notching up my chin.

“Prove it?”
Two words shouldn’t sound so dangerous.

“Yeah!” I don’t know why I’m showing this guy my meagre backbone. I should be doing this to my parents, not some stranger who asked to b
orrow a movie. But I’m too far gone now, and back-pedalling our whole conversation would be embarrassing. “Bring the kid over. Make sure he’s real and not made out of plastic and air.”

Hunter grimaces, rubs a hand over his mouth in agitation
like I caught him in a lie. Tough shit and fifty points to Gryffindor! “Are we done here?” I ask, swinging the door to close. “Definitely done.”

I may have made an enemy of my next-door neighbour, and I’m probably going to have to move, or sleep with my own machete under my pillow, but I just showed off a little bit of a backbone I didn’t k
now I had, and it was worth it.

“What just happened?” Katie asks, no
w two feet behind me. I jump and punch her in the arm for scaring me.

When she whines that I really did hurt her, I snap, “Like you don’t know what happens when I get scared. Shit. The guy next door, wants one of my Disney’s. Said it’s for his neeeephewww
. Liar. I knew there’d be something wrong with him, even though he’s a sex god.”

“Sex god? You’ve
been holding out on me, Delos! Let me see!” Katie scrambles for the door, using Charlie Conway’s triple-deke on me to get to the doorknob.

Just in time for a
nother knock and for her to open the door.

This.
This is how real life is. Gorgeous guy meets gorgeous girl in the most oddest of places and times. It’s been written over and over in books and screenplays. The truth had to come from somewhere. Hunter’s gonna look at Katie and he’s going to want her. She’s going to want him back. And I’m not okay with that. But I’ll have to be.

“Where’s Sera?”Hu
nter’s deep voice rings out in my apartment. I stand still, rooted to the spot, mouth hanging open. Did that just
happen?
I want to punch myself. Wake UP. Reminding myself that I have Wonder Woman boy shorts on, and therefore need to channel her badassness, I stomp to the door, moving out from behind Katie.

“What now?” Except the last bit doesn’t come out so well, since a little kid is standing at H
unter’s feet, waving at me. My hand comes up on its own and waves back. He looks so much like Hunter. Same nose, same eye shape, same build, even. How old is he? Four, five? I point at him. “
You
want Peter Pan?”

The little kid nods and gives me a sweet smile. Nephew. Hunter said the movie’s for his nephew. God, I’m sick.
Who cares if it’s Hunter’s son or nephew or whatever.
He’s not for you.

I turn and move to my DVD bookcase, grab the movie and hand it to the little guy. When I place it in his hands, he holds it almost reverently, like the movie’s a precious treasure of some faraw
ay land. In a way, it kinda is.

“Thanks
. He’ll have it back tomorrow, I swear,” Hunter says, nodding at me. He doesn’t touch the kid as he moves to his place next door.

“Fine,” I say, waving to the kid. Why would Hunter lie? If the little guy’s his son, but Hunter won’t acknowledge him, then it’s a dick move, and I don’t hang out with assholes. Katie moves to close the door, twisting my lock and adding the chain. My ha
nd comes up, keeping her quiet.

“No talking
. He might have Extendable Ears,” I whisper, finger over my mouth.

“God, was that another Harry Potter reference?” She crosses her arms over her ches
t and looks to my ceiling, praying for patience.

“Hell yes. I won’t s
top ‘til you’ve read them all.”

“What series has seven books, huh? What
is
that?”

“It’ll be the greatest adventure of your life. I prom
ise. Did you watch the fight?”

Kat
ie nods. “I won’t ask who won.”

“As if you’d eve
n know what I’m talking about.”

“WWE’
s got nothing on Harry Potter.”

“Sera, I hate to break this to you, but you’re going to die alone.” The words are said with a smile, and an arm-squeeze around my shoulders as my best friend guides us back to my badass couch.

I wonder if she heard the truth in the words as much as I did.

A week passes, and I don’t see Hunter or his kid. I say his kid, because I’m not stupid, and when a kid is your clone, well, means he’s yours. Nephew.
Pffffft.
Right.

Katie’s called me every single day since seeing Hunter and his hotness, wondering when I’m gonna get on that. Like he’s a mountain I’m supposed to clim
b or something.

Shouldering my way through the lobby doors while attempting to keep all my grocery bags looped around hands, fingers and wrists, I’m now waiting for the elevator doors to close. I’m thinking about what I’m going to make for supper, mentally tallying what I bought in my head and deducting from my paycheck I’ll get n
ext week. Anything to distract myself from the biting pain the plastic is causing, cutting into palms and fingers. I refuse to put them down at my feet. That’s admitting weakness.

I finally get to my door
, totally screaming in my head to hurry up and get the door unlocked, when movement out of the corner of my eye makes me freeze and turn my head.

Hunter’s
on his ass, back to the strip of wall separating our apartments, breathing hard like he sprinted up several flights of stairs. Something’s definitely not right. He doesn’t look good at all. I’m more than scared. The ostrich part of my brain just wants me to run away, lock my door and pretend he’s fine. The rest of me is wondering if this is a trick, and he’s going to stab me with a syringe loaded with a cocktail of drugs able to knock out Free Willy.

What decides me is the way he doesn’t look at me
, doesn’t even look like he’s aware that I exist. I don’t know what trip he’s on, but it’s not hard to figure out it’s a bad one. His hands are holding onto each other like they’re the only thing he believes is real. His chest pumps up and down as he drags in air. As I get closer, I see little streams of sweat cascade down the sides of his face. The look in his eyes has me dropping my groceries and stuffing my hand in my purse to find my phone. I kneel down in between his spread legs, wondering what I should do, ignoring how much I now want to throw up. Call 9-1-1? Or get him back to his apartment? There’s a kid to think about, too, not just Hunter.

My heart’s beating hard enough, and my stomach’s twisting itself into a roller coaster. I’m panicking right along wit
h him.

“Hunter? It’s Sera, remember?” His baby blues come at me, connect with me. He looks at me like I’m his sa
lvation. It hurts my heart, the look on his face. He lunges to grab my free hand, squeezing it between the both of his. God, he’s shaking so much. His eyes are pin-balling in his sockets, searching my face, the hallway around me, everything. “Hunter, look at me? Do you need an ambulance?”

He’s watching my mouth move and I don’t know if he’s heard me.
His face crumples, the mask of calm collapsing, features now twisted into a suffering I can’t understand.

“I’m calli
ng an ambulance. You need help.” I palm my phone, ready dial.

“No,” he moans, squeezing my hand harder.

I swallow hard.
“You
need help.
If you pass out, I can’t carry you anywhere.”

“No ambulances.
You can take me to the hospital,” he pants, eyes glued to mine. Each word costs him, like they suck the small reserve of energy he has left.

Fuck. “Where are your keys?” Instead of waiting
for him to answer, I start rifling through his pockets with shaking hands. His hoodie has empty candy wrappers and some loose change. The jeans have receipts and some cash.

“
I need you to stand up for me, Hunter. You need to stand up, okay? C’mon, on three.” I think he knows I’m his last hope. He gets his feet under him, and uses the wall as leverage to get himself vertical. This is bravery, not necessarily waving a light-saber in front of a dark enemy. I swallow past the pain in my throat, and continue my search for his keys. Ass pockets don’t have anything, until I look at his door. He’s left them in the lock. “Is your boy in there?” Hunter’s tilted his head back and closed his eyes, breath slowing down. “Listen to me, asshole, is your kid inside?”

He struggles to focus on me, head loose on his neck. “Yes
ssssssss.”

I put both arms around his waist. “We’re gonna shuffle closer to your door. All you need to do is move to your left, slowly, ok? Baby steps. Let’s go.” I shuffle with him, trying as best as I can to keep his weight centered or leaning back on the wall. If he falls on me, we’re both screwed.

Blood pounds at my temples, and my throat’s dry. I’m not really sure how I’m talking, or even ordering him around. I’m not sure of much, but I do know we’re in serious trouble if we stop.

“Almost there
. Almost. Two more steps, I promise.” I coax, keeping my voice calm. God, what is
wrong
with him? He’s too big, I’m going to drop him. I don’t have superhuman strength to get him to the hospital on my own.

Bile rises hot up my throat, but I swallow it down, letting it bu
rn my stomach. We make it to the edge of his door. I stretch out my arm and pray for Reed Richards-like abilities – nope, no help at all. I dash forward, twist the key and get the door open with a flick of my wrist on the knob. I jump back to where Hunter has started to sag away from the door. Bending my knees, I haul him back to center.

“Who the fuck are you? What are you doing?” Hunter yells in my face
, eyes glassy and unfocused. I ignore him, keeping my arms around his waist. His hands are on my shoulders, following them down to my arms, trying to unwind me. I snarl at him, and the show of aggression calms him down some, just enough time for me to get his kid out here.

“KID! KID! COME
HERE, NOW!” I holler, knowing that if I let the giant bastard go, we’re not going anywhere. I want to respect his wishes, but if shit comes down to it, I’m calling the ambulance. I don’t even care if he’s going to be the shittiest neighbour ever.

A little head pokes out of Hunter’s apartment, and I’m shocked all over aga
in how much he looks like his Dad. “Kid, get your shoes on, now. You gotta be quick. HURRY!” I feel bad that I’m yelling at him, but the kid listens. “Close the door, lock it. Good. Grab the keys. Let’s go.” I don’t know why the kid knows how to lock a door, but it sure comes in handy.

“Get the elevator, please.” The little guy runs to jab the down button. I figure if I keep Hunter against the wall for as long as possible we’ll be okay. The doors’ll take a minute to close anyway, and if I wadd
le over fast enough to get him into the elevator, we’ll be good.

The kid does as he’s told. I wonder if he’s as scared as I am. Is this normal behavior for his Dad? I will not vomit, I will not vomit. Elevator chimes – the most beautiful sound in the world. I pull on Hunter, who stumbles forward to my backward walk. I quickly pivot and give him my back, using my thighs to keep him upright while his feet are struggling to find the ground. His chest hits my upper back, and hi
s arms squeeze around my waist.

I ignore it. The poor gu
y doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“Kid! Ge
t in!” I pant, when I’ve got Hunter situated in a corner. It’s not lost on me that we’re in a reversed position I saw him in with his girl. Where is that bitch anyway? This is
her
job!

“Is Daddy tired again?” the littl
e guy asks, after pushing for the basement. He’s not scared, he sounds only curious. I nod, hoping he won’t start with a millions why’s. “I’m Matty.”

I clear my throat, watching the numbers above the door crawl down to the basement. “Hi, Matty. I’m Sera. I found your Dad. We’re gonna take his keys, and we’re gonna drive him to the hospita
l, ok? He’ll get better there.”

“Okay.” Matty’s too calm about all of this. Freaks me out. I mean, I’m glad he’s not wailing, or shrieking, but this tranquility’s getting me nervous. Like this kinda thing happens all the time, and he understands what’s g
oing on. Christ, how old is he?

The elevator doors open
and I’m in trouble. I haven’t thought this far ahead.

“Ma
tty-”

“
A4, Sera. The blue Honda is Daddy’s.” I swallow past the pain in my throat. How many times has this asshole done this to his kid? Ugh.

“Awesome. Okay, do you know how to unlock the doors?” The car beeps three times, unlocking the front and the back of a blue car twenty
feet away from us. Totally doable. Right?
Right?
“Of course you do. Alright, get the front door open. I’m going to drive.”

Matty does as he’s told, running ahead, and getting the passenger side open.
God, this asshole weighs a ton. Bastard probably has a whole protein diet, protein shake thing going on. I grunt with every step as he stays glued to my back, wondering if I’m going to pop a knee and Matty’ll have to drag both our sorry asses to the car.

Hunter
keeps making little hurt sounds in his throat, little whimpers and unintelligible noises I can’t make out as anything in English. At least he’s not fighting me anymore.

Pivoting around when we finally get to the car, I end up sitting on his la
p, manoeuvring him how I want in the passenger’s seat. Scrambling off, grunting with exertion, I get his long legs into the car, half-crawling over him to get his seat belt on. I shut the door, only to see Matty sitting in his car seat.

This thing is NASA-sanctioned
. I can’t figure out the snaps and where they’re supposed to go. Matty helps me, pointing out where buckles snap into locks, and where the straps tighten. I start the car, hoping we’ve got at least a quarter tank of gas.

Amazing. I screech out of the underground parking lot, almost drifting around the corner Fast and the Furious 3 style, almost taking out another car’s mirror. Whatever. I woulda paid for that. Flooring the gas pedal, we get out of the
fluorescent –lit parking lot and into the daylight.

“Hunter? HUNTER!” I yell, Charlie-horsing his thigh with my fist. He
yelps. Good. “We’re going to the hospital like you asked. We’ll be there in fifteen.” He nods absently, and his head falls back against the headrest. I keep sneaking glances at him, as I burn through three stop signs in a row. He’s gone and closed his eyes, barely breathing.

Better mak
e the drive under ten minutes.

I make it in eight and a half.