Never Enough (14 page)

Maybe all my questions didn’t need answers.

At least, not quite yet.

With most of my exams, the play, and all the set work over, I didn’t know what
to do with myself. I hated going home after school because Jasmine and Claire were always there, talking nonstop about grad dresses and nails and hairstyles. I was eager for Marcus to ask me to do something, anything, with him.

He didn’t.

Since I wondered if going to the Arts Club felt too much like dating to him, I came up with another idea.

“Hey, it’s pretty warm out today,” I said at our lockers after last period. “There’s an old bridge down by the river. It’s where I got the picture for the closing scene of the play.”

Marcus nodded like he was remembering.

“You want to go?”

He agreed, and twenty minutes later we were dangling our legs from the bridge over the water. Nobody had been here when I’d photographed it, and the place appeared deserted again.

“So I don’t have your phone number,” I said casually, picking at a rock that was wedged between the bridge planks. My voice betrayed me, as usual, and I was sure the insecurity I felt came through.

Marcus scribbled something on a piece of paper from his pocket and passed it over. “Here’s my e-mail, but I don’t always get to check it.”

He didn’t say why he didn’t want to give me a phone number, or if he even had a cell. I’d never seen him use one, but then I hardly used mine, so that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Marcus had always been so private, and I remembered how much he liked the fact that I didn’t pry. With things already on shaky ground, I decided not to ask.

Instead I told him, “My mom asked me if I’d do some photos of Claire for grad. She didn’t like the ones from the school.”

He pulled himself up to lean on the upper rail of the bridge. “You’d be good at that.”

I looked down at my lap. “Well, to be honest, I’m kind of nervous about it. I’m sure she’d rather hire a
real
photographer. I haven’t shot many people before.”

Marcus scoffed. “Photography is one thing you don’t have to be nervous about, Loey.”

He’d never called me Loey before. I liked it. “Will you help me?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “You don’t need me there.”

“But I do.” I stood and leaned against the railing beside him. “You keep me calm. I couldn’t have done the photo-set without all your ideas and your help learning how to develop them.” I didn’t know how to explain how much his confidence in me had helped.

The way he rubbed at his hands, I could tell he didn’t want to do it. He was probably waiting for me to let him off the hook, but I really,
really
wanted him there.

Finally, without even giving me an answer, he said, “We should probably head back.”

We walked all the way to the main road before he said, “You know you’ll owe me one, right?”

*   *   *

The last week of classes zoomed by. Shayleen didn’t pay much attention to me in drama, but seemed to have flanked herself with a few new male friends who all sat at the front of the class with her. Deirdre started sitting with me and Marcus, and we talked more, but mostly about school stuff.

I figured I could ask Deirdre if she wanted to hang out in the summer. But I really wanted to hang out with Marcus.
Even though he’d given me his e-mail address, it hadn’t felt like much of an invitation. With him, I felt like I had to wait around for him to ask.

Finally, at the end of our last drama class, I turned to Deirdre and said, “Hey, maybe we can hang out sometime.”

She smiled. “Sure.”

So easy.

I glanced toward Marcus’s steady frontward gaze.

The bell rang and Deirdre called “See ya,” on her way out. I waited for Marcus to get up to leave, too, but he didn’t right away.

“You could . . . meet me at the Arts Club sometime.” He paused and then finally turned to me. “If you want to hang out, I mean.”

I grinned with what was probably way too much enthusiasm. “I would,” I said. “I really would like that.”

I felt cheery the whole rest of the day, and even into the weekend. Marcus clicked OFF on the TV remote and dropped it on our coffee table when we heard voices from outside my house on Saturday afternoon. I’d brought him back here early, trying to get him more comfortable before the photo shoot, and I think it had worked. I told Marcus to grab our shoes while I organized my camera equipment.

But Claire was quick with the door, and suddenly there stood Marcus, a pair of shoes in each hand, staring a foot
away from not only Claire, but also Jasmine, Laz, and Josh Garrison.

Claire, Jasmine, and Laz held their grad gowns draped over their arms.

“Hey, Loey,” Claire said, nonchalantly leading the way. She pointed toward her room and asked Jasmine to go plug in her flat iron.

“Hi, Loann,” Jasmine said in a nicer-than-usual tone on her way up the stairs.

“H-hi,” I forced out. Why were they
all
here? No one had said anything about
this
.

“Oh! Hi, Marcus.” Claire looked at me when she said it. I was quite sure she was waiting for me to tell her why he was here. But I was waiting for an explanation too. “You know Josh and Laz, right?” she asked, turning to Marcus.

Marcus took a step back and nodded. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Josh and Laz’s jock friends had been hassling Marcus at school for several months, now he had to face them at my house, too? Why hadn’t I known they would all be here?

To my horror, Claire continued the introduction. “This is my sister’s friend, Marcus.”

Josh turned toward Marcus. “Uh, yeah,” he said. “How ya doin’?” Laz gave Marcus a single nod.

Marcus let out a barely audible, “Hey.” After a lengthy pause, where apparently none of us knew what to do, Marcus
said, “I . . . better go get things set up,” and headed for the back door.

Claire showed the boys to the TV and headed upstairs to primp. I hiked my camera bag over my shoulder and walked toward the backyard, hoping Marcus was serious about staying to help and hadn’t just taken off. I’d barely wrapped my head around doing this just for Claire. I really couldn’t do
this
whole production on my own.

Marcus stood by the trampoline, and I immediately let out a huge sigh of relief.

“I’m not exactly sure why you need me,” he said.

My adrenaline rushed with hope that I could convince him to stay. “I had no idea it would be
four
of them,” I said quickly. I decided to keep quiet about the fact that my parents were planning to get home early to be in some of the pictures. “Now I
really
need your help in setting up the shots.” Before he could jump in with excuses, I rushed into photographer mode. “What do you think for the backdrop? The rosebushes, maybe?” I walked toward them, tilting my head like I was considering angles, even though I knew this would not make a good background for any full body shots, with the broken lattice jutting out from behind.

But I was baiting him.

Soon Marcus came up behind me and reached forward, touching the lattice. “Over by the oak tree has a nice feel.”

Exactly my thought.
“You think?”

He nodded, backing away to another part of our yard. “Or actually, with the four of them, you could try in front of the fence.” He reached out his hands sideways, as if measuring it. “What if we draped something on it?”

“That’s so perfect! You’re a genius.”

I rushed into the house and riffled through our linen closet for something I could use. I found a large cream-colored bed sheet, and when I came back out, Marcus had moved the lawn furniture out of the way. He helped me drape the fabric so it hung nicely over the fence. Then I ran inside to grab the tripod my mom had found at a garage sale.

As I set it up, I swallowed hard. It felt like I was a real photographer, doing this for a living. This was beginning to feel way out of my league.

Even more so when the foursome strode out the back door in all their grad-gown glory. Jasmine’s chest looked even bigger in her gown, and Claire looked even skinnier in hers. I didn’t look forward to seeing what one of those did to
my
frame, come next year.

“Where do you want us?” Laz clapped his hands together. The boys really were swoon-worthy. Josh wore dress pants and a white button-down shirt that made him look extra tan. He winked at me, and I realized I’d been dazedly staring at him for way too long.

“You got it set up okay?” Josh asked, motioning to my camera. The camera that
used to belong to him!

I nodded and cleared my throat, then motioned everyone over toward the fence. Jasmine and Claire murmured about how nice the fabric backdrop looked. Part of me wanted to give Marcus the credit. But the greater part of me knew that wouldn’t be smart.

I took my time focusing my camera as Claire and her friends hung out and chatted. Marcus stood beside me and whispered ideas about how to frame them, as if he knew how panicked I felt about it. While I made final adjustments behind my Nikon, though, I noticed the twitchy movements of the foursome.
They were nervous about this too?
That made me feel a little more at ease.

I walked toward them, clearing my throat again.

“So let’s start with you over here,” I said to Laz. “And Jasmine can stand in front of you.” I flashed Marcus a quick smile of
Thanks for the idea
. Then I waved my hand at Claire and Josh. “You two mirror them on this side.”

I had never thought much about the fact that Claire was dating a younger guy, when she could probably get any guy her age or even older. But today, with Josh in different clothes, their age difference suddenly looked shockingly obvious.

Claire nodded to me with a permagrin plastered on her face. Josh patted her butt, but she swatted his hand away,
looking annoyed. My sister was certainly not one for PDAs, even if Jaz and Laz so obviously were, always kissing or groping each other in the hallways at school.

I had to ask all of them to shift their angles until it looked right. When I looked through my lens, I could make better sense of what would work best, and I called out directions without taking my eye from the camera. The four became strangely quiet and obedient. You’d swear I was threatening them with a weapon.

It felt bizarre to have power over these people.

I thought I’d have trouble concentrating with both Josh and Marcus so close, but surprisingly, through my camera I wasn’t distracted at all.

I ended up having to move Jasmine and Claire a little farther apart. Jasmine was proof-positive that beauty and popularity could be bought, but even though her parents had paid for her perfect nose and eyebrows, and I suspected her boobs, every time I saw her beside my sister, she just wasn’t as naturally beautiful.

After a few shots in that position, I organized them in several different combinations and displays, all with Marcus’s help. I sat them in chairs and made them wear sunglasses. Some of the pictures would be bizarre, but I was having a great time watching them run around like puppy dogs after my every command.

After I’d shot all the poses I could think of, I led Claire over by the oak tree. “No, just Claire,” I said when the others started to follow. I used almost a whole roll of film as I directed her. She was so photogenic, I didn’t want to stop. It was like photographing someone for a magazine cover.

Besides that, all my life, I’d wanted to impress Claire. To have her think I was worthwhile. And I could tell by the way she listened to my direction that this was my moment.

Halfway through my roll, I went over to Claire, pretending to adjust her cap for the shot.

“I think it’s time to take a break so you can fix your hair,” I whispered.

She went running off, saying she had to use the bathroom. When she came back, it didn’t look any better.

“It still looks a little frizzy,” I said, adjusting the cap again.

She took off again, this time with Jasmine in tow, and came back ten minutes later looking exactly the same. But now she patted her hair self-consciously every two seconds. Claire’s hair had always been shiny and thick and flawless. But now that I thought about it, hadn’t it been looking a little dull lately?

I decided not to say another word about it, not wanting to kill her confidence. I got back to work and finished the roll.

Shortly after, my parents arrived home. I avoided Marcus’s eyes at first, hoping he wouldn’t be mad at me. I knew
he wasn’t crazy about being here when Mom was around, and I suspected it might be even worse with Dad here too. But surprisingly Marcus stayed right by my side and even said hi to them when they came over.

Mom didn’t seem to hear him, consumed with the backdrop and her oldest daughter, decked out in her grad gown. But Dad extended his hand toward Marcus.