Never Let You Go (16 page)

She pressed end and let out a long breath. That was over at least.

Megan found Sweetie’s little red halter hanging by the door and slipped it over his nose, buckling it behind his ears. She led him from the stall, and together, they paraded up and down the big barn floor. After three repetitions, Megan began to feel a little calmer. The walking was soothing, and Sweetie kept bumping her hand that was holding the lead rope. The little nose rubbing against her skin was almost like a massage.

The sun was a little higher now and was sending pale rays through the top of the hayloft. A thousand dust motes floated past, glittering like gold. At the other end of the barn, Megan heard the rumble of the big door sliding open.

Megan’s breath caught at the sight of Jordan, and she couldn’t help the huge, sloppy grin that spread over her face.

He didn’t say anything as he approached. They stood a minute, just looking at each other.

“Morning,” he said finally. He reached out and took her hand.

“Morning,” Megan whispered. She suddenly felt shy. She could barely look at his face. It was too dazzling, like gazing at the sun. She wondered if he would kiss her again, then hated herself for thinking that.
Have you forgotten Anna entirely? You need to end this. End it right now.
“I got your note.”

He nodded. Sweetie pushed his head in between the two of them and tossed it up and down a few times.

“I came looking for you,” Jordan said. He stroked Sweetie’s forelock. “I looked in the window of your cabin, but when I saw your bed was empty, I figured you’d be here.”

Megan nodded. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither.” He put his arms around her. “I was thinking about you.”

His embrace was strong and comforting. Megan closed her eyes. “I was thinking about you too.”
So much for ending it.

This time, their lips met softly, like a butterfly’s touch. Jordan kissed her several times, each time pausing for an instant, then pressing his mouth on hers again. Megan kissed him back, focusing only on his lips. It felt right, it felt good, better than anything she’d ever experienced. She wanted to stay in the barn, with him, forever.

But then she pushed herself away. “No,” she managed. “We have to stop. We have to talk about this. About Anna.”

Jordan didn’t look surprised. “Okay.”

They both took a deep breath. Beside them, Sweetie stamped his little foot.

“He wants to go out,” Megan said. “Come with me?”

Jordan nodded. He slipped halters over Darryl’s and Rosie’s heads and led them both from their stalls. Megan followed him down the aisle, flipping Cisco’s stall door open as she passed. Thomas had told her that he would follow the horses.

Out in the pasture, the horses trotted eagerly through the open gate, Darryl even cantering a little. Sweetie followed Rosie. Only two days old and already he could run alongside his mother. Megan watched them, her arms folded on the fence. Then she laid her head on her arms and said, “This can’t work.”

Jordan drew in his breath beside her. “Don’t worry about Anna. I was never with her—I told you that.”

“But she really, really likes you. She thinks you’re in love with
her.” Megan’s stomach twisted. She thought of the joy in Anna’s eyes when Anna had first told her of Jordan.

Jordan made a gesture of impatience. “So, we flirted at the beginning. I’m allowed to change my mind. I don’t know why we can’t be together just because Anna wouldn’t like it.”

Megan shook her head and then took one of his hands. She looped her fingers through his, then turned his hand over. His skin was rough and dry. “There’s something else I haven’t told you,” she said slowly.

Then haltingly, squinting out across the steadily brightening pasture, she told him the story of Mike, about him and Anna, the night of the party, and everything that had happened afterward.

“So this is the second time. It’s like I made the worst mistake of my life . . . and now I’m doing it all over again.” She couldn’t look at him. She felt ashamed, weak. Like someone who just leapt on any guy her best friend liked.

Jordan gently put his arm around her shoulders. “It’s not the same at all, Meg.” His voice was low and intense. “That was just a fling—a one-time, dumb thing that happened. This is completely different. I really like you, Megan. I . . .”

She heard the click of his throat as he swallowed.

“I . . . I think I’m falling in love with you.”

She drew in her breath and searched the blue depths of his eyes. His body was tense, as if bracing for a blow.

“Oh,” Megan said. It was as if a tornado had churned up her insides and left all her feelings lying in different places. “I . . .”

“Don’t say anything right now. All I’m trying to tell you is
that sometimes you just can’t control how you feel. I want to be with
you
, and I don’t want to sneak around.” He pulled her close so she was facing him.

“I want the same thing,” Megan told him. She ran her hands up his arms and then laced her fingers behind his neck. “Jordan, look, this is all really confusing to me. But I want to be with you too.” The words rang true in her ears. They felt good to say. It felt good to stand there, holding on to him. “I have to talk to Anna.” She quailed at the thought. But she forced herself to say again, “I have to talk to Anna. I have to tell her everything.”

She closed her eyes. Maybe Anna would understand that this was different from what happened with Mike. Maybe this wouldn’t be the end of their friendship. Maybe. Megan clung to that thought. She had to believe this wouldn’t be the end or she’d never do it.

She looked up at Jordan. She had the feeling he knew just what she was thinking. “Now. I have to do it now.”

“Okay.” He checked the latch on the gate, and they walked back toward the barn. “We’re all supposed to pick cherries this morning. They moved a table over to the orchard, and we’re going to have breakfast under the trees first.”

Megan smiled. “That sounds fun.”

“I guess they do it every year. Farm tradition and all.”

“And everyone will be there?” She tugged the big barn door closed.

Jordan nodded.

Megan took a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll talk to her then.”

CHAPTER 10

The orchard was perched at the far end of the property—five acres of sour cherries, sweet cherries, apples, peaches, plums, and pears. The trees grew in neat rows, casting dappled shade on the soft grass beneath them. Someone had brought over the long picnic table from the front yard, and its blue-striped tablecloth fluttered a little in the wind.

Isaac and Robert were already sitting down, eating muffins. Robert had a red bandanna tied around his forehead, like Rocky Balboa gone wrong. Linda sat at the end. Megan was surprised to see her there—she didn’t think the wheelchair could make it through the bumpy grass. Then she saw that Linda was sitting on an ordinary kitchen chair, with a walker beside her. Thomas must have helped her get down here.

“Come and get a muffin, you guys!” Sarah stood in the back of the newly repaired pickup, handing coolers of food down to Thomas on the ground. Today she had twirled her
braids up into a crown on top of her head.

Megan winced at Sarah’s cheerful greeting. She’d been hoping to slip in unnoticed, but now everyone looked up as she and Jordan approached the table side by side. Megan wondered what was written on her face.

She didn’t look at Anna. Instead, she sat down and arranged her napkin in her lap, hoping to give herself a minute to recover. In some ways, it really didn’t matter if Anna suspected something about her and Jordan. She was going to tell her everything anyway.

Robert passed the basket of muffins, and Megan took one. She just didn’t want Anna to think she’d been sneaking around. She didn’t want Anna to think this was like before. Megan cringed at the thought of hurting Anna, but then she steeled herself. She had to do it. She just had to.

“Hey, where were you this morning?” Anna asked brightly, busily peeling an orange. Megan glanced at her. She looked cheerful and well rested, her skin glowing.

“I needed some air,” Megan mumbled. She could hardly look at her friend.

“Here, this is a great orange.” Anna handed her half. “Share it with me.”

Thomas had seated himself at one end of the table. “The vet’s coming to look at Samson this afternoon. Anyone want to volunteer to help out me and Dave?” He grinned at the silence that ensued. “Come on now, don’t everyone talk at once.”

“I’ll do it,” Isaac mumbled to his plate. “Volunteer my life.” He cracked a small smile.

“Excellent! Robert, can you and Jordan take over Isaac’s afternoon chores?”

“No problem.” Robert’s bandanna was askew.

Linda poured herself a second cup of coffee. “And don’t forget the midsummer party tomorrow night. It’s our big annual event. Most of the other local farmers and their summer help will be here.” She paused, her eyes crinkling at the edges. “Perhaps even your good friend Mr. Coothy, Megan.”

Megan laughed politely. The uncomfortable corn delivery seemed like it had been weeks ago, compared with all that had happened since. She made herself take a bite of her muffin.

“You’re being so quiet,” Anna said to Megan. She started on another orange. “Are you okay?”

“Um”—Megan shifted on her bench—“I . . . didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I was hot.”

“Oh, I know. I was, like, dying in there.” Anna’s voice was happy. “Uncle Thomas, do you think we can get a fan for the cabin?” she called down to the other end of the table.

“I don’t know, how many hours have you worked? Fans will only be distributed after you’ve logged another thousand hours.”

Everyone laughed.

The strain of keeping a pleasant smile on her face was giving Megan a headache. She couldn’t bear to look at Anna’s happy face one minute longer.

I can’t do it
, she kept thinking.
I can’t ruin her life all over again.
But then she would look at Jordan and think of how much she loved talking to him, sitting beside him, and touching his hand,
and she knew she had to confess everything. She wasn’t going to hide like she had with Mike. This was different—this was real.

Dave rose and started clearing dishes, while Sarah hopped back into the pickup to receive the baskets of now-empty platters and coffee-stained cups. Meanwhile, Thomas helped Linda into the front seat of the truck, then organized everyone into a line. He handed out canvas-lined woven baskets, attached to long leather straps that slung across the wearer’s chest and shoulder like a messenger bag.

“All right, everyone, listen up,” Thomas instructed. “All the cherries are ripe, so you can pick from any tree. Dave and I have already placed two ladders per tree. Don’t pick any overripe or rotten berries, obviously, and don’t eat too many. And don’t snack on the sour cherries. They’ll knock you right off your ladders.”

He pointed to big wooden crates lined up on the ground. “Empty your baskets into here. When they’re full, Dave and I will take them back to the house in the truck and bring back new ones. If we all work together, we should be able to finish this by lunchtime.”

There was a general milling around as everyone put on their baskets. Robert put the strap of his across his forehead and pranced around. Anna rolled her eyes and sighed in an irritated sort of way. She picked up her basket and slung it across her shoulder and chest. “He is so immature.”

Megan nodded, barely hearing her. “Anna, I have to—” But her voice was too quiet.

“I’m going to snare that last tree,” Anna said, already turning
away. “Jordan!” She raised her voice and waved. “Come pick with me!” Megan noticed that she’d applied fresh lipstick, which gleamed greasily in the morning sun. The bright red looked out of place in the orchard. Megan closed her eyes.

When she opened them, Anna was already hurrying down the long row of trees. Megan slowly picked up a basket and put it on, then climbed the ladder of the nearest tree.

With her head and shoulders up in the branches, it was like being in some private tree world. The dark cherries hung like gifts. She spread her feet a little wider on the ladder rung to steady herself, and reached for a nearby cluster. She could hear Isaac talking to Dave in the next tree over, their voices overlaid with the rustling of the leaves. She picked for a few minutes, then Jordan appeared on the ladder beside her.

“What are you doing?” Megan teetered a little and clutched at a nearby branch. “I thought you were picking with Anna.”

“I told her I had to get a drink.” He leaned closer. “She tried to kiss me just now up in the tree. I didn’t say anything, but I’ll talk to her if you want me to.”

Megan shook her head. “No. No, I have to do it myself.” She let go of the ladder for a second and wiped her sweaty hands on the back of her shorts. “I screwed up once before. But I’m going to be honest with her this time.”

“Okay.” Jordan nodded. “Okay, I’m behind you.” He reached out and touched her cheek, then pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Good luck,” he whispered.

Megan squeezed his hand quickly, then started to climb
down. She stopped. Her heart fell out of her chest. There, at the bottom of the ladder, looking up, was Anna, her face paper white. She’d heard them talking. She’d seen the kiss.

“Anna,” Megan gasped. She scrambled down as quickly as she could with the picking basket.

Anna turned and ran.

“Wait, Anna, please,” Megan called. She tripped off the last rung of the ladder and stumbled to her knees. Then she pulled off her basket and was on her feet, blood trickling from the scrape, as she ran after Anna.

Megan’s mind whirled. It couldn’t be worse. She had to explain, she had to. “Anna, please, wait up,” she gasped out. Her heart was pounding against her ribs. The tree trunks flashed past. Up ahead, in the far reaches of the orchard, she saw Anna fall to her knees in the grass and bury her face in her hands.

Megan collapsed beside her, panting. Anna sobbed. The sound wrenched Megan’s heart.

“Anna, please, I’m so sorry. Please, please let me explain.” Already, tears ran down her own cheeks. She’d never felt so ashamed. “Anna, please, you have to listen. I was going to tell you. I was going to talk to you later this morning. This all just happened last night. Please listen!”