Never Me (31 page)

I waited for his response, feeling elated and terrified. I wanted to make some grand gesture of my own, but more than that I truly meant what I said. I hadn’t had a single sentence ready for him, only the idea of him knowing I only wanted his touch, his mouth, his body, him period, to be it for me. I had drawn that conclusion years ago. Now I held my little ball out and had thrown it right at him.

He sat stunned on the edge of his bed and I stayed where I was as well. He closed his eyes briefly and stood up, soaking me in. He took slow, painful steps towards me. Painful because I had to wait for each one of them for him to get to me. He didn’t say a word as he scooped me up in his arms and took my mouth with a gentleness that only he had for me. He slid his tongue over mine in a gentle soothing pace, taking his time and completely overwhelming me. I was instantly under his spell and had no recollection of even being placed on the bed.

He was covering me with his kiss from head to toe, every single hair on my head stood at attention. He pulled himself away, peering down at me. The look in his eyes was something I had longed for my whole life. He gave me love, acceptance, praise. I surrendered my heart to him completely.

He took his time tracing his fingertips over the top of my breasts that were spilling out of the top of my teddy. I couldn’t hold still. I buried my hands in his hair, moaning his name, begging for release, but knew I was in for much more. He put himself between my legs and thoroughly kissed me until I lost my breath and I began to beg for my desire to be quenched. He ignored my pleas, taking time to run his hands from my ankle to my sex and gently brushing the top with his fingers over my paper thin panties. I knew he could feel my warmth. I knew he needed me, too.

“I have thought of you every single day, Nadine. I thought about your smile the most. I love your smile. I thought about your beautiful body, too, touching you like this.” I sucked in a breath as his hand found the fullness of my breast and lifted it out of my teddy. He clamped his mouth over it finally, sucking and biting gently until I was grinding myself into him, lifting my hips, writhing and moaning. He dipped his head to my other breast and took my arousal into his mouth, sucking hard as he started to slide my panties down slowly with one hand, taking down each side with special care.

When he got them to my knees he sat up, eyeing me with pure desire as he slipped them off the rest of the way. He spread my legs gently and slid his hands from both knees to my sex as his mouth met my center. His tongued tasted all of me with such precision I cried out to him seconds later, crashing through a wall, quaking and moaning and begging for more. He took my orgasm into his mouth with greed, making sure he got all of it, and taking me into another wave, then another. When he finally made his way up to my mouth I was begging for him. He caught my mouth again, lowering his briefs and entering me when his tongue met mine.

“I love you, Nadine,” he whispered to me as he stroked me over and over. “I love you, and I will never leave you again.”

His hands were everywhere, the feeling of him flush against me overwhelmed me and I let go of my cries as he slowly pushed himself inside of me, watching my face as I cried out to him. He lifted my neck to his mouth and gently pushed himself further inside as I pushed out breath with my release. He let himself go with the next thrust, intensifying my orgasm, and we both lay gasping and stroking each other, kissing again and again with a fever so intense we were making love again in minutes. I lost myself to him that night and took the deepest part of him into me.

Never and forever are both infinite words; alternate in meaning and both just as meaningful. We all say them, and we all feel passionately about them at the time they cross our lips. I was never going to love a man, never going to trust, never going to be the woman in love with her heart held in the hands of a man she trusted. I was sure when I said the word
never
I was referring to
me
. I felt a wave of pure relief wash over me as Spencer turned my never into forever.

“Detective Rhodes, one more word out of you and I will find you in contempt!”

“Sir, clearly you are overlooking the obvious.”

“You presume to tell me how to run my courtroom!”

“No, sir, but—”

“Counsel and detective Rhodes, in my chambers now.” Spencer threw down the gavel and I felt panic take over as I shuffled to the left of the witness stand and into the room adjacent, hearing the prosecution and defense counsel snickering in unison about the trouble I was in. I knew I had just pushed too hard, still I was furious.

“Gentlemen, are we in need of Ms. Rhodes’ presence during these proceedings?” Spencer asked without looking at any of us, standing on the other side of his desk next to his chair.

Both of them had just made themselves comfortable for the show and they looked at each other, both answering with a resounding no. I stood next to the window with my head turned and my arms crossed, feeling like a child at the principal’s office. Almost all the evidence had been deemed inadmissible due to shady and sloppy police work. I would make sure the entire CSI team was fired. That is, if I still had my job at the end of the day.

“Thank you, counsel, you are dismissed,” he said curtly with a nod of his head toward the door.

They both scrambled to their feet sensing his fury, and I didn’t blame them. I was pretty terrified myself. Then I remembered his lips on my body the night before. The way he smiled at me this morning. The way he looked at me when I got out of the shower. My man, my beautiful man was … pissed. He glared at me for several moments and didn’t utter a single word.

“Spenc—”

“That’s judge Diamond, detective Rhodes, and don’t ever forget that again.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” I challenged. “Look, sir, judge Diamond—”

“Four hundred dollar fine, you want to make it five?”

“Spencer!”

“That’s six, want to make it seven?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, I am, detective Rhodes. You worked this case and I commend you for the detective you are, but when it’s put into process, I owe the tax payers and my position to do my damn job, understood?”

“I can’t believe you are—“

“Eight hundred dollars, you were completely out of line. You have absolutely no more right to speak in that courtroom than a common citizen. I let you in as a courtesy, but never again. Your job is to collect evidence and let the counsel and I do our jobs. And please tell me in what universe is what you just did acceptable?”

I shut up and I shut up fast. I had never seen him so angry. This was the first case he had taken that I had worked and I was already screwing it up. But it was completely unjust. He was ruthless with me right now and I knew why. I still let my fury boil over in my stance and my glare. The crazy part was I was completely turned on. I watched his chest heave as he sat in his oversized chair, his knees drawn up to the edge of the seat. He was not enjoying this, he was truly angry. It had been a year since our trip to Pensacola and we had never had a personal argument this intense. I was blown away with him, truly impressed and completely and utterly turned on. And pissed he had complete authority over me at this point.

“Is there something you want to say, detective?”

“Will I be fined?” I asked sarcastically, glaring at him.

“Yes, let’s make it an even thousand.” He glared back. “Make no mistake, I don’t ever want to see you in my courtroom again, or I will fine you. “ He rose out of his seat so quickly I jumped back on the defensive. He walked around his desk, moving closer to me standing at the window.

“I don’t think you quite get it. Maybe I should throw in some time.”

“Spencer, damn it, you know we have company coming!”

“Well, detective, I see you need a little bit of a learning curve considering you just again addressed me incorrectly. I’ll give you plenty of time to think about this.” He opened the door. “Murray, take detective Rhodes to holding for no less than four hours. She’s fined one thousand dollars for contempt and do not let her out until exactly four hours is served.”

I gasped in utter disbelief as I let a string of curses go while I was held by the elbow by Murray. I looked back at Spencer and saw him glare at me before slamming his door. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Four hours later and one neck breaking ride to the store and home to prepare for the night and I was still beyond furious. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he had handled me with such viciousness. Asshole!

I began cracking eggs. I was making homemade beignets, and a breakfast fit for a king. It was not the meal I had hoped to make, but it would have to do because my evil judge boyfriend from hell had robbed me and thrown me in jail. I cracked another egg furiously and put it into the bowl. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. I had matured. I had grown as a woman. Yes, my outburst in his courtroom was ‘completely unprofessional and ridiculous’ as Mark had put it. I knew it had set me back. I knew it was going to take time to make things right. I never expected Spencer to react so violently. The more I thought about it, the madder I got. Okay, so I deserved it. Still this was my best friend, my lover, my green. Fuck green, all I was seeing was red.

“How many eggs are you going to put in that?” I jumped at the sound of Spencer’s voice. Without thinking, I saw the egg flying through the air hitting him directly in the chest. Good, I ruined his shirt. I bought him that shirt. Shit it was my favorite shirt. His expression was priceless. He was utterly shocked. Idiot. I threw another and another, egging my bastard of a boyfriend as he rushed toward me, pinning me to the wall with an egg still in my hand.

“Nadine, I’m sorry but you deserved it.”

“Spencer, I carry a gun for a living every day, you are aware of that, right?”

He chuckled as I barely struggled against him. I wanted to hear his excuse. I was sure I could take his ass down if I wanted to. I couldn’t keep the anger inside.

“Wow, this is new,” he said amused, noting the fury in my face. “Fuck, you’re hot when you’re really mad.” I bumped his thigh with my leg and he flinched forward, letting my arm have just enough leeway to crash the last egg into the side of his head. I watched his face contort into anger as he pinned me again. This time I wasn’t getting out of it.