Never Satisfied: Do Men Know What They Want? (24 page)

That particular incident took place about six months ago. As of today, Tonya is still in my little harem and so is Theresa. But what’s interesting about both of these ladies is how much their attitudes have changed. When I started dating Tonya for example, she told me her first priority was her career, school and eventually starting her own business. “You don’t have to worry about me bugging you.” She said. I’ve got two or three projects going on at any given time.” Again, that was six months ago. Now this so-called Vamp, who thought she had everything under control, is nagging the shit out of me. My cell phone goes off at least four times a day because she wants to know when we’re going to have sex again. It seems all of her priorities got rearranged after a few orgasms. I’ll let her hang around for another month or so, only because she’s good in bed. But after that, she’s history.

Then there was Theresa, oh brother! She turned out to be a real nut case. Our relationship got so intense that she was ready to leave her husband. You should have seen me. I was working harder at trying to keep her relationship together than her marriage counselor and pastor put together. The last thing I needed was some over-aged sex maniac chasing me all around town. And what’s so funny is that she was the one boasting about turning me out. “You can’t handle this,” she would boast. “I don’t want to put a Mo Jo on you.” Mo Jo my ass, now look who’s walking around like a sex zombie? She was even considering having my name tattooed on her waist. She said it was going to read, Darren, The Cat Killer.” And she’s still married. That’s the kind of love I don’t need. When will women ever learn; nobody can be as insensitive and emotionally detached as a man. Women may try to play the game but in the end they will always come up short. Men can pick up the next day and move on to the next piece, without even so much as a second thought.

Without a doubt, the most pitiful other woman of them all is the Tramp. Unlike the Vamp who seeks out her victims, The Tramp is often chosen by the cheating man because of her willingness to submit to his way of thinking and his way of life. In other words, she is valuable only because she is subordinate and controllable. Women who fit these criteria don’t look alike, have the same body shape, or even the same level of education. However, there is one characteristic they do have in common, low self-esteem. It can be due to physical unattractiveness, economic failure, inability to hold on to a man, or abuse from her past. The cheating man doesn’t care one way or the other. He will use whatever leverage is at his disposal to alter the relationship to suit his own needs, sexual needs, to be exact. Remember, this is primarily what the game is all about. The other woman should not fool herself into believing she serves any other purpose except satisfying his sexual appetite and stroking his ego. If you don’t believe me, ask yourselves these questions as a test. Do I spend more than 80% of my time with him having sex? And do we spend the other 20% planning when we’re going to have sex again? If you answered yes, then you are a tramp. It’s that simple.

Seeking out the Tramp has become a ritual for 29-year-old Rodney. Every six months he sets out to find a new other woman to replace the old one. And he is very specific about what type of characteristics he is looking for. In his own words, “She must be moderately attractive, have big legs, and love giving oral sex.” Oh yeah, he added one other requirement, “She has to be loyal to me; I don’t have sex with women who sleep with other men.”

I know what you’re saying to yourself, “The nerve of this arrogant bastard to expect monogamy when he’s cheating!” But guess what, most cheating men have the same attitude. And what’s worse is that women fall for it! We’ll get more into the monogamous and non-monogamous relationships later. Let’s get back to smooth talking Rodney. It will come as no surprise to you that he is cheating on a woman he has been dating for three years. As a matter of fact, he’s engaged to be married in six months. I found this rather interesting, so I asked him, “Why would you plan to get married knowing you have no intention of being faithful?” His response was very revealing. “My fiancé is the woman I love, respect, and do nice things for. These other women are only for fun and games. They’re like toys I pull down off the shelf when I’m ready to play. And once I’m done, I just put them back on the shelf until I’m ready again.” Listening to this guy really makes you wonder, “What types of women would allow him to treat them with such a lack of consideration?” My guess would be, the Tramp.

Rodney’s Story

T
hese women out here are so desperate they will accept any old excuse for sleeping with you. This is why I find it so difficult to have any respect for them. They are so accommodating; you can’t help taking advantage of them. Janet is the perfect example of what I’m talking about. I met her six months after I started dating my fiancé, which means this May we make it three years that we’ve been together. During those three years, I haven’t taken her anywhere except to bed. Not to the movies. Not out to dinner. And definitely not out to meet anyone in my family. Ok, maybe we did go to a movie once or twice, but that was late at night during the week. And it was a theatre on the other side of town. She has a clear understanding of what her role is. Which is the only reason why she is still around. I can call her any time of the day or night and she will come running. As a matter of fact, she was over just last week. I called her from my job at 1:30 a.m. for a late night booty call. The conversation was short and to the point.

“Hello baby, this is Rodney. Are you asleep?”

“No, I was just lying here thinking about you.”

“Well, I was calling because I need to have you next to me tonight. Can you come over?”

“What time is it?”

“It’s about one thirty.”

“Ok, give me about twenty minutes or so to get my clothes together for work tomorrow, and I’ll be right over.”

“Alright baby, I’ll see you at around two.”

The feeling you get when a woman will get up out of her warm bed to come see you at one in the morning is exhilarating. You really feel like “The Man.” Think about it for a second; this woman was sacrificing precious hours of rest to come over for the sole purpose of having sex. She may have arrived at two, but she didn’t get to bed until around four. After all, I didn’t invite her over to go to sleep. I invited her over for sex. She occasionally complained that she was giving more to the relationship than I was. I’ll never forget this one morning in particular. Janet woke up late and was trying to rush out to work. I just lay back in bed under my warm blanket without a care in the world. I didn’t even bother to see her to the door. Completely frustrated and half asleep, I heard her cursing me out under her breath.

“I can’t believe this bastard. Here I am running late for work and he can’t even get his lazy ass out of bed long enough to make me a cup of coffee or walk me to the door.”

But no matter how upset she appeared to be, when I called her two nights later, she got out of her warm bed again. It sounds cold but a man can only get away with what a woman allows him to. And even though I am engaged, I was up front with Janet about it. I never said I was unhappy, I never said I was leaving, and I never said I was unfulfilled. That’s what some men do to make women more vulnerable; they lie about the status of their relationship. I don’t do that. All lying does is create drama. It’s bad enough that I’m lying to my fiancé. I’ll be damned if I’m going to lie to some Jump-Off on the side.

Don’t get me wrong, I care about Janet. We’ve been together for three years for a reason; I enjoy her company, and we’re sexually compatible. But it is what it is. Every now and then she’ll complain about wanting more; that’s when I step back and tell her to go find it. I’ve told her on many occasions, “If you want to find a man who will give you what you want, then you need to pursue it! “In my experience if you can’t be consistent with something, it’s better not to do it. I know I can’t take her out or wine and dine her on a regular basis so I don’t do it at all. Again, that’s where a lot of married men mess up. They start trying to treat the other woman like the wife or girlfriend. That’s a big mistake. If you can’t finish something, don’t start it.

It is obvious the cheating man has no regard for the Tramp other woman. She is worthless unless her pants are down and her mouth is shut. He could care less about her daughter’s kindergarten graduation, her promotion on the job, or even how well her day went. His only concern is whether or not she wants to have sex, period. Any other discussion is a waste of valuable time and a nuisance. And don’t even think about burdening him with your personal problems. He is the consummate fair weather friend. As long as the sun is shining and everything is going smoothly, he will be calling with a cordial invitation for fun and games. But let a few minor problems arise in her life, and the cheating man will disappear faster than the last cold beer at a July barbecue. He is there for the good times, not the hard times.

It’s hard to sympathize with the Tramp who settles for half a man hoping it will become something more. In the end she will end up alone, heartbroken, and if she’s not careful, infected. As a man with a daughter and nieces who are now young women out here in the dating world, I always remind them never to date a man for what he wants. Make sure your needs are being met. Men are selfish by nature; they want what they want, and that’s ok. The only problem is that women are settling on issues that are important to them, like integrity, honesty, and yes, monogamy. The only way to survive in this climate of lies, games, and deceit is to set standards. And by standards I mean, those things that are non-negotiable. If a woman doesn’t have standards, she will forever be at the mercy of the man who has already set his. Ladies, stop fitting into someone else’s program and let them start fitting into yours. Men who cheat are successful because they know that they are uncompromising in what they are looking for, and because they are not looking for everything in one woman! Cheating is a team sport!

Last but not least, there is the other woman who has absolutely no shame in her game. She is the despicable Traitor. While publicly declaring, “All men are dogs,” she is behind closed doors with another woman’s man. Oftentimes that man belongs to a close friend or relative. As I mentioned earlier, women get along like ice cream and cake until that attractive man comes on the scene. When that happens, it’s a free-for-all. And the Traitor doesn’t care if that man belongs to her girlfriend, sister, or even her mother. She is out for herself, in it to win it and going for what she knows, his zipper. As one Traitor so wisely put it, “It’s nothing personal.” But what if that man just happens to be a long time boyfriend or husband. In my opinion, that’s about as personal as you can get. An example of this scandalous behavior is Michelle’s story. She is a Traitor who admits to having an affair with her best friend’s boyfriend. From the very beginning she had every intention of having him for herself. As she put it, “My friend did not deserve him.” Boy, with a friend like her, who needs enemies?

Michelle’s Story

J
o Ann and I met three years ago at the company where we both work. I was the new trainee and she was my supervisor. Being from out of town, and the youngest of the ladies in the office, I was very nervous my first few weeks. Jo Ann did everything she could to make my transition comfortable. I guess you could say she took me under her wing. Right away we hit it off. We had the same taste in clothes, food, and as fate would have it, men. She was a very attractive woman in her mid-thirties and I was a tempting twenty-five. But our age difference didn’t stop us from hanging out together flirting with men. I am a Taurus and she is Sag, so you know we attracted men like bees to honey. Of course it was all talk and joking around. She made it clear that she was off the market and she blocked me from any guy whom she thought was a dog, which was pretty much all of them.