Never Say Never (28 page)

Turning around, I faced the bed, with the tousled sheets and the duvet half-on, half-off the bed. I shook my head, making my way back to the bathroom. If Jamal wasn't going to be here, I might as well get back to the hospital. The quicker I could help LaTonya, the quicker I could come home.

For good.

27

Miriam

I
looked at the caller ID and smiled with relief.

Jamal Taylor.

He'd left so quickly, right after Michellelee appeared, that I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. But it seemed I'd been worried for absolutely nothing.

I grabbed up the phone. “Hey!” I said, filled with a schoolgirlish glee.

“Hey, yourself!”

I froze.

Emily said, “How you doin'?”

It took a moment for me to find my voice. “Emily?”

“Uh . . . yeah, who did you think it was?”

“You. I thought it was you . . . I knew it was you,” I said, stumbling over my words. “It's just that I haven't heard from you.” I wobbled over to the couch and sat down since my legs had turned to mush.

“I've been away from home, working on a case. That's why I haven't been able to call and check on you.”

“Oh . . . you haven't been home?”

“No, I've been at the Children's Hospital. Jamal didn't tell you?”

“Uh, no, I don't think so. Maybe he did, I can't remember.”

“Well, that's where I've been for the last five days. Can you believe it?”

No, I couldn't. Was that the reason why Jamal had been here with me?

Emily said, “So, I came home for a couple of hours to hook up with my husband. It's been so long!”

Emily moaned and I groaned. Was she going to tell me about being intimate with Jamal? I closed my eyes and hoped that would shut off my ears.

She said, “But he had to go.”

My eyes popped open. “Go where?”

“He got called into the fire station.”

From the moment I'd heard Emily's voice, my heart had been beating so hard my chest actually ached. But now my heart stopped cold. “Oh, my God! Did he go back to work?”

“No! It'll still be a few weeks before he goes back. He needed to sign some papers and give a deposition or something like that.”

My heart started beating again.

“But the real question is,” Emily said, “how are you doing?”

“I'm okay, I'm getting better—I'm really working on learning how to live without Chauncey.”

“I guess you are. Michellelee told me.”

Oh God!

“So, you're seeing someone.”

I thought the worst moment of this call was when I first picked up. But I was wrong. Hearing her voice didn't compare to her saying these words.

“So, tell me about him, White,” Emily said.

“It's nothing, really.”

“That's not what Michellelee said. She told me that things had already . . . gone pretty far with you two.”

“No, no, it's not what it looks like. Really, it's nothing.”

There was a long pause, then, “Miriam, did anything happen with this guy? I mean . . .”

If she kept talking I was going to die. “No, Emily, please don't try to analyze this. Nothing happened. It's just that it's not what it seems.”

“Oh . . . kay.”

“I don't want to talk about this.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, like she finally got my message. “I'm sorry. You know how I am. I only do it because I care, but I'll give you room and you can talk about it when you're ready.”

“Thanks.” Why did my voice sound like I was five years old?

“Anyway, I'm heading back to the hospital now.”

“How long do you think you'll be there?” In the past, I would've asked Emily that question with interest as her friend. But now I'd asked that question with interest as her husband's lover.

She said, “Just a few more days. I expect to be home Monday or Tuesday. And then you, me, and Michellelee will have to get together.”

“That sounds great,” I said in a tone that sounded like I had just pleaded guilty to murder.

I should've been more careful because this was Emily. She asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I squeaked. “Just tired.”

Another pause. Then, “I hear that,” she said, as if she'd bought my excuse. “But soon, I'll be there to help you with whatever you need. Every day. You won't be able to get rid of me.”

She laughed and I wanted to break down and cry.

She said, “Okay, girl, I'll check in with you over the weekend; can't wait to see you and the boys.”

“Okay, that'll be good.”

“I'm gonna think of something fun the six of us can do.” Then she spoke quickly. “Okay, gotta go, girl. Love you!”

“Mean it,” I barely got out.

The dial tone was a blessing. Emily had been killing me softly. With every word, I was dying just a little more.

The Worst Person in the World award belonged to me. Or maybe it was the Most Confused award, because from the bottom of my heart, I still loved Emily.

My tears were falling before I fell back onto the couch. I hadn't cried in so long, not since Jamal had practically moved in with me. But now I cried because no matter what was going to happen, this was going to end one day. And it would end badly.

I jumped when I felt the soft hand on my shoulder.

“Junior! Oh, my God,” I said, still crying. “I didn't hear you come in.”

He sat down next to me and put his arms around my shoulders. “Mom, are you thinking about Dad?”

I nodded because I didn't want to lie to my son out loud. As he hugged me, I held him back. What was I going to do? Lord, Lord, what was I going to do?

28

Emily

D
r. Caster stood for a moment, studying the pictures pinned on the hospital wall. There had to be at least twenty-five pieces of paper that I had put around LaTonya's bed. Pictures that LaTonya had drawn of her and her parents, most of which didn't include her sister.

“You're a very pretty little girl,” Dr. Caster said to LaTonya as he rolled one of the chairs closer to her bed.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice sounding as small as she was.

I felt like LaTonya was about to take a final exam, but I wasn't concerned. She would pass. Not that this was a test. I could sign the papers to have LaTonya released, but Dr. Caster had extended a tremendous professional courtesy by letting LaTonya stay and I wanted him to be part of the process.

“So, you're feeling good this morning?” the doctor asked.

“Yes,” LaTonya said softly.

Quickly, I glanced at LaTonya's parents standing by the door, holding hands as usual. Whatever they had to handle, they were going to handle it together. Just like me and Jamal.

“So,” Dr. Caster's voice brought my attention back. “Doctor H tells me that you drew this picture.” He lifted the colorful paper from the bedside table.

LaTonya nodded.

“This is really nice.”

She nodded again.

“Tell me about the picture.”

LaTonya looked, and I smiled. “Go ahead, sweetie.”

She took the paper from Dr. Caster's hand. “This is a picture of me and my mommy and my daddy,” she said, glancing up at her parents. “This is our house.”

The doctor nodded. “Wow, that's a big house.”

“Uh-huh. We live in a big house,” she said softly.

Across the room, Mr. Miller chuckled, and I wanted to leap at that first sound of joy that I'd heard from him since we'd met. It made my heart happy.

“So, I see the grass and the cars and the streetlights,” Dr. Caster said. “You're a good little artist.”

The ends of her lips twitched, but that was it. As if there was something inside that just wouldn't let her smile.

Then he pointed to the top of the page. “What's this?”

“The sky, and a cloud.”

“So, you're in front of the house and you're on the cloud, too?”

She shook her head and her voice got even softer. “I'm in front of the house. That's LaTrisha on the cloud.”

“Oh, I thought that was you.”

LaTonya said, “No, that's my sister. We're twins.”

“Why is your sister on the cloud?”

LaTonya pressed her lips together and lowered her eyes. There
was a moment of such silence that I could hear the second hand moving on my watch.

Then, “ 'Cause LaTrisha went to heaven to be with Jesus and Grandpa. And she's on the cloud 'cause she's an angel now.”

“Wow! You have your own angel.”

She nodded. “She's going to take care of us from heaven and I'm going to take care of Mommy and Daddy from down here.”

For the first time, Dr. Caster had a genuine smile. That was good—I didn't want him to think that LaTonya had been coached in any way. All I'd done was counsel her. For the last seven days, we'd been drawing and talking and reading. Her responses were 100 percent LaTonya, though getting there hadn't been easy. Some of our sessions were so sad, I didn't think that LaTonya would ever stop crying. But the tears had slowly stopped and I was now convinced that LaTonya, though still quite sad about her sister, wouldn't be attempting any more trips to heaven.

“That's really good, LaTonya. So, are you sad about your sister?”

Her eyes moved from me to her parents before she nodded. “But Doctor H. said it's okay to be sad. And that one day, I'll be happy.”

The doctor reached forward and patted her hand before he stood and pushed his chair back. “Okay, young lady, I'm going to talk to Doctor H. for a minute. You'll be okay here with your mom and dad, right?”

“Yes, and they'll be okay with me.”

I smiled proudly as I followed the doctor from the room. We walked side by side, silently, and then inside his office, the doctor directed me toward the chair I'd sat in just a week ago.

“Well, either you're one great doctor or that was some kind of a miraculous recovery.”

I smiled. “I'd like to think it was a little bit of both.”

He shook his head. “Seven days ago, she was talking about committing
suicide.” I held up my hand and he rephrased. “She was talking about going to heaven. What changed?”

“This is what I do, Doctor Caster. I help children see their lives in a different way. Seven days ago, LaTonya thought she had to be with her sister. Now, she believes she has to stay here.”

He shook his head. “Is this permanent?”

I shrugged. “I don't know. The only difference between LaTonya and other”—I paused, because I hated saying this word—“suicidal patients is that she's six. I would tend to believe her over an adult who knows what to say to be released.”

“It's still quite a turnaround.”

For a moment, I thought about telling the doctor that I may have had a little help. I thought about sharing the session where LaTonya told me that God and her sister had come down from heaven and that God told her she had to stay with her parents.

But I could imagine the doctor's reaction; he'd think a child seeing God might be reason enough to put LaTonya into an institution. So I said nothing, though I knew with all my heart what LaTonya told me was the truth. I didn't know if she had a dream or a vision. Whatever it was, from that day, she'd changed, and that could only have been God.

“Well, Doctor Harrington, if you say that she's fine, do your report and I'll sign it.”

I stood. “Thank you, Doctor Caster.”

“So, what's your plan of action?”

“I'll put the whole plan in my report, but she'll stay under my care every day for the next month, and then I'll see where I go from there.”

He nodded and walked me to the door. “Well, good luck, Doctor Harrington.”

I waited until I was out of his view before I raised my arm and
flicked my wrist. If I'd had a ball in my hand, it would've been nothing but net.

I strutted down the hall with confidence and happiness. LaTonya was going home, and I was, too.

Both my thumbs were raised high in the air when I walked back into LaTonya's room, and the Millers grinned before they hugged each other. There was still so much this young couple had to deal with, but their angels, LaTonya and LaTrisha, would see them through.

“There's just some paperwork that has to be filled out, but in a few hours, all three of you will be going home.”

The Millers kissed and then kissed their daughter. After all this tragedy, I wanted to stand there and soak all of this in, but my cell phone buzzed and I tiptoed out of the room. Checking out the caller ID, I smiled.

“Hey, Michellelee. Perfect timing.”

“Perfect for what?”

“I'm going home today.”

“Oh, you're still at the hospital?”

“Yeah, but I'll be home in a few hours and back in my office tomorrow.”

“Terrific, we have to get together now. But I was calling to see if you'd spoken to Miriam?”

“Not since last week; I called her right after I spoke to you. Why?”

“Well, you know I speak to her every day, but she hasn't answered her phone or called me back since I saw her on Saturday. She wasn't even in church on Sunday.”

Right away, my thoughts went to the last time I'd spoken to Miriam and how she sounded, almost despondent.

“I haven't spoken to her since last week. And now—”

“What?” Michellelee asked me.

“She acted strange. I asked her about the guy you told me about
and she became so flustered. At one point, I was worried that she was going to burst into tears.”

“She was acting weird with me, too, but I figured it was because I'd caught her. I thought maybe I'd embarrassed her, but putting what I saw with what you heard . . .”

“Well, now I'm really worried. Have you been by her house?”