Never Trust a Troll! (2 page)

Wiglaf smiled as he looked around the castle yard. It was filled with blue-uniformed students. And Class I lads and lasses, like Dudwin, who did not have their DSA tunics yet. The headmaster was holding a clipboard and collecting pennies from the Class I students. And there beside the scrubbing block was Sir Mort!

Wiglaf waved hello to the old knight. “How good it is to be back at school!” he said.

“I love it here already!” said Dudwin.

“Iggy-way!”
cried Daisy. The pig galloped across the castle yard and sprang into Wiglaf’s arms. “Daisy!” cried Wiglaf, swaying under the weight of his dear pig. “How I have missed you, girl!” He put her down.

“E-may, oo-tay,”
said Daisy.

“How did you like living at the Royal Palace?” Wiglaf asked.

“Onderful-way,”
said Daisy.
“I-yay ook-tay a-yay ose-ray etal-pay ath-bay every-yay ay-day.”

“That’s why you smell so sweet,” said Wiglaf.

“You do smell good, Daisy,” said Dudwin. “How do you like my new cap?”

“Ery-vay ice-nay,
said Daisy.

“The wizard gave it to me,” said Dudwin. “Watch this!”

“Dudwin,” warned Wiglaf. “What did I tell you?”

“I just want to show Daisy,” said Dudwin.

“Not now,” said Wiglaf. “Not with everyone around.”

Erica ran over to them.

“Wiggie!” she cried. “Can you believe we’re in Class II? I plan to run for class president. Can I count on your vote?”

“Sure,” said Wiglaf.

Janice came bounding across the yard next. “Hey, Wiggie! Hey, Dudwin!” she said. “I’m so glad to be back!”

Wiglaf saw that Janice had tooth marks on her neck and arms. Her baby brother, Bibs, was clearly still in his biting stage.

“Have you heard? A dragon’s in the neighborhood!” Janice clapped her hands together. “The excitement starts already!”

“What dragon?” asked Wiglaf. “Do you mean Bubbles? We saw a notice about him on the message tree near Pinwick.”

“That’s the one!” said Janice. “Bubbles is said to be a terrible monster. If he shows up, I shall run him through with my lance!”

Now Angus hurried over to greet them.

“Wiglaf!” he said. “I have saved you the cot next to mine in the Class II dorm.”

“Thanks!” said Wiglaf.

Angus turned to Dudwin. “Go pay Mordred your eight pennies before he runs out of new DSA tunics, Dud,” he said.

“Right!” said Dudwin, who had sold a dragon fang necklace he’d made at camp for exactly eight pennies.

“See you later, Wiggie!”

Wiglaf watched his brother join the other new students. One lad stood out from the bunch. He was a head taller than the others. His ears were pointed. And his skin was bright green.

“It looks like a troll lad is in Dud’s class,” said Wiglaf.

“He is,” said Angus. “Trolls are big and strong, so Uncle Mordred thinks they’d make great dragon slayers. He put the word out that trolls are welcome at DSA.”

As Wiglaf watched, the troll bent down and picked up a big nightcrawler worm from the ground. He dangled it over his mouth. The other new students reacted with a mix of horror and delight.

The troll let go of the worm and caught it on his pointy tongue. Then he closed his mouth and swallowed.

“Guh-huh, guh-huh, guh-huh!” laughed the troll.

“Oooh, gross!” cried some students.

Yet many others looked at the troll with admiration.

“What a show-off,” said Angus.

“Maybe it’s because he’s the only troll here,” said Wiglaf. Right then and there, he decided to become the troll’s friend. He would tell Dudwin to be extra-friendly to him, too.

The lunch bell sounded. Moments later, Wiglaf and Angus were picking up trays in the dining hall.

“What’ll it be?” asked Frypot. “Cream of eel-and-moat-weed soup? Chopped eel on a bun? Or the soup ’n’ sandwich combo?”

It looked like the lunch menu hadn’t improved over the summer.

“What do you recommend?” asked Angus.

“Made the soup week before last,” Frypot said. “And the chopped eel smells funny.” He shrugged and tossed the lads a few small parchment packets. “Whichever you take, douse it with red pepper sauce,” he added. “Covers up the foul taste.”

Wiglaf and Angus carried their trays across the dining hall.

“Oh, no,” Angus wailed suddenly. “Look! At the Class I table! It’s my horrible cousins, Bilge and Maggot!”

Wiglaf saw the twins. They had on brand-new DSA tunics. But their faces and hands were as filthy as ever. They were trying to start a food fight.

Dudwin wasn’t sitting at the Class I table yet. Neither was the troll. Wiglaf spied him standing at the slit in the castle wall, looking outside. Maybe he was hoping to see other trolls on their way to DSA.

“How could Uncle Mordred let Bilge and Maggot into DSA?” wailed Angus as he took a seat at the Class II table.

“Good soup,” said Erica, who liked everything about DSA. “What’s wrong, Angus?”

“Bilge and Maggot are here. They are the worst lads in the world,” Angus declared. “They shoved Uncle Mordred’s wheelbarrows full of gold into the moat, remember?”

Erica nodded. “How could we forget?”

“Aha!” said Janice. “That explains why there’s a Moat Diving class this fall.”

A scream rang out in the dining hall.

“Ghost!” cried several Class I students.

Startled, Wiglaf looked around. Everyone was pointing at a cafeteria tray. It was floating mysteriously across the dining hall.

“Oh, no!” wailed Wiglaf. “I warned Dudwin not to show off!”

“Dudwin?” said Erica. “I don’t see Dudwin.”

“That’s the problem,” Wiglaf said. “Zelnoc gave him a magic cap that can turn him invisible.”

Suddenly sparks began shooting all around the tray.

“Ow!” cried Dudwin’s voice. “Ow! Stop!”

The tray clattered to the ground. As soup went flying, Headmaster Mordred jumped up from the head table.

“Blazing King Ken’s britches!” he cried. “What vile spirit haunts my school?”

Dudwin did not answer, but the sparks kept flying. Suddenly, Dudwin’s head appeared. Just as suddenly, it vanished. Now his arms appeared, and disappeared. One leg appeared, and stayed visible as other parts of Dudwin blinked on and off.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow!” cried Dudwin’s voice.

“Fiend!” shouted Mordred. “Be gone!”

Wiglaf leaped up. “Say ‘Zappity Zip,’ Dud!” he shouted.

“Zip—ow! Zap!” Dudwin cried.

The next time Dudwin’s head appeared, Wiglaf grabbed the cap and yanked it off.

“Yikes!” cried Dudwin, falling to the ground. The cap gave off a few more sparks and quit.

“Go ahead. Say ‘I told you so,”’ said Dudwin, getting to his feet. “I shouldn’t show off. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Dud,” said Wiglaf. “You put on a pretty good show.”

Dudwin looked around the room. Everyone was staring at him.

“Thank you very much,” said Dudwin, bowing from the waist. “The next show will be tonight after supper.”

All the lads and lasses laughed.

But Mordred was not laughing.

“What is the meaning of this?” he boomed as he strode across the dining hall.

Wiglaf whisked the cap behind his back.

“My brother Dudwin meant no harm, sir,” he said quickly.

Mordred scowled at Dudwin. “Don’t I know you from someplace?” he asked.

“I went to your camp this summer, Mordie,” said Dudwin.

“Mordie was for camp!” boomed Mordred. “Here at school, you’ll call me sir! And we’ll have no more of—whatever that was, eh?”

“Right, sir,” said Dudwin.

Mordred stomped off.

“Give me my cap back, Wiggie,” said Dudwin.

“I don’t know, Dud,” said Wiglaf.

“Please, Wiggie! It’s mine!” said Dudwin.

Reluctantly, Wiglaf handed it to Dudwin, who ran to the trash barrel and threw in the cap.

“Good riddance, huh, Wiggie?” said Dudwin. Wiglaf smiled. Dudwin had been at school for only an hour, and already he was smarter.

By the time Wiglaf returned to the Class II table, his soup was cold. He was holding his nose and slurping some down when pounding footsteps sounded. A sweet scent filled the air. Wiglaf turned to see the troll running through the dining hall.

“Run fer yer lives!” the troll shouted. “Dragon outside! Terrible dragon!”

“A blue dragon?” yelled Erica.

“Yah!” shouted the troll.

“With a red horn on his head?” yelled Wiglaf.

“Yah!” shouted the troll.

“Is he swimming in the DSA moat?” yelled Janice.

“Yah!” shouted the troll.

“It’s Bubbles!” cried everyone at the Class II table.

“To arms!” yelled Mordred. “Grab your swords, lads and lasses! Slay that dragon!”

“But we don’t have swords!” cried a Class I lad.

“Then improvise!” cried Mordred. “Use whatever’s handy.”

All the lads and lasses leaped up. Many held spoons as they ran from the dining hall.

Wiglaf’s heart pounded with fear. Bubbles was right outside in the DSA moat! Janice was right. School was starting off with a bang.

A
s Wiglaf ran, he drew his rusty sword. He would never stab Bubbles. He hated the sight of blood. Yet waving Surekill made him feel brave.

All the future dragon slayers ran out to the castle yard. They streamed over the drawbridge.

“He’s in the moat!” yelled the troll. And then he ran back toward school.

Erica stood at the foot of the drawbridge, giving orders.

“Go left!” she said to a group of Class I lasses waving sticks for their weapons. “Those of you with spoons, go right! We’ll encircle the moat while Bubbles is underwater. When he comes up, he’ll be surrounded.”

Weapons aloft, the DSA students stood ready. All eyes were on the moat. They waited for Bubbles to surface.

“Bubbles can hold his breath a very long time,” Wiglaf said at last.

Angus peered down into the water. “All I see are eels. No dragon.”

“Perhaps he is down in the deepest part,” said Wiglaf.

“If a dragon were in the moat,” said Angus, “wouldn’t the eels be thrashing around?”

“You would think so,” said Wiglaf.

“Bubbles!” called Erica, drawing her silvery sword, which was an exact replica of Sir Lancelot’s. “Come up and meet your doom!”

Bubbles did not come.

“Bubbles!” called Janice, pounding her lance on the ground. “Are you a cowardly worm?”

Maybe he was, thought Wiglaf, for there was still no sign of any dragon.

Now Wiglaf heard a faint sound: “Guh-huh! Guh-huh! Guh-huh! Fooled you!”

He looked up. There at the slit in the castle wall stood the troll, laughing his head off.

“’Tis a trick!” cried Wiglaf. “Bubbles is not in the DSA moat. Look!”

Wiglaf saw Bilge and Maggot poke their heads out next to the troll. And Dudwin. He was there, too. All four lads were laughing.

“Fooled by Class I lads!” cried Janice. “What an insult!”

“’Tis indeed!” Erica said angrily. “Wiggy, Dudwin is falling in with a bad lot. You’d better teach your brother how to behave.”

“’Twas a harmless prank,” Wiglaf said lamely. Once classes began, the troll would probably calm down. He hoped Dudwin would, too.

That afternoon, Wiglaf put his thin blanket on the not-too-lumpy cot next to Angus’s cot. He took out the few items from his bundle, and he was unpacked.

Wiglaf walked down the hall and peeked in the doorway of the Class I lads’ dorm.

Dudwin was sitting in a circle on the floor with Bilge, Maggot, and the troll. They were playing cards. Other Class I lads were watching.

“I won, didn’t I?” the troll shouted. “Hand over yer pennies.”

“But we don’t have any pennies,” said Bilge.

“Yeah,” said Maggot. “Not a one.”