New Beginnings (120 page)

“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to mask my annoyance.

“Nothing.” She turned her head, smiling. “I just want to stick to the plan, take things slow.”

“I think we passed slow half an hour ago.”

“You’re upset,” she said, rolling to her back.

“Hell yeah, I’m upset.” I was really trying to rein in my temper, but when everything I wanted was staring up at me with those big blue eyes, intent on taking it all away, it wasn’t easy to play it cool. “What we just shared meant something to me. I thought it meant something to you too.”

“It did. How can you think it didn’t?”

I closed my eyes on a deep breath, warning myself not to say or do something I might regret. “I just don’t understand what more you want from me. I’ve been everything I thought you wanted. I’ve been attentive, supportive, made an effort to spend more time with you—”

“I didn’t realize spending time with me was such an effort,” she said, sitting up as she clutched the taupe duvet around her.

“That’s not what I meant. I love spending time with you, but come on, give me a break. You know this stuff isn’t easy for me, Mac. I don’t go for that mushy romantic shit. I’m a…” I could tell by the poison spewing from her eyes, I was only making this worse, so I decided to shut my mouth while I was still ahead. At least I hoped I was still ahead. I didn’t know anymore.

“Don’t stop now,” she said, jumping out of bed like it was on fire. “You’re a what? A guy, Ryker?” My guilty expression must have given her a hint that she’d nailed it. “So all this was just an act to get me back? Then what? Things go back to the way they were? You ignoring me and taking me for granted?”

I growled in frustration. “No! What the hell, Mac?”

“That’s what I want to know,” she said, slipping her arms into her bra and refastening it. She looked at her torn panties in disgust before tossing them in a wastebasket by the bed. “What the hell was all this? I thought you’d changed. But you’re still the same selfish—”

“Don’t,” I warned, jumping up and grabbing her arms. I was kneeling on the bed, holding her prisoner in front of me. She might think she had me all figured out, but she was dead wrong. “Losing you did change me. It damn near destroyed me. And here I thought what happened between us tonight meant I had you back. Now you’re telling me you’re just messin’ with me?”

She shoved me hard, breaking free. “Messing with you? That’s what you think this is? Just go to hell, Ryker!”

She ran down the hall in search of her dress while I grabbed my robe from the back of my door, intent on chasing after her. I’d follow her all the way outside if I had to, and I didn’t want the neighbors calling the cops and accusing me of indecent exposure.

“You’re not leaving until we sort this out,” I said, standing in front of the oak entrance door. I knew I was being ridiculous. I couldn’t hold her here against her will, but I was feeling desperate. I knew if she left, the chances of her coming back to me were slim.

I watched her slip her dress over her head, grab her purse, and slip her feet into her sandals before reaching into her purse for her car keys. “Get out of my way. Now!”

I was so screwed. If I let her go, I’d lost her. If I didn’t let her go, I’d lost her. “Please, Mac,” I said, reaching for her hand. “Let’s just talk this out, figure out where we go from here.”

“I know where we go from here.” She slipped her wedding rings off, and I felt like I was going to throw up. “It’s over, Ryker. Thinking we could work things out was a huge mistake.”

“Are you insane?” I held my hands palms up when she tried to give me the rings. “You can’t do this!”

“Yes, I can.” She sighed, looking suddenly tired and defeated. “This was a mistake. We had a cordial relationship before. We were doing a good job co-parenting our kids. Now we just made everything worse. We’re angry and hostile and—”

“We had a fight,” I said, trying to wrap my hand around her wrist, but she pulled back. “It happens, Mackenzie. Even happy couples fight. We’ll talk. We’ll figure out—”

“You don’t get it, do you?” she asked, spreading her hands. “I still love you.” A tear glided down her cheek, followed by another. “You were my first love, my only love, the father of my children, but you scare the hell out of me, Ryker.”

“I scare you?” Ouch. Another punch in the gut. I knew I could be intimidating, menacing even, but I’d never laid my hands on her in anger.

“What I feel for you scares me. It was so easy for me to fall back into your arms and pretend everything was fine, because more than anything, I wanted it to be. I wanted to believe you’d changed, that I’d changed, and we were somehow better for each other now. That we wouldn’t have the same problems we had before, but what you said tonight opened my eyes. Things haven’t changed. They’ll never change. You are who you are. I am who I am. And we’re just… not right for each other anymore.”

“How can you say that?” I whispered, fighting back my own tears. I was losing the only woman who’d ever given my life meaning, and this time, unlike the first time, it felt permanent. “The way we make each other feel, Mac. That is so right. Nothing has ever felt more right.”

“Yeah, sure, the sex is great. I’ll give you that. But there has to be more to a relationship than that. You basically just admitted that you’d been spending time with me, being supportive, and taking an interest in the things that interested me because you were trying to get me back.”

Had I said that? Probably in my rage-induced stupor I had. Where the hell was the rewind button when I needed it? “Fine, I shouldn’t have said that, okay? I was angry. I thought I’d be going home with you tonight, that we’d be able to tell our kids their family was back together again, and then you gave me this shit about taking it slow. We weren’t taking it slow in that bed an hour ago.” Just when I thought I couldn’t spew anymore stupidity, I surprised even myself.

She set her rings down on the console table. “This isn’t getting us anywhere. Get out of my way, Ryker.”

There were a million things I wanted to say and do. I’d never begged anyone for anything in my life, but if I thought dropping to my knees and pleading for one more chance with her would help my cause, I would. But I knew that look. She’d made up her mind and nothing I could say would change it. That didn’t mean I was giving up on her. I would never give up on her, but I would give her time to cool off before we talked again.

I opened the door and stood back for her to pass through. When she walked past me and I caught a whiff of her perfume, I wanted to haul her against my chest and beg her not to end our marriage like this. But by the time I found my voice, she was running to her car like there was a mass murderer on her heels.

Or maybe it was me she was running from, the man who’d broken her heart. Again.

When my cell phone rang as she peeled out of the drive, I lunged for the jeans I’d abandoned by the sofa, praying she had something left to say, something to give me hope.

But the call display said Daniel Anderson. I didn’t want to deal with my former neighbor tonight, but I knew he wouldn’t be calling me at this hour if it weren’t important. “Hey, Dan. What’s up?”

“I’m sorry to call so late, Ryker. But we’ve got problems. I would have called Mackenzie, but this is kind of a delicate situation, so I thought I should talk to you about it.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. I sank down on the couch, dropping my head into my hands as I asked, “What’s going on?”

“Well, Nancy and I went out for dinner tonight. Matthew was out with a friend and we left Brit at home, studying for exams.”

“Uh-huh.” I had an idea where this was going and I definitely was not going to like it. Neither was Mac.

“We came home to find Zane in her room.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

I’d had
the talk
with my son about protected sex and he assured me when the time was right, he’d be smart about it, but I had no idea he and Brittany were
that
serious.

“Were they…?”

“I think we got here just in time.”

“Dodged a bullet this time, huh?”

“You said it.”

I didn’t know why I was getting so freaked out about this. I’d been sexually active at his age, but I’d been more mature. Without a real father figure, I had to basically raise myself and my brothers the best way I knew how while my mother worked to keep a roof over our heads. Zane had lived a sheltered life by comparison. I didn’t think he was ready for a serious relationship and the thought of him having a casual sexual relationship with our neighbor’s daughter was even worse.

“I’m sorry about this, Dan. I don’t know what to say. I thought Zane talked to me about stuff like this.”

“Yeah, well you’re not the only one who was blindsided. See, Brittany kind of already has a boyfriend.”

“What?” This was going from bad to worse.

“Yeah, she’s been seeing him for about four months. He doesn’t go to her school. She met him at the mall. You know she got a job at a jewelry store there, right?”

I didn’t know or care where the girl worked. “Uh, no, I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, well. He seems like a nice kid. We thought he’d be good for Brit. She can be a bit of a wild child.” He chuckled, and I could just imagine the poor bastard wiping sweat from his bald head. “If I could, I’d lock her in her room until she’s twenty-five, but her mother won’t let me do that.”

“It’d be nice if we could do that, wouldn’t it? Keep our kids safe.”

I appreciated that Dan wasn’t coming after me, blaming Zane for trying to corrupt his baby girl. After what just went down with Mac, I probably would have gone postal on the poor guy.

“Listen, I’m really sorry about this, Dan. Needless to say, I’ll talk to Zane about it.”

“Your son is a good kid, Ryker. We know this isn’t his fault entirely, but we don’t want to see the kids get in over their heads. They’re too young for this.”

I happened to agree with Dan, but I knew there was nothing we could do to keep them apart if they were determined to be together. “Thanks for the heads-up. Let’s try to keep the lines of communication open. I’ll ask Zane not to go to your place while you guys are out if you think that’d help.”

“It’s worth a try,” Dan said, sounding as defeated as I felt. “Thanks, Ryker. I’ll talk to you later.”

I disconnected the call and thought about calling my son to give him a piece of my mind, but I knew my kid was almost as headstrong as I was. If I tried to tell him not to do something, it would only make him want to do it more.

I’d text him tomorrow and ask him to meet me after school so we could talk. He’d no doubt have his story all ready, claiming it wasn’t his fault or he’d never done anything like that before or they just got caught up in the moment. All of which may be true, but I knew Mac would go ballistic when she found out.

Her worst fear for the boys had always been an unwanted pregnancy screwing up their plans for the future, and while I didn’t think they were stupid enough to have sex without protection, accidents happened every day.

Scrubbing my hands over my face, I knew two things for sure. I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight. And tomorrow was going to be a miserable day.

***

I’d texted Zane and told him to wait for me after school, that we needed to talk. He agreed without asking me the reason, so I knew Brittany had probably already told him that her dad called me.

When he jumped into my truck, I shot a sidelong glance in his direction when he slumped down guiltily in his seat, looking sullen. “How’d the exam go?” I didn’t want to start in on him right away. I knew if I did, this conversation could only go downhill.

“Okay, I think.”

“Good.” I turned out of the parking lot, pointing at a deli down the street. “You hungry? We could grab a sandwich or something.”

“No, I’m okay.”

I could tell by the teenagers crowding around the strip plaza he was probably worried about running into his friends and having them overhear our conversation. I couldn’t blame him. I remembered what it felt like to be his age.

“So, I guess you know by now that Mr. Anderson called me last night.”

His face turned red and he looked out the window, slumping farther as he shifted his body away from me. “We didn’t know they were gonna be home so early.”

“Evidently.” I waited, hoping he would open up to me. When he didn’t, I said, “How long have you been seeing Brittany?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. A while.”

I debated about telling him that Brittany had a boyfriend. I didn’t want to see my son get played by any girl, but I knew we had a bigger issue to deal with first. If he wasn’t hooking up with her, it would be some other girl.

“Look, Zane, I remember what it was like to be sixteen. I’m not mad about what happened last night—”

“You’re not?” he asked, looking shocked. “I thought you were gonna lay into me.”

“I’m not going to lay into you,” I said tentatively. I pulled into the parking lot of my factory and cut the engine before turning to face my son. “I’m just concerned. I don’t want to see you make a mistake you might regret.”

“Dad, we already had this talk,” he said, his cheeks turning ruddy as he focused on the man collecting the garbage across the street. “I’m not stupid. I know I have to use condoms.” Looking suddenly alarmed, he asked, “You haven’t told Mom about this, have you? ’Cause she was in a really pissy mood this morning and I thought maybe it was because—”

“I haven’t told her,” I said, raising my hand. Though I knew I was probably the reason for her bad mood. She was certainly the reason for mine. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to.”

“Dad, come on. When you were my age, would you have wanted your mom to know you were hookin’ up with some chick?”

He had a point. But I hated keeping anything from Mac, especially now, when it seemed like we were on the outs again. “I want to know where things stand with Brit before I decide anything. Was this a random thing or have you guys hooked up before?”

“We’ve never, uh…” He shrugged. “You know, gone all the way, but we’ve messed around some.”

“Look, I don’t know if Brit’s a virgin—”