New Beginnings (81 page)

“You’re crying.” His words were a mere whisper of disbelief. “Theia, I’m so sorry. I never meant to make you cry.”

I bent to gather my belongings since I couldn’t finish the fitting in this state. I’d have to apologize profusely to Barbara and beg her to let me come back first thing in the morning. If there was one thing Alabaster’s had no tolerance for, it was temperamental models.

“I’m not crying.” Even as I said it, my voice broke, making a mockery of my claim.

He knelt, clasping my shoulders as he brought me to my feet. “I’m sorry I was so harsh. I’m not used to answering for my actions. I’m not used to people who challenge me, but I like that you do.” His eyes dipped to my cleavage as he smiled. “In fact, I love everything about you, my beauty.”

“Subtle, Starkis. Real subtle.” I shoved his shoulder, but he didn’t move an inch, incensing me further. I hated that he’d seen me vulnerable and knew he was the cause. He was right—it was none of my business whom he slept with—but for the first time in a long time, someone had made me feel special, desirable, and it had all been a lie. I was crushed.

“Tell me what I did. Let me make it better.”

The way he said it, so soothingly, as he stroked my hair, almost made me believe he cared about me and my feelings, but I knew that was just part of his game. “I know about your past.” I could tell by the tic in his jaw that I was testing his patience. That wasn’t wise given my precarious financial situation and lack of prospects, but I couldn’t help myself. “I know you seduce models for sport.”

“My past has nothing to do with you or with us.”

“There is no us.” I pushed his hands aside. “I’m leaving. Please apologize to Barbara for me. Tell her I’ll come back whenever she needs me to.”

“You are leaving. With me. And Barbara will see you when I tell her to.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you!”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his tailored dress pants as he rolled back on his heels, his eyes scanning me from head to toe and rooting my feet to the ground. I did the same, scanning him, but I knew I couldn’t have the same impact on him that he had on me.

God, he was delicious. Wearing a black suit with a light blue shirt and tie that enhanced the color of his eyes, he was every woman’s fantasy. The fact that he was a power-hungry control freak seemed to make the package even more appealing, which told me I’d been hanging around Eleni too long.

“You’re hurt and jealous,” he said. “I understand.”

“No.” I was a terrible liar. I should have just kept my mouth shut instead of spewing lies he would never believe.

“I understand because I’m hurt and jealous too, Mia.”

The way he said my name so reverently made my anger melt… just a little. “Why?”

“Another man is sharing your bed. And I want—no, need—to be the one. The only one.”

He was so intense. It was almost overbearing, the way he wove his words like a web around me.

“He’s not… we’re not…” My face flamed. I couldn’t believe I was talking to him about my sex life—or lack thereof.

“Tell me.”

I took a deep breath. I knew there was no way he would let me walk out without sharing my secret. “Drew and I… We’re not… I mean, we haven’t slept together in months.”

His full mouth tipped at one corner. “Is that so? That pleases me.”

I waited for him to continue. I tried to control my erratic breathing as his eyes continued their bold perusal of my body.

“I would fall asleep at night wrestling with my rage as I imagined him pinning you down with his weight as he thrust inside you.”

I was shocked by his admission, yet I shouldn’t have been. Three months of correspondence with Deacon had taught me that he always said exactly what was on his mind.

“I want him gone. I’ve thought about it—making him disappear,” Deacon said.

My heart thumped wildly. I wasn’t sure that I loved Drew anymore, but I didn’t want him to be harmed. “Deacon, please don’t say that. You can’t.”

His eyes flashed with anger. “You still love him.”

“I don’t know. I’m confused.”

“I’ve taken it slow with you, building up to this moment, for a reason. I knew once we finally came face to face, there would be no more holding back. I want you to be mine. I won’t share you. I can’t send you home tonight knowing you’re returning to another man’s arms. I won’t.”

He still hadn’t explained his history with the other models, and I didn’t know that he ever would. He was asking me to trust him enough to end an eight-year relationship simply because he asked me to, but he was offering nothing in return.

Barbara tapped on the door before opening it. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I—”

“Not now,” Deacon said without sparing her a glance.

She quietly closed the door without another word, prompting me to say, “That was rude. Do you always treat people that way?”

He shrugged. “More often than not. Maybe I need a woman like you to make me a better man, theia.”

“I have a feeling nothing I could say or do would change you.”

“Then you underestimate your power over me.” He moved close enough to stroke me, but his hands remained fisted at his sides. “You can change me. You already have. This desire I have for you, it’s all-consuming. It frightens me. It excites me. It intrigues me.”

I tried to keep my breathing even, but I failed miserably as his words seeped under my skin, making me hot all over. “You frighten me too. What I feel for you frightens me.” I squeezed my eyes shut when I realized what I’d said.

He knew now. He knew he had me right where he wanted me.

“I want you to go home tomorrow and tell him it’s over. Stay in a hotel tonight. I don’t want you going back there until he’s moved out.”

I should have told him he had no right to tell me what to do, but instead of challenging him, I said, “I’m surprised you’re not inviting me back to your place.”

“Believe me, it’s not because I don’t want to.” His eyes did what I wanted his hands to do—they stroked me, stoking the blazing heat building between my legs. “You don’t know what you’re doing to me right now.” He breathed deeply, his nostrils flaring as he clenched his hands more tightly. “It’s taking more will than I thought I possessed to resist taking you on this goddamn floor.”

I knew it was dangerous to tease a man like Deacon, but I wasn’t teasing. I wanted it. I wanted him. In spite of his fondness for using and discarding women like me, I was ready to cast my fears and doubt aside for a few moments of the bliss he’d promised me. “So don’t resist.”

His eyes flared to life with a myriad of emotions: lust, excitement, even a little wariness—as though he could scarcely believe I was offering myself to him. “When I make love to you for the first time, you’ll be mine. You won’t be torn, thinking about another lover. You won’t feel guilty because someone is waiting for you at home. You won’t question whether or not you’re still in love with him. You’ll give yourself to me completely. Mind. Body. Soul.”

I was riveted by his vow, wondering if it was even possible to surrender to a man like him completely without losing myself.

“You’ll stay with a friend tonight. Or would you rather stay in a hotel?”

“I’ll stay with Eleni. She has Rosie.” It was odd that I didn’t have to explain who Rosie was. He already knew everything about me.

“You’ll talk to him in the morning?”

“I’ll have to ask Barbara if she wants me to come back in the morning.”

“Your fitting can wait until the afternoon. Your meeting with him can’t.”

I nodded. There was no sense in prolonging the inevitable. I’d already decided to end things with Drew. It was time to make it official.

“Lunch tomorrow. I want to hear all about it,” he said.

I didn’t know if I’d ever get used to the way he issued orders instead of asking questions, but I found I didn’t want to argue. I wanted to have lunch with him. “Fine.”

“Good.” He seemed satisfied. “I want that,” he said, gesturing to my ensemble.

I smiled. “I’m not sure it comes in your size, Deacon.”

He smirked as his chest brushed mine, stealing my breath. “I want my lover to wear it for me the first time we make love.”

He hadn’t said he wanted
me
to wear it, but I read his intentions in the ravenous look in his eyes.

“Yes.”

“I cannot wait to have you, Mia.”

I felt a pang of uncertainty at his choice of words, but before I could question him, he was gone.

Deacon

I watched her walk into the restaurant and smile at the awestruck maître d’ who then led her to our table. She was like a surreal fantasy my imagination had somehow tricked me into believing was real. I’d had no idea that when I saw her retouched photos, the airbrushing had somehow diminished her exquisiteness. It had stolen the light from her crystalline eyes and lessened the natural dimples in her round cheeks. My people probably thought the dimples and round cheeks made her look too innocent, but I thought they rounded out her face perfectly.

With every step she took, I became more anxious. Had she found the courage to end her relationship, or had she given in when Drew pleaded for another chance? I had no doubt he had cried and begged. In his position, I might even have done the same.

I stood and brushed a kiss across her cheek before glaring at the man seated a few feet away whose eyes were fixed on her ass. She was wearing a tight, red strapless dress with black heels. Her wavy blond hair spilled down her back, and her skin looked delicately bronzed, as though she’d stolen a few moments in the sun that morning. I couldn’t blame any man for turning to stare, but I wanted to make it clear that she was with me and they didn’t stand a chance.

“I hope you don’t mind I took the liberty of ordering for us.” In one of our emails, I’d asked about all of her favorite things, including food.

“Presumptuous, aren’t you?” she said, her lush lips curving into a smile.

The maître d’, who’d known me as a patron for many years, seemed surprised by her flippant comment. He’d probably never heard anyone question my authority before.

“That’ll be all, Charles,” I said. “Kindly ask them to bring the wine now.”

“Right away, Mr. Starkis,” he said, bowing slightly.

Looking amused, her eyes tracked the little balding man scurrying away. “Do people always respond to you that way?”

“Usually.” I reached for my water glass, feeling a little unsettled. We were on our first date, a moment I’d been waiting months for, and I was battling an unfamiliar emotion—nervousness. “Let’s cut to the chase. Did he take the news well, or do I have to have a little chat with him myself?”

She didn’t respond right away, making a production of smoothing the napkin Charles had placed in her lap. “He’ll be moving out later today.”

I released the breath I’d been holding. “Good. Glad to hear it.”

“I thought you would be.” With a steady hand, she brought her water glass to her lips, taking a small sip before setting it down.

“You should have given him the apartment though. I told you I’d like to find you a nicer place in a better neighborhood—”

“Sir, your wine.”

I frowned at the waiter who’d interrupted me. “Go ahead.” I watched him pour a sample into my glass before I picked it up and swirled the contents. Watching Mia over the rim of the glass, I inhaled deeply, as I had the night before when she’d been trying to taunt me into submission. After taking a deep swallow, I said, “It’s fine. Thank you.”

“Very good, sir.” Pouring wine into both of our glasses, he said, “Your entrées will be out shortly.”

I waited until he was out of earshot before I said, “As I was saying—”

“I already told you I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” She smiled sweetly as she raised her wine glass. “What shall we drink to?”

“New beginnings,” I said, touching my glass to hers.

Inclining her head, she said, “To new beginnings. I like that.” She took a sip of her wine and licked a drop off her shiny lips. “But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, I’d like to pick up where we left off last night.”

“I don’t follow,” I said, getting the sense I wouldn’t like where she was going.

“You helped me realize my relationship has been over for a while. If it hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have been so intrigued by your interest in me. I would have simply asked you to stop contacting me.”

That was one of the things that set her apart from every other woman I’d known—I had no trouble believing she would have told me she wasn’t interested, with no reservations, if she had been committed to her lover. That knowledge reassured me that when she was mine and other men tried to woo her away from me, which I knew they would, she would respectfully decline… as long as I succeeded where her last boyfriend had failed her—which I would.

“So although I’m sad, because it does represent the end of a rather long chapter in my life, I’m also excited about the future.”

“As am I.”

Tipping her head to the side, she regarded me carefully. “Here’s the thing: I’m not sure acting on this obvious attraction between us is the best idea.”

“Care to explain why?” Knowing I couldn’t have her because she belonged to someone else had been difficult, but not being able to have her because she didn’t want me would be excruciating.

“I’m not sure I can trust you.” She seemed calm and collected, but she patted her chunky silver choker, indicating she wasn’t as composed as she pretended to be. “Given the stories I’ve heard—”

“Don’t give in to salacious gossip, theia. It’s beneath you.” There was no point trying to convince her there hadn’t been others—many, many others—but I wouldn’t allow my sordid past to dictate my future with her.

“It’s only gossip if it isn’t true.” Leaning in, she lowered her voice. “Were you dating Melanie? Did you give her diamond earrings?”

I stared at her for a long time, considering my options. I couldn’t lie to her, because it would be too easy for her to learn the truth. Besides, I didn’t relish the idea of having the kind of marriage my parents had. I could refuse to respond, but that would be the same as admitting my guilt, or I could tell her—once again—that it was none of her business.