Authors: Dan Carr
Lisa Hatcher tightened the sheet.
I couldn’t take a breath. It was exciting. My life was possibly about to end. I was going to die. And it would be funny that my parents sent me away to get better in a little, friendly program, and instead, I died. That would be amazing. I wish that could happen to someone just to show the world that bad things could happen in what was supposed to be a good place.
But I didn’t die.
A counsellor ripped Lisa Hatcher off of me because it was their job to pull the crazy girls off of the other crazy girls. It was all pretty easy, you just had to keep an eye on things in case someone wrapped something around someone else’s neck, or maybe, around their own.
The sheet fell to the ground.
“I hate girls like you, Valerie Campbell. Want to know why?”
“Not really.”
“Because unlike you, and everyone else here, I’m
actually
crazy.
And you’re just a fucking
faker
.
”
When the counsellors got her strapped back up, and everything calmed down, they released me from my cot. It felt good to leave the ward because I didn’t believe that I belonged there.
They walked me down the hall, and I smiled when I saw an old woman at the end, sitting in a chair. She stood up when she saw me.
“Sharon,” I said. “Can I go back to my group?”
“Are you going to behave?”
“Yeah, I am.”
I was telling the truth. I was going to behave. Because I didn’t want to be like Lisa Hatcher. I didn’t want to be crazy, and I definitely didn’t want to be crazy and
know it
.
Sharon walked beside me to guide me back to my group in the woods. There was a breeze that rustled the tree branches, and almost made the place seem serene. I was five feet from cabin 519, and if I didn’t know it as a program for troubled youth, it was just an adorable looking cabin in the woods. The wooden door was chipping paint, and there was a crack at the bottom that let in the cool air.
From where I was standing I could hear the girls fighting about what day of the week it was. It was between Thursday and Friday, and even though nobody could remember for sure, they decided to fight over it. When there was a loud thud from one of the girls jumping from their bunk, I entered the cabin.
It went quiet.
“Hi guys.”
“Where the hell have you been?” Logan said. She was standing up in the middle of the cabin. Maybe she had been the one to fall out of her bunk. She positioned herself so that I couldn’t enter the cabin.
“Step aside, Logan,” Sharon told her. “Let’s be more welcoming.”
“Welcome home,” she said. “Now let’s hear about your adventure.”
“Oh it was quite the time, let me tell you.”
“I will be back in ten minutes to grab you ladies.” Sharon closed the door. We were on our own in cabin 519.
I pushed myself around Logan, and I walked over to my bunk like it was just a normal day at the cabin. My 49 was on the floor, where I had left him, and it was nice to know that there was still some water for me to drink. I jumped up on my bunk and wrapped my grey blanket around my shoulders. It felt good to be in a clean t-shirt. My old clothes were lost somewhere else and I hoped they stayed there forever.
“Are you going to even say anything?” Brooke asked.
“Good to see you too, Brooke.”
Logan began to climb up my ladder.
My first day at the program, Logan and the girls seemed crazy. And they were, because they were different to me. But crazy had all kinds of recipes. Logan’s was brewed in a crock-pot, over years of abuse. Her hard shell could possibly still crack, and the inner warm stuff could ooze like the package suggested. Lisa Hatcher was the same. She was microwaved on high, and since she came from a tight, little, sealed package, she burst everywhere. Her buck teeth and orange hair and wide nose were all a clear target for teasing, and mixed with other things, Lisa Hatcher had exploded.
I wondered when I was going to explode.
“How are you?” Logan was at the top of my ladder.
“What do you think?” I put my foot on her shoulder to prevent her from getting up onto my mattress.
“Get your fucking foot off me,” she said.
“Get off my bunk.”
She jumped down.
“Thanks so much.”
“We just wanna know what happened to you.”
“Hello. You saw what happened. You tried to kill me.”
“You’re unbelievable. I didn’t mean to do that. We were just fighting. You know how it is.”
“Why am I unbelievable? I’m the only sane one in this place. You’re all the unbelievable ones.”
“Why are you saying that kind of stuff?” Brooke asked. She was picking at her braces. “She didn’t mean to nearly kill you. She just has a temper.”
“Stop saying it like that,” Logan yelled. “I didn’t try to kill her. I tripped her. And then she was the one who knocked herself out from falling back.”
“I didn’t fall,” I corrected her. “I was pushed
.
”
“That’s crazy. You weren’t pushed, you were tripped,” Brooke said.
“Oh please,” I said, “you’re the craziest of all. I honestly don’t want to keep talking about how crazy you are because I know where Logan didn’t kill me, you’d actually finish the job.”
“I obviously didn’t mean for you to trip like that on the dock,” Logan said.
“Apology accepted,” I said.
“I wasn’t apologizing. I was just saying.”
“I know, but I’m accepting it for when you do because you’re a fucking bitch.”
“You’re the bitch,” Logan said back.
“No, you are—you tried to kill her,” Brooke said.
“Who the hell do you think you are, Brooke?” I jumped down from my bunk and landed on my knees. Within a second, I was across the cabin, in her face, and pointing at her. It was exactly like cabin 519 again. Everyone was everywhere. “Shut your goddamn teeth. You’re just so full of shit that I bet you can taste it.”
Brooke opened her mouth. It was wide enough to see a hint of her braces. She had green and blue elastics around the brackets. Bright green, and bright blue. I had no idea why she was getting between Logan and I, and making it worse.
“What?” I said. “Say something. Let’s hear what stupid Brooke has to say.”
“Why are you being like this? You’re so mean.” Brooke’s face got ugly from holding in deep, heavy breaths. She looked so much like Lisa Hatcher. Maybe they were cousins with their orange hair.
“Oh here we go.” Logan leaned her shoulder on the edge of her bunk.
Brooke looked at Logan. Her lips were parted and you could see the space in between her teeth. It was so dark in that space, and I wondered when the hell her braces were going to kick in and start straightening up her face. She looked like she thought she was innocent. Like she had just appeared out of nowhere in a cabin full of fuck-ups. Like she didn’t know why she was there. She knew why,
the liar
.
“Why the hell are you looking at her like that?” Twinner asked Brooke.
“Like what?” Brooke’s voice cracked. She was trying to hold back her sobs.
“Do you not see that when you don’t get your way, you cry?” Twinner asked.
“I just wanted to know where Val’s been,” Brooke said. She began to wail. She sat down on her bed and covered her mouth and it sounded like she was hyperventilating. “I can’t…help…it.”
I grabbed 49 off the floor. I took a long swig of him and picked up my toiletry bag. “If you assholes must know, I was at the ward the whole night.”
Twin rolled her eyes. I caught it even though she was staying quiet under her bunk, quietly smoking her toothbrush.
“Hey you.”
Twin looked up at me.
I rolled my eyes so many times that it felt like they were going to fall out of my head.
“What was that?” Twin asked. Her nose went up and I could see her nostrils and how big they were.
“That was you.”
The cabin laughed. It began with Logan. It came from her belly and it was loud and thunderous. Then Twinner, who was supposed to be on her side, echoed the laughter coming from all sides. Brooke had a smirk on her face and wiped a tear from her cheek. Tracy was silent.
I turned around to see what Tracy’s deal was.
She watched me. Her eyes were small for once and they sliced me up and down.
“Hey Tracy, ever gonna find something funny?”
“Maybe.” Her eyes went to the floor.
“You must know the construction of that floor inside and out by now. Tell me—did they bolt it down or is there just a few rusty nails to hold everything together?”
“Hey Valerie.”
I turned around—
Logan slapped me. Her hand made a cracking sound against my skin.
I tumbled backward, and tripped over my own feet. My ass hit the ground, and then I was flat on my back. I closed my eyes to keep the tears in, and when I opened them, everyone was headed for the door at once—even Tracy. I blinked until the blurriness went out of my vision. There was a small tingling sensation in my face, and my cheek felt huge.
I wanted to cry for a lot of reasons. And it hurt to hold it in. I bit my lip and the world went blurry again from the tears welling up in my eyes. My breath felt shaky.
“What are you doing on the ground?” Sharon asked as she entered the cabin.
“I fell.”
Sharon offered me her hand. I took it, and even though she didn’t pull me up, it felt nice to know that there was someone around who could steady me while I peeled myself off the ground.
14:
KENZIE
It was our shower day down at the lake.
With Sharon’s help, I peeled myself off the floor and caught up with the girls down the path. I kept a good distance back, and tried not to hold the side of my face and look pathetic. I’d never gotten attacked until New Horizons, where the odds of getting the shit beat out of me weren’t in my favour.
The girls waited at the gate for Sharon to unlock it. Her shaky, old hands fumbled with the lock, but she managed to get the key in the hole and turn it. We walked in single file down the stairs, and when I got down to the beach, my stomach had butterflies in it.
I wanted to run.
The girls were all ahead of me, walking up onto the dock. Sharon was with them, shuffling in the wet sand, telling them to be quick with their washing. I looked to the left and right at the wide, open space of shore. At the very end, down to the right, was forest.
“Get going, Valerie.”
I flinched from Guy’s voice. When I turned around, he was right behind me standing at the bottom of the stairs. I waved innocently, like I didn’t have ideas running through my head.
We stripped down to our underwear, and Brooke and Twin were the first to jump into the lake. Logan stayed on the side, rinsing with her hands. It should have been obvious before that she couldn’t swim—we had to find out the hard way.
I slowly took my clothes off but kept watch on what everyone was up to. Where Sharon was. What Guy was doing. If the girls were looking suspicious too.
Logan had suds all over her arms and legs. She took her braids out of her hair and dunked her head under the water. When she came up, her hair had a swoop.
Brooke did a pencil dive. The soap stayed on the water while she sunk beneath the surface.
“Valerie since you’re the only Stone you only have one more minute at the lake,” Sharon said.
That was amazing to me. Everyone in my cabin was a Dandelion and I was a Stone with no privilege to do anything. I was behind and it might as well have been the first day. And it didn’t bother me not participating in things, but when Sharon said things to try and bother me, that bothered me.
I stood up.
“Aren’t you burnt out yet,
Stone
?” Logan asked.
I kicked her jug of water into the lake. 72 floated on the top. I hated 72 so much.
“What the hell!” she screamed.
“Oh come on, it’s right there. Reach for it.”
She leaned forward. Her fingers stretched across the water. She began to paddle the water toward her, like a current would bring 72 closer to her. She was so concentrated on getting 72 back. All it took was a little nudge with my knee—
Logan went into the lake, face first. She disappeared beneath the surface.
“Valerie, help her!” Sharon screamed.
Logan popped up immediately. She was in shallow water, just barely over her head. “Help me up!” she screamed.
“Oh jeez, Logan.” I reached out my hand. “Only because you asked.”
She grabbed my hand and I pulled her out.
“Did you see what just happened there? I pushed you in. And I still helped you out. Because I’m a fucking asshole, but I’m not an asshole that wants you dead.”