“I could love her if we spent time together but then she could leave me.” His voice deepened and his pretty catlike eyes held her gaze. “That would be the worst thing.”
“Or she could fall in love with you and stay. You never know until you try. Regrets are a bitch to live with. I know. You should pursue this female if you really like her. It’s worse lying awake nights remembering and torturing yourself with a bunch of ‘what-ifs’ if you’d only taken the chance to see where the relationship would have led.”
He regarded her with interest. “Moon?”
She nodded.
“Why did you quit your job then? You could have come to visit here any time if you missed him.”
“I had no choice but to leave at the time. I guess fear kept me away after Homeland opened. I’m really a chickenshit deep down. I was sure he’d hate me or have moved on with his life, once he was given one. He didn’t exactly have too many choices at site four when it came to females he had access to. Your females were less than receptive and all the guards there were either pregnant or had recently given birth. It was just me and two other women who were single. They were much older.”
“He never forgot you. He even looked you up on the internet.”
That surprised her. “He did?”
Flame slid out of the Jeep. “He did.”
“Did he try to contact me?” She hadn’t been told if he had.
“Not that I know of. He was angry.”
“Because I left him?”
“He said you were doing well without him. There were pictures of you and some males he found.”
She frowned, trying to think of why any pictures of her and some guy would be on the internet. Then she remembered the clinic fundraisers. Some pictures had been taken for the paper. “Those men were coworkers.”
“He believed you were dating them.”
“I wasn’t.” She had gone on a few dates but nothing serious and certainly not with anyone she worked with.
Flame approached her side of the Jeep and waved toward the building. “He waits.”
“Right.” She got out of the vehicle and approached Medical. When she went inside a new officer was on duty. He wore casual clothes.
“Here.” He held up two keys. “The door to the cell and to his restraints. Do you wish me to go with you?”
“No. I’m afraid it would upset him if you did. I can do it.” She glanced at his outfit. “You changed fast. I only left the meeting a few minutes ago.”
“I was nearby when the order came down. I’m relieving the officer since he didn’t have a spare set of clothes handy.”
She gripped the keys in her fist, her fear and excitement clashing. She had no idea what would happen when she released 466. It could go bad really fast. The officer stopped at the elevator and removed a set of keys.
“We’re keeping it on key access only. That way Moon can’t leave the basement. We activated the cameras below.”
“Okay.” She didn’t like the idea of being watched.
He seemed to read her mind as his expression softened while he twisted the key to open the doors. “Sound only. Justice ordered Security to blacken the screen feed.” He paused. “Only female officers are permitted to listen in. We hoped that would make you more comfortable. Call out if you need help and I’ll immediately be notified. I will come to your aid.”
“Thank you.”
He stepped inside and his finger hesitated over the button to close the doors when she followed. “I will take you down and then be stationed upstairs. It will take me about forty seconds to reach you if there is trouble. Do not fight if he attacks. Curl into a ball and be very still. Even feral, it should keep him from harming you for long enough for me to get there. Backup will only be seconds behind me. Just stay out of the way if that happens. Don’t interfere if I must fight him. You’d get hurt. I can handle Moon.”
“I don’t think he’ll attack me.”
His gaze swept over her. “Define your version of ‘attack’ for me.”
“Hurt me.”
His eyebrows arched. “Do you know the risks?”
“I know he could be dangerous.”
The doors closed them inside when he pushed the button. He was a big Species. She liked him. “He might want sex. Were you warned of that?”
Her cheeks warmed again. “Yes.”
“You are prepared for that?” He frowned, glancing down her body. “You aren’t very sturdy.”
“Um, what’s your name?”
“Darkness.”
“I’m Joy.” She didn’t offer him her hand, that being a human custom and she hadn’t noticed if Species had picked it up. “Moon and I have a history.”
“I was told about that but you never shared sex with him.”
“No. I didn’t.”
“Do you ever watch animal shows on television?”
“Sometimes.”
His eyes were really dark as they narrowed. “Wolf matings?”
“No.”
“It will be a form of that if he comes at you. Expect growling, posturing, and sniffing. When mating, we tend to stick to instinct. He’ll be aggressive and exhibit alpha behavior. Lower your eyes, make no sudden movements, and don’t fight. He’d be rough without meaning to.”
“You’re feline. How do you know about wolves?”
He hesitated. “I spent a lot of time with Reservation residents at Mercile.”
“What does that mean?”
“Our less civil Species are kept there. The ones Mercile considered failures. I was housed with them for a time before we were freed. Their animal behaviors overshadow their human traits in most cases. Don’t expect purely human actions.”
“I think I understand.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” He studied her closely. “No one would blame you if you declined.”
She decided to be honest. “I love him.”
He didn’t appear surprised at her confession. “Forty seconds. That’s all you have to endure if you get into trouble.”
“I’ll remember.”
He pushed another button and the elevator lowered to the basement. Darkness stayed against the wall in order to stay out of Moon’s sightline. “Be careful,” he whispered. “Make sure you are comfortable with his behavior before releasing him.”
“Thank you,” she whispered back, stepping out as soon as the elevator doors opened.
Moon paced his cell, dragging his chains when she approached him. The doors closed behind her and she knew that they were both locked inside the basement now. She didn’t have a key to the elevator.
“Hi. I’m back.”
He stopped pacing and growled, his head turning her way.
“466?”
His lips parted and his fangs showed as he snarled. She halted about ten feet from the bars.
“Talk to me.”
He moved to the bars and growled low. She peered into his eyes and her heart dropped. No recognition showed there. Had he had an episode? Forgotten her?
“Talk to me,” she said again, afraid for him.
“Come,” he demanded harshly.
“Who am I?”
He blinked, a moment of confusion flashing on his features. Pain stabbed her chest as seconds passed. He growled again, shook the bars, and flashed his sharp canines. He didn’t know. Whatever lucidity he’d had was gone.
“466? It’s Joy.” Her mind worked, trying to figure out what was going on. They’d talked and he’d been almost normal when she’d left. Now it was as if she faced him again for the first time. “You know me. Try to remember.”
He spun away, pacing, dragging his chains. Soft growls came from him as she fought back the anguish. He wasn’t getting better. He was having moments of lucidity but then losing them. Her heart broke.
It took a lot for her to walk over to the chair and put the two keys down where he wouldn’t see them. No way could she release him now. She’d jumped the gun because she’d wanted to believe so badly that he was getting better.
“Come,” Moon snarled.
She looked at him when she turned to face his cell. “Who am I?”
He pointed in front of him and his gaze lowered to her chest. “Now.”
Joy approached slowly but kept out of his reach. She lowered to her knees, staring up at him. “Who are you?”
Confusion clouded his face.
She tried to get a handle on her raging emotions. It tore her apart that he’d lost what foothold he’d had on reality. The anger burned too at the people who’d done this to him. She’d like to take the person who shot him with the drugs and wring his neck with her bare hands.
“Come,” he demanded again, harsher than before.
“I can’t.” Would they have to start over every time she saw him? She kept her voice low, dropped her head, and her eyes closed. It hurt too much to see him that way.
He wanted the female. She smelled good sitting so close to him, torturing him by refusing to allow him to touch her. His blood seemed to boil inside his body from the need to put his hands on her. His mouth. He wanted to taste her. To take her. To possess her.
She kept her chin down but he knew what she looked like. Her heart-shaped face seemed ingrained into his mind for some reason. Big blue eyes with yellow flecks haunted him.
She was familiar but he couldn’t remember why. He crouched, sniffed at her again, and something tugged on the outer edges of his mind. He kept staring at her while he tried to figure out what it was about the female that captivated him. Frustration made him growl.
She looked up at him then and tears shimmered in her eyes. It confused him but it also did more. A deep sense of guilt filled him. He somehow knew he was the cause though he hadn’t touched her or caused her pain. She blinked rapidly to keep those tears from spilling.
Such delicate features.
Her mouth grabbed his attention. She should be smiling. An image of her doing just that flashed. The sound of her laugher followed and a memory surfaced from the murky depths of his mind.
“Don’t do that, 466. You’re supposed to be serious.”
“I could be,” he said. “If you give me what I want.”
Her humor faded. “What is that?”
“You.”
“Don’t make me end this session. We were doing so well.”
He scooted down a little in his chair and spread his thighs. “Sit on my lap and I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
She swallowed hard and her gaze lowered to his thighs. She was tempted. He could tell. He really wanted her there.
“Sit on my lap. I won’t do anything. I want you close.”
He sat on the hard floor of a cell, not a chair, watching the female with tears in her eyes. He tried to distinguish memory from reality. She really was there but bars separated them now. That was real, the other was something from the past. She watched him as intently as he did her. Words were hard to form but he managed.
“Sit on my lap.” He repeated the words he knew he’d said to her once. “I won’t do anything. I want you close.”
Her eyes widened.
He fought to remember more and lifted his hands to her. Chains rattled, distracted him, as he frowned at them. He looked back at her. “How did we get here?”
“Where do you think we are?”
He glanced around. “I don’t know. We were in…an office.” That was right. He knew it. “Yours. I wanted you closer.”
She bit her lip. “What else do you remember?”
“You wanted to do it.”
She nodded. “I did.”
“Come to me.” He shifted position on the floor and tapped the top of his thighs.
She hesitated and then rose to her feet. He growled in protest when she turned her back on him to walk to a chair.
“No.”
She bent and picked something up, turning to face him again. “What is your name?”
He struggled for an answer and it came to him. “I am 466.”
She approached slowly, something fisted in her hand. “Who am I?”
It was on the tip of his tongue. It wouldn’t come to him though. He said what felt right. “You’re mine.”
She walked right up to the door and her gaze lowered to the lock. She did something and it clicked. She hesitated and then threw something across the room. A key hit the floor. His heart raced when the door opened and nothing was between them. The urge to lunge to reach the female was strong but fear showed on her face. He didn’t want to frighten her so he remained very still.
“Sit on my lap. I won’t hurt you.”
He held his breath when she stepped inside the cell. The chains would prevent him from reaching her if she fled. They weren’t long enough to go beyond the open door. She took one hesitant step and then another until her scent was something he couldn’t resist anymore. He drew air into his lungs, inhaling her deeply. He knew her. It confused him because he could only remember bits and pieces.
“I won’t hurt you,” he swore. He meant every word. He didn’t know her name or how they knew each other but she meant something to him. “What is wrong with me?”
“You’ve been sick.” She spoke softly as she lowered to her knees inches from him. One of her hands slowly lifted and she touched the side of his face. Her caress was light, hesitant, and fearful. “I’m Joy. Try to remember me.”